The One Mess

Chapter 1: The Creation of the One Mess

By: Steve Jester

Notes Disclaimers and Bullshit: Harry Potter is not owned by Steve Jester! Don't sue!

Steve: Harry! You know that Jo won't sue her fans. (Unlike a certain rock group coughMetallicacough)

Harry: It's not Jo you should be worried about, it's WB, and they can get possessive.

Steve: That's the one thing about the Movies I don't like. They should only have copyright to the "Derivative Work" that they are making, not the entire freaking franchise. But, I digress… Here Is "The One Mess" Featuring Harry Potter and four females.

Harry: Please say there is no Slytherins!

Steve: Sorry chum, but not Pansy. I'm using Blaise Zabini as a girl. Frankly because even though Jo revealed Blaise as a boy in OotP (believe me when I say missed that the first time, it's a very small reference) I've always thought that Slytherin needed a better female representative than Pansy. Anyway on with the fic!

EDIT:
Steve: One of my reviewers brought up a very good point. GaelicDragon, thanks for reminding me. I seriously was going to credit Jeconais for the Portkey Paste gag. I e-mailed him/her before I posted and have yet to get a response. So I assume that there is no problem. While I'm at it I'm going to credit what gave me the idea for this fic and that is Lowrider's "One Divine Mess" from the Digimon section.

Did you know that wishes sometimes do come true? In fact in the Wizarding World, it's a common place. Yea it's true. I'm living one right now. The only thing is that I have this knack for having Fate screw me up the ass. In the fulfillment of this whish, Fate as it seems has a cruel sense of humor.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Harry Potter; it might as well be mud if I don't survive the next few minutes. Sixteen and, through most of my life, single. I go to the Wizarding School in England called Hogwarts. There are girls there, but let's face it. I've got perpetual friend syndrome.

That brings me to my whish. I don't know if it was my raging teenage hormones of if I truly desired female companionship in a more than friendly state. Oh, I have my share of female friends don't get me wrong! But that's just it, friends. And all my guy friends, well they make me sort of jealous… Many of them are getting girlfriends, some of them more than one, but that's usually my quasi-friend most-of-the-time rival Draco Malfoy. Hell, even Ron has a girlfriend! That's right… my best friend. By now your wondering what started this mess. Well, all things considered, it wasn't that long ago.

The mess started with the alarm clock ringing at around seven last Saturday. I don't know why I was up that early. I normally wake up at around eight or so. So as I wake up and open the curtains to my bed, guess who's surprisingly already up.

Meet Ronald Weasley. Ron comes from a pure Wizarding family. Having said that, that doesn't elevate him to some sort of status either. He has red hair, is taller than I am by about five centimeters, and on that day, was wearing a particularly goofy grin. That should have sent red flags up almost immediately; it was the same goofy grin that his brothers, Fred and George, usually got before pranking someone. But this was my best friend we're talking about; I didn't think a lot about it.

Needless to say, sleep deprived as I was, I didn't notice it. I sat up and turned the alarm off. "Morning Ron," I said. I suddenly smelt an odor emanating from me. "Damn! Ron, head down to the Great Hall without me, I'm going to take a shower."

"Sure Harry," Ron said a little too joyously. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I heard commotion outside the door. I figured that Dean, Neville, and Seamus were awake. Oh they were awake all right but it wasn't them causing the commotion.

After enjoying a nice hot shower, I wrapped a towel around myself. That was the only fortunate thing I did in the next few minutes as, upon touching the door handle, I was transported to the Great Hall. Now remember, I was only dressed in a towel… so let's just say that the only things covered were the essentials for human interaction. I stood blankly for a few minuets… After figuring out what happened I just laughed. I noticed everyone in the Hall was either looking at me like I was crazy (I noticed that it was mostly straight guys, lesbians, and teachers.) or were looking at me very peculiarly (Again noticing that this group mainly consisted of straight girls and gay guys.) Needless to say I felt an explanation was in order. So I call out to my good buddy Ron, "Ron! It seems you left your Portkey Paste around again!"

See now, the Weasley Brothers, all six of them, started a friendly prank war against me trying to get me to lighten up after the end of last year. The prank masters, Fred and George, made this invention called Portkey Paste. Basically when plastered over a seemingly harmless object, in this case a door, it transports the unsuspecting victim to where ever the pranker wanted. I knew Ron was the one that set it up, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Ron's reply was, "That's for sending Bill and Charlie to Cuba last week!"

I rolled my eyes and turned to leave the Great Hall. I was totally unaware of the response that followed.

After quickly getting dressed and running back to the Great Hall I was determined to have some sort of morning meal. Ron smartly had left leaving his girlfriend, and my best female friend, Hermione at the table. "Morning 'Mione."

"Morning to you too," Hermione said, "Ron told me what he did."

"I believe it backfired though," I said before eating a piece of toast, "I think he tried to embarrass me more than prank me today."

"Yea," Hermione sighed, "You have nothing to be embarrassed about though."

"Oh yea, people just walk through the Great Hall in a towel everyday," I said sarcastically. Receiving a look from Hermione I smiled, "Yea, I know what you're talking about though. It seems that Quidditch has helped me out in that department."

"You should have seen it though!" Hermione said giggling, "Every girl here went completely mad."

"Hermione gossiping, I thought that was Pravati and Lavender's job," I said a little more loudly than intended.

"Harry!" Hermione screamed.

"Well, is it or isn't it?" I asked looking at my new watch, "Better yet, don't answer that. I'm late for my run."

"Run?"

"Yea, you know a quick lap or six around the lake. I mean, the physique you saw exhibited earlier didn't get that way from just Quidditch."

"Ok," Hermione said with mild concern.

I got up and walked to the Gryffindor Tower and changed into my running clothes.

After my light workout, well light for me, I walked back from the lake to the castle. My legs were sore from a record ten laps around the lake. It was usually in this small time alone, away from everything, where I think. There are many girls out there that I wouldn't mind having as my girlfriend. But I'm such good friends with all of them; I'd rather not do anything to screw up our friendship. Case in point.

I walked into Gryffindor Tower shortly after retuning to the castle. I was immediately tackled by the owner of very long red hair. And no, we're not talking about Ron. Meet Ginerva Weasley, Ginny for short. The only girl to be born into the Weasley Clan in many generations. Obviously she's Ron's sister. She may be a year younger than us but can still hold her own. "Morning Ginny," I said with her still on top of me, "Could you get off of me?"

"Oh, sorry…" Ginny said with a tinge of blush spread across her cheeks.

I got up and dusted myself off. I looked at Ginny and asked, "So what's with the tackle reminiscent of a linebacker from American Football?"

Ginny giggled, "Sorry, but sometimes it's the only way to get your attention."

"Well now that you have my undivided attention what's up?"

What I got in return was something I definitely wasn't expecting. Ginny got up on her tiptoes and whispered in my ear, "Meet me in the Astronomy Tower, fifteen minutes."

And then she left. Now I was left there, in the middle of the hallway between the Common Room and the portrait entrance, completely and utterly puzzled. I shook it off and proceeded into the Common Room making a note of the time. Noticing that I needed a change of clothes I rushed up to my dorm and changed. After about five minutes of wrestling into my clothes I walked down the stairs to the Common Room and out the portrait door and over to the Astronomy Tower. Now, I wasn't thinking much about why Ginny would want me to meet her there. I assumed that it was something that couldn't be said in front of any of the others. Like Voldermort had possessed her again, or that she just wanted to talk. I didn't think about why most people go to the Astronomy Tower in the first place.

As the name suggests the Astronomy Tower holds the Astronomy class. However, that's always late at night. So, what do students use the Astronomy Tower for during daylight? To snog the pants off of each other of course. But, friendly little-old-me didn't quite pick that up. So when I showed up on the tower's roof, I wasn't thinking about Ginny wanting to snog me like there was no tomorrow. Of course, that's kinda what happened.

Ginny stood farthest from the door. Dressed in white blouse and skin-tight blue-jeans, she made any outfit look sexy. "So, Ginny, what possessed you to want to talk to me up here?"

"Oh, you know… life," she said lamely. Although I don't know who was lamer; the one who said it or the one who bought it, in other words me.

"Really," I said leaning against the small railing like wall that surrounded the tower. "So what's on your mind?"

A pregnant pause occurred. I don't know if it was just me or if Ginny was truly hesitant on continuing. Again, that should have been a warning or a flashing light or something. When she finally spoke, it was with an air of importance, "Do you know why Dean and I broke up?"

Ah, so that's what was on her mind. Dean Tomas, tall, black and handsome. One of my friends too. So I knew about the break up. I got most of the details from Hermione. Of course, I didn't know that this was a lead in to something much bigger.

"Yea, Hermione filled me in. Something about being too concentrated on fucking you than having an actual relationship."

"Well," Ginny said slowly, "That's part of it. I broke up with him for another reason though."

"Oh?" I asked dumbly.

"The real reason," she said walking over to me in a seducing fashion, "I broke up with Dean is because another claimed my heart."

All right, at this point I was still clueless… that is until she laid a sweet kiss on me.

Her lips lightly grazed mine, enticing me to return. I caught a sweet scent… vanilla. Probably her perfume. The kiss strengthened and threatened to push me over the edge. I had to use all my strength to keep from falling. When she broke away I saw the famous Weasley blush, red almost to the color of their hair. "So, Harry? You want to be my boyfriend?" she said giggling at my reaction.

"Is Quidditch the best sport in the world?"

"Well, there's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up next week… want to make it a date?"

"Yea, that sounds good…" I said still confused for my own good.

"Great!" she said giving me another, albeit short, kiss, "See you later!"

Once the door closed I let out a cheer that echoed throughout the grounds. I had a reason, a very good reason, to do that! Now you think that "Aw, guy gets the girl story over…" Ha, Fate as it seems was just getting started.

Walking down the hallway in higher spirits, I decided to go down to lunch. All of a sudden barreling down the corridor was a snow white owl. Hedwig dropped a note in my hand. Opening it I read it to myself, "Harry, come to the RoR ASAP. BZ."

Blaise Zabini. Probably the most respectable person from Slytherin. She has had a troubled time being in a house that has morals that she doesn't agree with. She did have a short stint as the girlfriend of Vincent Crabbe. That didn't end well, just trust me on this. I'm sure Blaise would like me to spare you the details. But anyway, ever since the… incident, as Blaise and I call it, I've been helping Blaise cope with it and living life in a house that you totally despise. Anyway, if Blaise sent me a note like this, she must have something important. Turning on my heel I ran up to the Room of Requirement. I noticed that the door was there already; Blaise must already be inside. Opening the door I notice that the room had two chairs set up facing each other on opposite sides of a table. Blaise, blond wearing a green T-shirt and white denim shorts sat in the one closest to the door. "Hello Harry," she said calmly.

"Hey Blaise, what's up?" I asked cheerily.

"You sound cheerful," Blaise said cautiously, "Something good happen?"

Being the gentleman that I am, I deferred to her. Did I mention that I do stupid stuff like this throughout this story?

"What happened to me can wait, Blaise," I said, "You go ahead."

"Well, you know how after Crabbe… did that to me that I didn't think I'd find the right guy for me."

"If I remember right, at one point you almost denounced men in general," I said frankly.

Chuckling softly Blaise said, "You of all people would remember that." A pregnant pause again. Blaise looked as if she was in a battle against herself in her head. After about five minutes of deliberation Blaise continued, "But I think that I may have found someone."

"Oh? Who?" I asked.

"Well, he's in the same year as I am. Not in Slytherin. Very handsome. But that's not the reason I like him."

Immediately I was thinking of all the other guys in our year. Looking back on this moment, I was a complete and utter moron.

"I like him because he actually listens to my problems and is very supportive."

I figured it out a little too late as Blaise stood up and walked over and placed her arms around my neck. She bent up and kissed me softly.

Now Blaise kissing me was different and yet identical to Ginny kissing me. All the same mechanics were there but there were still subtle differences. Blaise had a sweeter smelling perfume for one. It smelt a lot like lavender, the plant not the girl with the same name in Gryffindor. Anyway, the kiss was short, Blaise breaking away after about ten seconds. "You don't mind do you? Having someone from Slytherin attracted to you?"

"Um… n- no I don't mind," I said. I didn't want to hurt her feelings! She had been hurt before!

"Ok," she said smiling, "So do you want to set something up?"

"Uh… can you let me get back to you on that?"

"Sure," she said as she left giving me a peck on my cheek. "Later!"

Once she had closed the door behind her I started to mentally smack myself repeatedly. I never stopped since then either, just as a side note.

So now I had two girls, two beautiful knockout type girls, in love with me. And the worse part is that I didn't even know which one I liked better! I needed some help. A third party. Someone who wasn't involved.

Why I picked another girl I knew is beyond me.

I picked one of my friends from the most loyal house of the four houses. Hufflepuff's own Susan Bones. Again in the same year as I am. I sent a note with Hedwig to have her meet me by the Quidditch Pitch. No one would be using it in the afternoon so it was the perfect place. As Susan ran up the grounds lawn, her long brunette hair swaying lightly, I noticed that she looked particularly beautiful with her yellow shirt and plaid skirt. She slowed down and stopped right in front of me. "Hello Harry!" she said very cheerfully.

"Hey Susan," I said, "Sorry for calling you out here on such short notice."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Susan said nonchalantly, "It isn't everyday you get to walk the grounds with the most famous wizard on the side of light."

We started walking around the grounds silently. You know, I just noticed that after there was a small bit of silence, the girl within my proximity would ask something. This wasn't an exception.

"Can I ask you something?" Susan asked.

"Isn't that my line?" I said chuckling.

"Yea, I know. I'm supposed to hear your problems first but something's been on my mind recently."

"No problem Susan, you know I'm always available to listen."

It was this point in time that I figured I was a complete moron.

"What do you think would have happened between us if we became friends earlier?"

Now I know what you're thinking, why didn't I just stop there and tell her my problems? The only defense I have is that I don't like seeing peoples feelings hurt.

"I think we would have had a lot of fun," I said cautiously. I thought I picked a neutral reply; Susan, and Fate as it seems, decided otherwise.

I'm sure you can guess what was next. Susan turned and started to kiss me. Now, like the other two girls so far, Susan was wearing perfume, something like orange. Well, I love oranges so asking me if I enjoyed the smell was like asking if a junkie likes drugs. Breaking from the kiss Susan had a wide smile on her face. I also at this point noticed that my problems just got worse.

"So, you want to set something up for Friday?"

"Uh… let me call you about that," I said again not wanting to hurt her feelings.

"Oh my! Sorry about this Harry but I've got to run! Talk to you later!" Susan said running and blowing a kiss for me as she left.

I walked around the grounds for a very long time. My head was very clouded and confused. I couldn't think of what to do. In a spare moment of clarity I remember I was supposed to meet my research assistant in the Library before dinner.

Fate, and her little brother Coincidence, decided to add to my pain.

Now a question you may have at this point is, "Why do you have a research assistant?" Well, last year I created a group called the Defense Association. DA for short. I won't go into the long and wordy story about why I created it. But because it was such a hit I decided to continue it this year. As for the research assistants, I have more than one; I have them looking for new spells and curses to defeat a certain Dark Lord; ones that I can teach to the entire group.

This particular assistant's name is Padma Patil. She wanted me to meet her at around three but the time now was around four-thirty. As I almost ran into the Library I found Padma with great ease. Rushing myself over to her I said, "Sorry I'm late Padma! Lost track of time."

"Hey! Don't worry about it," Padma said looking at her watch, "Oh jeez! You are late!"

"Yea, sorry about that," I said as I sat down.

"Well," Padma said grabbing a large tome next to her, "I think I found something. It's not much but I think it's good."

"Aw, c'mon Padma. You know as well as I am that besides Hermione you are the smartest witch in Hogwarts."

Padma blushed lightly as she handed the book over to me. I thought nothing of it; I stated a fact after all. Reading over the page she left open I noticed what she found. A shield spell that if strong enough magic is put into it can block everything but Avada Kedavra, the killing curse. "This is perfect Padma!"

"You mean it?" she asked as if she didn't know.

"Yea, I'm sure we can train everyone to do this!"

"Yea!" she screamed and almost hopped around the table. Hugging me tightly she started to thank me profusely. And well… if you don't know what's coming, you haven't been paying much attention.

It started with a little peck on the cheek, so I thought nothing of it. Then it happened. Padma had a sent similar to Blaise, but it smelt almost like a rose. Padma quickly broke away and blushed profusely. "I'm sorry Harry I don't know what came over me," she said nervously, "I was just happy that you thought that the spell was perfect… and I got carried away. I mean I hope you liked that… I know I did." She caught herself saying that and gasped clasping her hands over her mouth.

"Don't worry. I don't know how I couldn't like that." I was about to continue when a sinking pit took the place of my stomach. "Uh… Padma," I said grabbing the book from the table, "I'll talk to you later ok?"

Padma just nodded and blushed as I left the Library.

­­­­­­­­­­

I sat in my dorm through dinner. I wasn't hungry. I was confused! How did four girls fall for me on the same freaking day?! Better yet, how am I going to get out of this mess?! I needed advice. I heard someone come up the staircase to the dorms. "Please let it not be Ron," I heard myself mumble. But it wasn't. It was two of my other dorm mates, Neville Longbottom and Seamus Finnigan.

"Harry! Where were you? You missed dinner!" Seamus said.

I let out a small chuckle, "I found myself not hungry." I walked over to the two of them as they gave me weird looks, "Guys, friends, I NEED YOUR HELP!!!"

AN: That is the longest chapter I have ever made! 3,000 words.

Harry: I'm in deep trouble aren't I?

Steve: Not really. But he will be if you, the reader, don't R&R!

Harry: HELP!