AN: Alright so I've been having inspiration for NS lately and once this idea came to me I knew I had to do it. The basic concept is simple, each episode I'll take any NS scene we get and I'll write about it, from Serena's perspective. If we don't get any NS scenes in the episode than there won't be a chapter, if they talk about each other or the relationship in scenes with others I may use that but that would depend on how the scenes play out. This fic is going in with the assumption that Serena does have/will develop or discover romantic feelings for Nate. She may not be aware of them now, but I want to try to show how I could see them develop over this season because I see great potential there. So without further ado here is chapter one based on 201. Hope you enjoy.
S's thoughts on N: Season 2
Episode 201
I'm your biggest fan,
I'll follow you until you love me
S and B running into N and C on the streets in the Hamptons
As they reached the corner she saw B step right in front of Chuck. Seeing Blair and Chuck immediately dive into another round of witty banter she took the opportunity to pull Nate, who had been one step behind chuck, over to the side to talk. Gently grabbing a hold of his wrist she tugged him far enough away so neither Blair or Chuck could hear their conversation.
"Nate, why didn't you call me back this morning?" She asked as he leaned into her in order to hear her quiet question. He turned around and looked at her in slight shock.
"We can't talk about that here." She felt frustration boil up in her. They had to talk about it. What was he doing? What was he thinking? A married woman? It was so reckless and dangerous. Grant it he had done reckless things before, just as she had-but Catherine? She was so much older-and married. This was too much. He was better than this.
"When you told me your secret girlfriend was older I thought you meant college." Her anger over the situation only increased as he moodily glanced away from her as if restraining himself form rolling his eyes, perhaps at what he perceived to be her naivete. But she hadn't realized what she'd been helping him do for part of the summer. Maybe it was partly her fault, she should have asked and gotten him to tell her more. She shouldn't have been so caught up in her own problems. But she had trusted him, trusted him to tell her the truth, the whole truth. They had really reconnected during the summer, she felt like she had one of her best friends back. It had been so easy and natural. She opened up to him about her struggles with her family, trying to be a better sister to Eric, ups and downs with Blair over the year, and all about her breakup with Dan. He had talked to her about Blair, Vanessa, and his family, and also Catherine (though he had left out some important details.) So yes, she was a bit hurt that he hadn't told her the whole story. Also she was angry that he seemed so fine with what he was doing, and that didn't sit well with her because she knew he was above this. And, perhaps most of all, she was scared for him. Having an affair with a married woman wasn't going to end well no matter how it played out, and he didn't want him to get hurt. "Not to mention Catherine's married." She shot at him, hoping to make him face the reality of the situation.
"Catherine ended it with me last night." He told her while giving her a significant look. She paused. And there it was, those words and that look; he was hurting. She immediately softened.
"What?" She asked gently. "Tell me about it?" Just as he opened his moth to respond Blair's demanding voice called her. Though she was reluctant to leave Nate at this point she could hear in Blair's voice the urgency to get away from Chuck. And as she often did she put aside her own things and did as Blair wanted. "Well, I'm glad to hear your not seeing Catharine anymore." She hadn't said anything she meant so much in a long time. She started to step away as she said, "We can talk about it later." And she fully intended to do so.
S calls N out on the lawn
"Nate." She stormed out onto the lawn toward where Nate was standing talking to and playing croquet with Eric. Normally the sight would have put a smile on her face, but not after what she was just told. As she neared them she heard Eric saying something about her face and then quickly fleeing from what he must have known to be an angry Serena. As Nate turned toward her she immediately began her heated question, not bing afraid to be angry with him because she knew they'd work it out and that he wasn't going anywhere. That was one of the things she was most grateful about he relationship with Nate. No matter the state of their relationship, how much time or distance put between them, they were still always there for each other when it counted the most. Blair she relied on a lot, and had been an amazing friend to her at the some really dark times in her life. But there was always this fear in Serena that Bight might leave her on her own. Blair was vicious when she wanted to be, and Serena always had this small fear that if she did something wrong, pushed her to far, or if she didn't hold herself back enough to allow Blair to shine as much if not more than her, that Blair would cut her out again. Sure they fought an she didn't hide being upset or anger, but she always came back to Blair soon after, calmer and more accepting of whatever the particular situation was, wanting to be on good terms with Blair as soon as possible.
And then there was Dan. Sure they had had fights, but she hadn't felt like she could ever be straight out, full out angry with him as well. He was so judgmental about her decisions, her past and her mistakes, she felt like she couldn't do anything wrong or to extreme in his eyes without shattering the perfect image of the girl he thought she was. She had wanted to be that girl he envisioned her to be, and had tired to be, but had eventually failed. She couldn't be that girl because that girl simple wasn't her. And you can only pretend to be someone else for so long before your true self comes out.
With Nate though, things were different. He knew her, all of her, and he accepted her without any strings attached. She could fully be her true self with him, not having to hold herself back in anyway. So she wasn't afraid of being angry with him. And boy was she angry.
"My grandmother just informed me you told her I was going to be your date to the white party this evening." Nate let out a sigh and looked down at his feet for a moment before meeting her gaze again. "If things are really over with Catherine than why do I still need to be your cover?" He glanced down at the ground again, avoiding meeting her eyes. Did he lie to her? Was he still seeing her? Was he going to try to get her back? She wanted to scream at him to not be involved with Catherine in any way anymore. She waited impatiently for his respone, and he took his time in giving it.
N and S walk and talk in the park
Wanting their conversation to be more private Nate led Serena on a walk in the park. They didn't say anything for the first few minuets, and Seran found her anger ebbing away in the silene. Finally Nate let out a sigh and began to speak.
"I know I shouldn't have used you again after out conversation this morning." After exchanging a quick glance with him and hearing his honesty she felt herself soften even more. She brought her hand down after brushing away a piece of hair before responding.
"No, I get it you have feelings for her." She did get it, she could tell by the look on his face and his desperate move of having her be his date that this affair had gone deeper than she had hoped. He had feelings for her, she just hoped they didn't run to deep. "But lets just be honest about why you want to go tonight. You want to check out the competition." Their yes locked for a moment before Serena glanced away to the ground as he tired to deny her words.
"No." He said unconvincingly and she couldn't help but scoff at his attempt to hid e his motivation. "I just-I want to see her and her husband together." They shared another look, Nate using the puppy-dog face she found so hard to resist. A slight smile playing on her lips at his look and his seeming obliviousness to the meaning of his words. "Just once." He added in a last attempt to convince her.
"Yeah, that' called checking out the competition, which is stupid and potentially danger, Nate." The lingering gaze he had kept locked on her was broken when he looked away and clenched his jaw after what she had said. He didn't like what she was saying, but he wasn't disagreeing with her. Maybe she was actually getting through to him. She glanced at him with sympathy as he accepted her words.
"Your right." He conceded, his conviction drained from his voice. She hated seeing him like this, so defeated. She was glad he was listening to her and she was able to get through to him, but she hadn't wanted to be to hard on nim. She didn't like the situation, at all, but she knew what it was like to be judged. She wouldn't do that to Nate, especially since he had never done it to her. And she had made plenty of stupid mistakes in the past, but he had always been there to help and support her. And that's what she was going to do for him.
"But since I've been stupid and dangerous in the past, I'm not one to talk, am I?" She sad as she turned to face each other. She paused for a moment as if waiting for him to slip in some retort about her past and mistakes, but he simply gave the slightest smile and gazed aback at her. He made no witty or sarcastic comment, nor did he take the opportunity to use it to his benefit. He simply stood there with his lips slightly tweaked upward, and a knowing look in his eyes. He knew what she said was true, but he would never say it because that was who Nate was wit her. "It was probably going to be an uneventful evening anyway." She told him, her voice lighter and a smile on her lips as she let him know she'd help him. He let out a low chuckle and called his small smile to grow into a full grin. "Pick me up at five?" She asked while beaming back at him, another smile from him giving her both his answer and showing his gratitude. A moment passed a they shared a look, Serena feeling the need t end it. She lifted her hand and gave him a gentle punch in the shoulder, bitting her lip to somewhat restrain her grin as she did so. He swayed back from the power of the soft blow and smiled back at her as he watched her turn to walk away. She glanced quickly back at him, seeing his big smile before shaking her head in amusement as she turned away again. I wasn't until she was fully facing away from him that she allowed the full extent of her smile grace her lips. As she walked away she could feel him watching, his eyes lingering on her.
N and S at the white party
She stood talking to an acquaintance while Nate stood beside her facing the opposite way broodily watching Catherine and her husband. Apparently growing tired of watching them he grabbed her hand and led her outside. As they walked past Catherine Serena didn't fail to notice the intense look exchanged between Nate and Catherine, Nate dropped her and as they came up to a few other people they knew. Serena greeted them happily as she always did but Nate stood more so facing her than them and was only able to muster up a half smile, that is until Catherine walked by and not so subtly whispered something to him, changing his half smile to a full out grown. He glanced over at Catherine's retreating back before turning back to her with a desperate look on his face.
"Get me drunk?" He paled half joke and half seriously. Now he was talking the language she used to know ell. Wanting to rid him of the pain he was experiencing she looped her arm in his.
"Absolutely." She smiled at him as they headed to find drinks.
They had made almost a full round of the party and were hading back outside after they had both snuck and downed a glance of whine, and Nate was still brooding. Serena looked at him concernedly as they walked out, her arm looped with his once again. She sighed and brought her other hand up to lightly punch his arm for the second time that day.
"Come on." She drew out trying to get him to simile. "Cheer up Charlie." As they approached Catherine and her husband Serena was the only one smiling from her attempts to lighten Nate's mood. She kept her smile in place as they were passing Catherine, trying her best to get her cheerfulness to overpower the tension. She couldn't help but let out an exasperated sigh as Nate and Catherine exchanged another intense glance. Hearing her whisper something to him again she tried to make out what was said, but it had been to quite for her to catch. She watched her walk away as she heard Nate let out a sigh himself. She couldn't stop herself this time, she had to know what was said. "What did she just say to you?" She asked tensely, knowing by his expression that it was nothing flattering. He let out another sigh as he immediately told her.
"She just asked me what I"m still doing here." He said tiredly raising his eyebrows at her to express his annoyance at the situation.
"Ooh." She shook her head. "That's it. She's officially not invited to book club next summer." She tried to lighten the mood once again. She desperately wanted to see him smile. She usually didn't have this kind of trouble getting him to smile. Actually she usually didn't even have to try, he just tended to smile a lot in her presence, as if it was the only natural thing to do. So this inability to make him smile now was unnerving. She hated Catherine for making him like this, she really did.
"I don't even know what I was thinking." He said as if disgusted with himself. She closed here eyes for a moment, he obviously still wasn't wanting to take up her lighter view of the situation. She didn't like the self-deprecating note in his voice either. Changing tactics from trying to distract him and lighten his mood, to comforting him she spoke in a softer more serious tone.
"No. Don't feel bad. Look, its her fault for getting things started with you in the first place." She dropped her hand from his arm as he turned around to face her straight on.
"No, I know. But it was stupid." He looked over at Catherine as he said, "I just wish I could make her feel as bad as I do right now." As she looked back and forth between Catherine and Nate an idea came to her. She knew how he could make her feel bad, horrible even. In one single act she could have Catherine feeling jealous and realize what she was missing with Nate. The question of whether she should do this or not flitted across her mind. But she quickly diminished it. Whatever might happened she and Nate could figure it out. Besides, it wasn't like anything be would come from this, right? It was just to get at Catherine, they both would know that so it wouldn't be a big deal. It was Nate. It was them. They had done this before (well they had actually done more, but she wouldn't think about that due to avow she made a long time ago to push that out of her thoughts out of hear of where they'd led to). She knew he wouldn't push her away. And if anything was going to get at Catherine it was going to be this. She didn't need to think about it anymore.
"You totally can." Serena smirked as she said this. Nate turning to look at her. Only the smallest glance was exchanged between them but she could tell the instant understanding of what she had in mind. A somewhat surprised dopey smile appeared on his face, and in that instant she knew it'd be worth it. Even if it had no effect on Catharine, it would be worth it to see that smile finally on his face.
She raised her hand to grasp the back of his neck and pulled him quickly towards her. Their lips connected. They instantly found the same quick rhythm. She lowered her hand to his shoulder and slid it slowly down his arm, her other hand touching the side of his face. She felt his hands fall her hips as he opened his mouth more to her. She felt his hands tighten their grip slight on her, holding her firmly, in response she felt her toes curl in delight. They broke apart slight, both taking breathy gasps for air, and they could have ended the kiss there but neither one moved away. Instead, without opening their eyes, they booth went in again to prolong the kiss a little longer. A feeling bubbling up in Serena's stomach soon caused her to finally drop her hand from his face, Nate's grip on her loosening for a moment before she broke the kiss. A smile immediately on he face, she watched as he took a moment longer to open his eyes. A tender look was on his face when he did open his eyes and met her gaze. She felt a light blush cover her cheeks and couldn't contain the little giggle she had bubbled up insider her. And when she heard him start to giggle too, her giggles only increased. His smile grew as he raised his head to look heavenward whispering a small,
"Wow." At his word she felt her blush deepen and raised a hand to her lips, touching them ever so gently. She had just kissed Nate. It had been so long she had almost forgotten what if felt like.
As she was still touching her lips she saw Nate turning slightly looking at something. Following his gaze she found the last thing she could have expected: Dan. Shocked she could do nothing but stand there stunned, her and Nate's new found happy moods quickly disappearing. She felt Nate's hands slipping from her hips, she hadn't even realized they had still gently rested there.
"Of course." Was all Dan said as he looked at her with such a disapproving look on his face. Of course? What was that supposed to mean? Of course he'd find her kissing someone? Of course it was Nate? He immediately began storming off, and on autopilot she followed after him trying to once again explain herself to him. As she did so she felt Nate's lingering gaze on her for the second time that day as she walked away. Her mind flashed to the kiss they just shared. It had been so easy, so comfortable, so...homey. Everything about it, his touch, his smell, his taste, the way he made her feel, it all screamed home to her. But she wasn't able to contemplate that the meaning or importance of that could be since Dan had come upon them so quickly after, and she was once again caught up in the whirlwind of explaining her actions to an angry and judging Dan. So much between Dan and her was unresolved, and she needed to figure that out before she could figure out anything else.