Elsa's Exposition:
I was always the fat kid. People avoided me so I avoided them and eventually hated all human touch. Fuck people. Most do nice shit so that they look better and therefore are owed nice shit.
The summer before my freshmen year in college I lost a bunch of weight and was finally worth people's time. It was liberating at first, people trying to offer their services in stores as soon as I walked in and cute coffee house baristas writing "HotStuff" as my name on coffee cups. The superficial flirting eventually loses its luster and all you're left with is hollow conversations and pointless relationships where you talk about bullshit. It's hard to form relationships after you've been turned away and ignored for so long, so when someone wants to become closer to me, my suspicions rise and my inner bitch tells me not to waste my breath on someone who won't have anything to offer. That's bitchy. Relationships are business contracts and bitch if you can't get me my money then I'm not going to sign the x on the line.
That's what happens when you've been life's bitch, you never allow yourself to be used and stay aloof to keep people interested but not enough to attempt anything. The irony is that you're extremely vulnerable about being vulnerable at any level. You're an egg, and if you aren't touched and given pressure to anywhere but the top, then you won't crack. Don't touch me and ask me about my thoughts and feelings. It gets really depressing and I'm not paying you to listen to me talk about my grandma offering to pay for fat camp or when I cut myself in 10-11th grade in high school. Yeah, already uncomfortable, you aren't paid $150 an hour to listen so don't ask.