Tony knows its bad, when after he first lays eyes on Pepper after he gets the suit removed. Her face pales, though she manages to keep her face calm and neutral. He knows he's hurt bad, JARVIS wouldn't shut up about immediate medical attention and contacting SHIELD for a doctor. Now he wishes he listened, as Pepper stammers her way into explaining she still has to get the medical kit.
He waits all of five minutes before he gets too antsy. She's been gone too long, for the short trip to the bathroom and he heads up the stairs after her. He finds her quickly enough, the bathroom door ajar. He's about to go in, when he notices her sniffle. He pushes the door open, just a few inches more and watches her. She's standing over the sink, hands firmly attached to it, to hold herself up. Her head's down, but he doesn't need to see her eyes to tell that she's crying. Her shoulders shake, her breathing is too quick, and a sniffle escapes her every so often.
He finds him self stuck out side the door. He wants to go in there, and hold her close. He wants to tell her that everything will be okay, and this isn't the worse injury he's ever had. That he would make it through everything because he always had her to come back to. But his body won't move, mostly because he knows this is false. That everything might not be okay, and that there are some things even Iron Man can't survive, Pepper waiting for him at home or not.
What really eats at his heart is not only that she's crying (Tony hates it when Pepper cries), but the fact that he caused it. And would continue to cause it because he couldn't stop his missions, he just couldn't. Even if she didn't deserve having to watch him come home beaten and battered.
Its a few weeks later when he realizes that not only does he make her cry on a regular basis, but he stresses her out far more than necessary. He can hear her coming down the steps now, and he knows he missed the important business meeting that was scheduled a half an hour ago. He knows this cost him big, because Pepper drilled it into his head that this CEO would only meet with Tony Stark. He knows all of this, and he knew it in enough time to get ready, and show up. But he didn't, and not only does it add more to Pepper's work load, but to her stress. And that eats away a little more at his heart, because this doesn't have to happen.
But he just can't seem to force himself to care too much about the work, and business meetings, and mind numbing protocol, and being the face of a company. There are just more important things, like wooing Pepper, or updating the suit so he can be sure to not only save the lives he put in danger, but come home to Pepper. Because if he doesn't then he knows for sure that would make her bawl, and even thinking about it pulls at his heartstrings.
"Tony, you need to get ready. We've got that big business meeting in an hour."
"I didn't miss it, wasn't it this morning?" He asks, because he can clearly recall her saying it was 9.30 that morning. 9.30 A M, Tony, you understand me?
"You remembered?"
He shrugged. He never looked at her since she entered the workshop. He was trying to avoid the angry glare as long as he could, but it was no use. He could feel it on his back, boring its way down deep into his heart. Because he caused her stress, and too much stress was deadly. And Pepper was under a tantamount of stress. Mostly because of him.
"And you didn't show up? Tony, do you just like blatantly blowing things off?"
He remains silent, because he keeps thinking that she shouldn't be crying for him, and she sure as hell shouldn't be cleaning up his messes time and time again. She deserves better than that, and he knows it.
"Is this some sort of contest you have with yourself? You know what, I don't want to know. He had to reschedule, his flight got delayed, just be ready. ON TIME!"
With that, and a click-click-click of her heels she was off.
Pepper doesn't have a life. Mostly because Tony always monopolized her time. He liked to keep her close, even before he realized his feelings for her. But now, it wasn't just Tony, it was Iron Man as well.
Pepper's friends from college, whom she hadn't seen in years, were in town for tonight only. Tony had conceded when Pepper begged him to come meet them, because for some reason she was proud of him, and what he did, and wanted to show him off. Lately, he couldn't see how he was beneficial to her at all but if she wanted him to have one nice dinner with her friends and drinks afterward, well he wasn't going to deny her that.
SHEILD was. They had been at the restaurant only maybe ten minutes, enough time to introduce him to her best friend, her fiancé, and few others friends, and the dreaded ex-boyfriend, who looked sourly disappointed that Pepper had brought a date, no less that her date was Tony Stark. Tony was going to watch him, because he looked squirmy and beady eyed, and he was planning on having JARVIS run a background check. With any luck, Iron Man could turn him over to the police.
But his cell phone rang, and there were only three possibilities. It couldn't be Pepper because she was sitting next to him, chatting with the best friend. He was almost praying it was Rhodey, wanting to schedule a training session or a run a diagnostic test, or his suit needed repairing. When he glanced at the caller id it was JARVIS, and he forced himself not to scowl.
He excused himself from the table, standing off to the side. He watched the ex-boyfriend try to engage Pepper in conversation. She was glaring at him, not in anger, but more in worry and he can tell she was tensed up. He rolled his eyes at her, and mouthed 'Relax'. She scolded him with her eyes, before ex-boy finally caught her attention. Tony turned away from the table, but still kept his eye on it. He still didn't trust ex-boy, the beady eyed bastard.
"Hello?"
"Sir, SHIELD has called with a mission for you."
"Is it urgent?" He asked, and he knew later when every thing slowed down he would feel a little bit guilty for putting the lives of innocent people on hold, for a dinner. But he had to try, this was Pepper's big night, and she deserved a night out with her boyfriend, and her friends. She was owed that.
"It sounds urgent, sir. A hostage situation."
Tony sighed. "Patch me through."
He watched her as he was briefed on his mission. He walked quickly over to the table, leaned down into her ear and told her some lie about something going wrong with the company. He knew she knew it was bullshit, because if anything happened with the company the first call that any Stark employee would make is to Pepper Potts.
She nodded, and he was about to walk away when he realized she was apologizing for the both of them. He stopped her as she stood up.
"You don't have to come, Pepper. You stay and enjoy dinner with your friends." He said, hand on her shoulder, turning to the table to try and say his good byes.
"If it's something with the company then I should go too. Tony."
"Pepper."
The two stared at each other, but he knew he was going to lose the second he started this little power play. Pepper was stubborn, and there was no way she was going to want to miss him leaving, even if it meant giving up the one thing she asked of him in the past six months.
"I guess being Tony Stark's girlfriend has its downsides too, huh Virgina?"
Tony glared at the ex-boy, who promptly shut his mouth. But as he and Pepper were leaving, he made a mental note to get him audited.
The absolute last straw came a month after the botched dinner. Some idiot, some fucking idiot thought that the best way to hurt Iron Man, was to hurt the person who was inside it. And the best way to hurt Tony Stark, was through Pepper Potts.
Some punk had kidnapped Pepper, sending Tony a video of her trapped in some fucking cave somewhere, looking lost and confused. JARVIS translated the video, and Tony barely saw the words on the screen. All he knew was that some fucking punk had kidnapped Pepper, and there was no time to sit here and negotiate with the ass hole.
Tony had JARVIS track the video, scan it, and compare it with photos from around the globe, analyze every sound, every rock type and locate the best possible match for all these things together. Then he made two calls one to SHIELD and one to Rhodey informing both of them that he was going to kill every single person involved in the kidnapping.
Proving that the best way to hurt Iron Man was to go after his heart.
It took three fucking days, before he could find the right spot, the right people. He lost track of how many people he killed, but he knew that in the last three days it greatly out numbered the last three months. He finally found them because he recognized one of the ass holes from the video. He, and about four others, were coming out of a cave. This guy was one of the ones who had a gun to Pepper's head. He made sure his death was extra painful.
Tony killed every single person that he saw move. And finally when he busted into the room, and pushed the kidnapper into the other room. He blasted his head clean off, full force from the flight stabilizer in Tony's hand, at point-blank range.
The first thing Pepper talks about, as he unties her? The press conference they are going to have to hold, and how many phone calls she's going to have to make because in the business world three days is like three months, and there is going to be so much work. Tony doesn't know if it was her coping mechanism or if she really was just that much of a workaholic or if it was both, but he let her ramble on. Because anything that kept her sane, was okay.
Because for Tony, with her missing, three days was like three months, and he had no idea how she handled it when he was trapped in the mountains in a cave because he was really there for three months, and he wondered if that translated into three years.
Mostly though, he knew she didn't deserve this to happen.
And it was his fault, because he couldn't protect her, and he was fucking Iron Man.
He took her home. The SHIELD doctors looked her over, and she was physically fine. Tony had no idea about her mental state, but they just held each other that night. Pepper seemed to be able to fall into a peaceful sleep. He didn't know how she did it. Maybe she felt safe here.
She shouldn't.
She almost died.
He boyfriend was Iron Man, fucking Iron Man a superhero and he couldn't protect her.
She almost died.
The rest of the night, he held her in his arms as the what if's took over his mind.
She almost died.
She defiantly didn't deserve that.
It was three days later when he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't allow her to put herself in danger anymore, and the worse spot for her? Right here with him.
Some would say it was the best, he could protect her better that way.
They were wrong.
He was useless.
He was also gutless, he couldn't bring himself to tell her the words that would make her leave.
Without her he was nothing.
But with him she was dead.
The latter reason prevailed.
"What are you trying to say Tony?"
"We are through Pepper, no more. Done. I can't do it."
"Well then, I quit."
Tony nodded, and she placed his MIT ring that he had given her when he hadn't 'fucked it up' in six months. She placed it on the end of his workbench, down in the garage. He stared at it while he listened to the click-click-click of her heels disappearing into nothingness.
He felt numb
The ring stayed on the work bench. Tony couldn't bring himself to touch it, or have it moved. He would find himself stopping in the middle of something to stare at it, as if Pepper would be coming down any moment and rewarding him for finding it, like she lost it and not left it when he made her walk out on him.
Tony's new assistant was male. He had actual interviews this time, and he couldn't bring himself to hire a female. Each one was not Pepper, and the click-click-click of heels drew him back to that day in the garage and he couldn't think about that all the time.
If he wanted to be functional in the world, all thoughts of Pepper, and the ring, and everything had to go out of his mind. Because now he was certain she hated him, and she would use that anger to move on. Find Mr. Right, they would date, and be able to stay for the whole dinner party. He would have time to be with her, and wouldn't trouble her too much. Then he would propose, she would say yes, and a few years later Pepper would have the 2.5 kids, the dog, and the house with the white picket fence.
That's what she deserved. She would get it too.
But he certainly didn't deserve her.
Tony paid off all debts that Virgina 'Pepper' Potts ever had. He knew she would be furious but by the time she figured it out, she would be with Mr. Right. And she was far too smart to ruin that by coming back to confront him.
These were the things Tony thought about while he forced himself to show up to meetings, and get his work done on time. His new assistant's job entailed exactly what an assistant's job should be. Not a baby sitter. Tony called him Mr. Mathews, and he called Tony Mr. Stark. No first names, nothing that would allow Tony to get too close to the man. That would be like replacing Pepper.
And Pepper certainly wasn't going to be replaced by this nobody.
Her memory deserved better than that.
When he came home from work to find Rhodey sitting on the couch he instantly thought of Iron Man problems. Unfortunately for Tony, Rhodey was here on more personal matters.
When Rhodey began asking what happened with Pepper, if he was okay, because his behavior was weird, and it worried him. It took everything in Tony not to break down to his friend, and tell him that his whole world crumbled the day she left, and now he was just an empty shell. There was nothing else for him but to go to business meetings, and run the company in between SHIELD missions, because what else was there?
It's been almost three months since he's seen Pepper Potts, and he's not sure she's really there. He's caught in the doorway, watching her sit on the couch. He just came back from a drive, because he needed to do something, and if he took apart the suit one more time it might actually drive him mad.
His mind filtered back to a recent mission he had with the X-Man Wolverine, and the mutant they were after known as Mystique. She could shift her appearance into anyone, and he was trying to decide if this was Pepper or not, because if the time line in his head was right she should be on the fourth date with Mr. Right, and not sitting on his sofa.
But she sniffles, and he can't help himself. He doesn't know how she got in here, because he deactivated her clearance codes, unless she bullied JARVIS into letting her in, and he is still functioning, because when Tony walks into the living room JARVIS greets him with an apology. 'She used the override codes, sir.'
Neither one of them make a move, until the silence drives him crazy and he throws his keys on to the table just to hear a noise. She looks up at him, eyes red and puffy. She's been crying, and he prays to a god he doesn't believe in that she is not crying because of him. Because she is supposed to hate him, she's supposed to be on a date right now, not crying on his sofa.
"What happened? Why are you crying? Who hurt you?" He asks, kneeling down in front of her because that's his gut reaction to seeing her in tears. And his hands itch to pull her into a hug, but he has to remain strong, because once he kills who ever the fuck it is who made her cry, he has to push he away again because he won't let her get hurt because of him.
"You." She says, softly. And it kills him. He pushes himself off the floor, and walks a few steps away because he doesn't know if he'll be able to not pull her into his arms, and kiss her. He doesn't say anything because what is there to say? Then she speaks for him.
"Tony." And she says it so seriously, so deadly serious, that he turns and looks at her fearing the worst. "Are you dying, again?"
"What?" Because that was so far from what he was expecting, like maybe Rhodey had died or she had cancer that it just seems so ridiculous to think about. But his mind comes around to how oddly he behaved last time, and it was natural for Pepper's mind to go there. And he just didn't know how to convince her, but she wasn't going to give him a chance.
"Because.. you broke up with me.." Her voice was shaky, and about to break at any moment. Tony knew she was trying to hold back tears, and this hurt more than any wound he received ever, and it was worse than when she was kidnapped because at least there he could stop the hurt, he could save her from her tormentor, and make everything go away, but here he was so close to her, he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms, but that would hurt her, and leaving her there broken was no better solution.
"...I thought it was another woman.." She whispers it so softly, Tony's convinced himself that she didn't really say that but the look that she has on her face, and the way she won't meet his eyes, make his sure she said that, and she really truly believes that.
"There's no one else, Pep." He says in a whisper.
"That's what Rhodey said, and JARVIS confirmed." She gives him a half smile, and it warms his heart more than it has been in the last few weeks. He doesn't know how he's going to be able to repress all these feelings all over again, like an addict who's fallen off the wagon, he has to start anew, and the want is back ten times as strong. He doesn't even care that the AI he built responds so well to her, and he ignores the AI's apology. After that Tony shuts him down, because he's really done enough for that night, and the silence owns the room again. But Pepper takes in a shaky breath.
"But now, you're going to meetings, and you paid off my debts, and doing more missions, and it just seems like you're in a rush to fix everything before..." She stopped, and he knew she couldn't say it. Because he knew she still had dreams that he hadn't been able to save himself from the poisoning, and there were still dreams that he never escaped from the cave and he wondered if she ever stopped worrying about him long enough to have nightmares about her own experiences.
"I'm not dying." Is the only response he can give, and she takes a step towards him, like she doesn't really believe him. And she probably doesn't but he finds himself taking a step towards her and that's not a good thing.
"Promise? You would tell me, this time, right?" She takes another step towards him at her question, and when she utters the this time it makes his heart ache, and he finds himself within distance to wrap his arms around her, which he does.
"I promise." He tells her while is mind is trying to find a way to control himself. To push off of her, to let her go, to escape to his workshop something, because now they are really close, and this can't lead to anywhere good, because when Pepper is with him then she is in danger, and he rather live life as a shell, and know she's alive and out there with Mr. Right, then have to plan a funeral. And there has to be a way to get her to hate him, even if JARVIS and Rhodey are both against him in his crusade to make Pepper hate him, even though in his mind he knows that it was Pepper who called Rhodey, not the other way around, and why was she-
She kisses him, and his mind stops. They are all over each other, hands, lips, mouths, teeth. They fumble their way to the bedroom.
Shit.
That's the first thought that goes off in Tony's head when he wakes up. Last night wasn't supposed to happen like that, he was going to keep her away, and now he had to hurt her all over again. Because she would die with him, it was a given fact. Some other ass would kidnap her, and then he would have to go save her again, and there would be one time when he wasn't fast enough, or strong enough. One second that something slipped up or malfunctioned, or she tried to help him because she really has no sense of worry over her own well being, probably because she uses it all up on him.
But he gets out of the bed, because he needs a few hours to think. And with her so close, and near him, where he can touch her and smell her he knows his resolve will crumble. That he won't be able to say the hurtful things that he needs to. It's just a few minutes, and hour maybe, and he's positive she won't wake up before then, and then he'll come back up here after he gets some space to think.
He standing in the workshop when he hears her come down the steps, and this just sucks because this is just like before. After each of his trysts, he would escape down here but it wasn't like that and he just hoped she knew that. Because he needed to escape, because she was clouding his thoughts, and he needed to protect her, and not think with his dick for once.
"So, I'm just another notch in the bedpost now?" He still hasn't turned to face her, and he doesn't want to. He's trying to think of something to say.
"I'm surprised your new PA didn't have my dry cleaning." And that makes him turn around, and he looks at her for the very first time. She's in his button down shirt, and her black lacy boy shorts, and he's not sure if it was just convenient or if she's trying to seduce him. Either way doesn't matter, and he doesn't know why that slipped into his thought process at all.
"You had it down to a science."
"Pepper, it's not like-" He tries to explain but she cuts him off.
"It was genius by all standards, and it's always sad to see..."
"Come on, I've changed since then, and you-" but he was cut off again, and he didn't like it.
"... a system that wonderfully worked go. You had your ways..."
"Pepper." This was far too familiar.
"...to just pick up the finest piece of ass, I'm the best you could do..."
"Pepper!" Because it was his game, it was his way of keeping the conversation going even if he was the only one in it, and he didn't like. He now had a vague idea of what it was like to work for himself.
"...or was I just the easiest fuck available last night?" She glared at him, and Tony let the silence go on until he was sure she done trying to teach him a lesson.
"That's not how it is."
"Then why'd you break up with me?"
"Pepper.." he warned, he would not play this game again.
"Another woman, or women maybe?" She was shouting
"Pepper." He was shouting too.
"Did you just get bored?"
"Stop it!"
"Why, Tony? Why!"
"Because you almost died!" He shouted slamming his hand down on the workshop table as he did so. He was vaguely aware of the MIT ring jingle, as it was jostled by the force. He knew Pepper saw it too, even if she did startle and jump when he slammed his hand down.
She took his hand, and dragged him up the steps.
He was sitting on the far end of the sofa, trying if at all possible to keep away from Pepper, who was as it seemed to him trying to get as close as possible. Tony had already let that happen, and while it lead to a great night, it was only going to be worse if it happened again, he had to push her away. She deserved better than what he could give her.
But Pepper didn't seem to care about that, she had made tea for the two of them which they drank in silence, and since he had put his tea cup down (which she mimicked) she had been inching closer and closer to him. Still in only his shirt, and her panties. Defined trying to seduce him.
"Pepper," He said, before he could lose his nerve, or his blood started rushing somewhere else. "We can't do this. I can't do this, we don't work."
She didn't seem disturbed by this fact. Just scooted closer to him, legs brushing against his, hands exploring. He jumped up, trying to escape from her.
"Pepper," he was aware of how his voice cracked making him sound fourteen again. "You deserve better than me. You deserve the guy who's going to propose to you, and give you the 2.5 kids, and the dream house. Not me."
Pepper got up off the couch, prompting him to step backwards. He didn't know how Pepper had this affect on him. He, playboy of the year, should not be so flailing around like some inexperienced adolescent. But he was, and his legs soon found the back of the chair. He was trapped now. She stood over him, and the only way off the chair was to barrel past her, and then she straddled him, and that idea was gone.
"I'm sure this Malibu beach house could count as the dream house..."
"Pepper.." He said, because that's not what he meant. And his hands instantly rested on her hips, and he couldn't make them move. She shushed him by placing a finger over his lips, and he pouted behind it.
"...and I'm sure you could give me the 2.5 kids," she said, as her hand traveled down to cup his equipment, which made him stiff everywhere. His eyes widened, and he tensed underneath her, but she didn't seem to care or notice.
"And given some more time, you would be the guy to propose to me."
"But you deserve better than me."
"But I want you."
He frowned at her, because she shouldn't want him.
"I can't even protect you."
"Yes you can. You're Iron Man, remember? Superhero extraordinaire?"
"I couldn't protect you from getting kidnapped."
"But you saved me."
"But what if I didn't, what If I wasn't Iron Man or something malfunctioned, or I was too late?" He asked, staring directly in her eyes, because this was the most vulnerable he's ever been, and she's still fondling him, and in the back of his mind there is some sarcastic witty commentary going on about only when his pants are down can a man say what he's feeling.
"If Iron Man didn't exist, there is only one other person who would be able to save me."
"The Human Torch?" Because he could remember Pepper saying something about liking him, and it had been bugging him. She rolled her eyes at him.
"Tony Stark. He's the most powerful genius I know and he would surely find a way to rescue me."
"Are you sure? He might just fuck it up."
"Nope. I'm absolutely certain that he would save the day."
"But-" Tony started again, but Pepper brought her lips down, capturing him in a kiss. And he relaxes underneath her, because he could never deny her anything she truly wanted, and if she wants him… His hands grip her hips, and she finally lets go of him to run her hands through his hair. And he's pushing her down onto him.
"Are you sure you wouldn't want The Human Torch?" He mumbles in between kisses and he can feel her laugh as he leaves a trail down her neck, thinking that for the first time. Maybe he does deserve her.