Italics = Flashbacks
The Way I Loved You
The Doctor sat down on the seats by the TARDIS console with a sigh. Nothing about this was going to be easy, he knew the Master was going to use every chance to try and escape and he wasn't sure he had it in him for the constant fighting that would be occurring between them. He had no choice and he would put up with it because he had to, but the truth was he just wanted a break. As he sat there staring at the console, deep in thought his mind went over the last few years a few things in particular sticking out at him.
He had taken Rose to the beach. It wasn't his idea of a fun day out but Rose wanted to relax. She had looked at him with this tragic pleading face and he couldn't say no. The fact that she then grinned, punched the air and screamed 'Yes' made him smile but sulk the whole way. Once there Rose had insisted they get an ice-cream each. The Doctor had been messing around with his and ended up with ice-cream on his nose. Rose laughed at him for a moment but when he went to wipe it away she stopped him, pulling his hand away from his face and kissing the ice-cream off his nose.
The Doctor smiled at the memory, finding himself missing Rose for the first time in a while. Everything about Rose had been so perfect. She was sweet, kind and caring but could be loud and was so strong and she was just so human. Everything about her was just so human, so emotional, so confusing. She could always make the pain just a little more bearable. She could always numb it slightly. She was always there for a hug or a hand to hold and she always knew when to just leave him on his own.
"Doctor?"
The Doctor looked up and saw Rose stood in the doorway of the console room in her dressing gown and slippers, "Hey," he forced a smile, "I thought you were asleep."
He knew Rose hadn't missed the tears in his eyes with he was blinking back in a desperate attempt not to cry anymore. She came and sat beside him, "I know I wasn't there, Doctor, and I can't understand properly but I'm here for you," she told him softly before wrapping her arms around her.
The Doctor hugged her tightly, "I know, Rose, I know" he replied, "Thank you."
That was part of what he loved about her, she never claimed to understand what had happened or to know what he was thinking or feeling, she was just there for him. He loved that so much about her, because, sitting along in his TARDIS control room, there was no point denying that to himself. But then that was just him wasn't it? He fell in love all the time. He had so much love to give and no one to share it with. Rose had been someone he could share it with, someone he could care for and look after, who cared for and wanted to look after him.
"Why?" Rose ranted, the freaked out look on her face matched by the Doctor. "Why did we ever thing that watching something with 'Scariest film in the universe' in the recommendations would be a good idea. I don't think I'm ever going to sleep again."
The Doctor just nodded in agreement. Since the film had finished, neither of them had even moved to take the DVD out of the DVD player. Both of them were just staring in complete horror, arms wrapped tightly around each other.
"And just so you know, Doctor, I'm sleeping in your bed tonight," Rose told him, she smiled slightly "You can keep me safe."
And that was it exactly wasn't it? The Doctor and Rose, the oncoming storm and the Bad Wolf, the stuff of legends, all they really wanted to do, all they really needed was to keep each other safe. They always looked after each other. They always made the other smile. They rarely argued and they were comfortable.
The complete opposite of him and the Master.
The Doctor was shocked to find himself thinking that. He was even more shocked to find it wasn't just a passing thought. He knew the Master was in his room further through the TARDIS, currently hating him but the Doctor couldn't help but think years and years and lifetimes back, back when they were Theta and Koschei.
"I'm getting wet!" Koschei complained, as a light shower started over him and Theta. Theta just looked at him and laughed. "It's not funny! Come on, let's head back."
"It's just a little rain, Kosch," Theta commented but followed when Koschei got up and started walking in the direction of the Academy. He slipped his hand into Koschei's and Koschei looked at him and smiled.
The rain steadily got heavier and Theta found himself amused by Koschei's hair sticking to the side of his face while Koschei steadily got more annoyed with the rain. Theta stopped walking and grinned at him.
"What? Theta it's cold and wet and I want to get in," Koschei whined.
"I've got a better idea," Theta replied and quickly grabbed hold of Koschei's face and kissed him.
Koschei squeaked in shock before grinning and kissing Theta back, "I guess I can put up with the rain."
The Doctor laughed slightly to himself at that memory. Had he really be such a walking cliché? Kissing him in the rain. Still that was him and Koschei all over, wasn't it? They were practically inseparable, they were affectionate, they were passionate. They seemed to fight all the time, they both hated fighting but they still always did. There seemed to be a constant fear that each fight would be the last one, but they always made it through, they always made up.
Theta wasn't a fan of the dark. He wasn't scared it just put him on edge. But after an argument with Koschei he knew sleep wasn't going to come and he couldn't bear to just lie staring at the ceiling, so he found himself walking around the Academy grounds. He stole a glance at his watch, not caring that it was coming up to two in the morning. As he walked he tried to stop the forming tears from falling.
"Theta!"
He froze at the sound of Koschei calling him name and turned to face the voice. Koschei was a few steps away, his expression caught between annoyed and sad. Theta just watched as Koschei walked up to him.
"Damn you, Theta," Koschei said, wrapping his arms around Theta's neck, "Look what you do to me."
Theta just smiled slightly and Koschei leaned in and kissed him.
Until that one time when they didn't. The one time everything went wrong, when they got to the point where it was only screaming and fighting. When Koschei was trying to control him because it was the only way to quieten the drums and Theta just couldn't cope with it.
"Don't do this Theta!" Koschei voice was angry but Theta didn't miss the desperation behind it.
Theta swallowed, willing himself not to cry, "I'm sorry, Koschei, I've got no choice."
"You've got EVERY choice!" Koschei screamed, stepping towards him. Theta automatically stepped back and he couldn't mistake the heartsbreak in Koschei voice when he added, "You're scared of me?"
Theta didn't answer but both of them knew he didn't need to. After a moments silence Theta finally said, "I don't know who you are anymore."
"I'm still Koschei." He replied, "I love you, Theta, I love you so much. Do you love me, Theta?" Theta nodded, "Then please don't do this."
"I have to. I'm sorry," Theta told him and ran. Away from Koschei, away from Gallifrey, away in his stolen TARDIS.
The Doctor wasn't surprised to find himself almost in tears at that memory. Koschei, the Master, had always managed to make him feel so alive. He loved all his companions, some more than others and always in different ways but he loved them all, Jamie, Sarah Jane, Tegan, Grace, Rose, all of them, but they were never Koschei. They were never the Master. They could never make him feel as alive as the Master did.
He stood up and headed through the TARDIS, finding the Master's room, he knocked on the door. The Master gave no reply so the Doctor just opened it and went in.
"What do you want?" the Master snapped.
The Doctor didn't answer, he just went and sat on the bed beside him. He cupped his face with one hand and kissed him gently. The Master stared at him wide eyes for a moment, before closing his eyes and kissing him back.
Guys! Guys! Guys! This is my 200th fanfic! TWO HUNDRED! How awesome is that? I'm so happy! It's amazing and exciting and I'm a little hyper and really pleased about this. It's really weird because I've been in such a reflective mood recently because of moving to uni and some ex-friends causing problems and stuff like that and now this is like a mile-stone and I can still remember like starting fanfic waaay back in 2007. It's amazing.
When I started fanfic is was with Doctor Who, so it made sense to me that the 200th fic be Doctor Who as well. Although my 100th was a Noughts and Crosses fic – my second biggest fandom – but Doctor Who I've wrote for the most. Anyway, I started with Doctor Who and 10/Rose. I was so obsessed with 10/Rose it's not even funny and now I'm so not. Now I love Doctor/Master – and Doctor, any Master but mostly 10/S!Master. Anyway I got this idea ages ago listening to Taylor Swift's 'The Way I Loved You' because – like it says in the fic – I think the Doctor loved Rose because it was safe and but the Master more because it made him feel so alive.
If you've read this please review, I accept signed and anonymous and reviews mean the world to me, they have done since I was first here and will do until I die (I was going to say 'until I leave' but I'm never going to leave fanfic). Love you all! Carly! x