(yay look i drew a cover thing. Is it just me, or does FF kill image quality? Ah, such a shame.)

Inspiration: "He lied to me. He lied, and I gave him what he wanted." – Raven, "Spellbound"

Disclaimer: The Titans do not belong to me. Sadness for me. (People still do disclaimers, yes?)

Updates: Aiming for 2 to 3 a week. Probably Monday, Wednesday and/or Saturday…or at random. We'll see.

Author's Note: First of all, oh man. I haven't written fanfics in years. Or…really, any writing at all. I am so rusty. :( I'm sorry if this has been done before? I just started writing it and the idea stuck with me for far too long. I'd meant it to be 40k max. So why is my word count at 140k? This is not good for someone who can't proofread fast! *digs a hole, dies in it* I kinda sorta rewrote this several times trying to "fix" it. I've been tinkering with it for over a year, and I'm not sure how "fixed" it can get. Even in my head, it's pretty freaking messed up. Dang you, Malchior. And dang that quote for planting the idea in my head. And sundog dang my BBRae feels. *duct tapes them together*

Expect typical chapters to be anywhere from 3-6k. Presently at 30+ chapters, so not sure how long the story will be… If you enjoy it and stick with it, regardless of how odd/cheesy/stupid this story may get, I love you. I'm just a sad girl trying to make myself happy, so if I can amuse you too, that's fantastic.

Now, in regards to this chapter, being fat is fine. I, myself, am obese, and I'm fine with that. Fat means jiggles, and jiggles mean giggles, and giggles are good! I love hugging my fellow chubby sister. We are soft and bouncy. I am shutting up now. Please carry on.

~Asio

1. Ego

Jump City was blessed with a period of peace. Or that's how it felt for the Titans, in any case, after a recent particularly busy week. The following rare bank robbery or bus hijacking was nowhere near as taxing as dealing with bigger foes: Overload, Plasmus, and Cinderblock had teamed up to run amuck, and Mad Mod had thought it would be clever to sabotage a parade. For a whole night, Johnny Rancid ran them ragged with chasing him across town. It was almost a relief to be called only to recapture Control Freak when the acne-plagued geek escaped prison for an evening.

With the recent appearance of Slade's fiendish trio, it seemed almost as though most villains had put off their plans. Would it be too much to hope that the more common evil-doers had taken some time off? Slim chance – the quiet before the storm, surely – but one could still hope it were the case.

Taking advantage of the lack of chaos, Robin had taken a trip to train with the Master. Meanwhile, the rest of the team spent their time on trivial activities, such as helping little old ladies cross the street, lending a hand with disabled children, catching speeding drivers, or evading direct sunlight at all costs.

There hadn't been an emergency to respond to in days, and it left nearly everyone with cabin fever. Most of the time, there was at least one Titan out in town, sometimes two or three, trying to find something to do, and on occasion, the tower was left in idyllic silence. To the blue-hooded girl, it was perfect for reading storybooks from the comfort of the sofa.

Now, when a familiar presence drew her attention, she wasn't about to complain. As much as she appreciated the quiet time, she was relieved that with their leader's return, he would return some order back to the daily life. Without Robin to keep a certain pair of best buds from being over-the-top obnoxious, Raven had nearly snapped them like toothpicks twice this week. As much as she longed to do so, she knew silencing by death wasn't exactly what "friends" do.

Without Robin to remind her to be kind, she'd given Cyborg and Beast Boy the boot, less than gently sending the pair out to be annoying elsewhere. She felt barely an inkling of guilt. Starfire, clearly seeing Raven's aggravation today, had left to take Silkie for a stroll.

The door swished open, familiar footsteps nearing from behind. No one could see it, so Raven allowed herself a small pleased smirk. "Welcome back," she greeted, not sparing a single look to the boy striding toward her. "School go well?"

Robin was preoccupied, barely glancing over to her. With a weary sigh, he leaned back on the sofa, pulling out his T-com. He was slow to reply, "It was all right. Where is everyone?" But he was already seeking them out on the small display in the palm of his hand.

Raven shrugged, turning a page. "If I had to guess, I'd say Beast Boy is probably sniffing out fire hydrants, Cyborg is hanging out with a lady friend, and Starfire is in the park," she said dully. "Things have been pretty–," the sound of a siren cut her off, and she snapped her book shut.

"Quiet," she finished with a note of irritation as Robin dashed back out, his energy restored by adrenaline. I swear, that boy is a trouble magnet, Raven thought, shaking her head and flipping up her hood.

++X++

The team arrived on the scene within minutes, coming in from all corners of town. First Starfire, then Cyborg and Beast Boy, with Robin bringing up the tail on his motorbike. For a minute, no one seemed to even acknowledge Raven, correctly assuming she was lurking about, and no one noticed precisely when she got there. But then, appearing in a shadowy niche wasn't the flashiest way to signal her arrival and silence wasn't too great at catching attention. The only one who seemed to actually see her was Beast Boy, and he flashed a thrilled dorky grin before diving back into a mumbled conversation with Cyborg and Robin.

The crook, none other than Gizmo, had chosen a electronics store specializing in computers to test his new toy in. It took the team a moment to analyze the situation. In the boy's hand, he held a small white box, and it worked like a vacuum of sorts as it sucked up items off display shelves. However small the device was, it held an impossibly large amount of stolen merchandise, including the store's line of cash registers.

Robin, all too eager to see some action, made his move without stopping to consider any other ideas from the team, fully expecting them to follow his lead. Gizmo could usually be classified easy, anyway. Robin came right in through the double doors and barked an order at the crabby boy, "Freeze!"

Which of course was met with a scoff, "Sure thing, bird brain!" Gizmo aimed the little box toward Robin, turned two dials on the top of it, and an ice chest was expelled from the hole.

Robin jumped straight up to avoid it, but it clattered to the floor below him, spilling its frozen contents. He slipped on the ice chunks as Gizmo turned the dial again, and live fireworks were expelled as Robin reeled. The ice and water on linoleum underfoot provided little traction, and he didn't go far when he tried to leap away. Before the sparkling missiles could hit him, Starfire flashed in, catching Robin around the waist and yanking him away to safety.

The explosion caused a fair distraction as the big-headed boy made his getaway with his loot through the smoke and colorful embers. Metal legs sprouted from his tech-pack to whisk him away toward a dark alley, following a path he'd already mapped out before initiating the pillage.

Raven looked between the escaping felon and the boys coughing as they fled from the suffocating smoke, Starfire hovering above. She caught Cyborg's eye before flying after Gizmo herself.

When she turned the corner to the long, dark, and empty alleyway, she had to stop and wonder where the brat went. Raven let her feet settle on the ground, pausing to concentrate on locating him. She knew he was nearby, but he was nowhere to be seen. Had he gone through a window? Climbed the wall onto the rooftops?

Click, click, click.

"Gotcha," sneered the whiz kid.

With a startled gasp, Raven looked up in time to see a bald child scuttling away up along the wall like a big metal spider, making his getaway.

Something dropped behind her. There was hardly a moment's notice to shield herself against the blast of a grenade. The explosion left a crater in the pavement and tore away at her barrier. Lucky to be unharmed, she decided it could be worth finding out where he picked up that thing later.

She grit her teeth and prowled after the troublesome boy. "Azarath metrion zinthos!" Raven growled, her tone rising to a shout. Dark energy ripped a chain-link fence from its post halfway down the alleyway as the boy crossed over it, and wrapped around him like a blanket – an uncomfortably cold metal blanket.

In an instant, she was standing next him, glaring down at him spitefully. "I dare you try that again," she warned. "Any last words?" She raised her hand in a menacing manner, as if threatening to crush him with the fencing. She wouldn't do it of course, but it would be satisfying to worry him.

Gizmo struggled against the chain fencing for a minute before fixing her in a scornful stare, a nasty little grin stretching across his face. "Yeah, thunder thighs. You should lay off the waffles," he suggested dryly. "You're getting kind of fat!"

Raven staggered back as though he had just given her a physical shove with his spoken words. She faltered, and in that instant the chain link was ripped open by Gizmo's robotic legs and he was off again.

Moments later, the rest of her team was rushing past. Robin stopped to glance back at her, curious and a tad worried as she continued to stand stock-still, staring dead ahead.

She snapped out of it before Robin could speak a word to her. "I'll catch up," she promised.

They can handle him, she thought to herself when they were well out of sight. Gizmo's just a jerk. I shouldn't take it personal. Why did it even bother her? Something nagged at the back of her mind, but she disregarded it.

Raven took a deep breath to calm her nerves and make sure she kept herself in order in case they weren't finished when she reached them.

But thankfully, they were, which meant she had to worry less about pounding the kid into a pulp for the offensive retort. She didn't lose even the slightest bit of control over the poor little felon – didn't even try to spook him. Though she hardly made an appearance at all, really. Thanks to his remark, she was subconsciously even less keen to draw attention to herself. She merely watched the team at work from afar as the squirming boy was loaded into the back of a truck and hauled away.

Robin had the tiny genius's pack and Beast Boy was toying with the mysterious box Gizmo must have dropped, the one he used to suck up merchandise and spit out the explosives.

"Hey, I think I found the eject button!" Beast Boy announced excitedly. Before anyone could stop him, he hit the tempting button. He yelped as stink bombs went off at his feet, and filled the street with a noxious yellow-green cloud of smoke. Everyone ran upwind of the cloud as fast as they possibly could, a few bystanders scattering left and right.

"Ugh…My bad," Beast Boy grumbled, his nosed plugged against the stench. His teammates glared harshly at him, but he met their stares with a sheepish chuckle.

Cyborg leaned closer just an inch to give him a sniff. "Woo! That is some rank stuff."

"Maybe you should pick up some tomato juice on the way home," chided Robin.

"Or go live with the skunks in the city park," Raven added scornfully through her cuff. Although all eyes were turned on him in a displeased manner, Beast Boy winced at her glare in particular. It brought her distinct pleasure that a single look could worry him on such a level.

On the way home, Beast Boy was sent on a mission of shame to order the pizza, since he was the one who'd set off the stink bombs in the first place. He also smelled the worst, having received the brunt of it. If anything, it should have served as a good lesson in humiliation. However, the manager wanted him out so bad, he sent him off with the pizzas for free before he could even finish ordering. Cyborg's one oversight was that Beast Boy returned with vegetarian pizzas – so the hulking teen grudgingly went in to order his own with extra pepperoni.

Back home, Raven didn't notice the stares on her, but the others watched in awe as she sullenly ate her fourth slice. With her attention elsewhere, she didn't hear them muttering behind her, making bets on how many slices she would have or Starfire's comment on how fortunate they were to have an extra pizza this evening.

Raven was more concerned with staring out into the bay, watching the water sparkle brilliant colors from the sunset as she considered the ways could get back at Gizmo for calling her fat. I just need to meditate. Get my head back in order, she told herself. Normally, she wouldn't take it so personal, but something had clicked in her brain and now that was all she could think about. His comment bothered her severely.

"Easy there, Rae. You don't wanna lose your figure, do ya?" Cyborg called over with a laugh.

The crash behind her punctuated her breaking point, as Cyborg's barstool was struck with a black bolt and flipped out from under him.

"Oops," Raven apologized dishonestly, watching him pick himself up in the reflection. She finished the last of her pizza, tossing the crust down to the patiently waiting Silkie, and skulked past the boys. She held her hood to hide her face, clinging to the false sense of security.

"Hah! Told you! Pay up," Robin said to the others as she left, and Beast Boy and Cyborg each begrudgingly forked up some cash.

Safely outside ops doors, Raven leaned on a guardrail. She debated with herself for a minute before shaking her head with a groan and turning around to head the other way. This was not the route to her room. Just walking this way made dread bubble up inside her.

She took her time, and her resolve weakened. When she reached Starfire's door, she barely considered knocking. "This is stupid," she mumbled to herself. But maybe a girl talk will help ease your mind, advised a voice, but she objected to it. "That's what meditation is for."

Just as she'd convinced herself that this endeavor would serve no purpose, the door opened and the scent of heavy perfume came wafting out so strongly that Raven's nose burned and her eyes watered. Starfire had her hair clipped back nicely and she was dressed in a new revealing outfit, this one more casual than usual. Either she had plans for a date, or she was just playing dress up again.

"Eek!" Starfire squealed, jumping back. "I was, um, looking for Silkie! Have you seen him?" she bluffed.

Although she knew he was still begging for scraps back in the kitchen, Raven shook her head. "Can I…ask you something?" she questioned uneasily.

"Oh, of course! Anything!" Starfire said excitedly. She pulled Raven into her well-lit room with a giggle. The door swishing shut behind her felt akin to a death sentence. "What is it you wish to ask me? Do you wish for us to do the hanging out?"

"Uh, no."

Starfire's eyes got huge and she pursed her lips as she put on her best Bambi face. "Do you wish to braid my hair?"

Raven stared back and again said flatly, "No."

It was worth a try. Starfire pouted. "Very well. What is the matter? You seemed rather concerned earlier," she noted.

Raven's cheeks flushed slightly. She was already here, and it would be a bother to get the nerve up to approach the subject later.

"Please, Raven, tell me what troubles you?" Starfire encouraged gently. "You can speak with me."

Drawing an inward groan, Raven turned to the side and pulled her cloak up out of the way. "Do…I look fat?" she mumbled as loudly as she could.

There were many things Starfire could have guessed she would ask, and this just wasn't one of them. She circled like a buzzard as she evaluated her friend. When her feet touched the carpet again, she looked thoughtful. "Well, you have been eating more lately," she said. "Is it not to be expected?"

"Gee, thanks," Raven grumbled under her breath, rolling her eyes. She should have turned back before she reached Starfire's room. This was stupid, and served no purpose. It's not like she was overweight, but still.

"Do not be fret over it," Starfire advised. "Try not to be so bored."

Raven turned her glower back to her friend. "What does being bored have to do with it?"

"Well, the boys eat when they are bored—"

"I'm not eating out of boredom!" Raven retorted bitterly. She turned and stormed out in a fume.

Starfire called after her, "If it is really that concerning, I doubt it's anything exercise won't fix!"

Seconds after shadows overtook Raven, Silkie came crawling in to lean up on Starfire's leg and wag his rear. She looked down at her little bumgorf. "Well else what was I to say?" she asked him, but the big squishy larva lovingly stared back up at her seemingly without comprehension or opinion. That was the good thing about pets, she supposed, as she scooped up the larva.

A/N

Spoiler alert: Raven gets obese and a dragon gobbles her up for dinner. The End.

…Wait what do you mean that's not the story I wrote? What have I been wasting my life on, then?

~Asio