The Sweetest Gift

(Chapter One: Choices)

Elliot stepped off the elevator to see Olivia waiting for him.

"What is going on? Are you okay?" he asked startled by the concern in her voice when she had asked him to meet her at the hospital.

"I'm alright. It isn't me."

"Liv, what is going on? It sounded serious."

"It is," she said taking her hand in his and leading him down the hall.

They walked past a nursery window and through two big metal doors. Down a long hallway and through another set of doors sat another smaller nursery.

"Liv?"

"Elliot, I need you're help," she whispered softly as they stared down at the infant in the incubator. "I have no idea what to do."

The tiny baby laid in the bed covered in tubes and hooked to monitors. Elliot watched as the smallest human being he had ever seen in his life stirred a bit as her little chest rose with each shallow breath she took. She….he assumed the infant was a little girl because the blank name tag on the front of the incubator had two little pink teddy bears on it.

"Olivia, who's baby is this?"

"She's mine," she said looking at him with tears in her eyes.

"You had a baby?"

"I have a baby….it's a long story and I will explain it all to you later, but right now I just need your advice….as a parent. She's sick."

"How sick?"

"Really sick. There is a good chance she will die."

"What's wrong with her?"

"She was born too early to a drug addicted mother. The doctor said she has a brain hemorrhage and they need to do surgery to help her, but she is too small and too weak to have the operation. He said I only have about an hour to decide, that was forty seven minutes ago. I don't know what to do."

"Where is her mother?"

"Gladys had papers drawn up, she signed the baby over to me and disappeared. She left a note saying she wasn't prepared to take care of her daughter and she knew I would know how to care for her. She said she wanted to get help to get clean."

"She just gave you her kid? You barely know this girl."

"I know. And she is trusting me to keep this baby alive until she comes back for her. Elliot, what if I make the wrong choice? If I tell them to do the operation and she is too weak, she wont make it out of surgery. But waiting….she could die either way. I have no idea what to do. And this little girl is depending on me to make the right decision."

"All you can do is try, Olivia."

"But what if she dies, Elliot? What if she dies because I made the wrong choice and it is all my fault? How will I live with myself? How will I explain that to her mother?"

"Liv, none of this is your fault. Gladys left you here with this tiny, broken baby, that she screwed up. She left her daughter with little chance of survival and just dumped her off on somebody else to take care of."

"She trusted me."

"She left her with you so she didn't have to feel responsible when the baby died."

"Elliot!"

"No, Liv. That girl was in no way ready to be a mother. She was doing drugs and hooking, she didn't even bother taking prenatal vitamins or having regular doctor's appointments for the pregnancy."

"She is a teenager who was forced into prostitution, Elliot. Gladys is a victim, too. Or did you forget that?"

"I only see one victim here, Liv. And it isn't Gladys. All I am saying is that this baby is more than likely going to die either way. You need to be prepared for that."

"How do I help her?" she asked placing her palms against the plastic.

"You fight like hell and do everything you can. Pray."

"And let them do the surgery?"

"It is the only real chance she had got."

Olivia nodded as she wiped tears from her face.

"You're right," she whispered. "I'm gonna go tell the doctor that I have made my decision. I will sign the papers and let them operate."

Elliot pulled his phone from his pocket.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked.

"Taking the rest of the afternoon off to wait with you. You shouldn't be sitting here waiting alone."

Olivia took a deep breath and smiled as she walked down the hall to talk to the doctor.

For the next eight and a half hours Olivia nervously paced the floor of the waiting room.

"I cannot believe they don't know anything yet," she said scanning her eyes over the nurses station desk. "I'm gonna ask them again."

"Olivia, sit down. When they know something they will let us know," he said patting the chair beside him.

"This waiting is making me sick."

"It is all part of being a parent. Learning to wait things out."

Olivia sat down beside him and looked into his eyes.

"Have you thought this through? Do you know what you are going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, there are options. A girl just dumped her premature baby on you. Maybe you should contact child protective services."

"Just dump her like her mother did? You want me to put a premature newborn into the foster care system?"

"I am just saying that you should think this through. This isn't the kind of decision you make over night."

"Do you think I have not thought about this? That I have not considered how it would change my life? Or do you just not think that I could raise a baby?"

"Liv, that isn't it. I think you will be an amazing mother. Someday. To your own kids."

"But not this baby?"

"I know how bad you want a baby."

Olivia looked up at him a little in shock.

"It is obvious every time you see a kid. You want to be a mother. And I understand that. I also know that you would love this little girl like she was your own. You would take good care of her and provide everything she needed."

"Then what is the problem?"

"You are getting in too deep. Becoming too attached."

"Because she might die?"

"That, or…."

"Or?"

"Liv, lets say you raise this baby. You take this little girl home and you love her and care for her and you raise her as your own. And five years from now, ten years from now, Gladys shows back up and wants her kid back. Then what are you going to do?"

"She signed those papers."

"Liv, she is the biological mother. And you may have power of attorney right now, but unless you legally adopt this baby there is always a chance that no matter how much you love her you are going to lose her."

They both looked up to see the doctor standing across the room. Olivia stood and made her way to him.

"How is she? Did everything go alright?"

"The surgery took much longer than I had anticipated. She is just so tiny and fragile. Her heart rate kept dropping and that took a little while to get stabilized. I have stopped the bleeding, for now. But I wasn't able to get done everything that I needed to do. I had to remove a small piece of her scull to relieve some of the pressure on her brain. She is stable for now and resting in recovery. But I will need to go back in a few days from now when she has regained some of her strength and replace the bone flap. She is a very sick little girl, Ms. Benson."

"Is she going to be alright?"

"It is really too soon to tell. But there is a great chance that she will suffer permanent brain damage. To what extent we cannot really be sure until she is a little older and we can conduct a series of tests."

"Oh my God," Olivia whispered in disbelief.

"Ms. Benson, I am not trying to be harsh here, but maybe it would be in the best interest of the child to let child services take over from here."

"What the hell is wrong with you people?" she snarled wiping tears from her eyes. "She already has the odds stacked against her, she doesn't need her doctor giving up on her as well. You think she should go into foster care?"

"She would go into a facility for disabled children. A place where the doctors specialize in cases like this, in treating children with disabilities."

"Your job is to care for that baby!" Olivia shouted. "If you don't think that you can handle that, then let me know now so that I can start looking for a new one!"

"Ma'am, I am only trying to look out for the well being of this child. She is very sick. She is going to need at least one or two more surgeries in the next few months and to be checked out by specialists. She could have any number of health problems due to her premature birth and low birth weight. Every day of her life is going to be a struggle. It will be months, maybe years before she is fully out of the woods and probably suffer brain damage. I just want you to understand what you are getting yourself in to here and to understand the expense and challenges you will face in choosing to keep this baby."

"Doctor, you know as well as I do that if she is dumped in foster care she is not going to get the treatment she needs. The state is not going to pay for her to visit specialists or attend special schools. She will be stuck in a facility and spend her entire life there. Or be placed with a family who only keeps her around for the paycheck and could care less about her needs."

"You sound like you have put a lot of thought into this."

"I have had about eleven hours to think about it. She needs someone to care for her, to love her. She needs a fair chance. And I intend to give it to her."

The doctor smiled and nodded.

"Well, she really needs her rest right now. I can take you back to see her, but only for a few minutes. You can come back at eight o'clock in the morning to see her again."

Elliot and Olivia followed the doctor back to the incubator where the baby now rested. Her little head was bandaged and she seemed to be resting well.

"Hey sweetheart," Olivia whispered kneeling to look through the plastic at the little girl. "You don't have to be afraid. You're not alone anymore."

Elliot nearly cried himself as he watched his partner bond with the infant. Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. Elliot knew she wasn't a very religious person, but could tell right away that she was praying for the baby girl. He knelt beside her and closed his eyes as well.

"I have to go now angel, but I will be back in the morning to see you," Olivia said softly then turned to walk with Elliot back toward the waiting room. "Doctor, what are her chances? I mean, if you had to say…."

"It is hard to say right now. She is so tiny and her little body has been through so much. She was born way to early, addicted to cocaine and had a major surgery when she was just one day old. There is still a really big chance she may not make it through the night. But if she does and we can keep her stabilized and keep her warm and fed, this baby girl just might have a chance. If she makes it through tonight, if she is still with us in the morning, I would say she has about a fifty percent chance."

"Fifty percent?" Elliot asked. "What was it before?"

"Without that surgery….about thirty five percent. Every day she will grow a little stronger and every day she is with us her chance of survival raises a bit. She may be small, but this little girl is a fighter. She has already faced more challenges in her one day of life than most people face in twenty years. We just have to take this one day at a time. You are more than welcome to call for updates on her condition through the night. There will be a nurse at the desk and a doctor on duty all night."

"Oh, I'm not leaving. I know I can't be in here with her, but I don't want to leave her here alone either. I have my cell phone on me and my number is in her file. Please, call me if there are any changes in her condition."

"I will let the night staff know."

"Thank you doctor."

Back in the now empty waiting area Olivia sat down on the sofa as Elliot looked over the choices in the vending machine.

"You want a cup of coffee? My treat."

"No, thank you. I actually think I am going to try to catch a nap while she is resting."

"So this is really happening? You have made up your mind?"

"I can't just walk away, Elliot. I can't abandon her like everyone else in her life. I'm all she has."

"For now."

"You still don't think I should keep her?"

"I just don't want to see you get hurt. That's all."

"I understand where you are coming from and I know that I am setting myself up now for heartache later, but she doesn't have anyone else. And I am kind of starting to think that maybe this is good for me too."

"This is a baby, a child. Your child, until her mother comes back and decides she wants to rip her away from you and take her back. I just think maybe it would be safer, for you, just to have a baby of your own. One that you know no one could ever take from you. Look, you are this baby's savior. You are the reason she is alive right now. "

"If only it were that easy," she sighed scratching her fingers through her hair. "I can't, El."

"Not alone, maybe not. But you will find someone amazing and I am sure you will have beautiful babies together."

"No, Elliot. I mean, I cant. I cannot conceive. I cannot get pregnant and I cant have a baby, ever."

"Olivia, I am so sorry."

"I got pregnant in college and had a bad miscarriage. Losing the baby did a lot of damage to my body, internally and left me unable to conceive another child. Maybe you're right. I might be this baby's savior, but isn't it possible that she is mine too?"

Elliot smiled and kissed her on the forehead.

"I guess I wasn't looking at it that way."

"I have wanted a baby for so long. And now it is like God himself has just place this one in front of me. I know she needs me, but maybe I need her, too. Maybe this is my second chance at motherhood. I am not a religious person, Elliot. But I believe that when God gives you a miracle you don't question his intentions. You accept the gift he has given you and thank him for answering your prayers. She is a miracle. If she lives one day or one hundred years, it does not change the fact that she is a miracle."

"You are absolutely right," he said sitting down at the foot of the sofa and laying her feet across his knees.

"What are you doing?" she asked with a soft smile.

"Hey, if you are camping out in the waiting room, so am I. You didn't think I would let you do this alone did you?"

Olivia smiled.

"I hoped you wouldn't. I have no idea what I am doing. All I know is that my heart is telling me I cannot turn my back on her and my head is telling me to listen to my heart. For once in my life they agree. That has got to be good for something. I know how bad it is going to hurt if Gladys shows up and wants her back, but every day until then she is mine."

"Thank you had better get some rest now, because once that baby comes home you will never sleep again."

Olivia stretched out and closed her eyes as she yawned. Elliot picked up the remote control from the end table and turned on the television.

"Good night, Olivia."

"Night, El. Thanks for….well, for everything."

"You're welcome," he said covering her shoulders with his jacket. "And tomorrow morning we will go back there and see your daughter."

Olivia opened her tired eyes and smiled at him.

"I have a daughter."

"Yes you do."