Is This It?
Tony had just gotten back from a trip to Bolivia, from seeing that Sosa guy he was always doing business with and Elvira thought he was even tenser then before he left. Ever since he got busted for money laundering and tax evasion, Tony had been a mess. He was even more explosive than usual, and half the time Elvira saw him he was either stoned out of his mind, or passed out cold. So, it was a surprise when he demanded they go out to dinner with Manny one night, especially since he got back he had been even more obsessed with his cocaine business then usual. Maybe it was just to celebrate the fact that his trial had been cancelled, no doubt that Sosa had pulled some strings, or maybe he just needed a relief, Elvira wasn't sure.
Either way, the three of them were all sitting at a table together, eating dinner just as Tony wished, at some fancy restaurant in the middle of down town Miami. Manny and Elvira were both feeling a bit uncomfortable as Tony slouched down in his seat, fiddling with his whine glass and silverware. He already appeared to be stoned or drunk, probably a combination of the two, and his silence was making Manny nervous and Elvira embarrassed. But his cold presence was unnerving to them both. Elvira was waiting for him to explode like he usually did in this mood, or at least say something boorish, but so far he was just sitting there quietly, a distant look in his black eyes. He was wearing a nice black suit, but it had already managed to look disheveled, crumpled and wrinkled as he drooped down in his seat, glaring down at the food on his plate. Elvira watched him intently, waiting for the ticking time bomb to go off.
She had been happy with him at first, but only after a few short months their marriage, and their lives, were going down the drain. Tony stayed locked away in his office all day, either dealing with his business or snorting half his supply up his nose. Elvira was no different though. She too was hooked on coke and spent most of her time locked up in a room, snorting the stuff day and night whenever she was bored, or at the slightest altercation that had occurred. She couldn't go a day without the stuff; even this very minute, as she was sitting at the table, she felt an itch in her nose for some of the white powder. She suffered from boredom mostly though, she had nothing to do, and she was too proud to find work. Coke and sleep were her best friends, so that's all she ever did with her time, sleep and snort coke. It was fine at first, but now it had become tedious, and Elvira was struggling to keep herself sane. Her life was a joke and she knew it, but Elvira was too tired and too broken to do anything about it. So, she continued to live her shallow, drab existence without a second thought.
Not only had cocaine and Tony's business ruined their relationship, but so had Tony's crazy, unstable personality. He too was guilty of overusing the coke he was responsible for, which in turn made his usual volatile qualities even more fatal. He was also always incredibly bitter over the fact that they had had no children this far into their marriage, and that made Elvira feel even worse. She hadn't really wanted or not wanted children, but she wasn't even sure why she hadn't had any yet; she was either barren or they just hadn't tried on the right day, she wasn't sure. But the fact that Tony made it painfully obvious how disappointed he was in her over the baby subject was upsetting and degrading, it made her even more depressed. She always wondered in the back of her head what kind of father he'd be anyway, what with how he treated her.
Elvira gulped down a bit of her wine and kept musing to herself.
There wasn't a day that went by where the two weren't screaming at each other or exchanging nasty remarks, and cocaine was the only thing Elvira could do to calm her nerves after. The coke went to both of their heads, making them clash now more then ever, and the fighting was wearing away at her nerves, leaving her irritable and weak. But if they weren't fighting they were snorting, and if Tony wasn't snorting, he was choosing to ignore her for his work and Elvira in turn choosing to ignore him for her coke. It didn't matter what the situation was, Elvira always had to have her drug, snorting was the only option for her now.
She didn't know how, or even when it got this bad, but somehow in the past few months it had. Elvira never craved cocaine as much as she did now, not even when she was with Frank, and first started using the stuff, had she gone through so much coke. It seemed everything was a lot simpler when she was with him, but now she was with Tony, who was the complete opposite of Frank. He overused the drug when Frank knew where to stop; he also never let business get a hold of him as tightly as Tony did, everything about them was different, and Elvira missed her old life.
The household seemed to be split now, and she believed it was divided beyond repair; it was only a matter of fights, or cruel words before Elvira would finally put her foot down and leave. She couldn't take this life much longer; she felt she had no more love to give Tony, so there was nothing holding her back. Besides how did he even deserve her love now, with how he treated her?
It was Manny who finally broke the silence at the dinner table. Elvira snapped out of her thoughts and glanced over at him, observing his barely touched food, his calm demeanor. She was suddenly glad he was there; Manny could always manage to keep Tony's temper down and she feared he might snap at any moment. The lazy look in Tony's gaze, his red, puffy eyes, the way his head lay limply, all worried Elvira, but she tried to shrug it off, like she did with everything nowadays.
"So, what's the big mystery with the Bolivian situation? You gonna tell me what happened with Sosa, or what?"
She took out a cigarette from her purse, what she really wanted was a line of coke, but the cigarette would have to suffice for now. Tony bobbed his head for a minute and answered heavily, still not lifting his gaze from his plate, "A lot of bullshit, that's what happened".
Manny smiled and Elvira lit her cigarette, taking a long drag on it, and then exhaled shakily.
"Politics", Tony added, leaning back in his chair and straightening his jacket. He lazily rolled his head towards Manny and stared at him for a minute before he instructed, "Okay, I want you to stay down here for a while…run things for me. I got to go to New York next week-okay?"
Elvira lifted her gaze from her plate and fixed her eyes on Tony for a minute. So he was going to New York; that was news to her, still-why should she even care? She never spent anytime with him anyway, it might be nice if he left. At least she wouldn't have someone screaming at her all day, she could sleep the day away in peace, without getting scolded by a furious Tony.
She kept watching him; he was playing with his food for a minute before reaching for his cigar and taking a few puffs. Tony's eyes looked distant and his mouth was slightly ajar; Elvira hoped no one else noticed how high he was, though it was unlikely. She shifted her gaze towards Manny who looked skeptical at Tony's last words. He fidgeted in his seat for a moment and muttered, "Fuck this, man". Manny shook his head and said more sternly this time, "I don't like this-I don't like this at all, ok".
"You don't like it?" Tony immediately retorted. They looked at each other; Manny appeared hesitant and Tony cocked his brow at him. "Ok, you the one that got me into this mess in the first place, you know that?"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, with that fucking Seidelbaum, that right", Tony's voice grew sharper and he shook his finger at him, staring Manny down. He then turned back to his cigar to take another puff, a sneer on his face.
Elvira kept her gaze low, shooting quick glances over at the other surrounding tables, and began to feel a bit embarrassed by the level of their voices. Some people had briefly looked over at their table because of the noise; she just prayed Manny and Tony would stop there. She couldn't go through another night of being mortified. Having to leave the restaurant before she had even finished her drink all because Tony decided to make a scene, was not something she wanted to experience again.
She dropped her gaze down to her lap and dug around in her purse once more, looking for another cigarette, but she was out. She muttered to herself and looked back up at the table. Her food was lying in front of her, already getting cold. Elvira's stomach churned at the though of eating it, she didn't want food, her nose was itching for a line of coke. It had already been a few hours since she had had her last hit, and Elvira was getting anxious for her next one. She sighed and rubbed her temples briefly, looking around the room again. Everyone seemed to have gone back to eating their dinners and Elvira felt relieved at the sight. Now if only she could get her hands on her coke vial in public somehow, she could manage to sit through the dinner. Her nose began to itch and she couldn't help but sniffle, rubbing her hand along her nose in an effort to get it to stop.
"Oh, it's Seidelbaum. Man, what does Seidelbaum have to do with Sosa? Ey, how do you connect those two?" Manny reasoned.
Elvira hadn't noticed how Tony rolled his head back around to watch her sniffle. He took a drag on his cigar and blew the smoke out towards her. Elvira looked over at him. His brow was creased in uncertainty, his mouth twisted into a sneer, the cigar lying loosely between his fingers.
Tony disregarded Manny's words and asked Elvira bluntly, "Why don't you eat your food, what's wrong with it?"
She stopped sniffing and shot a nonchalant stare back at him. "I'm not hungry", she replied coolly.
"You're not hungry?" he asked in disbelief.
"Do you even know about the trial?" Manny tried to interrupt; not wanting to sit thought another one of their arguments.
Tony ignored him and continued with a scoff, signaling the cold food lying on her plate, "What you order it for then?"
"I lost my appetite", she stated slowly, sounding like she was explaining something to a small child. She slipped him a bitchy glare, but all he did was just stare back at her vacantly and took another puff on his cigar. Elvira's eyes traveled from Tony to Manny and then back to her lap, but she felt that Tony's gaze was still on her.
"Did you even know that Sheffield said he can get you postponed, ey?" Manny leaned over towards Tony, trying desperately to get his attention, but his gaze didn't move from Elvira.
She could feel the tickling in her nose coming on again. Elvira tried to sniff it away once more, but it wasn't working. She peeked over at him; Tony was still watching her, much to her annoyance. His mouth was slightly ajar; his dark eyes searching her face absently, all while his cigar was burning away in his fingers. She raised a brow and looked back down at the table, still trying to sniff the itch away, rubbing her hand over her nose briefly. God, how she needed a line.
Elvira could feel Tony's gaze still on her and that only signaled one thing. He was going to start prattling off again, about all her short comings, just like he always did. What was worse was that this time it was in public, where she usually refused to make a scene, of course, he didn't care. He didn't give a flying fuck where or how he criticized her, as long as he did it. Elvira balled her fits, reminding herself that he hadn't said anything thus far, perhaps a miracle would happen and he'd let it go. She peeked over at him again, and Tony blinked then peered over at Manny, a grimace set on his face. She rolled her eyes; she could tell he wasn't going to ignore it, as much as she hoped he would.
"Is this it? Is this what it's all about, Manny?"
Manny's face went blank; he was still leaning towards Tony, but once he spoke he leaned back in his chair, slightly shaking his head. Elvira didn't look at him; she turned her head the other way, grabbed her wineglass and prepared her nerves for his rant. If she gave him a few minutes he would shut up quick enough, that's how he usually was when he was drunk or high.
"Eating, drinking, fucking", Elvira rolled her eyes. "Sucking, snorting…then what?" She could feel his cold gaze on her again. Elvira looked out of the corner of her eyes and saw him with his brow raised at her, slouching down in his chair.
"Come on", Manny laughed, looking uncomfortable.
"Tell me, then what?" he demanded, looking back and forth between the two. "You fifty-you got a bag for a belly. You got tits-you need a bra, they got hair on them, you got a liver, it got spots on it, and you're eating this fucking shit. And you're looking like these rich, fucking mummies in here".
Elvira continued to look down into her lap during his entire speech. She could practically feel the other customer's sharp eyes on their table now, but she kept her cool as best she could. Elvira sighed and played with her wineglass.
"Oh, it's not so bad, it could be worse, you know?" Manny said lightly.
"This what it's all about?" he took a drag on his cigar
"Forget it, forget it", Manny pat his shoulder, but Tony still looked determined to continue his speech.
"This what I work for? I'm telling you", Tony signaled around the room with his free hand, looking all around with disgust. "Coño", he muttered as his hand hit the table with a thud. Elvira kept her gaze lowered, choosing to pretend to ignore his comments.
"Look at that-a junkie", Tony declared to Manny, eyeing her with a sneer. Elvira's breath stopped for a moment, and then she slowly raised her brow and looked over at him, challenging him with her eyes to continue talking. "I got a fucking junkie for a wife! She don't eat nothing-sleeps all day, with them black shades on", he pointed to his eyes, not moving his skeptical gaze from her face, "Wakes up with a Quaalude-".
"Don't say that, come on", Manny whispered, shaking his head.
"-And who won't fuck me, cause she's in a coma", he spat at her.
Elvira looked around; it seemed as if some people had heard snippets of what Tony was ranting about, which triggered a nerve. She turned her head slowly back at him, with a look of utter disgust written plainly on her face. Rage started taking over her body, her muscles strained, her heart raced, her fists clenched tightly in effort to not strangle him then and there. She was going to explode any minute, she could feel it, and the next insult he threw at her she just knew was going to be the one that would make her fucking loose it.
"I can't even have a kid with her, man", Tony sneered over at Manny, who was shaking his head. "Her womb is so polluted. I can't even have a fucking little baby with her!" Tony continued, emphasizing his last sentence. He turned his gaze towards Elvira one last time, a look of total frustration on his face.
Elvira snapped. She couldn't even believe that he'd say something like that. Out of all the mean and nasty remarks he'd ever made at her, this one far surpassed all of them. She couldn't take this anymore; how dare he make the one most sensitive subject that she had some sort of sick joke for everyone is the God damn restaurant to hear? How could he do that? She knew he was Tony, she knew he was vulgar, and she knew he was an asshole, but she never knew he would go that low.
"You son of a bitch", she hissed, "You fuck!" Elvira grabbed her wineglass and threw all the alcohol on him, soaking his hair, his clothes, everything. "How DARE you talk to me like that?"
She heard the outbreak of murmurs around her, but she suddenly didn't care. She wanted to embarrass him just as much as he had embarrassed her. Her breath was rapid, shaking and her eyes bulged as she looked at him staring down in disbelief at his soaked clothes.
"What makes you so much better then me?" she mocked quietly, her voice straining to stay calm. Manny reached over with a napkin and began patting Tony's jacket, reassuring him that everything was ok, to just stay calm.
"What do you do? You deal drugs and you kill people, ohh, that's wonderful, Tony. Real contribution to human history", she jeered, starting to rise out of her seat, a triumphant gleam in her eyes. Tony scowled up at her, still in shock over what she had just done.
"Go ahead, you tell everybody, go ahead", he signaled around the room with the napkin, and Manny flashed her a nervous stare.
"You want a kid?"
"Tell the world".
"What kind of a father do you think you'd be?" she screamed as Tony seemed to spring out of his seat, reaching for her hair. If Manny hadn't been there he would have ripped a full lock of hair off of her scalp, but he managed to grab Tony before he could reach her. Elvira wasn't intimidated though; she just shot out of her chair and scowled down at him again, a malicious gleam in her eyes.
"Sit the FUCK down before I-!" Tony screamed up at her. The table shook and the silverware clinked together, some even falling off the table and shattering into little pieces, as he tried to lunge at her again. Manny grabbed him once more and threw him back in his chair.
"HUH? You going to drive them to school in the morning? Are you even going to be alive by the time the kid goes to school?" Elvira yelled back, hoping to strike some kind of chord in him.
Manny backed away slowly, but she could still tell by the violent gleam in Tony's eyes that he wanted to rip her apart. He almost seemed to snarl up at her while she was continued talking.
"You don't even know how to be a husband!" she added, her voice distressed.
Tony leapt up again, this time dragging the tablecloth with him, now all the dishes and silverware fell to the floor. He screamed a few fucks at her, but that's all she could make out from his sentence. Manny grabbed him again, but this time he threw him back too forcefully that Tony fell to the ground, but within seconds he shot back up again, grabbing at the table. Manny helped him up, but made him sit down in his seat again, murmuring for him to calm down and take it easy.
"Do we ever go anywhere without six of your thugs hanging around?" She pointed at Tony's bodyguards that had run up from the back of the restaurant to break up anything Tony might do to her. "I have Nick "The Pig" as a friend! What kind of a life is that?" Elvira's eyes became misty; she could feel a lump in her throat now, but tears didn't come to her eyes yet.
Tony slumped in his chair and looked up at her, his breath heavy.
"Can't you see-what we're becoming, Tony? We're losers, we're not winners, we're losers", she whispered frantically.
He sneered and stated coldly, "Go home, you're stoned".
Elvira's eyes bulged and her breath stopped for a moment. Nothing she had said registered in his mind, nothing at all. She looked at him in disbelief, her brow furrowing.
"I'm not stoned, you're stoned!" she spat back, her temper flaring again.
"Get her out of here, man".
"Come on", Manny said gently, touching her arm but she coiled back. "No, no!" Elvira wrapped her arms around her body protectively and looked over between Manny and Tony, a sullen expression set on her face.
"No, I'm not going home with you", she peered at Manny. "I'm not going home with anybody…I'm going home alone". Elvira fixed her hair frantically and reached for her purse, taking a quick glance around the room. Of course everyone was looking at them, but she still didn't care. Why should she? They probably all got a kick out of watching them; probably got a kick out of watching the powerful, elite coke dealers falls to their knees.
"I'm leaving you", she hissed looking down at Tony. He stared up at her, his eyes hinted a bit of confusion, but she attributed that to how high he was. "I don't need this shit anymore", Elvira strode across the room, Manny in quick pursuit.
"Let her go, let her go-another Quaalude she gonna love me again".
Elvira waited till she got to the hallway of the restaurant to start running. She wanted to run and run, she wanted to get out of there, to get out of Miami. She wanted to break free from her life and become a different person, she wanted to start over, but she knew that that was impossible.
Now that she had finally left him she wasn't sure what to do or where to go, but somehow she didn't care. She'd go back to their house first, she planned, pick up a few things that could fit into her suitcase and then book it back to Baltimore. Surely she could find some family to stay with and if not…well she'd think of that when she got there. Elvira just knew she had to get out of Miami, get out of Tony's life, and try to clean up her act. Surely now that she had left Tony getting coke would be a lot harder then before, it would probably benefit her if she tried to go cold turkey, or at least not snort so much. The thought made her weary, but she knew she had to go through with it, maybe if she got a good settlement from Tony she could start up the habit again.
Elvira burst through the doors and out into the humid air of Miami. It was a clear and busy night with cars rumbling by and the lights of the surrounding skyscrapers lighting up the sky. Elvira breathed in the air and stood outside the restaurant, trying to catch her breath for a moment before continuing to think of what to do next.
Suddenly Manny came through the door; she had almost forgotten he'd followed her out. He smoothed his hair and went over to her, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. Elvira looked up at him and raised a brow.
"Hey, you know he was only kidding in there. He didn't know what he was saying, he was high, you know", he tried to reason with her.
She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Of course Manny would come out to excuse his boss for him, like his excuse could sway her mind at all. She knew it was over, she'd known it was over for quite some time, why did Manny even bother anymore?
"He wasn't kidding", she sneered.
Manny looked down on her helplessly, he was always sent to do this kinds of things, to make peace with her. But even he knew this time she couldn't be influenced to go back to Tony.
"Come on, Elvira".
"He didn't even send you out here, you came out yourself".
"Well-", Elvira looked at him her brow raised and Manny stopped.
"I'm right, aren't I? I heard what he said…about that Quaalude."
"Yes, but you know how it is. He doesn't know what he's saying, he's just high, and he's just pissed about everything. When he sobers up he'll realize what an asshole he was. I was just saving some time by getting you now and explaining it all. Come on, Elvira, you know how it is", he said casually.
She looked down at her feet again, sniffing her nose. She didn't really care anymore, she appreciated Manny trying to be reasonable, trying to make up for what Tony had said, but she was done. She couldn't take it anymore; for God's sake the man almost ripped her head off in there.
"Yeah, but he's always high", she retorted dryly.
Manny ignored her comment and said, "Come on, I'll take you home". He took her bland expression for defeat.
"No, I'm not going anywhere with you, I'm leaving like I said".
"To where?"
"I'm not sure".
Like she would tell him where she was going.
"Come on".
"I'm serious", she said curtly.
Elvira turned her gaze up at him, her lip curled, her eyes gleaming with determination. He could tell she wasn't going to move, wasn't going to go anywhere that she didn't want to go, and wouldn't do anything she didn't want to do. He shrugged; if she didn't want to go back to Tony who was he to force her? Tony could make it up to her if he really did care. Manny was sure once she heard Tony say he was sorry she'd come back like she always did; so with that thought he gave up.
"Alright, I believe you, but can I take you somewhere?"
"I need to go back to the house, to get some things", she said coolly.
"Alright", he said quietly and ushered a taxi for them.
So I had this sitting around for a little while and finally just uploaded it. This wasn't my favorite thing to write, but I think it came out ok. Thought the ending is a little weak, maybe I'll fix it up a bit later :P Well, thanks for reading and please leave me some feedback reviews. I would seriously love to hear from you guys :D