A dedication to how just watching Gaara-sama make it through his living hell he called life taught me to deal with the shit society, family, and fate have forced in my face. Enjoy.
Feeling so weak
Worthless and Meek
Waking up from a nightmare
And can't even breathe
Life falling apart in the palm of your hand
Can't even get into contact with land
Because your head is so light
From sobbing all night
Practically gone
But I never joined the fight
The Sister's sobbing
While the Grandma takes her light
Dad's down your back
And Mom's calling you a bitch
Aunt's trying to comfort you
While your cousin is screaming
And the Brother secretlyhas a knife to your neck
Daydreaming a nightmare in the middle of class
Then you snap to attention in the halland fall on your ass
Because the dream is gone
And life is reality
You love your precious kitten
And Mommy accuses you of Beastiality
The finger's pointing at me
And I suddenly see
The one who has to carry the burden
Is in the mirror
And she's glaring right back at me
She's pointing the barrel at me, too
"And I'm pointing it right back at you"
It's a double-edge sword
Trying to give me
A vacation
From reality
But I have to take care of them
Though I'm fucked-up too
I'm carrying them on my shoulders
While my bits and pieces are far and few
Can I get a little love
From something other than my poster at night
Of a red-headed Goth
Who's providing my light
When I'm afraid of the dark in my own room
Cause you're apparently demented and cursed to doom
He looks down from a roof
On a moon-lit night
Friends behind him
But no one at his side
That isn't right
What did he do?
Then in my dream, he tells me
"I'm like you"
I smile a bit at the ironic fact
That even through school when kids called me fat
Stupid
Show-off
Goth
and
"She thinks she was all that"
I didn't give a damn what happened to me
I just cared about my family
And him
The red-head boy with raccoon eyes
Feeling what's pulsing through me
Hatred and despise
But isn't it funny?
"He's just a cartoon!"
"He's not real"
Well, what about you?
When I'm looking at him standing over me laying in my room
He's actually smiling, his cares are few
And he tells me again, whispering
"I'm like you"
You walk into the room
And start to scream
"STOP TALKING TO SOMETHING YOU CAN'T SEE!"
Hi, Mommy
I'm staring at you, aren't I?
I believe what I can see with my own two eyes.
I'm going blind now, but I can hear
The sadness pouring out through the piano and my tears
My flute is breaking in my own hands
And I'm slowly letting go of my chance
But it's still so funny
At the end of the night
I'm not like Grandma
I'm not taking my light
I didn't overdose on pills
I just quit on my own
I have to be on Geodon
At Fourteen years old
I'm Fourteen-years-young
And still sitting here
Writing the things that I should hold dear
Well, whoever is reading this
I don't care
Just know I'm at home
Pulling out my hair
Biting my nails until they bleed
And trying to muffle my screams
And not make a scene
While I shoulder their pain,
I'll shoulder yours too
Come on, according to Mum, there's always room
To push on me all your dreams
Because you weren't a spoiled-rotten child
Who didn't want to be
Who just wanted to draw
And smile
And be happy
She just wanted to make art
Through her fingers
And Pen
Playing on her flute
And not dreaming about bars
And smoking
And drinking till she pukes
But all the things you told her
Made her think that it's true
"Don't ever smoke, it's not good for you"
You don't have to tell me
I already knew
I can hear you coughing in your room
And Dad downstairs, too
Mum gave her her first drink
When Grandpa died
Mum'sbiological father
First of seven
Gone after you finally find him
A little Bacardi to calm the nerves
Let me tell you
It sure as Hell worked
I wasn't sobbing when I went to bed
I just wanted to smashthe brains out of my head
That was all
Nothing big
Because it was me comforting all of you
Instead of just one of you comforting me
But I'm older now
And I can see
I never really had anyone to comfort me
I was always hanging out with the TV
Talking to posters and pretending you could see me
Well, see me now, Mommy, Daddy
Your little girl you deprived of being free
She's aspiring to be an Anesthesiologist
Or a Neurologist
Or a Biologist
WhileMommy sat there and complained
And taught her it was okay
To procrastinate
You ruined her life in the
Seventh and Eighth grade
Where girls pushed her around
And pulled her hair
And she told you about it
And you said it was fair
Because I was so smart
So I got the idea
If I act stupid
Maybe I wouldn't fail
At being social
And having friends
And all that you've done to me
You can't (Won't) make amends
So am I gonna end up like Grandma now?
Single and miserable and crazy as Hell?
Still taking pills until I pass out
Then you call the cops
And there's no doubt
That for the fact I can still see straight
And I'm not cutting anymore
It's not because of you or her
It's because of my friends
Who picked my ass up off the floor
Sitting in the corner
They dragged me to the light
I was so miserable and dead
I couldn't put up a fight
Heavy as lead
They showed me what you couldn't
Because your childhood sucked
They said that doesn't mean my life should be ruined
I still love you mom, and you too, dad
But I'm just going crazy, and I'm so mad
That Grandma tried to take her breath
And Grandpa is dead
And so is Great-Grandma
As I'm lying in bed
I'm watching my sanity like grains of sand
Slip through the spaces in my hand
And the sun is rising
Isn't insomnia grand?
I can talk to the ghosts hanging on my walls
Standing in my window
And singing in the halls
She's singing too
You just can't hear
Because you made it apparent
You didn't care
She tried to learn Japanese
And you called it "Gay"
You said
"Spanish will take you a long way"
She started talking one day
"Buenos Dias, Madre"
"Heh, you sound so Gay."
She gave that up too
And started to learn
Italian
To please you
She can sing "Time to say Goodbye"
In both boy and girl parts
And you said
"What a waste of time."
She's trying to learn not to talk at all
But it's hard to forget when you drill her with questions all the time
She turned to Anime
To make her forget
And she watched the red-head
With loving intent
His hair red like the wine
She just snuck from the fridge
Watching him clutch his head in pain
As Shukaku screamed like a bitch
His Dad acted like my Mom
And his real mom was gone
Did I mention
My dad is not my real one?
His siblings are only half
Just like mine
And sympathy he just can't find
He growled "I love only myself"
So I asked, "Can't you get a break?"
And I heard in my head
"I live to hate."
I muttered so sincerly
At only nine years old
"I love you"
The response in my head was a broken hallelujah
And a fallen angel's prayer
So I said again
"I'll always be there"
I could hear his raspy tenor tone
Echo in my head
I heard him say brokenly
"I wish I was dead"
So I went to sleep
And met him face to face
I was so young
And his eyes were full of hate
Shorter than he
By a good foot or so
I wrapped my arms around him
And refused to let go
"I'll always be there"
"You don't care"
"If I didn't, then would I be there?"
So I chose to shoulder his pain
Just like that of my family
Giving him the comfort that he thought he'd never see
I learned his name was Gaara
He learned my name too
And life was suddenly beautiful
"I'll always be with you"