Hitomi's Confession

This is an alternate version of Hitomi's talk with Sayaka in episode 7.

I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica or any associated characters.

Rated T for somewhat emotionally charged content.

"So ... what did you want to talk to me about, Hitomi?"

"To be honest ... I've been keeping a secret from you."

"A secret?"

"Yes ... for some time ... I have admired ..."

Sayaka took a deep breath. She had an uncomfortable feeling that she knew what Hitomi would say.

"I've admired ... you."

Sayaka tilted her head.

"Ehhh?"

Hitomi blushed, and looked down.

"You ... what?"

"I ... I don't know when it ... when I realized it. We've been friends for ... for a very long time. I just ... I think that I ..."

"But ... Hitomi? You ... I don't understand. You're telling me that you are my friend?"

"No, Sayaka. I am telling you that I ... really like you a very great deal. Not ... not just as ... a friend."

Her blush deepened. Sayaka sat for a moment, confused ... then the realization of what her friend was saying hit her, and she blushed as well.

"I ... I've always felt ... jealous of you and ... Madoka. You two ... you tease her and she teases back ... it's so cute, but ... I wish it were me."

"I ... always thought you didn't like that kind of thing."

Hitomi shrugged.

"I ... am not sure what to say," Sayaka muttered.

Hitomi glanced up briefly.

"I ... I saw today how you were looking at Kamijou-kun. I ... I am pretty sure you like him. So ... I'm telling you this because ... I don't know, Sayaka. I just felt that I needed for you to know before ..."

She shrugged again, and reached out a hand, tentatively placing it on Sayaka's. The blue-haired girl took a deep breath, still somewhat shocked, and allowed Hitomi's hand to slide into hers. The two glanced up, their eyes meeting briefly ... before both blushed a deep red, and averted their gaze. Their hands remained together.

"This is ... Hitomi ... the timing is terrible. I ... I can't return your love."

"Be...because of Kamijou-kun?"

"No ... it's ... more complicated ... can we ... is there anywhere ... more private we can ... can talk?"

"I ... I can take you ... home. I ... I have some more time tonight. We can talk in my room."

Sayaka nodded.

Hitomi's room was spacious, dominated by a large bed, an expensive computer, and a collection of stuffed animals and dolls and toys that made Madoka's look tiny. Sayaka realized that she had never seen Hitomi's room before, despite the length of their friendship.

Hitomi closed the door, and sat on the floor, motioning for Sayaka to do the same. She did so, though her face flushed.

"Now," Hitomi said very seriously, "talk to me. Please, Sayaka. I've ... I've told you something that ... that I never thought I'd be brave enough to tell anyone. Let alone ... confess to you directly."

Sayaka nodded. She took in a deep breath.

"I ... am no longer human because I traded my soul for a wish to make Kamijo-kun healthy again and to let him play the violin again and I am now a rock because of that and have to fight Witches to save people and get grief seeds until I die and when I die my body will be lost in a Witch's barrier and no one will ever know what happened to me."

Hitomi blinked, as Sayaka gasped for breath after her long run-on explanation that might have been said a little too fast to be really understood ... and certainly wouldn't be believed by a sane person.

"What?"

Sayaka closed her eyes.

"I ... it is true. I know it sounds ... bizarre. But ... I can prove it."

Hitomi just looked down at her legs.

Sayaka sighed, and held her left hand out, palm up. Hitomi glanced over, not sure what to expect ... and gasped in surprise as Sayaka's blue egg-shaped soul gem formed there.

"This is me, Hitomi. What you think of as Sayaka is now just a zombie. A meat-puppet that I use to travel around and fight witches."

"I ... Sayaka. I don't really understand what you're telling me. This ... this jewel thing .. I can't explain logically. I don't understand it and ... I guess ... well, I don't know Sayaka."

"It doesn't matter. If you believe me, then you understand that you can't love me ... because I'm a rock and doomed to be destroyed eventually by a Witch stronger than me. If you don't believe me, then you are sure I'm crazy and possibly dangerous."

Hitomi blushed, and looked back down at her legs.

"I don't know Sayaka. No. No, that isn't true. I do know. I know that I love you. I don't care if you're crazy, or a witch, or ... or whatever."

She looked up ... Hitomi's brilliant green eyes met Sayaka's pain-clouded blue eyes. Hitomi hesitated a moment, then reached her hands out. Sayaka gasped in surprise, her left hand flinching back ... but Hitomi didn't stop ... and grasped Sayaka's left hand, and her soul gem.

"Hitomi. I ... I don't know what to say."

"Just ... just say that you can ... can accept my love. Even ... even if you can't return it. Please? Please, Sayaka."

Sayaka looked down at Hitomi's hands. She found it ... strangely comforting. Hitomi, who had every right to be terrified of Sayaka, whether or not she believed her story ... she instead had wrapped her hands around Sayaka's soul gem ... around her very essence ... her soul.

"I ... don't understand it. But ... I ... I guess that I can ... can accept it."

Hitomi released Sayaka's hand, and shifted her position, sitting now directly beside the blue-haired girl. Sayaka allowed her soul gem to return to its ring, shape, but her eyes remained fixed on her left hand. Hitomi placed an arm around Sayaka.

"You ... you can stand to ... to hug a corpse?"

"Sayaka," Hitomi chided gently, "don't say something like that. I am hugging you. Sayaka. I already told you, I don't care if you are really a crystal egg, or an alien, or ... whatever. As long as you are really Sayaka. The Sayaka that I've known ... loved ... for so long. And ... and I think that you are."

Sayaka shrugged. Hitomi placed a hand under Sayaka's chin, and gently turned her face. Sayaka reluctantly allowed her eyes to meet Hitomi's once more. Hitomi smiled.

"Sayaka. I can still see your soul, through those beautiful blue eyes of yours. However much pain there is within them. Really. I don't know how or why you think that you are somehow less of a person now."

"You don't understand, Hitomi."

"No. No, I don't. I don't think that I will ever fully understand that part. I don't care, though. I love you, and I think that you are still the wonderful Sayaka that I've known, that I've fallen in love with."

Sayaka's eyes brightened just a little bit. The faintest hint of a smile crossed her lips, which made Hitomi positively beam with joy.

"Th...thank you," Sayaka whispered, "thank you."

Hitomi simply leaned in close. Sayaka could feel her breath on her face, could feel warmth rise in her body, and blood rush to her cheeks. Was this ... was she ...

Hitomi's lips softly, tentatively, grazed Sayaka's. It was a simple, awkward, gesture, soft and quick, and when Hitomi pulled back her face was deep red with embarrassment. She hesitated a moment, and looked down.

"I ... sorry," she stuttered.

"You ... I ... Hitomi!"

Sayaka felt her own face darken, but she kept her gaze level. Hitomi, her friend ... her lips had been soft, slightly salty, with the very faintest hint of waxy lip gloss. Neither girl had been really certain what to do ... but it had still been a kiss. A first kiss.

"That was ... too much. Right?"

Hitomi looked back up, her green eyes now blurred with tears. Sayaka met those eyes with blue eyes that had managed to regain at least a little of their shine. Sayaka smiled.

"No. No, Hitomi. It ... it wasn't too much. I just ... was surprised. I ... really. Thank you."

"Sayaka. I love you. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but I do know that I want you to accept that love, to accept me, as I am. Like ... like I accept you, as you are. Whatever that means."

"I ... I do accept that, Hitomi. I don't know if ... well ... what I feel. If I can feel anything at all. I don't know if I will be ... alive in a week. But ... I think, maybe ... just maybe ... if you ... if you mean what you say ... I think I might ... have a reason to at least try to live."

Hitomi laughed softly, a laugh that was partly choked by tears of heavy, conflicting emotions. Both girls found themselves smiling with tears streaming down their cheeks, and embraced one another tightly. Holding each other. Just holding each other.

"Sayaka," Hitomi whispered into her ear, "thank you. Thank you for ... being."