Hello Everyone!
It's been along time since this story saw the light of day, but I have had a few people reach out asking about this and Tamao's New Lover. Well I have recovered them and so I figured I would upload them exactly as they where when I pulled them down to see if there was any interest in reading them after all this time.
Thank you my friends and well I this is Red Ribbon Returned to .
Disclaimer: I do not Own Strawberry Panic characters or story.
This is a revised version of chapter 1 that was done completely out of the kindness of a fellow Nagisa X Tamao fan, ZIIIX, I can't thank you enough you made the story much easier to read and I am truly grateful.
I Refuse.
"Can you believe it? Tomorrow we will finally graduate," sighed Nagisa. It had been a hard last few months, securing both living arrangements with Shizuma and getting her finals completed was far too much for Nagisa to make it through alone. Luckily Shizuma was more than able to take care of finding a place big enough for both of them and finding Nagisa a part time job.
School on the other hand had been much more difficult, especially after her latest fallout with Tamao. This had been happening off and on ever since the Etoile Election a few years back, Nagisa had to admit that Tamao had been very kind and fair, but that didn't stop there friendship from being extremely strained. This latest fallout only proved to bring up old memories of the fight at from when they went their separate ways.
"Why the hell are to treating me like this Tamao-chan?!" Nagisa shouted at her so-called best friend. Finally having too much of the girl brushing her off when she needed her, but Tamao walked right past her into the bathroom without so much a second glance.
She was fuming by this point. Sure she could understand she broke the other girls heart: it was not like she wanted to. Hell she even liked Tamao and felt comfortable around her enough to sleep in the same bed as her when she was still trying to come to terms with her having feelings for another girl. She still felt bad about how she ran out during the Etoile election, crushing Tamao's dream, but she couldn't lie to her heart, Tamao was Tamao her best friend and someone that would always be there for her but she just didn't love her.
Tamao had tried to support her just like she had always done, continuing to help her both in school and out, but anybody could tell that the two no longer shared a very close bond. At first Nagisa had been selfish and hoped that things wouldn't change, and that she could just ignore the fact Tamao had feelings for her and that she had broken her heart, but that was put to rest the very next morning. Tamao had woken early and left after getting ready, not saying anything or waiting for Nagisa.
Nagisa figured she just needed to give it time and their friendship would return. She was even more hopeful when she asked Tamao for help on some math and the poet had agreed to do so later on when they were getting some afternoon tea. Ten minutes into the study session a fifth year Miator that Nagisa didn't recognize, came up and whispered something into the blue haired girl's ear. At first Nagisa was annoyed that someone was interrupting both her school work and finally getting some time with her best friend.
It had finally hit Nagisa that Tamao was smiling, sure there was sadness in it, but it was a real smile, not only that but it dawned on her that Tamao had not smiled at her like that even once since her return to their shared dorm. Finally the girl left after speaking to Tamao about something heatedly but quietly as to not let Nagisa her them. Her home work long forgot, she inquired as to what the conversation was about only to have Tamao shake her head and tell her it was nothing important and that she needn't concern herself with it.
Nagisa felt more than ever that there was something wrong in that statement and that something really bad was going to happen, and she felt she needed to find out whatever it was before it could happen. The year progressed steadily with Nagisa's relationships finally seeming to take on some kind of rhythmic pattern. She shared as much time as she could with Shizuma and shared some caring moments before Shizuma graduated. Tamao on the other hand still balanced out, but Nagisa couldn't help the growing since of something bad. Shizuma had guessed that Tamao was trying to come up with some way to break them up and make Nagisa hers. At first she was extremely upset with Tamao, immediately believing that Shizuma was right, but by the time she caught up with girl ready to shout and slap her silly for being such a jealous bitch, she found her sleeping at her desk with a bunch of shredded paper laying next to her.
Nagisa slowly approached the young blue-haired girl, and almost felt her heart break; she had been so sure that Tamao was selfish and only cared about what she wanted. Tamao didn't love Nagisa, but she just wanted what would make her happy regardless of what Nagisa felt. Upon looking at her Nagisa knew she was wrong, and that she was the heartless bitch, she was so quick to place the blame on Tamao and try to alleviate her own guilt at the idea of being the source of the pain for the poet that she never stopped to think that since she had made her choice, Tamao had not tried a single thing with her.
She knelt and picked up the pieces of paper there were five or six pieces, she tried to put them together to see what was on them. Finally figuring it out she felt her mouth go dry. It was the poem about Tamao's Rainbow. Nagisa's own tears joined those of her best friend's on the paper. Nagisa, although a little slow sometimes, knew Tamao had loved her, but she did not think that it had been for that long or that poem she had shared with her so long ago was something about her. Slowly as she could the young red haired woman got up and left the room.
As she closed the door Nagisa slowly leaned back as to not make as much noise. She knew Tamao was hurting, probably worse than anything Nagisa had ever gone through with Shizuma or anyone else. There was nothing she could do about it, but she wished her friend wouldn't hurt so bad. The letter kept coming to her mind however: that and a since of finality. Nagisa didn't know what the feeling was, but she was sure that if she didn't find out what was happening and soon she would lose Tamao forever. But over the next few months she couldn't figure out what was going on, although she found Tamao meeting and several people of their grade or higher, she was barely aware of their names' most of the time, so there was no one she felt comfortable with trying to dig information out of. Finally having seen Tamao meet someone a week before the end of the year with a total look of resignation, Nagisa decided to go visit Yaya, Hikari and Tsubomi hoping to get information about what was going on.
She was not met with the reaction that she had expected. The moment Nagisa mentioned Tamao's name Hikari immediately made an excuse and left to see her fellow Etoile (Amane). Tsubomi decided it was time to use the restroom, leaving only Nagisa and a very uncomfortable looking Yaya sitting in the middle of her room.
After a good twenty minutes of silence followed by begging from Nagisa all of which Tsubomi had not come back, Yaya finally lost her mind and told Nagisa that she didn't know very much and what she did know Tamao made them promise not to talk to Nagisa about it. Not knowing what else to do Nagisa left going back to Shizuma's room, not bothering to tell Shizuma about the what was going on, she knew she couldn't help her and on top of that would probably find it rather funny about the blue-haired girl being depressed ever since Nagisa chose her.
On the second to last day of school, Nagisa decided to try and talk to Tamao about it on their last day. As far as Nagisa could guess, things were not going well with whatever it was Tamao was doing and she figured that no matter what was said that they could go on break and make up after their return to the dorms. Nagisa awoke early the final day only to find that Tamao had gone out again. Getting up quickly and dressing, Nagisa headed out the room and surprisingly found Tamao just sitting and relaxing in the middle of dining room. Nothing she found out made her feel any better: in fact it did just the opposite. From what she understood Tamao was trying to work out a deal with a few of her friends that would make things easier on her and hopefully make things more enjoyable for Nagisa as well.
Nagisa knew the problem was too far gone and the only thing she could do was ride it out and try to salvage whatever she could in the end. She may not be in love with Tamao but she loved her more than any of her other friends and she would just have to get through this until she Tamao came out of it.
The moment Nagisa arrived back she knew there was a problem, Tamao hardly said a thing. Not only that, but there were only a few of Tamao's things in their room, almost as though it was to keep appearances. On top of that, outside of interacting at school unless Nagisa came back in time to catch Tamao before and after her shower, she wouldn't get to spend any time alone with her Tamao. Within the first few days Tamao started to spend the nights at other people's rooms. After seeing this Nagisa knew that Tamao was not playing: she did not have a crush on Nagisa, but she was legitimately in love with her and seeing her and hearing about her and Shizuma was just too much for the young poet to take.
That was three months ago and with her relationship with Shizuma being strained because of the long distance relationship and no longer having her best friend to be there and love her, Nagisa couldn't handle it anymore, regardless of whether or not it was selfish she was going to make Tamao listen to her and get some damn answers.
"I have had enough of your selfishness. All you are doing is thinking of yourself, and you have no right to treat me like this just because I love somebody else. I never made any promises to you and I certainly never led you on, now if you don't knock off your shit this friendship is over!" Nagisa practicably spit on the door as she shouted at it.
Finally Tamao came out and took a long hard look at the poor red head and almost with tears in her eyes she spoke. "Treating you like this? I'm being selfish? Never promised anything? Are you out of your mind?" Tamao was shaking and Nagisa knew that she pushed the young woman too far and started to back afraid Tamao would lash out at her.
Then as quickly as it had come Tamao's anger seemed to fade. "I know you are tired and having a difficult time being away from Shizuma, Nagisa, but you have to understand that I am doing this for the both of us. It still hurts thinking you are with her Nagisa. You don't know what that is like, and I don't blame you. I don't want you to know how that is, but I also don't want to hurt either. I am your friend and I try to be there for you when you need it, but every time we are alone it brings back memories Nagisa. How many times did she hurt you? I was there every time; I was there for the Etoile election. Nagisa you didn't run out on just the Etoile but you ran out on me. I love you Nagisa, I really do." Tamao stopped for a minute taking a breath as she didn't want to burden her friend any more then she already was.
"I love you Nagisa, but I need to get over that love. You do not love me, you love Shizuma, and I need to get over you. I do not want this to continue; I need to move on with my life and find someone else. I am sorry if that hurts you, because I never want to hurt you. This was your decision Nagisa-chan and I need you to understand that. If you need me for anything that has to do with school or having a hard time I will be there for you. All I ask is that you take your relationship problems to someone else at least until I can move past this." Tamao took a deep breath as she finished feeling a lot better finally getting all that off her chest, but at the same time she felt her heart break over the devastated look on Nagisa's face.
"Please..." Nagisa started but couldn't keep going as pouts and tears overwhelmed her. She just stared at Tamao who could do nothing but shake her head at the red head and then grabbed her book bag and walked towards the door but stopped in the middle of the room.
"Please believe me Nagisa-chan, I never meant to hurt you. I always hoped that I could spare you what happened to me," Tamao spoke softly hoping that Nagisa would hear her without turning around to look at her best friend she lowered her head and started towards the door trying to hold in her own tears until she was at least out of the room. As soon as she felt her hand on the door handle she was stopped by a pair of arms wrapping around her.
"Please Tamao-chan, please don't leave me. I need you Tamao. I know I don't love you the way you love me, but I do love you. I did even like you but I fell in love with Shizuma. I'm sorry I couldn't help that." Nagisa was crying her eyes out trying to talk her best friend into staying with her; there was even a moment when she thought she could feel Tamao's resolve weakening. "I know what ever I say won't make up for how much I hurt you Tamao, but please stay with me. Maybe if I had not met Shiz..." She never got to finish since Tamao cut her off.
"Stop right now Nagisa-chan," Tamao practically shouted at the red head causing the girl to loosen her grip and almost let go of the taller girl. "I am sorry for yelling Nagisa-chan, but don't say that. There is no point, and I don't want false hope and even if there was ever any hope before it is gone now so speaking of it is pointless. I have to do this Nagisa-chan. do you want me to be miserable? Do you want me to stay in love with someone just to have them never love me back? I know it hurts Nagisa but if I don't leave then I will never be happy either," Tamao breathed out.
Tamao couldn't stop a few tears from sliding down her cheeks as she felt Nagisa shake her head almost as if she was trying to deny the current situation and keep her best friend there with her. Slowly as one of the hardest and most painful things she had ever done Tamao reached up and pulled Nagisa's hands away from her as she turned and looked in the grief-struck eyes of the red head.
"I love you Nagisa," she said, purposely dropping the honorific. She reached up and wiped the tears away from her eyes and tried to give her the best smile she could. "It is not like I am leaving the school and I don't hate you from what you did OK? Hopefully in time I will become comfortable around you again but until then I need you to understand." She smiled one last time as she bent down and gave her love a kiss on the cheek and with that she turned away from her and left the room.
The past two years since then had been very interesting when looking at the big picture. She was graduating on time with her friends, her relationship with Shizuma had its ups and downs and would be perfect if she, as that old saying goes, didn't come back to bite her.
"You don't realize what you have until you've lost it." Nagisa hated the fact that she ever heard that stupid adage since it's exactly how she felt after the first six months of her and Tamao's 'separation'. She knew it would be hard when Tamao had left. The first few weeks they hadn't really spoken. Every time she saw Tamao, she could hear the heart-filled confession and the pain that had filled her friend's voice. Knowing what kind of pain she had caused her Nagisa couldn't bring herself to try and talk to Tamao for awhile.
Thank God for Chiyo and Chikaru. They had both gone out of their way to help Nagisa as she adjusted to Shizuma being away at college and her best friend moving out their room. Then about a month and a half after the move she began try to rebuild what they had lost.
Since then Nagisa had grown to see Tamao for everything she was. Looking back on it now Nagisa couldn't help but look back on what had happened between the two. Now she still loved Shizuma but she was surprised going over everything that had happened in her first year at Miator. Everything: their first meeting, Tamao tying her protection charm to her arm, being there when Nagisa's heart broke over Shizuma, taking care of her throughout the Etolie election. There was something truly special about Tamao that when surrounded by fresh love for Shizuma, Nagisa had never taken the time to look for.
Over the last six to eight months, although different from how it use to be, their closeness seemed to have started growing again, with them spending time together both during lunch and after classes on the walk back to dorm, well when Tamao was dating someone new anyway.
That had been difficult for Nagisa to accept at first. Nagisa had invited Tamao to lunch that day and was told that she couldn't make it because she had a prior engagement. Not thinking too much of it, figuring it was probably something to do with poetry club, Nagisa decided to look for Chiyo and spend the break with her. She was shocked when she walked out of the front of the Miator front door and saw Tamao walking hand in hand with some fourth year student. Quickly shaking away the surprise she decided to follow the couple.
After watching the two have lunch she followed them back breathing out a sigh of relief as it seemed like they were only friends; maybe in the club together, up until it came time for the two to separate and their junior leaned up and gave Tamao a quick kiss on the cheek. Nagisa could do nothing but stand there dumbfounded, as she watched Tamao walk away holding her cheek where the girl had kissed her.
Tamao didn't ever really say anything about her relationships, but she didn't really need to. Nagisa could tell which girls the beautiful poet had dated since they did nothing to hide their dirty looks they sent her way. According to Chiyo they were all mad at her because Tamao always ended their flings by saying sorry and that she was just in love with someone else. Apparently Tamao was trying to move on by trying to find someone else, and although Nagisa hoped she would move on soon for Tamao's sake, and hoped she would find someone that would love her back, Nagisa couldn't help but feel a little relieved each time she got a new look.
–
"Hey Nagisa-san. You ready?" Tamao asked from outside her dorm room, they had promised to walk down to the ceremony for the graduates.
"Not quite my hair is still giving me some trouble," Nagisa replied still not liking the fact that Tamao had switched to a less intimate suffix for her name in an effort to distance herself from Nagisa.
"Here let me do that," spoke Tamao, knocking Nagisa out of her thoughts she had become absorbed in.
"No you don't have to it's no big deal," called out Nagisa, a little surprised that Tamao had offered to do something that she had done some many times in the past during her first year.
"Oh come on, for old time's sake. We won't be seeing each other for some time after today," said Tamao entering the room.
Nagisa felt her chest tighten at the poet's bluntness that they would no longer be together. Even though she had moved out Tamao was still here, and the idea of her being completely out of Nagisa's life, especially with how she had been seeing Tamao lately made it almost unbearable for the young woman.
"Give me the brush Nagisa-san," whispered Tamao from behind the red head, without a thought she handed the brush back to the bluenette, and stared at her in the mirror as she went to work on her hair.
"Tamao-chan will you please tell me where you are going to school?" Nagisa asked, she knew that the brilliant writer had applied to several schools and that she was smart enough to get into almost any of them that she desired, but poet had not been very forth coming on where she would be going, only saying that she would contact Nagisa and make sure everything was going well.
"Now Nagisa, you know we agreed not talk about that." Nagisa could do nothing but sigh and averted her eyes from the poet. She knew Tamao was doing this as much for her as for herself but a part of her didn't want this moment to end. The idea of not seeing Tamao and thinking of her off with a new girl was only barely less painful then idea of not being with Shizuma anymore.
As Tamao finished her hair she put the brush down and ran her fingers through her hair one last time to make sure it was in its proper place, pausing for a moment she took something out of her pocket that Nagisa couldn't see and tied it around her hair and walked to the door.
"Good luck," said Tamao as she opened the door. Nagisa couldn't turn to see her walk out of her life for the last time. "I just wanted to say it to you one last time, I love you Nagisa-chan," she called out in almost a whisper. Before Nagisa could turn around and speak to her, she was gone and the door closed.
Although she hated herself for it she couldn't help her heart flutter at the poet's words, until she realized that in a few short hours Suzumi Tamao would be gone. Sighing and trying to steady her resolve with the choices she made in the past she turned to look in the mirror. She noticed that Tamao had put her hair up the same way she had before the Etoile election. She started to turn away to head out with the others but stopped with when she noticed something red over her right shoulder. She felt her heart both soar and fall at the same time: it was Tamao's charm that she had pulled out of her hair when she pushed her to Shizuma, giving Nagisa the okay to leave her standing there and give up the coveted Etoile competition.
Nagisa couldn't help a few tears slide down her face. Tamao, even in the end showed Nagisa just how much she loved her. Knowing she couldn't just let her leave her life, especially in such a confused state, she quickly headed out of the room hoping to catch the girl before she made it down to gather group of graduates. Unfortunately she didn't make it.
After the ceremony Nagisa tried desperately to find the blue-haired poet before she could get away, but found neither hide nor hair of her. Finally after searching around she gave up and headed back to her room to pack up the rest of her things and get ready to head to Tokyo.
Opening the door she was surprised to see Chiyo sitting there waiting for her almost in tears. "Nagisa-onee-sama!" the young one screeched leaping into her arms.
"Hey hey, it's ok I thought we said no crying right?" Nagisa spoke softly trying to not think about Tamao, and comfort the young girl.
"I'm sorry, I am just going to miss you so much," said Chiyo trying to get herself under control.
"I know, but you have my contact info and you can call me anytime you want and I will be there for you anytime I can," Nagisa said giving the girl a warm smile.
"Yes, and we have to write all the time. I want to make sure you are having fun in Tokyo Onee-sama," chirped Chiyo. Nagisa could only smile at the cute younger girl. She had grown but she was still the cute girl Nagisa had met years ago.
"Would you like some help? I would love to help if I can," Chiyo asked hoping to do something nice for her one last time.
"No don't worry about it. I just want to relax in here alone for a little bit. This is the last time I will be in here after all," Nagisa replied with a sad smile.
"Okay, well I will miss you and don't forget to write," pouted Chiyo before giving Nagisa one last crushing hug before taking her leave.
"I won't," was all Nagisa could get out.
Chiyo stopped at the door turning to Nagisa looking like she was warring with something to say or not and finally spoke.
"Um. Tamao-onee-sama asked me to give you a message," Chiyo spoke out in a rather strained voice that was lost on a suddenly excited Nagisa.
"Really? What is it? I tried to find her; I really need to talk to her," Nagisa practically shouted having given up hope that she could get a hold of her best friend.
"Well," Chiyo began clearly not happy about it. Nagisa started to feel dread creep up in here at the look that Chiyo was giving her.
"She said to tell 'Nagisa I am sorry. I didn't mean to leave like this, but if I know you like I think I do, then you probably would have tried to do something you would regret later. I refuse to ruin the life you have set up and I don't want you to worry about me. Good luck and I will miss you,'" Chiyo barely got out before she sniffled trying not to break down. Nagisa just stood there in a state of shock.
"I am not sure what happened between you and Tamao-onee-sama, but I hope everything works out," she said quickly before running out of the room, leaving Nagisa alone in her room that she had shared with the poet that was now out of her life. She couldn't help but wonder if she had ever known or cared for anyone enough to know them quite as much as the poet had for her. Even with two years of separation and trying to not let it show the poet proved that she knew and loved her like no one else.
With that Nagisa broke down crying one last time until a knock came at a door letting her know it was time to head out.
Three hours later Nagisa finally arrived at an apartment complex less than twenty minutes away from Tokyo University. Knocking lightly she waited for a few seconds still with her mind on the blue-haired girl that was now gone. Then a loud voice knocked her out her thoughts and she noticed the door had been opened wide for her and a beautiful silver haired woman stood there looking her over.
"Nagisa, finally. I have been waiting forever: even ordered take out to make sure I was here when you showed up," said Shizuma gathering Nagisa into a huge hug.
"I'm sorry, been a long day and it slipped my mind that I should have called you on the way," responded Nagisa trying to get Tamao out of her head and returning the hug and giving Shizuma a kiss on the cheek.
"Are you ok? You don't seem like yourself sweetie," Shizuma asked, she couldn't say what but something seemed to be off about the young woman.
"Yeah, like I said long day haha," said Nagisa nervously as she lifted her hand to scratch the back of her head.
'What the hell' was the only thing that ran through Shizuma's head as she stood standing looking at Nagisa in shock. Just like all those years ago when she stripped it from her and secured a place in her heart, there was the symbol of the only person that ever threatened her relationship with Nagisa. On her wrist a Red Ribbon.
A/N
This is the Edited Version of Chapter One, as mentioned above, I once again want to thank ZIIX, who was kind enough to Edit the terrible first draft of this story as say some really kind things.
I know there is not much happening in this chapter, but I really felt it important to bring up several things, chief among them where the fact that Tamao truly loved Nagisa, sure she was a little strange and obsessive, but in the end left not to get Nagisa's attention, but to make it easier on both of them and try to spare Nagisa the pain of seeing Tamao being hurt by there Nagisa and Shizuma's relationship.
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