Ghost of Christmas Future
It was a cold day in December in the year 1951 and Methos, under his latest identity, was off to spend an afternoon at the movie theater with his wife. Her name was Janice Hardy, she was 27 years old, she stood little over five feet tall, had a head full of long blonde and brown hair, and she had no idea what her husband was. They had met a few years ago during an air raid and had been blissfully married for three years now, and he hoped they had many more together.
"They've already redone this film so many times already," Janice said, "I wonder how different this one is going to be."
For two weeks she had talked his ear off of wanting to see the new Christmas Carol movie; Methos was already tired of the story, he'd only been seeing depictions of it since it was first written 108 years ago. But there wasn't any point in telling Janice that, she wanted to see the movie, so they were on their way to see the movie.
As they came upon the town's movie house, Methos stopped in his tracks and pulled his wife back with him. He felt dizzy and he had a stabbing pain in the back of his head and he knew what it all meant.
"What's the matter, Adam?" she asked him.
He started looking around, trying to figure out where it was coming from, who it was.
"Well, do thine eyes deceive me?" he heard.
Oh no, he knew that voice. He looked and saw his long separated brother, Kronos, come from around the corner and he came up to the two of them. Methos couldn't help but notice how vastly different his brother appeared now, in comparison to when they last met. Instead of his usual armor, he was dressed these days in a black suit that either looked like he cleaned chimneys, or hauled off dead bodies. Either way it seemed to fit him.
"Fancy running into you here, Brother," he said.
"Adam," Janice turned towards her husband, "Who is this?"
"Allow me to introduce myself," Kronos said as he tipped his black hat to her, "I'm his brother, Sydney. We've been…rather distant from one another over the years, haven't we brother?"
Methos was getting the idea that he and his wife were in no immediate danger, least of all from his brother. He forced himself to smile and said, "You seem to be coming up in the world, you look like a gravedigger."
"You're not far off," Kronos told him, "And what are you and your…" he looked to Janice again, "Lovely wife up to these days?"
"We're going to see the new movie of Dickens' Christmas Carol," Janice answered, "Have you seen it?"
"I have not," Kronos answered, "It looks like we'll be going in together."
There was something about the way he said that that made Methos feel uneasy about the whole thing. Still, he didn't think his brother would be dumb enough to try something in public, so they went up to the front, got their tickets, headed in, found a row of seats at the front and spent the next hour and a half laughing as they watched Alastair Sim being tortured by four characters from beyond the grave, only to act in the end as if he had truly gone crazy.
Janice was still laughing when the movie ended and the three of them got up to leave. She wasn't able to start talking again until they'd gotten out into the street.
"Oh I loved that movie," she said, "We should come back and see it again soon. There's just one thing I don't understand."
"What's that?" Methos asked.
"His sister…is she supposed to be older than he is or younger?" Janice asked.
"I…" Methos had to stop and think, "I don't know."
"I get the impression they usually try for younger," Kronos commented, "Except they didn't do that here."
"No," Janice agreed, "They said his mother died giving birth to him, and since Fan was his sister, she had to have been born first, but she didn't look like an older sister."
"That's just something they added for this retelling of it," Methos insisted, "I have never seen it done in any other version...at least I don't think they have, who can tell anymore?"
Janice looked over to Kronos and said, "Sydney, would you like to come and have dinner with us tonight?"
"I'm afraid that's not possible," he answered, giving a slight, knowing look over to his brother, "But I'll see about catching up with you two some other time, for now, I must be off."
"I'd say that's a safe bet," Methos commented.
"Shut up," Kronos told him, and turned at the corner and quickly disappeared.
"He's an unusual one, your brother," Janice told Methos.
"Tell me about it," he replied.
"How come you never told me you had a brother?" she asked.
"We haven't been on speaking terms with each other for years," Methos said, "I hadn't planned on seeing him again, so I didn't see any point in it."
"He doesn't seem all that bad," she said.
"You don't know him like I do," he explained.
"That's true," she agreed, "Still, he seemed nice."
"Only because you were around," Methos told her, "When it's just the two of us, it's a whole other story. For years he's delighted in torturing me, he just has to make my life a living hell, it's his purpose, it's his pleasure."
"I suppose so," Janice said, "But I don't know…I get a feeling from him…I think you mean more to him than you give yourself credit for."
Methos scoffed and said, "I wouldn't bet on that."
Methos stood hunched over, face to face so to speak, with the tombstone before him. It was one of the largest tombstones in the cemetery, and he could recite the epitaph with his eyes shut:
Janice Wilhelmina. Hardy
1924 – 1977
Beloved wife and sister
Rest in Peace
He should've remembered it by now, he'd only been reading it for the last 15 years when he buried her. She had been number 68, and as far as he was concerned, 68 would be where it stopped. He was getting too old for this. He'd fall in love with some beautiful woman, they'd get married, spend a few years together, and then she'd die and he'd be left there to grieve for several years, only for the whole process to start again.
Finally he couldn't stand on his feet anymore so he fell on his knees, and he was so close to the granite marker now that he was about touching it. Why did he insist on torturing himself all the time? That's what he wanted to know. Why did he keep coming out to this damn bone yard and looking at this stone? What was he trying to accomplish by punishing himself?
He felt the presence of another Immortal nearby and he knew who it was, but he didn't get up to meet them, and he didn't move at all. He heard the person coming up behind him, he could hear the footsteps crunching against the dead grass, until finally the other person was right behind him.
He felt two strong arms snake around his waist and pull him away from the tombstone and help him to his feet.
"At ease, Methos," Kronos told him.
Methos turned around and saw his brother, who was dressed all in black, was wearing black sunglasses and had gotten his hair cut extremely short. Methos wanted to make some comment about how it was a drastic change from how Kronos had looked the last time they'd met, but he hadn't the strength for it, he could feel his body collapsing against his brother's. Kronos held him close for a moment before turning towards the graveyard's entrance and said, "Come on, it's time to go."
They left the cemetery, walking alongside each other, and came to the black car parked right outside the gates. Silas stood by the car and watched his two brothers as they came over to him. Kronos said nothing and just nodded his head slightly, a sign that things were to go on as planned. He and Methos got into the back and Silas got in the front and drove away from the graveyard. Methos didn't say anything to his brothers and he just closed his eyes to rest a while. Kronos draped a protective arm around his brother's back and pulled Methos over to him and held him for the next hour as they left the town and the past behind them and headed off to see their other brother.
A couple of months ago it had been found out that Caspian was still alive, the only announcement that could prove more shocking than this was that he had gotten married. His wife was also an Immortal, and he wanted the others to come out and see him and meet her. This was a revelation so shocking to the other brothers that it had to be seen to be believed.
An hour later, they came to the place that Caspian was said to be living at now. Kronos woke Methos up as they came to a stop. Methos looked out at the barren piece of land in the middle of nowhere and saw the large three story house, and looking back at his brother, he took off Kronos' sunglasses and put them on himself. They got out of the car and headed up to the large front porch.
"It doesn't even look like anybody's living out here," Methos noted.
"We'll find out soon," Kronos told him.
They went up on the porch and knocked on the door. A moment later they felt another quickening, but when the door opened, the sight before them wasn't the one they were expecting. A woman stood in the doorway; she looked about 24, she was very tall and skinny and looked like a boy, she had short curly hair and was wearing a white T-shirt, jean shorts, and a pair of black sunglasses.
"Go away, we don't want any," she said as she slammed the door in their faces and walked away.
"I like her," Methos dryly commented to Kronos.
They heard a man in the house screaming at the woman and then they felt another quickening approaching the door, and when it opened they saw Caspian, looking none the worse for wear since the last time they saw him.
"Greetings, brother," Kronos said, and hinting to the woman they had seen, "Your wife?"
"Well she's not the cleaning woman, that's for damn sure," Caspian replied, and held the door open, "Come in."
"So what's new and different?" Methos asked.
"Much, obviously," Caspian answered. He let Kronos and Methos inside but slammed the door in Silas's face. The knob turned and Silas helped himself in.
"Where'd she disappear to?" Kronos asked.
"Probably back under the rock she came from," Caspian said, "Only I could never get that lucky. Mouth!" he called to the back of the house, "Get out here and meet my brothers."
"Mouth?" the other men asked.
The woman returned, still not looking pleased at the new set of strangers. "What is it?" she asked.
"Why do you call her Mouth?" Methos asked Caspian.
"Because she never stops eating and she never stops talking," Caspian explained.
"So what else is a wife for?" she asked as she walked over to her husband, who only replied cynically, "I don't know…making babies?"
Mouth leaned in to her husband and warned him, "Don't be sexist dear," and with a quick movement of the hand, grabbed the crotch of his jeans and gave him a tight squeeze until he was bent over and choking.
Methos poked Kronos on the shoulder to get his attention, and when his brother turned to look at him, he said, "It's official, I really like her."
"Yes," Kronos noted, "But polygamy was never your thing."
Within a short amount of time they were caught up on what their brother had been up to for the last several decades, along with all the specifics about his wife. She was 47 years old, she had become Immortal when she was 22 and they had been married for nearly 25 years, and she wasn't a good fighter but she was a great cheater on account of she often carried a gun and she knew damn well how to use it, and in the few years she had been Immortal, she had already taken 30 heads.
"But you still haven't explained why you married her," Methos said.
"He's still trying to figure that one out himself," Mouth replied.
"Alright, why did you marry him?" Kronos asked her.
She shrugged her shoulders helplessly and answered, "What can I say? I'm a sadist, I must be for marrying him."
"That sounds about right," Methos said.
"I suppose you three bohos intend to stay the night, is that right?" Mouth asked.
"That was the general impression we got," Kronos answered.
"Fine," she replied, "We can put you guys straight down from our room."
"Uh..exactly how thick are the walls in this house?" Methos inquired.
"You won't have to worry about that," Mouth told him, "The last time your brother and I had sex was when Ziggy Stardust was still alive."
Methos choked on a laugh and said to Caspian, "I'm starting to see why you call her Mouth."
"Try living with her," was his brother's response.
That night while Methos, Kronos and Silas slept in the rooms that had been assigned to them, Caspian and his wife entered the umpteenth round of a fight that went on in their bedroom almost every night. Caspian had always said that his wife had the mentality of a 14 year old; as if to emphasize on this, every night she crawled into bed and kept the bright overhead lights on as she read boys' mystery and adventure stories. And almost every night, the two tried to kill each other over the matter of the lights.
"If it's darkness you want, go in the closet and hang from the bar like a good bat," she told him.
"Shut up," Caspian said as he kicked her out of the bed.
With an excited yelp, Mouth fell on the floor and took half the covers with her.
"That's it," she said as she got up, "I don't need to take this abuse from you, I've got guys lined up all over the world just waiting to treat me like crap."
"Good!" Caspian remarked, "Go drive one of them into an insomnia-induced homicidal frenzy and leave me alone."
"Gladly!" Mouth replied as she jerked out the sheet from under him and took it with her. Caspian picked up something from the nightstand and hurled it at her head but it hit the door as she closed it behind her. Instead of opening the door again to say what was on her mind, she yelled at the door, knowing her voice would travel through to her husband, "Oh yeah? Well good riddance ya loony!" and as she heard the sound of glass breaking in the room, she staggered down the hall to the room where they had put Methos. Without knocking, she stormed into the room and closed the door behind her, saying only to the man in bed, "Mind if I come in?"
"I guess not," Methos replied as he sat up, and he noticed that Mouth was unknowingly dragging the bedcovers behind her as she walked. "What happened to you?"
"Your brother and I got into a fight and he kicked me out for the night," she answered as she flopped down on the bed beside him.
"What was the fight about?" Methos asked.
"Oh the same one we've been having for 10 years," she answered, "Every night he wants to go to sleep, and I want to read, and he hates the lights being on."
Methos started to laugh, "Are you serious?"
"You've been married?" Mouth asked him. Methos nodded. "Then you know that some things are just universal," she added, "No matter what you are, if you get married you will still fight to the death over the dumbest things."
Methos turned away from her and said only in response, "How true that is."
Mouth's eyes narrowed as she looked at him and she told him, "You strike me as being a very weird person…you're always so serious, aren't you?"
"I guess so," he answered.
"Why is that?" Mouth asked.
He looked at her and asked her, "Do you know how old I am?"
"Older than dirt, so what?" she asked.
"I'm sure even you can understand that living 5,000 years and enduring all that comes with it can become a bit…overwhelming."
Either Mouth didn't get it or she did and was just playing stupid, "Overwhelming?"
"Depressing," he amended himself.
"You want to talk depressing," Mouth said, "When I was 19, my brother died, and you know the expression 'I die a little every day'?" Methos nodded, "Well I sat down and started to crunch some numbers, and I applied that phrase to my situation and I concluded that at the rate I was going at, it would kill me a little every day until I was 30 and kill me completely…and what do you think happened? I died at 22 instead! Now if that's not depressing, I don't know what is."
Methos couldn't help laughing, he fell back against the pillows and threw his head back and laughed like a crazy person.
"That's more like it," Mouth told him, "I'm running a house here, not a funeral parlor, so I would appreciate it if you bothered to act alive."
Methos thought of something else and asked her, "Why does my brother call you Mouth?"
"Because we both agreed it was one hell of an improvement over my real name," she answered.
"What's that?" Methos asked.
"Well I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," she told him.
"That's nothing new to me," he replied.
"So what do you think about Caspian's wife?" Methos asked Kronos the next morning as they wandered around the yard to get a better look at the place.
"I think he should've stamped her 'return to sender' and tried again," Kronos answered.
"Well, I like her," Methos said.
Kronos scoffed and looked at him, "You would."
"Still can't figure out why he married her though," Methos said.
"Well why did you get married?" Kronos asked him.
"Now let's not go there," he said.
As they talked, they headed around to the back and they both stopped suddenly when they saw something up ahead. They took a few steps closer to make sure that they weren't just seeing things, but they could tell that there was no mistake as to what they were seeing. Seven wooden crosses all lined up in a row in the backyard, like grave markers.
"Gives a whole new meaning to the term 'family plot', doesn't it?" Methos asked.
"What the hell is this?" Kronos asked as they went up for a closer look.