Chapter 1 – Curiosity
Sirius Black first saw the small Malfoy child when he was nine.
His mother and father had once again organised a dinner party for 'all the loyal and dignified pureblood families of today', and being the elder child and the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black Sirius was enforced to go against his wishes. This was a day for his parents to show that the House of Black was still as, what they much believed, royal as it had ever been, and the Black family were respected and esteemed as they always will be.
And so to much extent not Sirius' favourite occasion to be spending his evening attending. But despite his many pleas and complaints, he was forced into a set of black, velvet dress robes with a silver piping around the edge of the sleeves and a high necked collar. The outfit was completed with polished black shoes and a top hat, which Sirius had spent most of the time trying to hide out of embarrassment. The hat was too big for him, and when put upon his head it slid down to cover his hair and his eyes, which annoyed him beyond belief.
He felt nothing but stupid as he stood in between his mother and brother, his aforementioned mother simpering to the various party guests in a character much unlike her own. Every now and then his mother would give him a stern look of disappointment and kick him in a way you wouldn't expect from a host, telling him off for slouching or not keeping his chin up or something else that followed in a similar manner. Sirius just couldn't understand how his parents could enjoy such a thing.
Very soon the entrance hall was getting crowded with the guests and his mother and father began to walk around welcoming them. A lot of the guests followed along the same lines; superior, posh, aristocratic, looking upon others as though believing them to be inferior. Sirius watched as his mother and father made polite small talk with people he knew that they didn't like, but saw it proper to give the appearance of being in touch with all the social circles. His father told him that if you want to get ahead in the world you must make allies with people even if you don't like them. He said that it was the reason that he and his wife got married, and the reason that Sirius and his wife were to be married.
Of course Sirius didn't agree anything of the sort, and though he had pointed this out on more than one occasion, he had learnt that if you don't speak your mind, you don't get punished. Often he would ignore this theory, but when it came to an occasion like this he didn't believe it was worth the bother.
All the other children of the families he was introduced to didn't look nearly as bored as he did. In fact, some seemed to be enjoying the occasion, with their heads held high and looking proud, much in the same fashion as their parents. He could see many natural Slytherins in this crowd; a crowd he didn't particularly wish to mix with.
It wasn't until the Malfoy family that Sirius came across something different. The parents weren't the one who caught his eye – in fact, he could definitely see why these were some of the few that his parents actually liked. They were just as posh and refined as his dear mother and father, and made small talk in exactly the same sort of fashion. And it wasn't the older child, who Sirius recognized from some previous party. They all were what you would expect from an upper-class family, the father and son very much alike with silvery blond hair, the father opting for shorter whilst the son went for longer. They both had pale complexions which made them look like inferi with their green Slytherin dress robes, and their faces were long and pointed, their eyes cold and grey. The boy's mother was wearing silver dress robes for the highest dynasty, making her look almost like a ghost. Compared to her husband and son her skin had much more colour, but then again any skin would look different in comparison. Her hair was also a pale blond colour, up high in a complicated twist of curls and strands, held by a silver clip with a green snake upon it.
Instead it was the younger child who Sirius thought was different. She looked almost the same age as he was but was much more petite. She was wearing a set of little white dress robes that were practically the same as a normal dress. The white number was quite frilly and it went out rather than down, though looked very sweet on her. Like her parents and sibling her hair was a silvery blond, and yet she had followed her mother's route with more flushed skin than that of the male family members – she even had a light covering of freckles that Sirius could not imagine what was the origin of such things in a family with skin as pale as the Malfoy's would come from. But her eyes mystified him the most – covered by her silvery long hair were large round and cloudy ovals of blue, the colour so pale that it almost merged with the white of her sclera in her eye. The pupil didn't seem to be focused on anything; instead staring into space in a world unknown. Sirius noticed the girl was holding her brother's hand, quietly remaining unseen and unheard just like any perfect child would act.
When the Malfoy's left his family's company, Sirius couldn't help but notice that the girl was being led away by her brother, and she was following willingly. Whilst her sibling was holding an avid conversation with his parents, the girl stayed quiet, keeping as close as possible to her rightfully Slytherin brother.
For the first time that evening Sirius spoke to his parents without even a little bit of spite or anger in his tone. "Who was the Malfoy girl?" He asked, almost holding back as if he didn't want to seem anyway interested in the situation his parents had forced him into. His mother looked down, surprised, her expression for once not one of disappointment. Sirius reckoned he could count with just the fingers on his left hand the amount of times that had ever happened.
"The Malfoy child? Alice-Alizia they call her. She has been blind from birth; practically led everywhere by the other boy, Lucius." She glanced down again sharply, looking at Sirius with her eyebrows knitted together. "The difficulty has rendered her almost useless, poor child. Girl of that class is a girl I see fit for you to mix with." She turned to front, her nostrils flaring in a manner that Sirius didn't see at all flattering. "Maybe that'll rid you of your ideas, a girl of birth like that." She said no more of the subject, but Sirius couldn't help but stare at the girl curiously throughout the evening.
Sirius' parents soon invited their guests to dinner and the children of the families were placed at the end of the table to mix and bond, as Sirius had been told to do. Coincidently Sirius had been placed next to Alice-Alizia. His eyes were flicking towards her throughout the meal. She ate in a posh and aristocratic manner – such in the way that his parents had been telling him to act. She used all her cutlery correctly, kept her eating habits at a steady pace and didn't talk to anyone whilst she ate. When she finally finished eating she wiped the corners of her mouth with her napkin and then sat up straight, her hair still covering her face in neat bangs. Her eating habits were very much different to that of Sirius', though as he had thoughts upon his mind they were perhaps more impolite than usual – a pretty amazing feat to be frank.
"Would you kindly refrain from staring at me please?" Sirius' head turned towards Alice-Alizia, shocked by the sound of her voice. He hadn't until now realised that she had not yet spoken; now she had it had reminded him of high bells, a soft tinkling sound that seemed to linger in the air even after the voice had passed. He raised an eyebrow at her enquiringly.
"I'm sorry?"
"You are staring at me. I may be blind but it is certainly obvious; goodness me, take the look off your face, I can tell it is unbecoming of you!"
"What look?" He asked, though she ignored him, bringing her napkin up to her lips once again to wipe the corners of her mouth. Sirius waited patiently, hoping that she would continue talking. She seemed to be the only person in this place that had any remote interest whatsoever.
"I know you are a loud, extrovert and boisterous person; my mother has mentioned you a series of times when she is discussing various families with father. And yet you have remained silent throughout this meal – I thought perhaps you simply don't know anyone." She reached forwards for the glass in front of her. She found it somewhat quickly, and Sirius wondered what her aptitude was from being blind for so long. After taking a short drink she continued.
"But then I remembered your brief conversation with your mother – learn not to speak so loudly when conversing about other people." She finished, now beginning upon her pudding that had just appeared on the silver platters in front of them. Sirius was utterly baffled by how she knew he was staring at her, despite her slightly off topic reasons, and was puzzling about what expression she meant throughout his dessert. He was about to ask her when her mother arrived and she was led away, smoothing down her dress as she went. Sirius couldn't understand why he was so mystified by this particular girl – she was incredibly posh, just like the rest of them, so what difference set her apart? Nine-year-old Sirius pushed the girl out of his mind to hide from himself that he disliked such confusion, and also to hide the fact that he had found any person remotely connected to his mother and father interesting.
-x-
I could smell the steam coming from the vast engine that stood in front of me as it reached the air and carried the dirt to my nostrils with the wind that flowed a gentle breeze, the fresh paint on the train itself as though it had been painted yesterday rather than that of paintwork with many stories, the sweat that had swarmed like a cloud that followed the people around me as they bustled through the busy station with their excitement and their worry, their happiness and their disarray. I could hear the calls and shouts of the station master as the train came close to leaving, the chatting and babbling of the excited students about me whilst wishing mothers and fathers farewell and meeting up with friends from their school years, animal cries from owls, rats, toads, cats and such like being carried with children of all shapes and sizes, the sound of the steam passing from the engine of the train through the chimney to be freed into the air in a burst of noise and scent. Everything I smelt and heard felt heightened to such a point that my emotions rushed with adrenalin and my heart pumped fast with excitement.
The only thing missing was sight. I couldn't see the train and the carriages that stood in front of me, though I had heard from my brother that it was red. 'Gryffindor colours', he had sneered. I couldn't see the people around me, though I knew they were dressed in muggle clothes that my family disliked so much, and I knew they might be flushed from the sweat I smelt and the excitement I heard. I couldn't see all the animals around or the luggage being dragged, I could just hear it. Sometimes I could paint a picture with scents and sounds, with the vibrations I could sense from the movement around me from my next powerful sense – touch. Maybe it was the magic within me that gave me a vague idea of my surroundings – it's a gift I've had from birth, it came with my sight, or rather lack of it. The floor felt troubled and bustled, the air disturbed and full of vibrations, and with this I could paint a picture in my head.
My brother squeezed my hand beside me and then dropped it, and I suddenly felt alone. My mother said something to me but I purposely didn't listen, trying to fix an image inside my head so I could follow it and not forget it. I waited until my image was clear before taking a steady step forward, my other hand gripped onto the handle of the trolley with determination.
"Are you sure about this Alice-Alizia?" Somehow my mother's voice broke into my own little world and I sighed, stopping my walk towards the train. I turned to where I reckoned she would be and frowned at her, my expression hopefully one of despair as I registered the question I had heard so many times throughout the holidays.
"Yes mother. If I wish to be respectable in this community I want to strive forward head held high rather than putting it off with apprehension." I turned my head back towards the floor and timidly let go of my suitcase trolley, leaving me with nothing to hold onto. I ignored this and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, before smoothing down my dress. It was white just I had specified – white to symbolise innocence and purity, a fresh start to a new life, a blank page to start afresh. For once I had had the house elf tie my hair back; I wanted to set out with my face free of the mess my hair strived hard to naturally achieve, as sophisticated as possible.
My mother seemed unsure, as she remained silent which was unlike her in any situation. Evidently she wanted me to remain home – something I was using all my effort to prevent. At home I was bored, unseen and unheard, the perfect child. I walked the walk, talked the talk, stayed respectable and sophisticated as any eleven-year-old girl could ever be. I felt held back, disguised, like I was pretending to be someone I was not. Maybe at school I might actually do something purposeful.
It took a long time to persuade mother that I shouldn't be held back a year. I was the out-cast as it was with being blind, but that problem would increase if I was a year above the others or something like that. That would be in no way proper. If I was going to initiate education upon myself appropriately I might as well do it in a fashion that didn't utterly embarrass me.
Despite all this, I let mother lead me onto the train and sit me down in a compartment on my own. This suited me fine, though I hoped it wouldn't continue for too long; I didn't want to seem like a loner on my first day. She gave me a brisk peck on the cheek and then left without a word. Within our family we're not exactly the types to have a big song and dance at every occasion. We are quick, posh and try to look good – sometimes it rather annoys me. I'm just hoping I won't be perceived that way throughout Hogwarts.
My brother dropped in for a short bit to say hello before going off to find his friends. I appreciated it though I wish I could have persuaded him to stay longer – I felt a bit helpless with the company of just myself. So I was alone once again, and it was then that I realised I had little to do whatsoever.
My boredom was thankfully broken perhaps an hour after setting off when the carriage door opened and I heard a girl's voice ask whether the compartment was saved for someone. I could hear a second person follow in after her when I shook my head and welcomed them – from the grunt I heard as he glanced off the door, I figured he was male. I could tell he was the shyer one whilst the girl seemed much more extrovert from the way there was silence, despite the girl's voice being confident and clear, meaning she had no inspiration for conversation and the boy wasn't helping at all. I heard the boy shuffling every so often in his place as though he was nervous – if the girl was as outgoing as her voice came across as, she would be easily likeable and the boy may be somewhat attached to her. Maybe a threat to their friendship had occurred…my musings were interrupted when the girl spoke, sounding just as certain and confident as I guessed she would be.
"Are you a first year too then?" I nodded. I considered myself quite lucky actually, considering if I made friends with someone from other years it would be fairly exasperating. But this girl seemed alright – maybe if I made friends now it would give me the advantage for when I get up to school.
"My name is Lily, Lily Evans." She spoke again. Her voice was crystal clear and very precise, and air was still so I could tell she was barely nervous at all. "This is Severus Snape, my friend. What's your name?" I was right about him being a boy though I still wanted to see if I was right about his personality. I liked playing these little games when I meet people – sometimes I try and see how long it takes for them to realise that I'm blind.
"Alice-Alizia Malfoy." I said quietly, fiddling with my hair. I was a listener more than a talker; my confidence was no where near the standards of Lily, and it was a surprise to even myself that I had spoken at all.
"That's a pretty name. Alice-Alizia…are those both your first names?" I nodded again. I found it ironic that I nodded all the time, but if those in front of me did the same I wouldn't understand them. "That's really nice…wish I had a name like that; I'm just stuck with boring Lily." She was so happy-go-lucky and positive, it made me smile.
Severus finally spoke up. "Lily is a pretty name…" He said shyly. I could smell sweat now, and there were definite vibrations to show he was shaking. I actually thought it was cute and amusing at the same time, though Lily didn't seem to have noticed at all.
"Thanks Sev!" She said happily, and I could tell she smiled from the soft noise of the lips parting; I smiled also, a small private smile. I felt a little like I was invading them but Lily didn't seem to mind. She chatted constantly throughout the journey, until there was a knock on the door.
I heard Severus get up and answer it, and a woman's voice from outside. "Anything from the trolley dears?"
I was hungry and I had money but I was afraid of tripping up and embarrassing myself. I heard Lily get up and gasp, and then my tummy rumbling. Lily had obviously seen me sitting down as I heard her turn. "You want anything Alice?" I was fighting a loosing battle with my stomach and decided there was no point continuing. I stood up and casually leant against the door frame.
"May I have a pumpkin pasty please, miss?" I asked politely in my soft voice, nervously smoothing my dress down as I waited for her reply.
"Here you go dear." She handed it to me and then asked for the money, which took me a little longer than intended as I fumbled with the Knuts, eager to be done with the chore quickly. I finally managed and handed the money over, taking my pumpkin pasty back to my seat. Lily was just sitting down when I heard a new voice.
"Evans, fancy seeing you here." The voice sounded that of a smirking male, arrogant and confident. I heard him lean against the door frame, trying to act in such a way maybe to impress Lily, though it didn't seem to be working from what I could tell from Lily's reply. I took a nervous bite out of my pasty.
"Potter. Get lost." Evidently, she had met this boy before, though something told me he wasn't well liked. Severus seemed to be shaking again; I wondered if this was perhaps out of jealously, considering Potter had now gained Lily's attention.
"Now Evans, that not very nice, is it?" I could just tell he was grinning, which seemed to make Lily fume even more. I was curious to see how exactly this would end out – listening to this sort of thing was often the optimum of my days of being seen and not heard.
"Potter. Go. Away." I heard Lily stand up and slam the door shut, which was matched with laughter coming from the corridor. Lily was practically shaking with fury and as she sat down I could hear feverishly clench and unclenching her hands with irritation. I noticed that Severus was doing much the same thing, though he was yet to say anything. I was careful not to get crumbs on my white dress.
We sat in silence for a bit, the whole noise being the eating as we made our way through the food we had. I spent the whole time wondering whether we should get changed in our school robes, but was too nervous to ask Lily. It was Severus who finally spoke, surprisingly enough.
"Listen Lily, don't let Potter," He spat it out as though it was a nasty taste in his mouth that he wanted to be rid of. "Get to you. He's just an idiot anyway." I think Lily nodded at that point as there was silence again. I just wish I could bring up the courage to ask to get changed. Luckily, Lily beat me to it.
"We should be getting changed…Sev, could you leave for a second so Alice and I can get changed into uniform? Thanks." I assumed Severus must have agreed as I heard him leave and Lily reach for her suitcase on the shelf. I made to go get mine but she had already got it down.
"Thanks." It came out barely a whisper, but Lily heard it as she replied "No problem."
We changed in silence, again. I have to admit, I had some trouble getting changed, but I managed just enough, somehow identifying piece from piece which I have to say is a considerable achievement in itself. We finished and sat back down, waiting for Severus to come back. Lily broke the silence.
"I know you're blind, y'know." I nodded. I figured she might have guessed. She seemed the intelligent type, and considering I had a bumbling attitude and my eyes were different to the norm, it was fairly hard not to notice after such a period of time.
"Has Severus noticed?" I bet she shook her head at that point. The irony.
"I don't think so. He's not quite the observant type. And I have to admit, I only realised for definite just now."
"Thank you. I do try and see if people notices; I think I've made somewhat of a game of it."
"Try it out on the other first years. I bet a lot won't notice."
I smiled nervously. "Currently, I'm sitting down. My aptitude of walking forward isn't exactly on the same level as my sitting down skills." Lily giggled.
"You are pretty good at knowing your surroundings though. How do you do it?" She shifted weight on one foot and then onto the other.
"I was born with it. For example," I pointed towards her legs. "I can tell you are leaning forwards and resting your arms on your knees because I can hear you shifting body weight in your legs." I heard Lily gasp which made me smile again. It's rare that I receive such appreciation in my house; I don't think they've even noticed I'm aware of what's going on much better than I put across.
"That's amazing!" I nodded, just as I heard the door open. Severus stepped in, his school cloak swishing behind him. I wondered where he had been. Fortunately enough, Lily asked my question for me.
"Where have you been?" She asked as he sat down next to her. I was silent once more now Lily had someone else to talk to.
"Was talking to some other guys." He said, brushing his cloak down carefully. "They were first years too, said they were going for Slytherin." He turned to me for the first time today. "I saw your brother. He's a Slytherin too." I nodded. There had been much celebration when Lucius got into Slytherin. Father bought him a brand new broomstick. I wouldn't mind a new broomstick…my current one can go no more than two metres because of my sight problem.
"Which house do you want to be in Alice?" asked Lily curiously. I pondered this question carefully. I hadn't really thought through which house I would like to be in. I had always automatically assumed Slytherin but now I wasn't so sure, as thinking back on it Slytherin had always seemed an unhappy house. Hufflepuff didn't really suit me as such; my upbringing didn't coincide with being told to be loyal to my peers, as you might have known from my incredibly kind brother. Perhaps I might be in Ravenclaw, though my intelligence might not be up to standard because of my sight problem, seeing as I couldn't read and I could barely write. Gryffindor had always been forbidden in my house, though I suppose I could see the appeal of it despite everything, even if the chances of my mother and father combusting at the mention of something like that remained highly likely. I ended up simply shrugging, my head automatically looking down.
"Yeah, I'm not sure either…" Lily stopped talking. I think perhaps I may have killed the conversation somewhat at that point, seeing as there was silence once again. Eventually we heard the train slowly grinding to a halt, which came with a relief and a worry at the same time – I wasn't quite prepared with facing the rest of the school as of yet. We disembarked our adventure anyway, and I was surprised when Lily took hold of my hand. I smiled towards her, thankful that I wouldn't have to walk up by myself. I heard a disgruntled noise from Severus and almost snorted; jealously was always a funny thing, particularly when the person in question was jealous of me.
I think Lily knew less of my aptitude of being blind than I thought she did, as she often told me that there was steps coming up when I already knew from the falling noises of those in front of me, but I found her help comforting anyway – this type of thing was not something I was used to, particularly around the Slytherin boys that Lucius found company with.
The station was, as expected, bustling with students and it was quite hard to get a word in edgeways to Lily. She led me through the crowd quite well; indeed I did get stood on by a variety of people though it was certainly a difference from the usual amount. I heard a gruff voice calling for first years and remembered Lucius complaining about such a man – Father was quite definitely not in the best of moods for a while afterwards. After following the man out of the station I could definitely hear moving water and my memories were met with stories from Lucius about the boat trip to the castle. I was suddenly petrified, perhaps even more so than I was for the upcoming sorting, and clung to Lily in fear.
"What is it Alice?" She asked curiously and I shivered, thoroughly frightened now.
"I don't…like…boats…" It was just a fact about me – I was absolutely terrified of water. I couldn't swim and had never tried to swim, ever since I was little when Bellatrix Black pushed me into a pond. Needless to say, I couldn't see anything – if you had pushed me into the sea it wouldn't have made much difference. I was finally fished out by my angry brother and I haven't gone near water ever again. And now I was forced to be in a boat across the water – it was dreadful.
In a rush to get to the boats, Lily let go of my hand and I was left alone, unbelievably frightful of the upcoming task. I called out for Lily but received no reply, and my heart was thumping so hard I felt I could barely breathe. I stayed transfixed to the spot when suddenly I heard shouting from Lily. Thankful, I followed the voice.
"No I will not share a boat with you Potter; I'm going with Severus and Alice-Alizia, thank you very much." I heard my name and followed the noise, hoping that it will distract me from my boat problem again. Someone grabbed my arm and I was pulled towards the sound of water. I gulped, the hairs on my back standing upon end as my fate came closer and closer.
I somehow managed to board the boat with surprising ease – I don't know who it was but someone actually lifted me on board, as odd that may seem. I heard Lily's gentle breathing next to me and I held her arm, ignorant of the fact that I had only just met this girl a couple of hours ago. I felt the boat rock and I made a little frightened squeak, gripping Lily's poor arm even tighter. I felt sick.
"You alright Alice?" I was so scared I didn't reply, squeezing my eyes shut as tightly as possible in an attempt not to cry.
"Paha, is she scared?" I heard a cruel voice from behind me who seemed to be talking to Severus, and I heard Lily make a sharp retort back. I realised I was shaking, so much in fact that I thought for a moment I was rocking the boat, until I realised that it was actually the boy behind her. I made a little scream, holding on as tight as I could.
"Stop it! Can't you see she's scared?" The boy just laughed and rocked even more, carried away by his own amusing cruelty. I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks now and I wanted to be sick. I suddenly heard those around me gasp and the rocking ceased slightly. I wandered if the others had caught sight of the castle, and I rapidly began to feel a familiar empty feeling, not for the first time wishing that I wasn't blind. Well, at least it stopped the rocking.