Warning: NOT FOR HOOK FANS. If you don't like Hook being made fun of, this story is not for you. You have been warned.
Hook, the Musical
Opening scene: There is utter darkness. It is broken by the sound of an industrial grade switch being thrown. A circle of light appears on the corner of an empty stage, shining on a dusty curtain. The effect is weak and pathetic.
There is the sound of another switch. Another circle appears at the opposite end. It wavers awkwardly back and forth a few times before finding the right spot. A much louder switch is thrown. A huge circle appears in the center of the stage. It grows until the whole stage is lit up.
Emma, David, Snow, Grumpy, Regina, Whale, Zelena, and Henry enter dancing from stage left.
Yes, dancing.
They are wearing outfits like Burt's in the "It's a Jolly Holiday with Mary" musical number from the movie, Mary Poppins. They all have jackets with pink and white stripes and are carrying dance canes and wearing white boater hats with white and pink hatbands. The guys are wearing white pants and white oxfords. The women are wearing pleated white skirts and white, women's oxford with heels.
All:
Overture!
Curtains!
Lights!
This is it! The night of nights!
No more rehearsing and nursing a part.
We know every part by heart.
Overture!
Curtains!
Lights!
This is it! You'll hit the heights!
And oh what heights we'll hit!
On with the show this is it!
(Musical interlude and dance numbers)
Tonight what heights we'll hit!
On with the show, this is it!
They dance off stage. If you want a general idea what this would look like, go to Youtube and type in "Bugs Bunny, overture, curtains, lights."
A moment passes. Enter Gold, stage left.
He stares incredulously towards stage right, where the other characters went.
Gold: What was that?
Stage goes dark. There is silence.
Then, smoke from dry ice, is seen, shining white. Spotlights begin to go back and forth frantically from above, as though searching for something.
Unseen Announcer [sounds like Morgan Freeman]:
Once in every age,
If the heavens are benign,
Mortals may be blessed with the presence of a spirit
Impossibly divine.
Lights meet on the center where a single figure stands, a dark shadow, head bowed. As the narration finishes, the figure lifts his head and gives the audience a really annoyingly cocky grin. It's Hook.
Enter Theme Song Guy.
Theme Song Guy:
There are pirates and pre-day-tors
Emotional manipulators
There are bad boys with the intellects of fleas
There are ego driven long rants
That are so lacking in refine-mants
They'd be better suited swinging from the trees
He was born to make you drool
No one has ever been as cool
In a thousand years of naval supremacy
An enigma and a mystery
In buccaneering history
The quintessence of perfection that is he
He's the sovereign lord of the ocean
He's the hippest dude in creation
He's a hep cat in the admiral's new clothes
Years of such selective breeding
Generations have been leading
To this miracle of life that we all know
What's his name?
Killian, Killian, Killian...
He's the sovereign lord of the ocean
He's the hippest cat in creation
He's the alpha, the omega, a to z
And this perfect world will spin
Around his every little whim
'Cause this perfect world begins and ends with him
What's his name?
Killian, Killian, Killian...
Hook: Yeah, baby! [Strikes and holds dramatic pose, like John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever posters]
Thunderous applause is heard. The curtain falls. Lights dim but don't go out. Gold can once again be seen on the side of the stage.
If you've never seen The Emperor's New Groove, type that and "perfect world" into a search at Youtube to hear the original.
Gold [completely incredulous]: What is going on?
Enter Emma. Lights increase so it no longer looks like the fadeout right before the commercial break.
Gold: Sheriff, did you see that?
Emma: Yeah, we're doing a musical. Isn't it great?
Gold gives this serious consideration.
Gold: No. No, it's not.
Emma: Oh, sure it is. I thought it was a little weird, at first. But, then I realized how much I want to sing about my wonderful, glorious Killy-Willy-Poo and how great he is.
Gold shudders.
Gold: Sheriff, could you possibly refrain from using phrases like "Killy-Willy-Poo"? It sounds so. . . .
He hesitates, trying to find a tactful way of finishing that sentence.
Emma [still smiling like a demented ray of sunshine]: So stupid. Yeah, I know. Isn't it great?
Gold: Excuse me? Sheriff, don't you like to be considered a capable, intelligent person?
Emma: I used to. But, then I realized my Killy-Willy-Poopsie-Cuddly-Kins likes me blonde and stupid.
Music starts up.
Gold [groaning]: Oh, no, not again.
Emma:
When my Killy needs someone to help him unwind.
I'll be his brainless baby and his pal in crime.
Smart girls are nowhere, they make demands.
Make me a moron with talented hands.
He goes bar-hopping. When they say last call,
I'm carting home my Neanderthal
The dumber I get, the harder he falls.
In love 'til he's done. Then, I'm out in the hall.
He likes me blonde and stupid!
He likes me blonde and real dumb!
He likes me blonde and stupid!
The kind of girl he wants to see
Is a Stepford bride with a lobotomy.
I used to out-think killers
Who'd gone and skipped their bail.
But the guy I took home last night
I had to spring from jail.
He tried to kill my family. But, that buccaneer's so hot.
I'm sure he didn't mean it when all my friends got shot.
He makes demands. Then, I do all the work.
I got a soft head for a good lookin' jerk.
He likes me blonde and stupid!
He likes me blonde and real dumb!
He likes me blonde and stupid!
I used to have grit and plenty of spine.
Now I act brain dead while he insults my mind.
Ask him my name, and he'll have to think.
I just smile and take a kool-aid drink.
[Hook voiceover]: She's so stupid, you know what she said?
Well I forgot what she said, 'cause it was so stupid!
Emma:
The dumber I get, the harder he falls.
In love 'til he's done. Then, I'm out in the hall.
He likes me blonde and stupid!
He likes me blonde and real dumb!
He likes me blonde and stupid!
Sung to the tune of "I like 'Em Big and Stupid," by Julie Brown, which possibly has even more embarrassing lyrics than this. At camp, a girl I knew played it. A lot. It's been stuck in my head for years.
It's on Youtube, but you have been warned.
Regina, David, and Snow come onstage.
Gold: Did you hear that?
They make general sounds of agreement. "Oh, yeah," "Uh-huh," "Absolutely."
Gold: And, it doesn't worry you?
Regina: Should it?
Snow: Killian's a wonderful guy!
David: And, it's amazing the stuff he knows about. He came up with a brilliant idea about sheep. How about, instead of waiting to knit the wool after we got it off the sheep, we knit it while it's ON the sheep? How come no one's ever thought of that before?
Gold: Because you can't spin wool into thread if it's still attached to the sheep?
David: You're only saying that because no one's ever tried!
Gold: For good reason, I'm sure. Let me ask you a few questions. Prince Charming, how do you feel about those who oppress the weak and helpless?
David: They're awful!
Gold: And what would you do to stop them?
David: Fight them off with my sword!
Gold: And, if you saw Hook robbing some peasants while holding a blade to their throats? What would you do then?
David: Take a picture. He's an awesome guy.
Gold: I see. Princess Snow, you fought a war to free your kingdom from an evil queen.
Regina: Hey!
Gold: Not now, Regina. If you found out that Hook had, oh, let's say, helped Cora slaughter a bunch of peasants or locked you up in a cell to die of starvation, what would you do the next time you met him?
Snow: Try to set him up on a date with my daughter. He's such fun to be around.
Gold: Your turn, Regina. If someone tries to hurt Henry, what do you do to them?
Regina: Depends. How much time do I have and am I going to have to hide the body?
Gold: And if I told you Hook helped Greg and Tamara kidnap Henry and that he nearly got him killed while breaking your sister out of jail, what would you do?
Regina: Oh, laugh it off. Boys will be boys.
Gold: I see. . . .
Hook enters doing very bad disco moves.
Hook: Hi, everybody! Are you happy to see me?
Everyone except Gold: Yeah!
Hook: Hey, Regina, who's the fairest of them all?
Regina: You are!
Hook: David, who's the most charming?
David: You are!
Hook: Snow White, who's the most hero-y hero around?
Snow: You are!
Gold: Really? Refresh my memory. When did you do anything heroic?
Everyone scowls at Gold.
Regina: Really, Rumple, you should know. Being a hero isn't about what you do. It's about who you are.
Gold: Is it? I'm sorry, but [points to Hook] who is he, again?
Hook comes over, laughing in a condescendingly genial manner as he puts his hand on Gold's shoulder. Gold stiffens and the audience knows he's considering removing the hand, the arm, and possibly the head.
Hook:
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Croc'dile
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be me, Croc'dile
Even when taking my lumps
Gold [spoken]: Oh, no. You're not stealing one of the songs from Belle's musical, are you?
Hook:
There's no man in town as admired as me
I'm ev'ryone's favorite guy
Gold [spoken]: You arestealing it!
Hook:
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by me
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Killian
No one's quick as Killian
No one's head's as incredibly thick as Killian 's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
Hook and Everyone else but Gold:
No one's been like Killian
A king pin like Killian
Hook:
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Killian
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
Hook and Everyone else but Gold:
My what a guy, that Killian!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Killian:
Killian is the best
And the rest is all drips
Chorus:
No one fights like Killian
Douses lights like Killian
Hook:
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Killian!
Snow, Regina, and Emma:
For there's no one as burly and brawny
Hook:
As you see I've got biceps to spare
Not a bit of me's scraggly or scrawny
That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
Chorus:
No one hits like Killian
Matches wits like Killian
Hook:
In a spitting match nobody spits like Killian
I'm especially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
Chorus:
Ten points for Killian!
Hook:
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Chorus:
Oh, ahhh, wow!
My what a guy, that Killian!
No one shoots like Killian
Makes those beauts like Killian
Hook:
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Killian
I use seal babies in all of my decorating!
Chorus:
My what a guy,
Killian!
Everyone exits but Gold.
This is from the song "Gaston" from Beauty and the Beast. Once again, if you're unfamiliar with it or just want to refresh your memory, Youtube is there to help you.
Gold: I cannot let this stand. I will notlet this stand. [He begins pacing back and forth] All right, let me think. Everyone's acting like an idiot. Nothing new there. But, this is a whole, new level of idiocy. It has to be some kind of spell. I'd blame Hook, but he can't even tie his own shoelaces. The big question is how many people have fallen under it? Is it just Regina and the Charmings or is it—
Musical overture starts. Belle enters in her blue dress with a basket of flowers. Not very convincing birds are bobbing up and down around her on wires).
Gold: No. Please, no.
Belle:
Little town
It's a quiet village.
Gold: Please, Belle, don't do this.
Belle:
Every day, like the one before
Gold: Fight it, Belle! Don't give in!
Belle:
Little town, full of little people
Waking up to say. . . .
Leroy runs across the stage his shirt on fire.
Leroy:Heeelllllppp!
A scarecrow, a tin man, and a bipedal lion run through
All three:Help! Flying monkeys!
They run off stage. Enter a group of flying monkeys.
Flying Monkeys:Help! A dragon!
Gold:This is ridiculous.
Thunderous voice from offstage:I am SMAUG! The GREAT and POWERFU—
Gold throws a fireball towards the voice.
Gold:Oh, go get your own movie!
Belle:
There goes the Wicked Witch with her slaves like always
The same excuse for crimes to tell
Every morning just the same—
Gold:I'm sorry about this, Belle, but I have to do it
He snaps his fingers. Purple smoke rises up from the orchestra pit. The music stops. Belle is outraged.
Belle:Rumple, what did you do to them?
Gold[defensively]: I just froze them for a bit. It'll wear off soon. Belle, I'm sorry but I don't think I can handle you doing a musical number right now.
Belle:But—but—there's a wonderful duet coming up. Will Scarlet was going to sing it with me.
Gold:I reallycan't handle it right now. Don't you find it a little strange? Why is everyone doing musical numbers? You never had to do them before, did you?
Belle shrugs. She is happy and the mystery doesn't bother her.
Belle:Does it matter? I just want to sing! Isn't it wonderful?
Gold:No. It isn't.
Belle leans in close to him.
Belle[suggestively]: You could sing with me.
Gold wavers. Every magical instinct says this is a very bad idea. But, it's also Belle who's asking.
Gold:I . . . [internal struggle is written all over him] . . . don't think I should, Belle.
Belle[morally outraged]: Rumple, how could you!
She storms off to the far side of the stage. Rumple is obviously torn about going after her.
A figure enters, crouched low behind the stage prop bush it's carrying. Gold notices it and watches with mild curiosity. The person carrying the bush puts it down near Gold but remains hidden.
Gold:Dr. Hopper, is that you?
Archie pokes his head out from behind the bush.
Archie:Mr. Gold, you're not under the spell?
Gold:If you mean the one that makes everyone run around singing about how wonderful Hook is, no, I'm not. And you?
Archie:I don't think Hook's wonderful. But, I started out this morning picking up my umbrella and singing in the rain. It's getting bad.
Gold:But, you still don't think Hook is wonderful?
Archie shudders.
Archie:I keep reminding myself about how he tortured me. And worked for Cora. And helped stage my death. And tried to blow up the town. So far, it seems to be working. But, it's spreading. I saw Ruby leading a bunch of cheerleaders in a song about him.
Gold:Let me guess, "Oh, Hooky, you're so fine"?
Archie shudders again.
Archie:That would be the one.
Gold:Do you know how it started? Who it affected first?
Archie:The first people I heard singing were Snow and Charming. They were singing the theme song from Guys and Dolls. Then, I saw Zelena leading Grumpy and Granny in "Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead." [Shudders] Grumpy did the entire Lollipop Guild bit. It was awful.
Gold:So, the people who started singing were all ones who went to King Arthur's court, correct?
Archie:Yes, they were all people who were—
In Camelot
Camelot! Camelot!
I know it sounds a bit bizarre—
Archie stop and looks around, puzzled.
Archie:Where's my background music?
Gold:They're having technical difficulties. So, it started with the people who'd been to . . . that place. I see.
Archie:Do you? What's doing this to us?
Gold: When Hook was the Dark One, he cast the Dark Curse to bring himself and the others back to Storybrooke. Remember when Regina cast the curse and everyone just accepted her as mayor and did whatever she wanted? It's the same thing.
Archie: So, Hook wants everyone singing?
Gold:I think he wants everyone singing his praises and the rest just grew from there. He's got a very small, literal mind after all.
Archie:But, what about the rest of us? We didn't go to Cam—to that place. How come it's controlling us?
Gold:Because this town was still built by the curse. When the curse was cast again, it acted like a system update—or a virus—modifying what was already here. It hasn't taken over everyone completely. But, I suppose it will, given time.
Archie:But, there has to be some way to stop it! What about you, Mr. Gold? You're still free.
Gold:I also have all the power of all the Dark Ones. You'd be amazed how well that stops smaller curses.
Archie:So, you know how to stop it?
Gold:If you're asking me to turn everyone into a Dark One, that's not happening. That's a cure that's worse than the disease.
Archie[desperate and terrified at a fate worse than death]:We're talking about becoming Hook fans!
Gold:Still better than a town full of Dark Ones. [Considers] A little better.
Archie:You have to stop it, Gold! You're the only one who can!
Gold:If I had any recourse. . . .
Archie:You know as well as I do, there's one way to break any curse!
Music starts up in the background.
Archie:Oh, thank goodness. I couldn't take any more talking
Belle has been on the other side of the stage, pouting. As the music starts, she looks over.
Archie:
There's your recourse
Staring straight into your eyes
Tell me, don't you wanna try?
Things can't get more averse
Yeah, you know it's true
What else you gonna do?
You wanna break the curse
Yes, you want it
Hear us sing, you know you do
If she were free, she'd tell you to
Go on, disenchant it
You don't want us to sing about anything
You wanna break the curse (break the curse)
Shalalalala
My oh my
Looks like the imp's too shy
Ain't gonna break the curse
Shalalalala
Ain't that sad
It's such a shame
Too bad, you're gonna keep the curse
Go on and break the curse (break the curse)
Now's your moment
Stop our once upon a doom
Happy ever after looms
No time will be better
We don't wanna sing
But we gotta sing
Until you break the curse
Shalalalala
My oh my
Looks like the imp's too shy
Ain't gonna break the curse
Shalalalala
Ain't that sad
It's such a shame
Too bad, you're gonna keep the curse
Shalalalala
Don't be scared
You better be prepared
Go on and break the curse
Shalalalala
Don't stop now
Don't try to hide it how
You wanna break the curse
Go on and break the curse
(Break the curse)
(Oh, ohnoo..)
(Break the curse, break the curse)
Lalalala, Lalalala
Go on and break the curse
Lalalala, Lalalala
Go on and break the curse
Shalalalala
My oh myyyyy
Looks like the imp's too shy
Ain't gonna break the curse
Shalalalala
Ain't that sad
It's such a shame
Too bad, you're gonna keep the curse
Lalalala, Lalalala
(Go on and break the curse)
Go on and break the curse!
Lalalala, Lalalala
(Go on and break the curse)
Go on and break the curse
Break the curse
(Break the curse)
Go on and break the curse
Again, Youtube. Little Mermaid. Kiss the Girl.
Gold looks uncomfortable at the end of the song (which included singing flamingoes, dwarves, a Scarecrow, a Tin Woodman, and a Lion [you can fill in the details]).
Gold:I'm not sure that's the way to break this curse.
Archie:Of course, it is! You're the only person here who isn't even partly under that curse. You and Belle are true love. Of course, it will work!
Gold looks even more uncomfortable.
Gold:Belle and I have been having some difficulties. I'm not sure if our kiss would do it.
Archie:Well, lead up with a song!
You admit that in the past, You've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called you pretty dark
But you'll find that nowadays
You've mended all your ways
Repented, seen the light, but kept the snark
True?
Gold: No. I'm not singing. Besides, you're forgetting that, every time Belle and I try to kiss—
Enter Hook with the Charmings, Regina, and a cast of other characters. Gold is still between Belle and them.
Hook:Oh, no you don't, Crocodile!
Gold:This happens.
Archie gets back behind the bush.
Archie:Oops, gotta run!
Picking up bush and trying to stay hidden behind it, Archie runs offstage.
Gold:Oh, wonderful. It's Captain Crunch. Again.
Hook:I don't know what you mean by that—
Gold:It was meant to imply you're artificial, unintelligent, and a thick layer of corn syrup and [looks meaningfully at Hook's eyeliner] artificial coloring is all that's holding you together.
Hook:I don't know what that means either, not that it matters—
Gold:Possibly because it involves words of more than one syllable.
Hook:And I don't know what a syllable is, but that doesn't mean I can't stop you! Storybrooke is finally a decent place to live.
Multiple Character Standing Behind Hook:Yeah!
Hook:And I'm not letting you ruin that!
Gold[smirking]: Really? An idiot whose brain is so disordered, he doesn't even know what 'mental retention' is, is going to keep and retain this curse? I don't think so.
Hook:Oh, yeah? Well, I can—I, uh—
Hook's flustered confusion gives way to steely determination.
Hook:
I know that my powers of retention
Are as wet as a warthog's backside
But thick as I am, pay attention
My words are a matter of pride
Hook looks at his supporters
It's clear from their vacant expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we're talking curse intercessions
Even I can't be caught unawares
So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational news
A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer
Regina:
And where do we feature?
Hook:
Just listen to teacher
I know it sounds sordid but you'll be rewarded
When at last I am given my dues!
And injustice deliciously squared
Be prepared!
Emma:Yeah! Be prepared, we'll be prepared! For what?
Hook:For me to be king of everything
Everyone Except Belle and Gold:Yay, all right! Long live the king! Long live the king!
It's great that we'll soon be connected
With a king who'll be all-time adored
Gold is rubbing his head. How does even a curse cause this kind of behavior? He tries to point out some of the problems.
Gold:Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected to take certain duties on board
Hook nods and everyone looks overjoyed.
Hook:
The future is littered with prizes
And though I'm the main addressee
The point that I must emphasize is
You won't get a sniff without me!
So prepare for the coup of the century
Be prepared for the murkiest scam
Meticulous planning, tenacity spanning
Decades of denial is simply why I'll
Be king undisputed, respected, saluted
And seen for the wonder I am
Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared-
Be prepared!
Everyone but Belle and Gold:
Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared-
Be prepared!
Go to Youtube and look for Lion King, Be Prepared, to see the original.
Hook:Time for the death of the Dark One
David:Why, is he sick?
Hook:No, fool! You're going to kill him and Belle, too
Regina:Great idea! Who needs a Dark One?
Everyone but Belle and Gold and Hook:No Dark, no Snark! La la la la la la!
Hook:And, now, you can die, Mr. Bond—er, Gold!
Exit Hook. Crowd begins to close in on Gold and Belle, but not so quickly that they can't have a fair sized conversation.
Belle: Did he really just exit like a Bond villain? [Belle hesitates. That statement was her normal intelligence showing through. But, the curse has still got a hold of her] That seems more like your kind of thing, Rumple.
Gold:Most people would say I have the makings of a great Bond villain. [Sighs] I didn't want to do this, but I think there's only one way to stop them.
Gold looks resigned. He really hoped it wouldn't come to this. The music starts up. Gold floats up high above the crowd, looking like a scary wizard.
Gold:
You poor and desperate souls
Belle:Rumple, you're starting in the middle of the song!
Rumple:Just because I have to sing doesn't mean I can't cut it short.
It's sad but true
If you want to cross the bridge, dearies
You've got the pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
'Cause your heads will start to roll
Turns to Belle
Sweetheart, darling, don't believe it all
Though their looks are really droll
With these poor and desperate souls
Beluga sevruga
And laws of continuity!
Come lex talionis
Et max make them pay us
Immediately!
There are ominous lighting and sparkler effects. The mob falls back, frightened.
Now, scream!
Everyone but Belle and Rumple:
Aa-aa-aah! A-aa-aah!
Rumple:
Keep screaming!
Everyone but Belle and Rumple:
Aa-aa-aah! A-aa-aah!
Rumple comes quickly back to ground. He runs to Belle.
Rumple:I'm sorry, sweetheart, but a nonsensical musical number was the only way to distract them long enough to do this.
He kisses Belle.
There are even more lighting special effects. Also, the music from Beauty and the Beast from when the Beast's curse is broken plays.
Everyone looks at each other, not quite sure what's going on.
David:Were we about to attack Gold and Belle?
Emma[truly horrified at the incomprehensible evil they were about to do]: And we were doing it because Hooktold us to?
Regina:And we were singingabout it?
Belle[as the truth hits her]: We've been under a curse! Hook must have done it when he brought us back from Camelot.
Music from "Camelot" starts up. Belle looks down at the orchestra pit.
Belle:I know you're trying to be useful, but I don't think we need any more music just now.
Voices from orchestra pit:Aww. . . .
Belle[trying to be kind]: Maybe later.
Enter Hook, who hasn't noticed the music's stopped.
Hook:
On the catwalk
On the catwalk
I shake my little tush on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for this—
He finally notices everyone staring at him as though he is something smelly and disgusting they found on the bottom of their shoe.
Hook:Uh, don't you want to sing along?
Emma:No.
Snow:You tried to make us kill an innocent man.
Hook[beginning to get nervous]: Uh, I don't know that you can call the Crocodile innocent. . . .
David:You wanted us to murder him and Belle.
Hook[beginning to back away]:Me murdering Belle has never bothered anyone before. . . .
Regina:You made me sing "The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music"!
Regina makes a sound between a scream and a growl. Hook breaks and runs. Regina and everyone else (except Belle and Gold) runs off stage after him. Belle and Gold remain.
Belle:So, the curse is broken? We won't go on about how wonderful Hook is anymore?
Gold:Yes, we're free. No one will ever force us to sing again.
Belle hesitates.
Belle:You know, Rumple, there are some songs by Bernstein I really like. And you have a lovely singing voice. Do you think, maybe, if no one else was around. . . ?
Rumple:
Boy, boy, crazy boy
Get cool, boy!
Belle and Rumple walk off the stage together.
(Go to Youtube and type in Hamish Macbeth West Coast Story to see the 54 second short of Robert Carlyle really singing this)
Orchestra starts up.
Singers off Stage
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast!