Sasuke was walking home late at night, purposely avoiding the street lamps that lit up the road because he hated anything that had to do with light. He was so badass tonight, that he was smoking two cigarettes at once. AT ONCE. HOW COOL IS THAT. Pretty darn cool is what I bet you're thinking.
Then all of a sudden he saw Naruto speeding toward him with his arms held out behind him because he ran like a mentally-challenged child for some reason. Sasuke whipped his ebony, raven, so-dark-it-could-be-mistaken-for-a-black-hole hair out of his equally dark eyes that were scary and intimidating at first but were also really hot.
"Sasuke-san!" Naruto screamed his name, probably waking the entirety of the neighborhood in the process because he was an obnoxious piece of garbage with hair that looked like a weird brand of cheese, and indents in his face that looked like cat whiskers because why not? He stopped right in front of Sasuke, panting as struggled to breathe because he was a weak punk who couldn't run five feet without getting tired. Freakin' weenie.
"What is it?" Sasuke asked in that brooding yet totally sexy voice of his, the kind that makes any girl within a ten-foot radius swoon uncontrollably.
"Sasuke, I had to tell you something important…" Naruto looked up at the edgiest ninja to ever live, his eyes wide. And then he leapt up, grabbed Sasuke's head between his hands, and smacked their lips together in a gross kiss, but I suppose you could call it a very hot one if you stood far enough away and squinted a little, maybe tilted your head to one side... They made this moist popping noise as they pulled away, and Sasuke had this amazed look on his face.
You could practically see all his previous characterization falling away from his iconic emo appearance, all those years of so-called "character development" written away in one fell swoop as he leaned down and returned Naruto's kiss, an even more disturbing lip lock. But no matter what, it will still make all the girls in the surrounding area go crazy, their pre-pubescent hearts set aflame with delight, because apparently this ship is what's hot, and fetishizing gay people in fanfiction while condemning lesbian pairings in the same breath is the norm now and is a totally cool thing to do (For shame, yaoi fans. For shame).
But anyway, they lived happily together, and they ended up killing Sakura in cold blood, simultaneously satisfying all the rabid fangirls' desires to see one of the few viable female characters in their precious piece of media dead just to let their horrid crack ship fly for one more day.
What a good day for every SasuNaru fan everywhere. Truly, we have reached the peak of humanity's evolutionary progress.