The Royal Card Game: A Novel about the Disney Princesses
By Joseph "Donald Duck" Label
Cinderella was sleeping in her bed, dreaming of a wonderful dream about her and her husband.
The kind of dream that would make any normal person sick.
Yet, why was Cinderella dreaming this dream? After all, she was married to that same prince! I'll tell you: she's lonely. The Prince is away on a business trip, leaving Cinderella alone with squeaky, annoying mice that talk for some odd reason. How Cinderella loves those mice is a mystery to the entire human race.
Ariel was in her room, getting ready for bed. She combed her long, beautiful red hair with a dinglehopper. The correct term for "dinglehopper" is "fork". Triton entered her room, angry.
"Sebastian told me you were hanging out with that Audrey! You did see her! Didn't you? Didn't you!" Triton shouted.
"Daddy, she's my friend!" Ariel back talked.
"She's a human! You're a mermaid! She doesn't care for you!" Triton shouted.
"You know nothing of our friendship!" Ariel shouted back.
"Don't you talk to me with that tone, young lady! From this day forth, you are not to be part of the Princess membership on land!" Triton screamed while his trident glowed with yellow light.
"Daddy, no! They're my friends! And they need my help to keep Fantasmic Kingdom in order! Please!" Ariel cried.
Triton aimed his trident at a picture of all the princesses plus Ariel. The trident shot a beam of powerful light and it shattered the picture, destroying it. Triton looked at Ariel and swam out of the room. As soon as he swam out of the room, he felt guilty. But he convinced himself that he did the right thing.
Ariel cried herself to sleep on the bed.
Princess Tatiana crawled onto a pile of grass to sleep with her husband, Timon.
"Good night, my love," Tatiana smiled.
"G'night, Tatiana," Timon yawned.
The two meerkats fell asleep. They woke up instantly at the sound of a roaring noise.
"What was that?" Tatiana gasped.
Pumbaa walked in, the noises coming from his stomach. "Sorry, my tummy's rumbling."
"Only you, Pumbaa," Timon sighed.
Princess Aurora laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Prince Phillip noticed she was still awake, and whispered to her.
"You haven't slept for a long while, Aurora. What's wrong?" Phillip whispered.
"Something's wrong." Aurora answered.
"What is?" Phillip asked.
There was no answer. Aurora stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night.
Princess Jasmine sat on a bench in the Agrabah Towers garden, looking at the sky. Aladdin walked to the bench and sat next to Jasmine.
"Aladdin," Jasmine said, "I think something bad is going to happen."
"What?" Aladdin asked.
"I don't know. Wait, I know: Jafar is going to star in Good Morning FK tomorrow morning." Jasmine sighed.
"Oh, Allah, anyone but him!" Aladdin shook his head.
Belle was reading in her bed. Not saying anything. Unaware of the unfortunate events that will soon befall the princesses.
Princess Eilonwy was asleep.
Princess Snow White was singing until the dwarves' ears bleed.
Princess Kiara was sleeping next to her father, Simba.
Princess Kida was sleeping as well.
There is a lot of princesses in the whole Kingdom, isn't there?
Ariel woke up to the sound of a thud. She opened her eyes and saw Lord Oberon floating above her.
"Oberon! How are you breathing underwater? And what do you want?" asked the terrified Ariel.
Lord Oberon laughed evilly and grabbed Ariel's neck. "You'll find out soon enough. You're coming with me!"
Triton swam into the room and pointed his trident at Oberon. Oberon's eyes turned purple, and with an explosion of purple smoke, Triton turned into a card, with a picture of him on the front of the card. The back of the card had a black background with a green V written in the middle.
"Daddy!" Ariel cried. "You monster!"
Ariel slapped Oberon. Oberon strangled Ariel and Ariel turned into stone. Oberon lifted up the statue of Ariel, swam out of Atlantica Palace, and swam up to shore.
While Princess Tatiana slept, Lady Titania gently picked her up and walked out of the Pridelands with her in hand.
"I'm sorry," Lady Titania thought, "but I have no choice."
Snow White finished her singing to Doc, Happy, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Bashful and Sleepy. Before she could get a chance to kiss them goodnight, Madame Mim crashed through the window, in the form of a purple panther.
"Mim!" Snow White gasped.
Mim cackled and tackled Snow White, biting her. "Come with me or I'll kill you on the spot!"
Mim spat out some blood from Snow White and grabbed Snow White's left hand by her jaws, pulling her up. The dwarves ran for their pick-axes but Mim snapped her panther fingers. For some reason, the seven dwarves turned into cards.
"Aurora! Get away from that monster!" Prince Phillip shouted.
Aurora was cornered by a green monster that looked like he was made of plants.
"Phillip! Help me!" Aurora cried.
A plant-like creature with purple hair and a duckbill appeared on the monster's head. "Sorry. I don't really like being a villain. But if I don't I'll be killed. So. forgive me."
The monster opened its mouth and snatched Aurora with its flexible tongue. The creature's tongue snaps back into the mouth with Aurora trapped in it, and swallows her.
"Aurora! No!" Phillip shouted.
Phillip dashed to get his sword from a cabinet but he, too, turned into a card.
Princess Eilonwy was bashed on the head with a bat and fell into darkness. She was taken away by Demona.
"Jafar! What are you doing here?" Aladdin demanded while tied up and lying on the floor.
"To kidnap Jasmine, street rat. What else?" Jafar shrugged.
Jasmine found herself unable to move. She gulped and stared at Jafar.
"Well, Jasmine, I think I'll kidnap you in a different way. A way that does not fill up so much space," Jafar laughed evilly.
Jafar's staff glowed, and Jasmine started feeling odd. Without warning, Jasmine's head exploded, with blood and gore splashing all over the floor.
"Jasmine!" Aladdin screamed, shocked.
"Relax, Aladdin. She won't be dead for long," Jafar explained.
Jafar sprinkled some powder on Jasmine's corpse, and all of Jasmine's blood and gore oozed together and rose from the ground. Jafar took out a tiny bottle from his pocket, and twisted the lid off. The huge amount of blood immediately flew and filled the bottle. For some untold reason, the tiny bottle seemed to hold all of Jasmine's blood.
"This is a wicked idea! I love it! Good night, Aladdin," Jafar laughed.
Jafar bashed Aladdin's head with his scepter, and Aladdin turned into a card.
"Kida!" Audrey screamed, after seeing Kida being kidnapped by Jackal.
Jackal looked back at Audrey while running away and laughed. Audrey thought about running after him, but her legs turned flat as a paper and she fall on her back.
"What the hell?" Audrey screamed right before turning into a card.
Every princess of Fantasmic Kingdom has been kidnapped by the villains. All of them are brought to the Howard Ashman Memorial Theater.
Ariel morphed from the statue back to her mermaid self as soon as she was tossed on the floor next to the other princesses. Jafar revived Jasmine by dumping the blood out, which instantly morphed into Jasmine.
Bushroot and the monster walked into the theater. The monster spat out Aurora, who was ticked because she was covered in green slime.
"Yuck!" Aurora shouted, wiping the slime from her eyes.
"It's what you deserve, foolish child," Maleficent said to her.
Ariel looked around and crawled closer to the princesses on the floor. She sighed in relief when she noticed that Belle wasn't there.
"At least they didn't kidnap Belle," Ariel commented.
"I'm up here!" Belle shouted.
The princess looked up and saw Belle being held by the Phantom Blot, who was holding onto a rope attached to the ceiling.
"This is just lovely," Aurora sarcastically stated.
Ariel gulped and looked up at Maleficent. "What do you want from us?"
"Why, Ariel," Maleficent said, mocking a kind voice, "I want all of you dead!"
"I was afraid I'd get that answer," Ariel shivered.
Princess Tatiana threw a temper tantrum. "Let us go!"
"No," Jafar laughed.
The Phantom Blot dropped Belle, and Belle slammed hard on the floor below. Ariel crawled to Belle and helped her up, while the Phantom Blot dropped himself and landed on his feet.
"Why did you turn all of our friends into cards?" Cinderella asked.
"As soon as we dispose of you," the Phantom Blot explained, "we'll burn all of those cards. With you and your friends dead, we will rule the kingdom!"
"No!" Belle cried out while being held by Ariel.
"Arrivederci, princesses!" Maleficent laughed.
Maleficent raised her staff, summoning a magic attack to kill off the heroines, when the knob of the staff exploded.
"What?" Maleficent whispered in awe.
"What the devil?" Mim asked, looking around.
Two white dice with black dots to represent the numbers roll from the front doors, and all the way to the group of princesses and villains. The dice explode in maroon smoke, and an attractive yet evil-looking woman steps out of the fog. She wore a black dress, had purple skin, and an odd hat. The hat resembled that of a jesters, and instead of bells attached, it was dice.
"Who are you, and why did you foil our plans?" Maleficent demanded.
"I am Ecid, and I am the Queen of Chance," the woman answered with an untrustworthy voice.
WELL, sneered Chernabog, HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO DIE!
Chernabog charged at Ecid, but Ecid snapped her fingers, and Chernabog instantly turned into a card.
"What kind of villain are you?" Ariel asked.
"Silence, mermaid!" Ecid snapped.
"Don't talk to her that way!" Tatiana snapped back, shortly before turning into a card.
"Stop that!" Hades demanded, shortly before turning into a card.
"I'll choose who will take the test," Ecid said out loud.
"Test?" Belle asked.
"If you can survive an adventure in the World of Illusion, I'll let your friends go. You don't, and. well, boohoo to your friends," Ecid laughed.
"Will it be us versus them?" Maleficent asked.
Ecid laughed. "No! You'll team up with the princesses!"
Maleficent stared at Ecid blankly for a few moments. "What?"
"You heard me," Ecid frowned.
Maleficent and Aurora pointed at each other and shouted in unison. "I'd rather eat a dinner prepared by Cookie than to team up with her!"
"Too bad," Ecid smiled. "But not all of you will go. I shall choose who will."
Ecid walked around the princesses, eyeing them from top to bottom.
"Ariel, Belle, Aurora and Jasmine! You four princesses will take the test," Ecid waved.
All of the other princesses turned into cards, and floated gently to the floor. Ecid then walked to the villains.
"Please, Ecid, have a heart!" Maleficent begged. "I have a cold, black heart but at least I have a heart! Allying with the princesses? It's too humiliating!"
"Just for that, you will take the test," Ecid sneered.
"Way to go, Maleficent," Phantom Blot snickered.
"You, too, Blot," Ecid smiled.
"Damn," Phantom Blot sighed.
"And Madame Mim, and. Jafar," Ecid pointed.
All of the other villains turned into cards as well.
"I can't go! I'm a mermaid!" Ariel exclaimed, pointing at her fin.
Ecid snapped her fingers and Ariel instantly became human, wearing her blue dress and a blue bow on her head.
"Oh," Ariel whispered.
Ecid snapped her fingers, and the three remaining princesses morphed from their royal pajamas to wearing their normal clothes. Aurora wore her peasant girl outfit, Jasmine wore her brown robe and hood, and Belle wore her French blue and white dress.
"Let the games begin!" Ecid laugh manically.
"And I thought we were bad," Jafar thought.
Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Aurora, Maleficent, Madame Mim, Jafar and the Phantom Blot were unconscious when the test started. They were lying on the soft dirt of a beautiful yet humungous forest.
"Awaken!" a deep voice demanded.
The princesses and villains instantly opened their eyes and stood up. The deep voice was coming from twenty-foot tall purple toad stool that was inching his way to the group.
"I am Morpheus, and I am here to greet you," the mighty toadstool said.
"Did anyone get the license number of that truck?" Blot asked, still tired and dazed.
"We're the size of ants!" Belle exclaimed, realizing she and the group was miniatures in the forest.
"How did we get here?" Ariel asked.
"Ecid knocked you all out and transported you here," Morpheus explained.
"Do we really have to work together?" Aurora groaned.
"Yes, child," Morpheus said. "For the first time in history, the princesses and the villains must use teamwork."
"Teamwork in a pig's eye!" Maleficent growled.
"Calm down, Maleficent," Ariel suggested, putting a hand on her shoulder.
Maleficent pushed Ariel's hand off of her and stepped back. "Get your hands off of me, mermaid!"
"But we have to work together!" Jasmine snapped.
"Shut up!" Maleficent shouted.
"The sooner we complete this test," Jafar explained, "the sooner we can go home and forget this ever happened. So let's go already!"
"Go where?" Mim asked.
"First," Morpheus slowly said, "we must equip you."
"Equip?" Ariel asked.
"Magic capes," Morpheus said.
"Ooh, scary," Blot said sarcastically.
Morpheus took a deep breath and announced their equipment with a melodic tone.
Ariel, sweet and true, carries the cape of blue Belle, intelligent and bright, carries the cape of white.
Aurora, lips that shame roses of red, carries the cape of red.
"Red twice?" Aurora asked.
"Shut up," Morpheus snapped.
Morpheus continued singing.
Jasmine, brave and supreme, carries the cape of green.
Mim, a whiny little fink, carries the cape of pink.
Maleficent, um, well, oh dash it all. She has a purple cape.
Jafar, Jafar, he's not our man, if he can't do it, great!
"Wait just a minute!" Jafar sneered.
"Do not interrupt the great mushroom Morpheus!" the mushroom shouted. "Now, where was I?"
Phantom Blot, a heart attack, carries the cape of black. "These are our weapons?" Mim asked. "Capes?"
"Not just any capes," Morpheus continued. "Ariel!"
Ariel gasped. "Y-yes?"
"Swing your cape to Mim," Morpheus ordered.
"What?" Mim asked, angry.
Ariel approached Mim, holding her blue cape.
"Well? Come on! I haven't got all day," Mim snorted.
Ariel swung her blue cape at Mim. Mim instantly twisted around like a Silly Putty, and then snapped back to normal.
"What the devil?" the confused Mim asked out loud.
A creature in gray knight armor, red pants, yellow shoes and a blue face hopped out of a bush. He charged after Ariel.
"Attack him!" Morpheus encouraged.
Ariel flapped the cape at the soldier. The soldier instantly turned into a beautiful butterfly and flew away.
Belle stared at Ariel's cape in awe. "This is very peculiar."
"This is very amazing!" Aurora exclaimed.
"This is very dull," Maleficent grumbled.
"But I'll give you a very important advice," the mighty Morpheus said.
"What?" Jasmine asked.
Morpheus took a deep breath."The key to succeeding this test is to--"
The old Morpheus instantly fell asleep and refused to wake up.
"Yeah, sleep it off. That's good advice," Blot sighed.
Five soldiers discovered the group. They lifted up their spears and sneered.
"We've got company!" Mim pointed.
Belle jumped forward and whipped out her white cape. "Let's do this! Is everyone with me?"
Ariel lifted up her sky blue cape and hopped next to Belle. "Aye!"
"For the love of God," Maleficent sighed. "Let me handle this. Huh? Where- where's my staff?"
"And I can't use my magic!" Mim cried.
"Nor can me!" Jafar gasped.
"We don't need evil magic," Aurora said, running to Ariel and Belle.
"We have each other!" Jasmine said, running to the princesses.
"Which basically means 'we have nothing', correct?" the Phantom Blot laughed.
"Just get over here," Ariel snapped.
"Fine," Blot shrugged, skipping to the group.
"I just know I'm going to regret this," Jafar groaned, walking with his cape.
"No comment," Mim snorted, heading for the group as well.
Maleficent folded her arms on her chest. "Working with princesses? This is humiliating."
Maleficent walked to the group, trying to rip her purple cape.
"Destroy them!" a soldier shouted. "Charge!"
The soldiers aimed their spears and charged after the heroes and villains/heroes.
"Ready?" Ariel asked.
"No."
"No."
"No."
"No."
"Nope."
"To die, yes."
"Yes. Wait, I change my answer. No."
The princesses, who were standing in front of the villains, twisted their capes and aimed. When the soldiers were right in front of them, the princesses whipped them like a wet bath towel. The soldiers instantly turned into none-offensive butterflies.
"We did it!" Ariel hugged Belle.
"Mazel tov," Phantom Blot sighed.
Aurora walked to Maleficent and placed a hand on her shoulder. "See? This isn't so bad. Who knows? You'll probably even get to like me."
Maleficent stared at Aurora with very wide eyes and lips trembling. She must be out of her mind, Maleficent thought.
Mim marched ahead of the group. "Let's go before I barf at that thought!"
The villains and princesses shrugged and followed Mim.
"They should've died!" the bratty Ecid screamed, watching everything from a giant hourglass in the theater. "With every victory, two people will no longer be cards, returning to normal! This is so unfair!"
And, indeed, two people did. Helga Sinclair and Rourke. Helga was practicing combat moves in the Fantasmic Kingdom gym when she turned into a card.
"What just happened?" Helga asked herself when she stood up, wearing her gym clothes and boxing gloves again. "All I remembered was becoming flat like paper and. that's it."
Suddenly, No Face appeared in front of Helga, smiling down at her.
"Hello, No Face," Helga waved slightly.
"Uh. uh." No Face moaned.
"Look, don't you ever talk?" Helga asked.
Silence.
"Well, at least you can make some verbal noises," Helga smiled. "Were you turned into a card?"
No Face shook his head.
"Why? Because you're a monster?" Helga asked.
No Face nodded.
Rourke, in his pajamas, stomped into the room and grabbed Helga by the neck. "You were in charge of what happened!"
"Me? Look, Rourke, I was turned into a card, too!" Helga shouted. "Let me go!"
Rourke narrowed his eyes. "No."
Rourke squeezed Helga's neck even tighter, choking her. To teach Rourke a lesson, No Face tapped on Rourke's shoulder and smiled.
No Face shook his head. "Uh. uh."
"And you are just plain annoying, No Face!" Rourke shouted, still choking Helga.
No Face held out a hand and a small piece of gold formed onto his palm.
"Is that. gold?" Rourke asked, letting Helga go. "Give me that!"
Rourke reached for the piece of gold, but as he did so No Face grabbed Rourke, lifted him up, opened his huge mouth (located under No Face's mask) and swallowed Rourke whole! No Face burped, and his mask smiled. No Face grew slightly fat.
"N-No Face!" Helga gasped. "Well, that basically wasn't a bad thing."
Ecid saw what happened with No Face, Rourke and Helga. She changed the channel on the hourglass to check up on sports, but saw the recent event instead.
"I think I'll make No Face insane," Ecid laughed.
Ecid snapped her fingers and a small wand made of silver appeared in her right hand. Ecid twirled the magic wand several times, aimed at the hour glass, and zapped it with green magic.
No Face shook after smiling at Helga. He looked down at Helga and smiled. in a creepy way.
"What's wrong, No Face?" Helga asked.
"Wipe that smile off your face!" No Face exclaimed.
"What?" Helga asked.
"You're still smiling!" No Face continued.
No Face grabbed Helga and swallowed her as well, growing bigger.
Ecid zapped the hourglass again and No Face appeared in the World of Illusion, not far from the princesses and the villains.
Ecid spoke with No Face telepathically and simply said two words. "Kill them."
"What a beautiful place," Ariel commented on the gorgeous scenery.
"Yes, isn't it? It makes me sick," Phantom Blot snickered.
Maleficent turned her head and saw an angry looking blue dragon fly wearing a helmet.
"Duck!" Maleficent called out, ducking.
Our heroes ducked and the dragonfly zipped by. He turned around and flapped his wings, furious.
"You are intruders!" the dragonfly exclaimed.
"We were sent here," Aurora said.
"By whom?" the dragonfly demanded.
"Ecid," Maleficent answered.
"Well you're still intruders!" the dragonfly shouted.
"No need to shout," Ariel suggested.
"Silence, redhead!" the dragonfly screamed at Ariel. "You shall be severely punished for yelling at the great dragonfly Dragonbee!"
"Dragonbee?" Jasmine asked. "Your name is Dragonbee?"
Dragonbee lowered his voice, and revealed a cowardly side. "Yes. Don't make fun of me! I'll kill you all! Here and now!"
Maleficent picked up a rock and threw it at Dragonbee's head. Dragonbee instantly became unconscious, and fell to the ground.
"What did you do that for?" Ariel asked.
"He was annoying," Maleficent shrugged.
Two cards morphed back into their human selves: Sarah and Mary Sanderson. They stood up from the hard-wood floor and looked at each other.
"Sarah," the portly Mary said, "where's Winnie?"
The attractive witch, Sarah, looked around, and spotted a card. The card had a picture of Winnie Sanderson in the middle.
"There," Sarah pointed.
"When will she wake up?" Mary asked.
"I don't know. But when she does, there's hell to pay," Sarah jumped around, laughing.
"You don't just hurt people because they're annoying!" Aurora shouted.
"You're annoying me," Maleficent sneered. "If I had my magic I'd teleport you straight to hell. So consider yourself lucky."
Belle's ears prickled as she heard something. It was the sound of bushes rustling. She looked towards the direction of the sound and motioned the others to quiet down.
"There's something there," Belle whispered.
"What?" Phantom Blot asked loudly.
The group urged him to shush.
"Get them!" a voice in the bush shouted.
The soldiers scrammed out of the trees and bushes like ants. Soon the princesses and villains stood together packed in a tiny space surrounded by blades and spears.
"Take them to the wise man!" a soldier shouted.
"This is preposterous," Jafar mumbled.
"Send in the purple haired woman to be questioned!" a soldier shouted.
"Moi?" Mim asked.
The soldiers pushed her down a narrow path through some flowers and to a hole in the ground. They push her down and she tumbled down a slide. She landed on her back, with her hair over her eyes. She stood up and cracked her back. Wiping the hair away from her view, she instantly saw a twisted meeting room in front of her. With desks, chairs, and a big throne in the center of the room. Blue skinned freaks were sitting in the chairs at the desks and two soldiers stood before the throne. They both lifted up their spears and clanged it on the ground, making a grating noise.
Mim grumbled.
The rest of the gang was pushed down the slide as well, but this time they were tied up the moment they landed. Sitting and staring at Mim, they prayed the outcome of all of this would be good.
The soldiers stomped on the ground with their right feet.
"And now, the wisest frum in the history of all frums." the first soldier shouted.
". With a record breaking GPA of two-point-three: Glide!" the second soldier concluded.
"Two-point-three?" Ariel asked out loud.
"And they said it was the highest GPA they've ever known," commented Jafar.
"What a bunch of morons," Belle whispered.
Glide looked like any other frum-red shorts, yellow shoes, blue face- but Glide had a long white beard that reached from chin to knees. He had wrinkles at the side of his eyes and wore coke bottle glasses.
"I am the wisest of all frums," Glide spoke out loud to Mim. "I am Glide."
"I know," Mim snapped.
"You and your friends have trespassed into our land," Glide announced. "Why have you come here, aliens?"
"We were sent here," Mim explained, "and. I'm sorry, what the devil is a frum?"
"We are frums, fool," Glide shouted.
"Is 'frum' another way of saying 'idiot'?" the Phantom Blot asked Maleficent.
Maleficent replied with a snicker.
"Why are you and your gang here, purple haired woman?" Glide asked Mim.
"We were sent here! I already told you!" Mim stammered.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that," Glide said, rubbing his ears. "Why are you here?"
"We were sent here!" Mim screamed.
"By who?" Glide asked.
After thinking, she remembered the name. "Ecid," she replied.
Glide shrugged. "Never heard of her. But we'll fear her anyway."
Every frum in the room stood back and gasped in shock.
"Ecid!" shouted Glide. "Well, that doesn't explain why she sent you here!"
"For a test," Mim shrugged helplessly. "That's all she talked about. Some test of princesses and villains combining forces. Pinfeathers, if you ask me."
"I'd rather eat a high-fat dairy product," said Jasmine, "than to team up with Jafar."
"Do you want to get out of this place or not?" Jafar asked Jasmine.
"Well, we hate you anyway," Glide shouted.
"Why?" Mim asked.
"Because you think you're smarter than us!" Glide answered.
Mim thought 'No Duh!', but she couldn't say that to the wisest frum. "No we don't! We don't think we're smarter than you!"
"Yes you do!"
"No we don't!"
"Shut up, potty mouth!" Glide shouted, sounding like his feelings were crushed.
"Oh, that's very mature," Mim cackled.
"Kill them!" Glide shouted.
Every frum stood up and charged after Mim.
"Can't use magic," Mim said to herself. "What should I do?"
A clock on a wall chimed twelve times.
"Supper time!" Glide shouted.
All the frums immediately stopped charging at Mim and headed outside to find food.
"I got an idea," Maleficent said.
"What?" Mim asked while walking to the tied-up group.
"First, untie us," Maleficent smirked.
Sarah and Mary Sanderson paced around outside their cottage, thinking.
"Remember," they chanted. "Remember. remember... remember. remember. Remember. Remember!"
Sarah raised her hand. "I remember!"
"What?" Mary asked.
". Nothing," Sarah shrugged.
"What are we remembering?" Mary asked.
"I don't remember," Sarah giggled.
The tested threw down their ropes and stretched.
"What's your plan?" Mim asked Maleficent.
"We don't have our magic," Maleficent regrettably said, "but we got our brains. Now use them. How can we get rid of these frums?"
"Well, they're extremely stupid," Ariel commented.
"And loud," Belle commented.
"And unreasonable," Jasmine commented.
"And oblivious to reality," Aurora commented.
"Therefore," Ariel started.
"We can get rid of them by doing something much too intelligent for them," Belle finished.
"Right, Belle," Ariel said, giving her a cold stare. "What do you have in mind, Maleficent?"
"A spelling bee," Maleficent suggested.
"Huh?" Phantom Blot whispered.
"We'll challenge Glide to a game of spelling bee. We'll make a bet; we win, we're free. He wins, he can do whatever he wants to us," Maleficent explained.
"And we shouldn't worry about losing because they're morons," Jafar concluded.
"Good idea, Maleficent!" Aurora cheered while putting a hand on Maleficent's shoulder.
Maleficent grabbed Aurora by her neck and shoved her to the ground. "Don't. touch me."
"Maleficent," Ariel asked.
"What?" Maleficent asked coldly.
"Could you please be a little bit nicer?" Ariel asked while twiddling her fingers.
"Fine," Maleficent sighed.
Maleficent picked up Aurora, and smiled.
"I'm about to hurt you," Maleficent said.
Maleficent shoved Aurora to the ground. Ariel folded her arms across her chest and tapped her right foot. Maleficent shrugged.
"What?" the evil fairy asked. "I gave her a fair warning."
The frums returned from supper and resumed their positions as if nothing had happened.
"Sir Glide," Mim called out.
"Hmm?" Glide grunted.
"We challenge you to a spelling bee. We win, we're free. You win, we're yours," Mim explained.
"Okay. How do you spell 'cat'?" Glide asked, looking proud.
"C-A-T," Mim said without any trouble.
After thinking for a minute, Glide slapped his fore head. "Blast!"
Mim cracked her knuckles. "My turn. How do you spell 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'?"
Glide thought. He cleared his throat several times, but no answer came. Then, without warning, all the frums turned into cards.
"I have one question," Phantom Blot said to Jafar.
"Yes?" Jafar asked.
"What is this?" Phantom Blot shouted, pointing at the cards everywhere.
"I think we won," Belle said.
"It was my idea, you brat," Maleficent slapped Belle.
"And I was the one who challenged him!" Mim shouted, pulling her purple hair.
Ariel stepped closer to Maleficent. "Don't touch Belle!"
"Or what, redhead?" Maleficent asked. "You'll cry to mommy?"
Ariel looked shocked and offended. Slowly looking down to the ground, she sighed.
"Oh wait," Maleficent mocked, "you don't have one."
Ariel leaped onto Maleficent and tackled her. The two fell to the floor and started fighting. Ariel punched at Maleficent, and then Maleficent punched back, then a kick here and a kick there.
"Stop it, you two!" Aurora shouted. "You're both acting like children!"
"Who are you to order them?" Jafar asked loudly, marching to Aurora and pushing her. "You didn't do any work today!"
"Leave me alone," Aurora demanded.
Maleficent was strangling Ariel now. "I'll kill you!"
Ariel strangled back.
"This has gone far enough!" Mim screamed.
Jasmine grabbed Ariel and Jafar grabbed Maleficent. The princess and villain demanded to be released so they can continue the brawl.
"This is not very princess like behavior, Ariel," Belle said to Ariel while rubbing her slap mark.
Jasmine pointed at Maleficent. "You, never say that to Ariel again!" Jasmine then pointed at Ariel. "Calm down. She's just a villain."
Maleficent sneered and wiped some blood from her nose. "That's it. We're going our separate ways!"
"Good!" Ariel barked. "Who needs you?"
The villains climbed out of the hole and marched away, leaving the princesses.
Ariel walked away from the princess group and sat down, crying.
"What happened to her mom, anyway?" Aurora whispered to Jasmine.
Jasmine leaned to Aurora and whispered the answer. "She died. She saved Ariel from a great white shark. But the shark got her."
"The poor girl," Belle thought, while staring at the sea princess.
Ecid was quite pleased with what she saw. "Their first fight. How adorable. Now, where is that No Face?"
Ecid placed her two index fingers on her fore head and called out for No Face telepathically. "No Face.?"
The moment the frums were defeated, the moment two cards in Fantasmic Kingdom were alive again. Jakes Jonah Fate and Audrey Ramirez.
Audrey stood up and cracked her neck. "I remembered Kida being kidnapped and turning into a card."
J.J. Fate popped up on Audrey's head. "I was turned into a card, too."
Audrey looked up at Fate and smiled. "Hey, Fate. Wait, Kida was kidnapped!"
"All the princesses were," Fate explained.
"To where?" Audrey asked.
"To heck if I know," Fate shrugged.
Ecid stomped her feet and tried to control herself from smashing the hourglass in pure anger. "No Face! Answer me!"
An image of No Face walking through the forest appeared in the hourglass. The hourglass flipped to continue moving the sand.
"There you are," Ecid said. "New plan! Get Belle and bring her to me!"
No Face switched from walking to jogging. He was out to search for Belle.
"Maleficent--," Blot started.
"No," Maleficent snapped. "We're not going back."
"I wasn't even going to ask that!" Blot growled.
"Shut up," Maleficent sighed.
"How the hell are we going to get out of here without them?" Mim asked.
"How the heck are we going to get out of here without them?" Aurora asked Jasmine.
"We can do it without them," Maleficent answered.
"We don't need them," Jasmine replied.
"But what about the test?" Belle pointed out.
"Forget the test, Jafar!" Maleficent sneered.
"But Ecid said we needed the princesses in order to pass the test!" Jafar screamed.
"You make it sound like you want to be with them, Jafar!" Maleficent shouted.
"I don't want to be with them," Aurora said, "but I feel we do need them in order to survive this nuthouse."
"Okay, fine," Maleficent sighed. "But if that mermaid attacks me again, I'm through."
"Actually, you started it," Mim said.
Maleficent opened her mouth to say something but couldn't speak. She narrowed her eyes, turned around, and marched back towards the area where she left the princesses.
"Should we head back to the villains?" Belle asked.
"Sure," Aurora said.
Jasmine approached Ariel and helped her up. "Come on, Ariel."
"I'm. sorry," Ariel sniffed.
"She started it," Jasmine nodded. "It wasn't your fault."
"We're back," Mim called out while the villains marched back to the princesses.
"What are you?" Aurora asked. "Boomerangs?"
"We want to go home," Jafar said.
"We're tired," Mim said.
"This whole trip is damn annoying," Phantom Blot said, "but the sooner we finish the sooner we can go to bed and forget your faces. So let's go already! Jeez!"
Maleficent and Ariel avoided eye contact.
Suddenly, No Face jumped from a tree and landed in front of the gang.
"By my master, Ecid, I shall kidnap Belle!" No Face shouted, using Rourke's voice.
"Oh, it's No Face," Ariel pointed.
"Apparently, he ate Rourke," Mim said.
"And he looks angry," Belle commented.
"What do we do now?" Phantom Blot asked.
"Run," Jafar simply said.
The gang turned around and dashed. No Face got on his two hands and legs and galloped after them.
"Wait!" Maleficent shouted. "We have these capes."
"Yikes!" Blot slapped his fore head. "I forgot about those silly things!"
"Should we use it on No Face?" Aurora asked.
"That's the idea," Maleficent said.
Maleficent turned around, took a few steps, and then stopped, waiting for No Face. No Face leaped and landed in front of Maleficent, drooling, looking down at her.
"Wipe that smile off your face!" he shouted.
"Oh, go to hell," Maleficent sighed.
The witch then took out her purple cape then whipped No Face. No Face screamed and spat out Rourke and Helga.
Rourke landed on his back. He sat up and shook his head. "Now, that's an esophagus!"
No Face returned to normal. He quickly shook his head as an apology and vanished.
"Are you all right?" Ariel asked to Rourke and Helga.
"I feel like I fell asleep in a pigsty," Helga groaned, wiping goop from her face.
With a poof and smoke, both Helga and Rourke vanished.
"What the--?" Mim shouted.
Ecid crashed from the ground and pouted. "Damn you all! When you want something done right, do it yourself!"
Ecid grabbed Belle and laughed. "See you in hell, losers!"
Ecid snatched out a ball and threw it on the ground. Dinky smoke whizzed out, not covering any part of Ecid. Ecid shouted "poof!" and vanished again.
"Belle!" the princesses cried.
"Yes!" the villains cheered.
"They took Belle!" Jasmine screamed.
"Quick!" Phantom Blot shouted. "Let's go before Ecid brings her back!"
Cinderella was sleeping in her bed, dreaming of a wonderful dream about her and her husband.
The kind of dream that would make any normal person sick.
Yet, why was Cinderella dreaming this dream? After all, she was married to that same prince! I'll tell you: she's lonely. The Prince is away on a business trip, leaving Cinderella alone with squeaky, annoying mice that talk for some odd reason. How Cinderella loves those mice is a mystery to the entire human race.
Ariel was in her room, getting ready for bed. She combed her long, beautiful red hair with a dinglehopper. The correct term for "dinglehopper" is "fork". Triton entered her room, angry.
"Sebastian told me you were hanging out with that Audrey! You did see her! Didn't you? Didn't you!" Triton shouted.
"Daddy, she's my friend!" Ariel back talked.
"She's a human! You're a mermaid! She doesn't care for you!" Triton shouted.
"You know nothing of our friendship!" Ariel shouted back.
"Don't you talk to me with that tone, young lady! From this day forth, you are not to be part of the Princess membership on land!" Triton screamed while his trident glowed with yellow light.
"Daddy, no! They're my friends! And they need my help to keep Fantasmic Kingdom in order! Please!" Ariel cried.
Triton aimed his trident at a picture of all the princesses plus Ariel. The trident shot a beam of powerful light and it shattered the picture, destroying it. Triton looked at Ariel and swam out of the room. As soon as he swam out of the room, he felt guilty. But he convinced himself that he did the right thing.
Ariel cried herself to sleep on the bed.
Princess Tatiana crawled onto a pile of grass to sleep with her husband, Timon.
"Good night, my love," Tatiana smiled.
"G'night, Tatiana," Timon yawned.
The two meerkats fell asleep. They woke up instantly at the sound of a roaring noise.
"What was that?" Tatiana gasped.
Pumbaa walked in, the noises coming from his stomach. "Sorry, my tummy's rumbling."
"Only you, Pumbaa," Timon sighed.
Princess Aurora laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Prince Phillip noticed she was still awake, and whispered to her.
"You haven't slept for a long while, Aurora. What's wrong?" Phillip whispered.
"Something's wrong." Aurora answered.
"What is?" Phillip asked.
There was no answer. Aurora stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night.
Princess Jasmine sat on a bench in the Agrabah Towers garden, looking at the sky. Aladdin walked to the bench and sat next to Jasmine.
"Aladdin," Jasmine said, "I think something bad is going to happen."
"What?" Aladdin asked.
"I don't know. Wait, I know: Jafar is going to star in Good Morning FK tomorrow morning." Jasmine sighed.
"Oh, Allah, anyone but him!" Aladdin shook his head.
Belle was reading in her bed. Not saying anything. Unaware of the unfortunate events that will soon befall the princesses.
Princess Eilonwy was asleep.
Princess Snow White was singing until the dwarves' ears bleed.
Princess Kiara was sleeping next to her father, Simba.
Princess Kida was sleeping as well.
There is a lot of princesses in the whole Kingdom, isn't there?
Ariel woke up to the sound of a thud. She opened her eyes and saw Lord Oberon floating above her.
"Oberon! How are you breathing underwater? And what do you want?" asked the terrified Ariel.
Lord Oberon laughed evilly and grabbed Ariel's neck. "You'll find out soon enough. You're coming with me!"
Triton swam into the room and pointed his trident at Oberon. Oberon's eyes turned purple, and with an explosion of purple smoke, Triton turned into a card, with a picture of him on the front of the card. The back of the card had a black background with a green V written in the middle.
"Daddy!" Ariel cried. "You monster!"
Ariel slapped Oberon. Oberon strangled Ariel and Ariel turned into stone. Oberon lifted up the statue of Ariel, swam out of Atlantica Palace, and swam up to shore.
While Princess Tatiana slept, Lady Titania gently picked her up and walked out of the Pridelands with her in hand.
"I'm sorry," Lady Titania thought, "but I have no choice."
Snow White finished her singing to Doc, Happy, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Bashful and Sleepy. Before she could get a chance to kiss them goodnight, Madame Mim crashed through the window, in the form of a purple panther.
"Mim!" Snow White gasped.
Mim cackled and tackled Snow White, biting her. "Come with me or I'll kill you on the spot!"
Mim spat out some blood from Snow White and grabbed Snow White's left hand by her jaws, pulling her up. The dwarves ran for their pick-axes but Mim snapped her panther fingers. For some reason, the seven dwarves turned into cards.
"Aurora! Get away from that monster!" Prince Phillip shouted.
Aurora was cornered by a green monster that looked like he was made of plants.
"Phillip! Help me!" Aurora cried.
A plant-like creature with purple hair and a duckbill appeared on the monster's head. "Sorry. I don't really like being a villain. But if I don't I'll be killed. So. forgive me."
The monster opened its mouth and snatched Aurora with its flexible tongue. The creature's tongue snaps back into the mouth with Aurora trapped in it, and swallows her.
"Aurora! No!" Phillip shouted.
Phillip dashed to get his sword from a cabinet but he, too, turned into a card.
Princess Eilonwy was bashed on the head with a bat and fell into darkness. She was taken away by Demona.
"Jafar! What are you doing here?" Aladdin demanded while tied up and lying on the floor.
"To kidnap Jasmine, street rat. What else?" Jafar shrugged.
Jasmine found herself unable to move. She gulped and stared at Jafar.
"Well, Jasmine, I think I'll kidnap you in a different way. A way that does not fill up so much space," Jafar laughed evilly.
Jafar's staff glowed, and Jasmine started feeling odd. Without warning, Jasmine's head exploded, with blood and gore splashing all over the floor.
"Jasmine!" Aladdin screamed, shocked.
"Relax, Aladdin. She won't be dead for long," Jafar explained.
Jafar sprinkled some powder on Jasmine's corpse, and all of Jasmine's blood and gore oozed together and rose from the ground. Jafar took out a tiny bottle from his pocket, and twisted the lid off. The huge amount of blood immediately flew and filled the bottle. For some untold reason, the tiny bottle seemed to hold all of Jasmine's blood.
"This is a wicked idea! I love it! Good night, Aladdin," Jafar laughed.
Jafar bashed Aladdin's head with his scepter, and Aladdin turned into a card.
"Kida!" Audrey screamed, after seeing Kida being kidnapped by Jackal.
Jackal looked back at Audrey while running away and laughed. Audrey thought about running after him, but her legs turned flat as a paper and she fall on her back.
"What the hell?" Audrey screamed right before turning into a card.
Every princess of Fantasmic Kingdom has been kidnapped by the villains. All of them are brought to the Howard Ashman Memorial Theater.
Ariel morphed from the statue back to her mermaid self as soon as she was tossed on the floor next to the other princesses. Jafar revived Jasmine by dumping the blood out, which instantly morphed into Jasmine.
Bushroot and the monster walked into the theater. The monster spat out Aurora, who was ticked because she was covered in green slime.
"Yuck!" Aurora shouted, wiping the slime from her eyes.
"It's what you deserve, foolish child," Maleficent said to her.
Ariel looked around and crawled closer to the princesses on the floor. She sighed in relief when she noticed that Belle wasn't there.
"At least they didn't kidnap Belle," Ariel commented.
"I'm up here!" Belle shouted.
The princess looked up and saw Belle being held by the Phantom Blot, who was holding onto a rope attached to the ceiling.
"This is just lovely," Aurora sarcastically stated.
Ariel gulped and looked up at Maleficent. "What do you want from us?"
"Why, Ariel," Maleficent said, mocking a kind voice, "I want all of you dead!"
"I was afraid I'd get that answer," Ariel shivered.
Princess Tatiana threw a temper tantrum. "Let us go!"
"No," Jafar laughed.
The Phantom Blot dropped Belle, and Belle slammed hard on the floor below. Ariel crawled to Belle and helped her up, while the Phantom Blot dropped himself and landed on his feet.
"Why did you turn all of our friends into cards?" Cinderella asked.
"As soon as we dispose of you," the Phantom Blot explained, "we'll burn all of those cards. With you and your friends dead, we will rule the kingdom!"
"No!" Belle cried out while being held by Ariel.
"Arrivederci, princesses!" Maleficent laughed.
Maleficent raised her staff, summoning a magic attack to kill off the heroines, when the knob of the staff exploded.
"What?" Maleficent whispered in awe.
"What the devil?" Mim asked, looking around.
Two white dice with black dots to represent the numbers roll from the front doors, and all the way to the group of princesses and villains. The dice explode in maroon smoke, and an attractive yet evil-looking woman steps out of the fog. She wore a black dress, had purple skin, and an odd hat. The hat resembled that of a jesters, and instead of bells attached, it was dice.
"Who are you, and why did you foil our plans?" Maleficent demanded.
"I am Ecid, and I am the Queen of Chance," the woman answered with an untrustworthy voice.
WELL, sneered Chernabog, HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO DIE!
Chernabog charged at Ecid, but Ecid snapped her fingers, and Chernabog instantly turned into a card.
"What kind of villain are you?" Ariel asked.
"Silence, mermaid!" Ecid snapped.
"Don't talk to her that way!" Tatiana snapped back, shortly before turning into a card.
"Stop that!" Hades demanded, shortly before turning into a card.
"I'll choose who will take the test," Ecid said out loud.
"Test?" Belle asked.
"If you can survive an adventure in the World of Illusion, I'll let your friends go. You don't, and. well, boohoo to your friends," Ecid laughed.
"Will it be us versus them?" Maleficent asked.
Ecid laughed. "No! You'll team up with the princesses!"
Maleficent stared at Ecid blankly for a few moments. "What?"
"You heard me," Ecid frowned.
Maleficent and Aurora pointed at each other and shouted in unison. "I'd rather eat a dinner prepared by Cookie than to team up with her!"
"Too bad," Ecid smiled. "But not all of you will go. I shall choose who will."
Ecid walked around the princesses, eyeing them from top to bottom.
"Ariel, Belle, Aurora and Jasmine! You four princesses will take the test," Ecid waved.
All of the other princesses turned into cards, and floated gently to the floor. Ecid then walked to the villains.
"Please, Ecid, have a heart!" Maleficent begged. "I have a cold, black heart but at least I have a heart! Allying with the princesses? It's too humiliating!"
"Just for that, you will take the test," Ecid sneered.
"Way to go, Maleficent," Phantom Blot snickered.
"You, too, Blot," Ecid smiled.
"Damn," Phantom Blot sighed.
"And Madame Mim, and. Jafar," Ecid pointed.
All of the other villains turned into cards as well.
"I can't go! I'm a mermaid!" Ariel exclaimed, pointing at her fin.
Ecid snapped her fingers and Ariel instantly became human, wearing her blue dress and a blue bow on her head.
"Oh," Ariel whispered.
Ecid snapped her fingers, and the three remaining princesses morphed from their royal pajamas to wearing their normal clothes. Aurora wore her peasant girl outfit, Jasmine wore her brown robe and hood, and Belle wore her French blue and white dress.
"Let the games begin!" Ecid laugh manically.
"And I thought we were bad," Jafar thought.
Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Aurora, Maleficent, Madame Mim, Jafar and the Phantom Blot were unconscious when the test started. They were lying on the soft dirt of a beautiful yet humungous forest.
"Awaken!" a deep voice demanded.
The princesses and villains instantly opened their eyes and stood up. The deep voice was coming from twenty-foot tall purple toad stool that was inching his way to the group.
"I am Morpheus, and I am here to greet you," the mighty toadstool said.
"Did anyone get the license number of that truck?" Blot asked, still tired and dazed.
"We're the size of ants!" Belle exclaimed, realizing she and the group was miniatures in the forest.
"How did we get here?" Ariel asked.
"Ecid knocked you all out and transported you here," Morpheus explained.
"Do we really have to work together?" Aurora groaned.
"Yes, child," Morpheus said. "For the first time in history, the princesses and the villains must use teamwork."
"Teamwork in a pig's eye!" Maleficent growled.
"Calm down, Maleficent," Ariel suggested, putting a hand on her shoulder.
Maleficent pushed Ariel's hand off of her and stepped back. "Get your hands off of me, mermaid!"
"But we have to work together!" Jasmine snapped.
"Shut up!" Maleficent shouted.
"The sooner we complete this test," Jafar explained, "the sooner we can go home and forget this ever happened. So let's go already!"
"Go where?" Mim asked.
"First," Morpheus slowly said, "we must equip you."
"Equip?" Ariel asked.
"Magic capes," Morpheus said.
"Ooh, scary," Blot said sarcastically.
Morpheus took a deep breath and announced their equipment with a melodic tone.
Ariel, sweet and true, carries the cape of blue Belle, intelligent and bright, carries the cape of white.
Aurora, lips that shame roses of red, carries the cape of red.
"Red twice?" Aurora asked.
"Shut up," Morpheus snapped.
Morpheus continued singing.
Jasmine, brave and supreme, carries the cape of green.
Mim, a whiny little fink, carries the cape of pink.
Maleficent, um, well, oh dash it all. She has a purple cape.
Jafar, Jafar, he's not our man, if he can't do it, great!
"Wait just a minute!" Jafar sneered.
"Do not interrupt the great mushroom Morpheus!" the mushroom shouted. "Now, where was I?"
Phantom Blot, a heart attack, carries the cape of black. "These are our weapons?" Mim asked. "Capes?"
"Not just any capes," Morpheus continued. "Ariel!"
Ariel gasped. "Y-yes?"
"Swing your cape to Mim," Morpheus ordered.
"What?" Mim asked, angry.
Ariel approached Mim, holding her blue cape.
"Well? Come on! I haven't got all day," Mim snorted.
Ariel swung her blue cape at Mim. Mim instantly twisted around like a Silly Putty, and then snapped back to normal.
"What the devil?" the confused Mim asked out loud.
A creature in gray knight armor, red pants, yellow shoes and a blue face hopped out of a bush. He charged after Ariel.
"Attack him!" Morpheus encouraged.
Ariel flapped the cape at the soldier. The soldier instantly turned into a beautiful butterfly and flew away.
Belle stared at Ariel's cape in awe. "This is very peculiar."
"This is very amazing!" Aurora exclaimed.
"This is very dull," Maleficent grumbled.
"But I'll give you a very important advice," the mighty Morpheus said.
"What?" Jasmine asked.
Morpheus took a deep breath."The key to succeeding this test is to--"
The old Morpheus instantly fell asleep and refused to wake up.
"Yeah, sleep it off. That's good advice," Blot sighed.
Five soldiers discovered the group. They lifted up their spears and sneered.
"We've got company!" Mim pointed.
Belle jumped forward and whipped out her white cape. "Let's do this! Is everyone with me?"
Ariel lifted up her sky blue cape and hopped next to Belle. "Aye!"
"For the love of God," Maleficent sighed. "Let me handle this. Huh? Where- where's my staff?"
"And I can't use my magic!" Mim cried.
"Nor can me!" Jafar gasped.
"We don't need evil magic," Aurora said, running to Ariel and Belle.
"We have each other!" Jasmine said, running to the princesses.
"Which basically means 'we have nothing', correct?" the Phantom Blot laughed.
"Just get over here," Ariel snapped.
"Fine," Blot shrugged, skipping to the group.
"I just know I'm going to regret this," Jafar groaned, walking with his cape.
"No comment," Mim snorted, heading for the group as well.
Maleficent folded her arms on her chest. "Working with princesses? This is humiliating."
Maleficent walked to the group, trying to rip her purple cape.
"Destroy them!" a soldier shouted. "Charge!"
The soldiers aimed their spears and charged after the heroes and villains/heroes.
"Ready?" Ariel asked.
"No."
"No."
"No."
"No."
"Nope."
"To die, yes."
"Yes. Wait, I change my answer. No."
The princesses, who were standing in front of the villains, twisted their capes and aimed. When the soldiers were right in front of them, the princesses whipped them like a wet bath towel. The soldiers instantly turned into none-offensive butterflies.
"We did it!" Ariel hugged Belle.
"Mazel tov," Phantom Blot sighed.
Aurora walked to Maleficent and placed a hand on her shoulder. "See? This isn't so bad. Who knows? You'll probably even get to like me."
Maleficent stared at Aurora with very wide eyes and lips trembling. She must be out of her mind, Maleficent thought.
Mim marched ahead of the group. "Let's go before I barf at that thought!"
The villains and princesses shrugged and followed Mim.
"They should've died!" the bratty Ecid screamed, watching everything from a giant hourglass in the theater. "With every victory, two people will no longer be cards, returning to normal! This is so unfair!"
And, indeed, two people did. Helga Sinclair and Rourke. Helga was practicing combat moves in the Fantasmic Kingdom gym when she turned into a card.
"What just happened?" Helga asked herself when she stood up, wearing her gym clothes and boxing gloves again. "All I remembered was becoming flat like paper and. that's it."
Suddenly, No Face appeared in front of Helga, smiling down at her.
"Hello, No Face," Helga waved slightly.
"Uh. uh." No Face moaned.
"Look, don't you ever talk?" Helga asked.
Silence.
"Well, at least you can make some verbal noises," Helga smiled. "Were you turned into a card?"
No Face shook his head.
"Why? Because you're a monster?" Helga asked.
No Face nodded.
Rourke, in his pajamas, stomped into the room and grabbed Helga by the neck. "You were in charge of what happened!"
"Me? Look, Rourke, I was turned into a card, too!" Helga shouted. "Let me go!"
Rourke narrowed his eyes. "No."
Rourke squeezed Helga's neck even tighter, choking her. To teach Rourke a lesson, No Face tapped on Rourke's shoulder and smiled.
No Face shook his head. "Uh. uh."
"And you are just plain annoying, No Face!" Rourke shouted, still choking Helga.
No Face held out a hand and a small piece of gold formed onto his palm.
"Is that. gold?" Rourke asked, letting Helga go. "Give me that!"
Rourke reached for the piece of gold, but as he did so No Face grabbed Rourke, lifted him up, opened his huge mouth (located under No Face's mask) and swallowed Rourke whole! No Face burped, and his mask smiled. No Face grew slightly fat.
"N-No Face!" Helga gasped. "Well, that basically wasn't a bad thing."
Ecid saw what happened with No Face, Rourke and Helga. She changed the channel on the hourglass to check up on sports, but saw the recent event instead.
"I think I'll make No Face insane," Ecid laughed.
Ecid snapped her fingers and a small wand made of silver appeared in her right hand. Ecid twirled the magic wand several times, aimed at the hour glass, and zapped it with green magic.
No Face shook after smiling at Helga. He looked down at Helga and smiled. in a creepy way.
"What's wrong, No Face?" Helga asked.
"Wipe that smile off your face!" No Face exclaimed.
"What?" Helga asked.
"You're still smiling!" No Face continued.
No Face grabbed Helga and swallowed her as well, growing bigger.
Ecid zapped the hourglass again and No Face appeared in the World of Illusion, not far from the princesses and the villains.
Ecid spoke with No Face telepathically and simply said two words. "Kill them."
"What a beautiful place," Ariel commented on the gorgeous scenery.
"Yes, isn't it? It makes me sick," Phantom Blot snickered.
Maleficent turned her head and saw an angry looking blue dragon fly wearing a helmet.
"Duck!" Maleficent called out, ducking.
Our heroes ducked and the dragonfly zipped by. He turned around and flapped his wings, furious.
"You are intruders!" the dragonfly exclaimed.
"We were sent here," Aurora said.
"By whom?" the dragonfly demanded.
"Ecid," Maleficent answered.
"Well you're still intruders!" the dragonfly shouted.
"No need to shout," Ariel suggested.
"Silence, redhead!" the dragonfly screamed at Ariel. "You shall be severely punished for yelling at the great dragonfly Dragonbee!"
"Dragonbee?" Jasmine asked. "Your name is Dragonbee?"
Dragonbee lowered his voice, and revealed a cowardly side. "Yes. Don't make fun of me! I'll kill you all! Here and now!"
Maleficent picked up a rock and threw it at Dragonbee's head. Dragonbee instantly became unconscious, and fell to the ground.
"What did you do that for?" Ariel asked.
"He was annoying," Maleficent shrugged.
Two cards morphed back into their human selves: Sarah and Mary Sanderson. They stood up from the hard-wood floor and looked at each other.
"Sarah," the portly Mary said, "where's Winnie?"
The attractive witch, Sarah, looked around, and spotted a card. The card had a picture of Winnie Sanderson in the middle.
"There," Sarah pointed.
"When will she wake up?" Mary asked.
"I don't know. But when she does, there's hell to pay," Sarah jumped around, laughing.
"You don't just hurt people because they're annoying!" Aurora shouted.
"You're annoying me," Maleficent sneered. "If I had my magic I'd teleport you straight to hell. So consider yourself lucky."
Belle's ears prickled as she heard something. It was the sound of bushes rustling. She looked towards the direction of the sound and motioned the others to quiet down.
"There's something there," Belle whispered.
"What?" Phantom Blot asked loudly.
The group urged him to shush.
"Get them!" a voice in the bush shouted.
The soldiers scrammed out of the trees and bushes like ants. Soon the princesses and villains stood together packed in a tiny space surrounded by blades and spears.
"Take them to the wise man!" a soldier shouted.
"This is preposterous," Jafar mumbled.
"Send in the purple haired woman to be questioned!" a soldier shouted.
"Moi?" Mim asked.
The soldiers pushed her down a narrow path through some flowers and to a hole in the ground. They push her down and she tumbled down a slide. She landed on her back, with her hair over her eyes. She stood up and cracked her back. Wiping the hair away from her view, she instantly saw a twisted meeting room in front of her. With desks, chairs, and a big throne in the center of the room. Blue skinned freaks were sitting in the chairs at the desks and two soldiers stood before the throne. They both lifted up their spears and clanged it on the ground, making a grating noise.
Mim grumbled.
The rest of the gang was pushed down the slide as well, but this time they were tied up the moment they landed. Sitting and staring at Mim, they prayed the outcome of all of this would be good.
The soldiers stomped on the ground with their right feet.
"And now, the wisest frum in the history of all frums." the first soldier shouted.
". With a record breaking GPA of two-point-three: Glide!" the second soldier concluded.
"Two-point-three?" Ariel asked out loud.
"And they said it was the highest GPA they've ever known," commented Jafar.
"What a bunch of morons," Belle whispered.
Glide looked like any other frum-red shorts, yellow shoes, blue face- but Glide had a long white beard that reached from chin to knees. He had wrinkles at the side of his eyes and wore coke bottle glasses.
"I am the wisest of all frums," Glide spoke out loud to Mim. "I am Glide."
"I know," Mim snapped.
"You and your friends have trespassed into our land," Glide announced. "Why have you come here, aliens?"
"We were sent here," Mim explained, "and. I'm sorry, what the devil is a frum?"
"We are frums, fool," Glide shouted.
"Is 'frum' another way of saying 'idiot'?" the Phantom Blot asked Maleficent.
Maleficent replied with a snicker.
"Why are you and your gang here, purple haired woman?" Glide asked Mim.
"We were sent here! I already told you!" Mim stammered.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that," Glide said, rubbing his ears. "Why are you here?"
"We were sent here!" Mim screamed.
"By who?" Glide asked.
After thinking, she remembered the name. "Ecid," she replied.
Glide shrugged. "Never heard of her. But we'll fear her anyway."
Every frum in the room stood back and gasped in shock.
"Ecid!" shouted Glide. "Well, that doesn't explain why she sent you here!"
"For a test," Mim shrugged helplessly. "That's all she talked about. Some test of princesses and villains combining forces. Pinfeathers, if you ask me."
"I'd rather eat a high-fat dairy product," said Jasmine, "than to team up with Jafar."
"Do you want to get out of this place or not?" Jafar asked Jasmine.
"Well, we hate you anyway," Glide shouted.
"Why?" Mim asked.
"Because you think you're smarter than us!" Glide answered.
Mim thought 'No Duh!', but she couldn't say that to the wisest frum. "No we don't! We don't think we're smarter than you!"
"Yes you do!"
"No we don't!"
"Shut up, potty mouth!" Glide shouted, sounding like his feelings were crushed.
"Oh, that's very mature," Mim cackled.
"Kill them!" Glide shouted.
Every frum stood up and charged after Mim.
"Can't use magic," Mim said to herself. "What should I do?"
A clock on a wall chimed twelve times.
"Supper time!" Glide shouted.
All the frums immediately stopped charging at Mim and headed outside to find food.
"I got an idea," Maleficent said.
"What?" Mim asked while walking to the tied-up group.
"First, untie us," Maleficent smirked.
Sarah and Mary Sanderson paced around outside their cottage, thinking.
"Remember," they chanted. "Remember. remember... remember. remember. Remember. Remember!"
Sarah raised her hand. "I remember!"
"What?" Mary asked.
". Nothing," Sarah shrugged.
"What are we remembering?" Mary asked.
"I don't remember," Sarah giggled.
The tested threw down their ropes and stretched.
"What's your plan?" Mim asked Maleficent.
"We don't have our magic," Maleficent regrettably said, "but we got our brains. Now use them. How can we get rid of these frums?"
"Well, they're extremely stupid," Ariel commented.
"And loud," Belle commented.
"And unreasonable," Jasmine commented.
"And oblivious to reality," Aurora commented.
"Therefore," Ariel started.
"We can get rid of them by doing something much too intelligent for them," Belle finished.
"Right, Belle," Ariel said, giving her a cold stare. "What do you have in mind, Maleficent?"
"A spelling bee," Maleficent suggested.
"Huh?" Phantom Blot whispered.
"We'll challenge Glide to a game of spelling bee. We'll make a bet; we win, we're free. He wins, he can do whatever he wants to us," Maleficent explained.
"And we shouldn't worry about losing because they're morons," Jafar concluded.
"Good idea, Maleficent!" Aurora cheered while putting a hand on Maleficent's shoulder.
Maleficent grabbed Aurora by her neck and shoved her to the ground. "Don't. touch me."
"Maleficent," Ariel asked.
"What?" Maleficent asked coldly.
"Could you please be a little bit nicer?" Ariel asked while twiddling her fingers.
"Fine," Maleficent sighed.
Maleficent picked up Aurora, and smiled.
"I'm about to hurt you," Maleficent said.
Maleficent shoved Aurora to the ground. Ariel folded her arms across her chest and tapped her right foot. Maleficent shrugged.
"What?" the evil fairy asked. "I gave her a fair warning."
The frums returned from supper and resumed their positions as if nothing had happened.
"Sir Glide," Mim called out.
"Hmm?" Glide grunted.
"We challenge you to a spelling bee. We win, we're free. You win, we're yours," Mim explained.
"Okay. How do you spell 'cat'?" Glide asked, looking proud.
"C-A-T," Mim said without any trouble.
After thinking for a minute, Glide slapped his fore head. "Blast!"
Mim cracked her knuckles. "My turn. How do you spell 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'?"
Glide thought. He cleared his throat several times, but no answer came. Then, without warning, all the frums turned into cards.
"I have one question," Phantom Blot said to Jafar.
"Yes?" Jafar asked.
"What is this?" Phantom Blot shouted, pointing at the cards everywhere.
"I think we won," Belle said.
"It was my idea, you brat," Maleficent slapped Belle.
"And I was the one who challenged him!" Mim shouted, pulling her purple hair.
Ariel stepped closer to Maleficent. "Don't touch Belle!"
"Or what, redhead?" Maleficent asked. "You'll cry to mommy?"
Ariel looked shocked and offended. Slowly looking down to the ground, she sighed.
"Oh wait," Maleficent mocked, "you don't have one."
Ariel leaped onto Maleficent and tackled her. The two fell to the floor and started fighting. Ariel punched at Maleficent, and then Maleficent punched back, then a kick here and a kick there.
"Stop it, you two!" Aurora shouted. "You're both acting like children!"
"Who are you to order them?" Jafar asked loudly, marching to Aurora and pushing her. "You didn't do any work today!"
"Leave me alone," Aurora demanded.
Maleficent was strangling Ariel now. "I'll kill you!"
Ariel strangled back.
"This has gone far enough!" Mim screamed.
Jasmine grabbed Ariel and Jafar grabbed Maleficent. The princess and villain demanded to be released so they can continue the brawl.
"This is not very princess like behavior, Ariel," Belle said to Ariel while rubbing her slap mark.
Jasmine pointed at Maleficent. "You, never say that to Ariel again!" Jasmine then pointed at Ariel. "Calm down. She's just a villain."
Maleficent sneered and wiped some blood from her nose. "That's it. We're going our separate ways!"
"Good!" Ariel barked. "Who needs you?"
The villains climbed out of the hole and marched away, leaving the princesses.
Ariel walked away from the princess group and sat down, crying.
"What happened to her mom, anyway?" Aurora whispered to Jasmine.
Jasmine leaned to Aurora and whispered the answer. "She died. She saved Ariel from a great white shark. But the shark got her."
"The poor girl," Belle thought, while staring at the sea princess.
Ecid was quite pleased with what she saw. "Their first fight. How adorable. Now, where is that No Face?"
Ecid placed her two index fingers on her fore head and called out for No Face telepathically. "No Face.?"
The moment the frums were defeated, the moment two cards in Fantasmic Kingdom were alive again. Jakes Jonah Fate and Audrey Ramirez.
Audrey stood up and cracked her neck. "I remembered Kida being kidnapped and turning into a card."
J.J. Fate popped up on Audrey's head. "I was turned into a card, too."
Audrey looked up at Fate and smiled. "Hey, Fate. Wait, Kida was kidnapped!"
"All the princesses were," Fate explained.
"To where?" Audrey asked.
"To heck if I know," Fate shrugged.
Ecid stomped her feet and tried to control herself from smashing the hourglass in pure anger. "No Face! Answer me!"
An image of No Face walking through the forest appeared in the hourglass. The hourglass flipped to continue moving the sand.
"There you are," Ecid said. "New plan! Get Belle and bring her to me!"
No Face switched from walking to jogging. He was out to search for Belle.
"Maleficent--," Blot started.
"No," Maleficent snapped. "We're not going back."
"I wasn't even going to ask that!" Blot growled.
"Shut up," Maleficent sighed.
"How the hell are we going to get out of here without them?" Mim asked.
"How the heck are we going to get out of here without them?" Aurora asked Jasmine.
"We can do it without them," Maleficent answered.
"We don't need them," Jasmine replied.
"But what about the test?" Belle pointed out.
"Forget the test, Jafar!" Maleficent sneered.
"But Ecid said we needed the princesses in order to pass the test!" Jafar screamed.
"You make it sound like you want to be with them, Jafar!" Maleficent shouted.
"I don't want to be with them," Aurora said, "but I feel we do need them in order to survive this nuthouse."
"Okay, fine," Maleficent sighed. "But if that mermaid attacks me again, I'm through."
"Actually, you started it," Mim said.
Maleficent opened her mouth to say something but couldn't speak. She narrowed her eyes, turned around, and marched back towards the area where she left the princesses.
"Should we head back to the villains?" Belle asked.
"Sure," Aurora said.
Jasmine approached Ariel and helped her up. "Come on, Ariel."
"I'm. sorry," Ariel sniffed.
"She started it," Jasmine nodded. "It wasn't your fault."
"We're back," Mim called out while the villains marched back to the princesses.
"What are you?" Aurora asked. "Boomerangs?"
"We want to go home," Jafar said.
"We're tired," Mim said.
"This whole trip is damn annoying," Phantom Blot said, "but the sooner we finish the sooner we can go to bed and forget your faces. So let's go already! Jeez!"
Maleficent and Ariel avoided eye contact.
Suddenly, No Face jumped from a tree and landed in front of the gang.
"By my master, Ecid, I shall kidnap Belle!" No Face shouted, using Rourke's voice.
"Oh, it's No Face," Ariel pointed.
"Apparently, he ate Rourke," Mim said.
"And he looks angry," Belle commented.
"What do we do now?" Phantom Blot asked.
"Run," Jafar simply said.
The gang turned around and dashed. No Face got on his two hands and legs and galloped after them.
"Wait!" Maleficent shouted. "We have these capes."
"Yikes!" Blot slapped his fore head. "I forgot about those silly things!"
"Should we use it on No Face?" Aurora asked.
"That's the idea," Maleficent said.
Maleficent turned around, took a few steps, and then stopped, waiting for No Face. No Face leaped and landed in front of Maleficent, drooling, looking down at her.
"Wipe that smile off your face!" he shouted.
"Oh, go to hell," Maleficent sighed.
The witch then took out her purple cape then whipped No Face. No Face screamed and spat out Rourke and Helga.
Rourke landed on his back. He sat up and shook his head. "Now, that's an esophagus!"
No Face returned to normal. He quickly shook his head as an apology and vanished.
"Are you all right?" Ariel asked to Rourke and Helga.
"I feel like I fell asleep in a pigsty," Helga groaned, wiping goop from her face.
With a poof and smoke, both Helga and Rourke vanished.
"What the--?" Mim shouted.
Ecid crashed from the ground and pouted. "Damn you all! When you want something done right, do it yourself!"
Ecid grabbed Belle and laughed. "See you in hell, losers!"
Ecid snatched out a ball and threw it on the ground. Dinky smoke whizzed out, not covering any part of Ecid. Ecid shouted "poof!" and vanished again.
"Belle!" the princesses cried.
"Yes!" the villains cheered.
"They took Belle!" Jasmine screamed.
"Quick!" Phantom Blot shouted. "Let's go before Ecid brings her back!"