A/N: writing from my new dorm :D and as I said in cups of tea, I've bumped my head three times on my loft bed already and its still in one piece. Enjoy this little NorikoxShimako one shot about the beginning. And the words in italics are directly taken from translations of the light novels. Thanks to the online blogs who translated them!
"Your calling of 'Shimako' is not acceptable."
"What?"
Shimako couldn't breathe. For some reason, she could feel her lungs collapse inside her body as all color drained from her face. Sachiko's voice became a faint murmur as she explained to Noriko why she should not address Shimako as Shimako-san in school, and Shimako felt like fainting. Noriko was being eaten alive. They would never understand her the way she did.
She couldn't breathe.
"Really, Shimako-san," Sachiko's voice drew Shimako back to reality, "You need to teach her of such things. Past Rosa Giganteas may have all taken a liberal approach in guiding students, but the one that gets embarrassed in the end will be Noriko."
Shimako's brain hurriedly responded with what she was used to saying to Rosa Chinesis.
"I am very sorry."
Shimako's face retained an apologetic façade, but deep inside she prayed that her sincerest apologies would be enough to placate the growing wrath of Ogasawara Sachiko. She had been nervous about Noriko spending time with the Yamayuri, knowing that Noriko was level headed, blunt, and normal—not in the sense that she fit in perfectly in Lillian, but more along the lines of her fitting in perfectly with the real world outside of the prim and proper world the school seemed to emulate. It would break her if Noriko and the council members, her friends, did not get along.
She thought that she had done it, that she had saved Noriko, whose presence she needed right now to pick up and put together pieces of herself. But Noriko, ever the opinionated young girl that she was, decided not to let the subject go.
"I don't mind being corrected but to involve Shimako…no…I mean, to involve Shimako-sama seems a bit strange since Shimako-sama is not my onee-sama."
Shimako's lungs forgot how to breathe again. It stung—whether it was from the fact that Noriko managed to ensnare the mighty Sachiko again or the nonchalant tone she used when she outright accepted the fact that Shimako was not her soeur she did not know.
"Noriko," her voice pleaded, but Sachiko's increasingly irritated voice cuts through her plea.
"Even if she is not your onee-sama, to guide the younger students without onee-samas is the responsibility of the older students. Aren't you two very close? Though she may not be your onee-sama, Shimako still should have pointed it out to you."
"Noriko," Shimako said with barely a whisper. Sachiko must have sensed Shimako's discomfort because she softened up her expression and placed a gentle hand on Noriko's shoulder.
"If you do not wish to be corrected by other older students, then hurry up and find yourself an onee-sama."
Ouch. That was definitely directed more towards Shimako than Noriko, and the younger girl, who was growing more and more protective of Shimako every day, snapped at the remark. Shimako felt Noriko tense up and she knew that Noriko was done putting up with Sachiko's almost neurotic sense of propriety. She just prayed that Noriko would not go there.
"You should mind your own business."
…But she did.
"Mind my own business?"
As all hell broke loose, Shimako's mind started to explode in an uncontainable panic. They hated each other. The council disliked Noriko, and Noriko obviously felt the same way. Sachiko was asking her to choose between the council and Noriko—neither of which she knew she could live without.
It was getting too much, all of it. She could give up her position and enjoy life as a regular high school student with Noriko, someone who uncannily understood who she was and accepted her for it, but that would mean abandoning her friends. She could not leave them. They have helped her, they accepted her, and they did make an honest effort to understand her.
But…Noriko was different from everyone else. She was not exactly a perfect fit for Lillian, but she did understand Shimako. Noriko was her treasure, and she held a special place in Shimako's heart. Noriko, who did not believe in the soeur system, did not need a title to know her place in Shimako's life. Shimako needed Noriko to be there by her side. And for the first time in her life, Shimako admitted something to herself—she not only needed Noriko, she also wanted to be with her.
She could not and would not choose. There was no way.
"STOP IT!"
Shimako had no clue where her voice came from. Both Noriko and Sachiko abruptly stopped arguing and turned to Shimako.
It was too much, way too much for the fragile Rosa Gigantea.
With soft footsteps and a heavy heart, Toudou Shimako ran out of the Rose Mansion and into the pouring rain.
"Shimako is a greedy person, therefore she does not want to be disliked by anyone," Noriko mused thoughtfully as she approached Shimako, who was crouched under a tree by the University fence, drenched in the rain.
Shimako looked up slowly as Noriko knelt next to her. The younger girl noticed the tear stains on Shimako's face and smiled a small smile. Noriko understood what bothered Shimako.
Shimako was greedy but at the same time selfless—ever the walking contradiction that she was. She wanted everyone's approval, and in her greed for approval, she became selfless—never openly wanting what she wanted in fear of being shunned by those around her. Noriko saw how Shimako carefully walked that precarious line, and it pained her to see her steps faltering.
When Shimako told Noriko that she would not leave Lillian 'yet,' Noriko knew that the older girl was already prepared to leave school the moment that everyone discovered her secret. She was determined to leave it all—the Yamayuri council, her friends—behind. But when she was exposed (well, not really, since apparently everyone knew), Shimako kept a strong resolve and saw that her friends embraced her for who she was. She did not leave.
She told Shimako all of this, looking at the distraught beauty who stared at the rain drops hitting the puddles on the ground. With a twig, she wrote the names of the Yamayuri members on the ground.
"Shimako, you cannot live without them," Noriko reminded her with a soft smile.
"So?" Shimako looked up, straight into Noriko's eyes, "You cannot tell me to leave you."
Noriko's face softened and she understood what Shimako was saying. To her, the Yamayuri were her irreplaceable friends. But Noriko also understood that she held a special place in Shimako's heart, just as the older girl held one in hers.
"I will not say that because I am confident that Shimako cannot live without me," Noriko told her. Shimako's mood did not lighten so Noriko decided to continue.
"Shimako is really too impatient."
Noriko reached out one hand to brush away the tears that streamed down Shimako's face. Her tears were mixing in with the rain drops, and Noriko couldn't help but wonder if the sky was being moved as deeply as she was by the crying girl in front of her—enough to bring about the gloomy rain.
"Rosa Chinesis was only raising an extreme example. If you don't want to let go, there is no need to force yourself to give up on either, right?"
"But…"
Noriko did not like the idea of going to Lillian. It was a weird place filled with weird girls who carried out weird traditions. She could honestly care less about the clubs and activities, and she did not exactly identify herself as a Christian. The girls were not as accepting—at first they were distant, not understanding Noriko's nature (in her opinion, she was pretty normal compared to everyone else), then they became fanatic and somewhat resentful because of Noriko's growing relationship with Shimako. She did not fit in with the school, and she knew it right away. It had been her fault, the reason why she was forced to go to Lillian. She had not planned on making any close friends—she would study hard and finish up her three years to get accepted into a top notch university, her only retribution for ending up in Lillian.
But that was all until she happened to run into Toudou Shimako, who stood at the foot of the Sakura tree, arms outstretched, welcoming the petals and the wind.
They were polar opposites—but Noriko found oxygen. She was breathing. Lillian threatened to suffocate her and consume her completely, with all the weirdness—but she had found air.
And Noriko wanted to be with Shimako. Always. Even if it meant succumbing to the ridiculous soeur system the school imposed.
"I know of one solution."
Noriko stared at Shimako with a determined face, ready to take the fall.
"Let me wear your rosary."
Noriko could tell that Shimako was still hesitating. It was probably because of the weight of the rosary itself. She wanted to lessen the burden—but she herself did not even know what the burden was exactly. She knew that Shimako was attached to the rosary; Touko told her that Shimako had received it from her onee-sama, the former Rosa Gigantea. But Noriko could carry the burden for Shimako, even for just a little. The rosary meant nothing to her—it would make the task of carrying it easier.
"Why don't you try viewing it as simply lending the rosary to me for a little while and take the opportunity to relax?"
"Lend you?"
"That's right. Like the juzu prayer beads."
Shimako's mood lightened and she touched the rosary bound around her wrist. She still hesitated.
It took Noriko a while to figure out what was wrong. At first she had thought that it was because she was an outsider—but she already knew that Shimako, of all people, would not hold that against her. She also thought it was her faith, or lack thereof. She was not a devout Christian, per se, and she never owned up to it. In the end, Noriko figured it out.
"Does it look like we can't get along very well?"
"Eh?"
"At least right now, I feel that our relationship is quite harmonious. Does Rosa Chinensis not think that?"
"But didn't you guys just have a fight?"
Noriko wouldn't really call it a fight. It was just a heated exchange of words—both she and Rosa Chinesis were extremely opinionated. She also understood that Ogasawara Sachiko had a weird way of showing that she cared for people. Noriko saw that the red rose was only worried not only for Noriko's acceptance into Lillian, but also for Shimako's welfare and happiness.
"A fight? She only corrected me because she cares about me. I do not dislike Rosa Chinensis."
"Really?"
"Don't worry. I am positive I can get along well with them all. I understand that Rosa Chinesis is just like that—she will ignore you if she does not care for you, and she will argue with you if she does. I think that is how she communicates."
"You have been observing very carefully."
"Yes. Because Shimako likes them."
Shimako nodded softly before returning to her wrist. The rain was gone, replaced by a very light drizzle. Noriko waited patiently for Shimako—she has learned not to force her into talking. Slowly, Shimako started to unwind the rosary bound around her wrist. Holding it out, she looked at Noriko.
"Can I put it on you?"
Noriko nodded, smiling because Shimako had finally understood what had been there all along. She finally saw that it was okay to go after what she wanted, that there will always be people who will accept her no matter what, and that she did not have to carry her burden alone.
"Shimako, I will stay beside you always until you graduate," Noriko wanted to add that she would stay with her for as long as she permitted, but she decided to save that for a different rainy day.
"In that case, I will no longer be cold."