Title: Coveted
Author: Keiran Shea (RandomSlytherin@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG-13 for some musings on slash and other things
Warnings: slash, semi-depressed!Harry
Spoilers: None
Notes: I wrote this a while ago, but it's still nice. ^_^; Real notes
are at the end.
~*~
I love him, really I do. And I miss him so much…it's been more than two months,
and I miss him so much that it hurts sometimes. His father found out about our
relationship, and packed him off to Durmstrang. So while he's thousands of
miles away, I'm here, alone.
I have Ron and Hermione, of course…but they're always too busy being all
lovey-dovey with each other. No more time for poor Harry. We send each other
owls, of course, but it just isn't the same. I need to feel his flesh against
mine, his gentle touch, or a sweet kiss.
I can't get any of these from Ron or Hermione. Even if I could, I wouldn't. I
could never cheat on him… Though the idea and the opportunity have presented
themselves to me many times already. I miss his kisses the most. It's funny,
for fifteen years of my life I went without being kissed. Now that I have, and
I've lost it, I can't seem to live without it.
Lately I've been going around with the Weasley twins, and their friend Lee.
They were always nice to me, though they seemed like something that I could
only aspire to be. They don't have the stupid fame that I have, but they don't
need it. They're cool enough as it is. They're older than me, and they're all
quite smart, even though they goof around more often that not.
Surprisingly enough, they accepted me into their tiny, tight-knit group with
ease. I was shy at first, not really knowing what to say, what to do; they all
had their inside jokes, and songs that they knew and would sing…I knew nothing.
I felt left out, though they could always make me laugh.
I started eating lunch with them…then dinner, and then the few times that I
actually forced myself to wake up in time for breakfast. I went up to their
room a few times, mostly just to watch them interact with each other, and to
laugh at their antics.
Eventually I became…almost one of them, but not quite. Must like a spare wheel
for a tricycle. I had my uses here and there, but they function better without
me. Obviously Fred and George were closer; they've been with each other their
entire lives, and Lee knows them both quite well, as he'd been with them since a
few weeks into their first year.
I like watching the twins together the best; they're just like two parts of one
lovely whole. They…I'm not quite sure if it can be called 'flirting' or not,
but they do it constantly… It's a gay boy's dream come true to watch those two
rolling about on the floor or a bed, wrestling and laughing. I've told them
this a few times, though it was all in joking. Well…mostly joking.
Somewhere in the span of these two months or so, I seem to have…I'm not quite
sure. Every time I'm around Fred I get these…funny happy-squishy feelings that
I know I shouldn't be having. I get them around George, too. It's almost a
smaller-scale version of what I feel for Draco, though I don't want to live the
rest of my life out with either of the twins. I just…want to snuggle them
close, and maybe share a kiss or two. Especially Fred.
Perhaps it's the fact that they are forbidden to me that makes the thoughts all
more delicious. George, I know, likes both boys and girls, but Fred…say's he
tried being with another boy once, and it just wasn't for him. Pity. But it
makes the want all the greater.
I'm rather sure that Fred knows that I fancy him… Or perhaps he only thinks
that I see him as a good friend? I do tend to cling to and touch him a bit more
than what's necessary, but so does George. I'm not his brother though, I have
no real need to cling.
I've become weak, I must admit; Draco did that to me. I used to be so much
stronger… Now I must have almost constant body-contact in order to function. Kisses
and caresses rule my life, make me what I am. If I can't get them from Draco, I
must get them somewhere. If not the kisses, at least the touches…I need them.
Fred seems eager enough to touch and let me touch to my little heart's content…
So long as I don't take it too far.
I really like it when we're all together, and he lays his head in my lap,
allowing me to stroke his head and play with his hair. Of course, it would be
nice if it were only the two of us, but I take what I can get. Today the four
of us were in the Common Room after dinner. George and Lee were playing a game
of chess, I was sitting on a couch watching the fire, and Fred was stretched
out across the couch, his head pillowed nicely in my lap. I learned that if you
touch Fred's ear just so it really gets him going. Doesn't matter who touches
him, so long as you have the right touch.
The way he was squirming in my lap, making those little mewling noises… It was
so hard not to just lean over and steal a kiss. I know that I should have stopped,
shouldn't have started in the first place, but…it was so beautiful.
When he touched my leg, I almost lost it.
Perhaps because I myself like legs so much, a lovely boy touching my leg
completely sets me off, especially my knees. He caressed my knees…then moved to
my thigh. He was treading on thin, thin, ice, and he knew it. I told him it was
a bad idea, so he moved to my on ear, and to my neck.
Threatened to bite my neck.
In my limited experience, there are many people who get off on having their
neck bitten, touched, licked, or sucked. I happen to be one of them. Just the
thought of Fred nibbling at my neck or ear lobe still causes my breath to hitch
and my heart to skip a beat. Not to mention things in lower areas to tighten.
It was so tempting, would have been so easy… Was I not already taken, and he
was more open to the advances of another boy, I would have claimed his lips,
even for that one fleeting moment.
I feel so terrible, wishing for someone I can't have, when I've already got
someone who loves me more than anything. And of course I couldn't have fallen
for just anyone, oh no…I've got to fall for my best friend's brother. Some
friend I am. Some lover.
Draco doesn't deserve someone like me, someone who can't keep his thoughts on
one person alone. He knows I'll never cheat on him, and I know that I'll never
cheat on him… But sometimes the temptation is almost too much to bear.
And George...George makes things even more complicated. He's dating Oliver
Wood, the old Captain of the Quidditch team, who graduated last year. So they,
like Draco and myself, are apart and trying to hold things together. George
confided to me once that he'd been thinking about breaking it off, but hadn't
been able to. Draco and I are only slightly better off than George and Oliver.
I really like being around George; he and I seem to talk a little more often
than Fred and I do, though I'm not sure as to why, really. I'd say that it was
because Fred makes me feel a bit skittish, but George does the same, so that
really can't be. Perhaps it's because I can talk about other boys with George,
or because he understands what it's like to be in a relationship with someone
who's several hundred kilometres away.
I really like being around George, being close to him even if it's just in a
friendly way. He knows that I enjoy his company a bit more than I
should...hell, I even flat out told him that if the two of us didn't already
have boyfriends, I'd have him thrown down on the bed in a heartbeat. Not that
he'd want me to...but I'd like it.
Mmm...a Harry-sandwich with Weasley-twin bread. What a nice thought.
On occasion I find myself desperately wanting to hold his hand, like if we're
sitting next to each other, or if we happen to be walking to Quidditch practice
together, and his hand accidentally brushes against mine... We've done it a few
times, if the counted... Once when we were both laying on the floor in their
dorm room, and I'd been sleepily playing with his fingers. We wound up with our
hands gently clasped, not quite together, but not apart.
The other time a bunch of us were in the Common Room yet again, and Lavender,
Lee, George and myself were all squished onto one couch. I was practically
sitting in George's lap; not that I was complaining. I clung to him all night,
one hand idly stroking his leg, until eventually I got up for a moment and came
back, squishing back in between Lee and George and changing positions so that
my back was to him and he had an arm around me. It was...nice. Very nice. His
hand was on my arm, my leg...and eventually on top of my hand. Not holding it,
just...I don't know. I liked it though.
Damn. I'm going to hell, I'm sure. Either way...
I'll see Draco for a few days this Christmas…I only hope I can hold out until
then.
Owari
v.1.0: 10.17.02
v.2.0: 11.25.02
::sigh:: I've done it again….another Harry monologue. -.-; I really need to
stop these. Though…it might help if I stopped getting crushes on friends. -.-;
Like 'Life: a Farce', this was all completely based on real things. My
FrednGeorge, however, rather than being twins, are a lovely pair of roommates a
few floors down from me. I miss my Draco. Y-Y And…I just hope that my
FrednGeorge never find this. ^-^; Oh well...these things happen, really. ^^
Hope you enjoyed.
-=Keiran Shea=-
-a slightly embarrassed Random Slytheirn