A/N: My first SPN fic, and my first attempt at angst :] Comments and critique are appreciated!
It was only a matter of time.
His life hung precariously over the edge as various machines and monitors that I could not name were hooked and attached to various parts of his body. He was dying and I could do nothing but watch as he struggled to breathe despite the oxygen masked that hid his face from the world. The monitors went berserk as he started to convulse, his body breaking out in seizures. I stood there, dumbfounded as nurses and doctors rushed in, sedating him, and putting him into a pit of oblivion once more.
There was nothing I could do for him.
His life had gradually started to crumble, like a mirror into shards of broken glass, and I hadn't noticed until it was too late. Over the months he had hidden his feelings from me; shut himself away, I had failed to find a way to save him. Would he have not gone through this ordeal, had I paid closer attention? He was on the crossroad of death and it was my entire fault.
A failure, that's what I was.
So what if I was the younger brother? So what if I'd gotten a free ticket to Stanford? This brain of mine hadn't functioned at the most crucial of times. The faces of the people whose deaths I had witnessed haunted my sleep every night, the souls of the people closest to me, chanted in pure hatred. Visions of my mother, father and Jessica pinned to the wall tormented me each night.
Why couldn't I save them?
He was my all – the only one I had left. If he left, I'd be nothing but an empty vessel, devoid of life. He was everything I had, and I failed to protect him; failed to change my destiny. I didn't care about anyone else but myself, I hadn't given a second thought about what he wanted. All I cared about was not letting him go, keeping him by my side like a caged bird with clipped wings, so that I wouldn't fall apart. It was obvious that he would break, with the heavy burden on his shoulders.
I was selfish and he paid the price for it. With his life.
I wasn't worth the effort he put into bringing me up, not at all. He spent his entire life protecting me, following our father's orders, but I betrayed him and abandoned him when I went to college. Even after that, he still continued to look out for me and side by me, despite the fact that I was a freak. Heck, freak was an understatement! I was a demon, and because of that my brother had to suffer.
All I ever did was to betray him.
But he never blamed me. Even when our father died and left his last words with him, he never blamed me. However, the last thing Dean said before he flat lined caused my heart to clench.
" 'S notcha fault Sammy. "