Forgiven.
--
Did he know what hurt the most?
Did he know that he was giving up?
He gave up with me, he turned his back and walked away, I wish that he was here then I could look into his topaz eyes, I knew he'd always be mine. But there was something there, something that won the battle inside of him.
I guess the battle endured a lot of pain, and now it has been unleashed widely on me, Jacob couldn't cope with me holding onto hope, he couldn't take it. I didn't blame him, I wouldn't want to be ragged outward to see with me, then toward land with his life.
But then there was a part of me that was happy, it was the biggest minority, but it was there. To know that he was happy and away from the things that didn't make him happy. The vicious growling was inside of my head, screaming to take a step back, to walk back to land.
But really, I wanted to be dragged out, out to see, by myself. Left to pity every inch of my being.
I took another step forward an pushed the growl out of my head, I pushed away the last thing that had hope for me, the thing was imaginary, and I still managed to push away things that weren't there.
I took a step back.
Silence.
One tear silently fell down my cheeks, and chilled my cheeks along with the pouring rain, soothing the burning that flushed my face, I wasn't embarrassed, because no matter what I tried to do or what anyone else tried to do: I wouldn't let go.
I took a run up and jumped, on my way down I felt myself crash through an invisible barrier, that barrier held him, the fear that I had, and the last string of hope that he would come back and save me.
I plunged through the air, screaming irrupted through me, it engulfed and drowned out the growl that had returned it silenced the tears and sobs.
All I could think about was the gushing water that I fell into, dark blue and black swirled around me, curling different ways, all fears were torn away.
But no matter what my head was screaming, or what everyone thought or said I knew one thing.
"…You're always forgiven…"
I mumbled as the blackness took over.