Disclaimer: I don't own YYH
A/N: This is my first Hiei/Botan and the first real fanfic I wrote because the others before it were bulletin style. While it might be horribly OOC, it still holds a special place in my heart.
Like You
X -x-x-x-x- X
"So, you're going to visit him today?" I looked at the brown haired girl in front of me.
"Yes," I simply replied.
Stay low
"Let me go with you."
Soft dark and dreamless
"No, I'd rather go by myself."
Far beneath my nightmares and loneliness
"Are you sure? You look like - "
"Yes, I'm sure," I cut her off. "I just want to be alone."
I hate me
"Well, alright. If you're sure..."
For breathing without you
"Yes, I am. Thank you, Keiko."
I don't want to feel anymore for you
I picked up the two items he left me; The only two things he held dear. One around my neck, and one at my side. "Goodbye, Keiko." I said not looking at her. I left the temple and started towards the grave site.
Grieving for you
I'm not grieving for you
Nothing real love can't undo
And though I may have lost my way, all paths lead straight to you
I long to be like you
Lie cold in the ground like you
I remember when Hiei came back from killing the human that murdered Yukina. He was covered from head to toe in blood. His sword was sheathed but his hand was still on it.
It was the middle of the night so everyone was asleep. I quickly ran to him, not letting the sight of blood affect me. I took him into the bathroom, and that's when I noticed the full extent of the blood. His clothes were drenched. Blood was matted in his hair and was covered on his face. His fingernails had dry blood and flesh under them. His sheath of his sword was sticky and wet.
I knew this was not a quick and painless death. I knew.
I started to clean him off with a wet towel when I noticed the dead and lifeless look in his eyes. He wasn't even there. I knew that a towel wouldn't do it so I suggested a shower.
No response. I turned on the water at an acceptable temperature and I took off his cloak and shirt. They were soaked. I started to take off his pants. Still, no response. I stripped him down to his boxers and put him in the shower. I washed all the blood off him and I even cleaned his hair. I then put him outside the tub and started to clean his sword. I unsheathed it and saw that the silver was gone.
All that remained was red. It was, like the sheath, sticky and wet. Like it had been there for a while. I pressed my fingers to the metal and stripped the blood off. That's when I heard a sound I never thought I would hear. A sob. I heard a sob.
I turned around to see Hiei. He still had the dead and lifeless look in his eyes, but tears were steaming down his face. 'Why?' I wondered. 'Why is he crying?' It certainly wasn't about killing the human. As much as I hated to admit it, killing the human brought Hiei great pleasure. So what was it? 'It must be Yukina,' I thought.
He didn't cry when he found out, it was just rage. Pure focused rage. 'Her death must be finally hitting him.' I reached out to comfort him when he spoke.
"She's going to hate me," he said.
"What?"
"She's going to hate me for killing him."
Yukina had just recently found out Hiei was her brother. In fact it was only a few weeks ago. If she knew that Hiei killed a human, most likely in a slow and torturous way, she would be disappointed.
"She doesn't hate you," I said in a comforting voice.
"She will."
"She won't even find out..." I tried to say.
"Do you think I'm an idiot!" He shouted. "She's a spirit now! Spirits know everything!"
He was right. Spirits do know everything.
"She hates me...she hates me..." He sobbed as he put his head on his knees.
He looked like a child and I couldn't help but tear up. "No, she doesn't. She never would. No matter what you did, she won't hate you."
"Yes, she will. She'll think I'm some horrible monster. Evil..."
"No, she won't!" I shouted.
"Don't you?"
"NO!"
"Why not? Look at me..." He said as looked at the blood under his nails.
"That man deserved to die! How you did it, I don't care! It doesn't even affect me!" I yelled grabbing his shoulders.
"It doesn't matter anymore. My life is over. I have no reason to live."
"What about me?! I know I'll never be as important as your sister but I..."
"No, you don't."
"How can you say that?! I'm right here! Do you think I'd do this if I didn't!" I yelled shaking him.
"Enough!" He grabbed my arms. "Like I said it doesn't matter anymore! My life is over! Even if you did feel that way for me, what do you think Rekai will do when they find out I killed a human? That's fine, Hiei, and while you're at it, why don't you mate one of our ferry girls!"
"I KNOW!"
"Then why bother telling me!"
"Because I have to! I've been holding it in for so long, Hiei! If I don't tell you, I'll die!"
That's when he stood up, locked the door, and stared at me.
"I have nothing and you still want me?"
"Yes..." I said sobbing.
"After all you've seen?" He asked with tears in his eyes.
"Yes..."
He slowly leaned down and touched my face. We cried together and made love for the first and only time. Afterwards Genkai knocked on the door. She obviously heard everything. I didn't care.
"Botan, the SDF are here. They've come to take Hiei."
"NO!" I screamed.
Before I could stop him, Hiei was dressed and out the door. "No, Hiei, wait!"
I ran outside in nothing but a bathrobe. What I saw has haunted me. Hiei, apparently in the time it took me to put on a robe, tried to fight them and lost horribly. He was on the ground bleeding and groaning. Yusuke and Kurama were on the ground too, unconscious.
"HIEI!" I was stopped by Koenma.
"Don't." He said. "This is the way it has to be."
One of the SDF took out a whip that glowed with blue sparks and lunged it at Hiei. He wrenched in pain screaming. This happened only once more before I snapped.
"Why are they doing this!"
"This is part of the punishment."
"They're torturing him!"
That's when Genkai spoke. "Yes, if you're going to do that, do it in Rekai and not on my property."
I shuddered at the cruelty of her voice. "Genkai! How can you be so - " Before I could finish they were gone in a flash of energy. I felt weak and everything went white. Later I woke up to find myself in a bed with Kurama at my side. He told me that King Enma had ordered Hiei's execution and that it would happen in a few days. And now here I am, walking to his grave.
Halo
It's funny.
Blinding wall between us
When I first saw him I was terrified.
Melt away and leave us alone again
His true form made me cringe.
Humming haunted somewhere out there
Now I would give anything to see it again.
I believe our love can see us through in death
I long to be like you
Lie cold in the ground like you
There's room inside for two
and I'm not grieving for you
I'm coming for you
I remember when Koenma came to tell me; "Hiei has been granted one visitor. He requested you." I remember walking down the silent hallway. Being led to the room where I would wait for him. "Here they come." Koenma said in a quiet voice.
I watched as two SDF members brought Hiei in. His clothes were tattered and ripped with bloody scars all over him. His Jagan was covered with a talisman so he couldn't use it, and cuffs that prevented him from using his yoki on his hands, with chains on his feet. He looked like hell. I ran to him instantly and hugged him. He didn't even wince. We had a few moments of silence before I spoke.
"I'm sorry Hiei. This is my fault. If you hadn't been so tired from...Maybe they wouldn't have captured you."
"Don't ever think that. I wanted you." He said quietly.
I looked in his eyes, those beautiful crimson eyes. They had sorrow in them.
"I want you to have some things." He said looking at Koenma.
"Hiei has some items to give you. Kind of a Last Will and Testament."
He handed me Hiei's hiruseki stone and sword.
"One is my soul, and one is my strength."
"I can't take these..." I started to say.
"You have to or they will be destroyed."
"Why me?" I was crying now.
"Because you are the only one I can trust with these."
I nodded but didn't move away from him. "It's time to go now." One of the SDF members said. Without knowing, I grabbed onto Hiei.
"NOO!" I shouted sobbing. "NOT YET! PLEASE!"
"Botan please, don't make this harder than it has to be..." Koenma said hiding his face.
"I WON'T LET YOU TAKE HIM!" The SDF members walked up to us. One pulled on him and one pulled on me. "NO! NO! NO!" I screamed hysterically. I didn't hear it out right but I know I heard a sob come from Hiei's throat.
They pulled us apart and I threw myself on the floor and started screaming. I watched as they took him away and he slowly disappeared into the darkness.
That was the last time I saw him.
Koenma came up beside me and tried to put his hand on my shoulder, but I slapped it away. I stood up and looked at him with hate in my eyes.
By then a lot of people had gathered outside the door. They had heard me scream and wanted to know what it was about.
I didn't care.
I wanted them to hear me. I know killing a human is the worst crime a yokai could commit, and the fact that Hiei did it cruelly didn't help. He was also ranked as an S class. King Enma would not have an S class killing humans. I knew. Even so, I wanted everyone in Rekai to hear me scream.
And now here I am, sitting at his grave.
Hiei had been given one last request. He requested to be buried in the Ningenkai, of all places, next to his sister. I gently brushed the dust off his plaque and placed flowers at his and Yukina's graves.
You're not alone
I had planned this.
No matter what they told you, you're not alone
Not out of insanity. I am quite sane.
I'll be right beside you forever more
I know I will never be happy again. This was the only way. I didn't care what happened to my spirit as long as they buried me next to him. I did request that in my Will. I carefully unsheathed his sword. He would probably regret giving it to me. Oh, well...
I long to be like you
Lie cold in the ground like you
There's room inside for two
and I'm not grieving for you
And as we lay in silent bliss I know you remember me
I long to be like you
Lie cold in the ground like you
There's room inside for two
and I'm not grieving for you
I'm coming for you
I smiled as the crimson stained green and everything went black.
~End