Thoughts Unsaid

Casey was used to everything being in perfect order. Of course, with Derek and the rest of the Venturi's coming into her life the past few years, she had shut down that ideal life. Though she wished that this trip to the Venturi family reunion would've worked out in her favor, she was now staring at the ceiling. She intertwined her fingers with the blanket she held. She was on the floor, not solely by her choice. While she was watching the window, the neon motel sign flickered as if it had its own heartbeat. Her eyes wandered away from the window to the mirror on the door. The lime colored glow of the sign gave little light, but she still could make out a boy who was sitting up in his bed, as if he was wondering the same thing she was. Or maybe avoiding it. The question is, what exactly is that?

Another vacation was the last thing that Casey needed. She was under a large amount of stress already. Though this wasn't a real vacation. It was the Venturi family-reunion. She drummed her fingers as the familiar driveway appeared in the distance. Casey let out a sigh. Whether it was relief or stress was another story. She was just about to pull in when a familiar, run down car, with a royal name cut her off. Typical. He hasn't changed. "Derr-ek!" She yelled to herself, fingers whitening with her hold on the steering wheel.

He got out of the car, laughing. Casey rolled down her window, ready to lash out at him. She stopped rolling when she saw him bend over. He began to speak into the window. He'd brought someone? Casey felt her eyebrows tilt inward as she squinted to see. She couldn't make out much, considering Derek's back window had traces of condensation on it. A bit of writing was visible in the condensation. "Derek loves…" It read. Derek loves? Casey brought herself forward in her seat, trying to decipher the puzzle. The rest of the writing was cleared way. She was caught off-guard when a loud horn from behind echoed loudly.

Derek looked up from the window of his car and gave a cheeky wave to Casey. She avoided looking at him as she pulled to the side of the street. The car behind her honked again while yelling profanities at her. Casey shut off the car and looked at Derek again. He had taken his sunglasses off, and put them on his head. He was still talking into the window.

The car door slammed shut with the effect she'd planned. She ambled slowly as she approached Derek; who smirked a bit when she reached him. Casey's face was flushed with embarrassment and anger, Derek seemed amused.

"Hey Space-Case! That language," Derek paused for effect, and wagged his finger. "Whooo, I'm shocked he wasn't driving a truck!"

"Of course you'd find that funny." Casey said with a distasteful tone.

"The face you made when he called you a—" Casey held her finger in the air. "Don't even repeat it." Derek was testing the waters, as always.

A muffled laugh from the passenger seat starled Casey. She squinted her eyes as if a bright light was shone on them. Whoever this "secret" passenger is, she was about to find out. Casey shoved by Derek and gasped.

"Emily?!"

Emily smiled unsurely at Casey, "Guess it's time for me to get out and explain, huh?"

Casey was mildly stunned. She had no idea Emily was in town, let alone coming here with Derek.

"Yeah Em, an explanation would be nice." Casey said, in a quick shock. Her arms fell to her side, a humid breeze sifting through her hair. She looked over to her left; the sun was setting soon.

"Well, you see… Derek suggested—'' A loud squeal stopped Emily short. Nora appeared in the doorway of the MacDonald-Venturi residence. She was holding Simon, who looked about as vexed as Casey felt. Casey put on her best smile and approached her mother, making sure to bump Derek in the process.

"Hey Mom," Casey said plainly, trying to avoid questions. Nora side hugged her and smiled tiredly. Casey felt guilt lash through her head. "I'll take Simon, you go inside and rest."

"That's sweet Case but—" Nora began to speak, but was interrupted by an arrogant voice, "Emily is watching Simon for a few days, Is that alright with you Princess?" Derek put on a pouty face, as Casey flushed. She now felt stupid, and embarrassed. Two of her top three of least favorite feelings. The first, she would never discuss with anyone; Including Emily.

Casey held in her breath and felt her neck muscles tighten. She had messed up. She felt herself swallow hardly while avoiding everyone's stares.

"Are you okay?" Emily appeared behind Casey, while Nora adjusted Simon's pajamas.

"No Em, it's fine—" Casey exhaled deeply, "I mean, I'm fine."

An attempted scoff was emitted from behind. "You're fine? " Derek shuddered while forming a sour expression. "I wouldn't go that far." He wrinkled his nose, while looking to Casey for her reaction.

She bit her tongue, fighting back a well-thought improv remark. She instead gave him a look, one that momentarily showed her stress, but was shaken off as her eyes met the pavement.

Nora cut into the thick silence, "It's nice to see you Derek." She said as she shifted Simon to face the crowd. Derek nodded at her as he watched Simon. He was licking his lips and producing a long line of spit. Nora wiped the trace of drool from her arm as she turned to Emily.

"I have Simon's things packed up in the living room—" Nora walked towards the house as she gave instructions to Emily. Her eyes found Casey's as she passed by. Emily looked over her shoulder to Casey with almost every footstep. Casey was walking slowly behind Emily and her Mother, careful to not be too close to them. Emily was already suspicious. She could easily tell when Casey wasn't emotionally stable.

Derek appeared in front of her before she could react.

"What's wrong with you?"

He was blocking the sun, hands in his pockets. Closed off, Casey felt uneasy. An outline of red light shone through the ends of his hair. Derek was stagnant. Casey felt her thoughts gnawing violently inside her brain.

"I said, what's wrong with you?" He spoke slightly more aggressively, but he retracted his eyes as he brought his hands out of his pockets.

"You're blocking the sunset." Casey shifted her eyes to a pile of orange tinted leaves. They darkened a shade every few seconds she watched. Derek crunched a leaf beneath his shoe after what seemed like minutes.

"There's a sunset every day Casey," He turned his head to the pile of burgundy shaded leaves. "What makes this one so special?"

Casey watched the pile as the night swallowed the last shade of red.

"You made me miss it."

"There'll be another one tomorrow."

"Right."

The silence was tainted when the door squeaked open again. Nora, illuminated by the light inside of the house waited.

Casey gave a final glance to the pile of leaves. A sickly orange hue. Casey gave a disgusted sneer as she walked towards the house.

Derek trailed behind, the light of the moon failed to reach the ends of his hair as Casey entered the house. He felt the situation he just witnessed to be familiar… like he'd read it before… in a book of some sort. Book? What was he saying? Derek didn't read. He 'pffted' at himself and walked inside, still, slightly unsure as to what just happened.

Casey sat on a worn out, padded seat in her old room. She said old, because it was now occupied by her sister Lizzie. She had replaced the dance posters with "recycled-paper posters" of 'inspirational' phrases. That was the last thing Casey felt like right now. A muffled clearing of the throat brought her out of her stare.

"You want help with that?" Lizzie tried to hide her laugh, as Casey held the makeup brush at least a foot away from her face. Casey laughed to the ground and nodded. Lizzie's short-lived smile faded as she took the brush from Casey. She dipped it in some blush as she ran it over her sister's face. Casey shut her eyes as the brush painted it's way across. A small buzz was produced by Casey's cell phone. She didn't open her eyes to see the illuminated name. Lizzie's eyes peered to the cell phone. "Jesse". She quickly scanned the preview of the message. 'I can't deal with this anymore, You're not the same! Just leave me—' the preview of the message cut off as the screen blackened. Lizzie knew the next word of that message would be alone. She quickly shifted her eyes to Casey's. They were still closed. Lizzie hadn't realized she was going over the same place of Casey's face for the past minute. She shifted her arm to do the other side of her face. Casey hadn't spoken, and she breathed so silently, Lizzie felt like she was putting makeup on a doll. She inhaled slowly and contemplated her words, She hoped her voice didn't shake when she spoke.

"How many times?" It was a vague question, but Lizzie could tell by the quick change in Casey's posture, that she asked the right one.

There was a hesitant feel to the air when she muttered, "About three..."

Lizzie felt herself slow the stroking of blush on Casey's face. Casey's eyes opened as looked at her sister, whose eyes had produced two tears. They slowly made their way through her tear ducts, onto each side of her face.

"Oh Liz… I…" Casey shifted herself to turn around to face Lizzie. She nodded to her sister, insisting she was fine.

"I need to use the restroom." Lizzie half-heartedly opened the door and walked out, She was in the doorway of the bathroom when she ran into Derek. His eyes switched from auto-pilot to concern.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He stopped Lizzie from going past him, her eyes becoming glassier by the second. He attempted to stroll by her room; but before he could, Lizzie tugged at his arm and shook her head. He nodded slowly as they moved towards the end of the hallway. He felt himself run his hand over his chin.

"Is it…" Derek motioned to Casey's (now Lizzie's) room.

Lizzie nodded lightly, before wiping her eyes. She knew she'd make it worse by telling Derek what was wrong. The only people that knew Casey had previously been depressed and suicidal were Lizzie, and Emily. If Derek knew… Lizzie didn't want to think about what could happen.

"Lizzie, listen to me carefully—" He held his fingers in an odd fashioned 'ok' symbol, "What is wrong with her?" he broke the words down into separate syllables as he carefully watched the doorway of Lizzie's room.

"I can't tell you." Lizzie said through gritted teeth. She wasn't angry at him, but at herself. She wiped her eyes quickly as George walked upstairs.

"Hey, Lizzie, are you alright?" He sounded concerned but was carefully looking Derek, who looked more uncomfortable than ever.

"Yeah, I forgot to take my allergy medicine, and well, this is what happens!" Lizzie laughed lightly; Derek was slightly impressed with her newfound ability to lie so easily. What else had he missed? As George was about to reply; a loud noise was produced downstairs.

George's forehead vein popped out as he yelled down the stairs, "Edwin! I told you not to practice hockey in the house—" He looked at Lizzie again, "Are you sure?" He waited for a moment but then heard Nora come in. She had dropped Simon off with Emily. "Nora! We're supposed to be at the restaurant in twenty minutes! Do we have everything packed?" He shuffled down the stairs, loud and rushed, as always.

Before Derek could say another word to Lizzie, Casey walked out of the room, looking…not like her. She had more makeup than usual on, her hair was straight, and teased. And to top it off, she was wearing a sleek black dress. She looked… older… and… well… something was definitely not right. Then, it hit him. He knew exactly what was wrong. He had read something weird in her diary last year. He thought it was a joke, or.. something; but now he knew, it was no joke at all.

He must've been staring at her, because Casey finally spoke up, she sounded frustrated.

"What? What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?".

Derek was momentarily speechless as he felt himself shrug at her hurriedly. He ran into his room to change as he crossed his arms and remembered what he read,

If I were to decide the last day I'd live, I'd look completely different. I wouldn't want to leave the world looking like me, I'd want to leave looking by somebody else. Not Keener… Not Space-Case... somebody else.

Derek shut the door to his room, as he bit his knuckle. He had to change his clothes for dinner.

They were less than five minutes into dinner, and Marti had already spilled sparkling-grape juice on her dress. Nora was clearly in distress as she tried to blot the stain out, while George was babbling about times where Marti had spilled on her clothing. Derek's eyes seemed to roll themselves as he scanned the restaurant for hot girls. None were even remotely close. It was all old people with too much money and girls with too much time on their hands. Why they were at such a fancy place anyway? They were going to the Venturi family reunion tomorrow, not a wedding. Derek sat back, twirling the piece of lettuce that was trailing from his fork. He scanned his eyes over the table to see Lizzie and Edwin talking and laughing. They had gotten closer since Derek and Casey left. They never fought as much as he and Casey did. No one fought as much as him and Casey. His eyes found hers for a brief second. She quickly broke the eye-contact as she looked down at her food.

Marti sighed and finally spoke up, saying what Derek had been wondering since he had gotten home,

"Why are Casey and Derek not fighting?!" Her unexpected loud voice caused some of the heads in the restaurant to turn, causing Nora and George to flush.

"Yeah, why are Casey and Derek not fighting?" Derek tested the waters, as he brought himself forward, leaning on his elbows. George gave Derek a warning look as Casey shifted her eyes to meet everyone's. She simply shrugged at them all and made eye contact with her mashed potatoes for the fifth time that night. George and Nora looked at each other with a faint concern, but then George smiled harmlessly,

"Who's ready for some dessert?!"

Derek banged his fists on the table, causing Nora to jump, and Casey to come out of her trance.

"Who's ready for dessert?!" Derek shot out of his seat and looked at them all. "You're kidding me right?"

George tried to hide his anger with a tight lipped smile,

"Well if you don't want dessert then you can just—"

Derek banged his fist again, causing most of the restaurant to turn to look at their table.

"This isn't about the damn dessert!" Derek felt his voice quiver, he hoped no one noticed. He felt inclined to look at Lizzie, who was shaking her head quickly in a panicked sense. He then realized that if he wanted to talk to Casey, he'd have to do it alone.

Derek pulled his chair back to the table as he sat down. He felt himself mutter,

"Yeah.. It is about the dessert, Sorry Dad... Nora." He felt their glares run straight through him. He laughed lightly, trying to joke it off, but it was too late to do that. He already had ruined the attempted family dinner. The rest of the night was followed by no dessert, and no talking, from either Casey, or Derek. After the bill was paid, they walked out the doors, into the humid summer air. Nora and George were discussing who was going with who to meet at the reunion tomorrow. George spoke up first,

"Marti can come with Nora and I, Lizzie wanted to ride with us—" George was interrupted by Edwin who spoke up quickly. "Do you mind if I ride with you guys?" George and Nora exchanged looks of confusion, considering Edwin had driven himself.

"Casey can take my car, and Derek can take his." Edwin finished, with a thumbs up from Lizzie, unseen by all of the family except for Derek.

"No, Casey's going with me."

This caused a gasp from everyone except for the leading lady herself.

"Ok." Was all that she said. One word. The only word he'd heard from her since before they left.

"Well… then I guess, Edwin can drive his car… and Lizzie and Marti can—" Nora was interrupted this time, by Lizzie. "No, Mom, I'll go with Edwin. That way I can help him navigate. I mean, we all know how bad he is with directions!" She laughed nervously, at the awkward tension budding in the air.

Nora scratched her head and exchanged another look with George.

"We suppose that'll work… but follow behind us, and no fooling around in the car!" This caused a snicker from Edwin.

"Hey! I'm not bad with directions!" Edwin says, Lizzie's hidden insult sinking in.

Lizzie shook her head with a smile, "We'll be behind you the entire time."

Derek spun his keys around on his finger and smacked his lips together,

"Well if that's settled, we're leaving. I need gas."

George called out to Derek, who was nearly to his car; Derek pretended to not hear what he was saying. The small footsteps behind him came to a stop as they reached the car.

"Don't you have enough already?"

Derek felt himself smile, but then he realized, she wasn't joking with him. He already had gotten gas, before they got to the restaurant. He didn't realize she'd noticed.

He felt his smile fade, "Yeah… you're right" He looked across his car at her. She was illuminated by the faint glow of the moon. "Just get in."

She got in without a word, and Derek followed, He felt his grip on the steering wheel tense up as he remembered another entry from her diary.

'If I were to decide the last day I live, I would try not to speak to my family... or Derek. I know It'd hurt even more if I talked to them, and knew I was going to die.' Derek turned on the windshield wipers, as drops of rain met the glass. He had remembered a word being scratched out, but it wasn't until he looked at Casey, that he realized she had put 'him' instead of 'them'.

Hey guys! This is a little something I concocted out of my brain, as I had been on writers block with 'Behind Cold Nights'. I don't know if I wrote Derek too OOC for this, but I'm hoping if this was a real situation, he would act as such. I'm really enjoying the ideas I have with this story, but it is going to get pretty dark, but I have a very good feeling about where I'm going with it. I think this is going to be the best story I've ever written. Hopefully you enjoyed it, and will review, follow, and or favorite it. 'Behind Cold Nights' will be updated shortly, but I do hope you enjoyed this first chapter of 'Thoughts Unsaid'.

-Linds