Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, although there are certainly many male characters I would like to make mine.
Warnings: Contains crack pairing(s), possible hints of shonen-ai, tacky euphemisms, and raunchy adult humor. May possibly trigger nightmares, or, in the case of the sick-minded, pleasant dreams.
You have been warned!
Lessons in Shinobi Love
Chapter 1: Drunk Love
Although Saint Patrick's Day was not one usually celebrated by the villagers of Konoha, it was certainly a fine excuse to gluttonously consume sake. Even the underage and typically prude were partaking in their fair share of the celebration.
"You're great Naruto! Really, you are!" Sakura slurred as she stumbled out into the streets from an open bar. She wavered drunkenly as she spun around, waving her hand as a goodbye to Naruto and her other fellow genins. Her head spun back around almost too fast for her to handle and she fell against a streetlamp. "Oh, I'm sorry sir," she slurred as she pushed herself back upright.
Gai, one of the few sober ninja in Konoha that day, wandered the streets in search of his star pupil. He had an obvious expression of fear on his face as he scanned each and every bar, praying that his underling had not yet happened across even one sip of sake. As he came upon the backside of an open bar, he heard the distinct sound of a young woman talking quite brokenly to herself. Stepping around the corner to side of the building, he found an apparently very drunk Sakura stumbling towards him with her head hung, mumbling something about cabbage. Gai stopped in his tracks, watching in astonishment as Sakura waddled towards him.
"Sakura-chan? Are you alright?" Gai finally spoke. Sakura's head remained hung as she stopped just several inches before him, her head nearly bumping into his stomach.
Gai gasped in disbelief as Sakura slowly raised her head to gaze at him, revealing her flush cheeks and half-lidded eyes. An overly-bright smile spread across her face as she exclaimed shrilly, "Gai-sensei! Happy Cabbage and Sake day!" The 's' sounds slurred a little longer than Gai expected, making it clear to him that she was pretty well drunk. He watched as she tried to take a step forward, only to trip over her own foot and fall haphazardly into his arms. Her glossy green eyes gazed up at Gai as she smiled. Realizing the situation, Gai decided to momentarily set aside his initial objectives and scooped Sakura up into his arms. "I think you need to lie down," he spoke sternly as he held her small limp body in his arms.
As Gai ran towards his apartment carrying Sakura, he glanced down at her face to make sure she was still awake. She was gazing up at him, almost longingly, with what he thought were such beautiful green eyes. Such a beautiful young woman he thought to himself with a smile and a hint of a proud tear in his right eye.
Once at his apartment, Gai quickly, but gently, laid Sakura across his bed. She giggled as she tugged playfully at his vest. "I love the color green on you," she slurred with a hint of lust in her tone. Gai's eyes widened momentarily in surprise at her statement. She pulled herself up into a sitting position, gripping Gai's vest with both hands. The force was enough to bust the zipper of his vest.
"I think you should remain lying down Sakura," Gai suggested as he tried to step back. She had a surprisingly strong grip on his vest, which she had now opened, leaving his chest covered only by his form fitting green spandex. She sat at the edge of the bed, her legs open as she pulled Gai between them. His eyes grew wide again as her hands released his vest, only to be placed firmly on his ass cheeks.
"I'm only lying down if you're lying on top of me or beneath me," Sakura slurred seductively, temporarily releasing his ass so as to run an index finger across his chest. She squeezed his cheeks tightly, earning a surprised howl from Gai as he stared down at her in utter astonishment.
"Sakura," Gai began slowly, "It seems that your springtime of youth has mixed a little too heavily with the drink of life." He found his burning crotch was becoming rather close to Sakura's 'flower' as he would have called it. Again, he tried to back away, but Sakura's iron grip on his ass held him powerless. She was certainly strong when she wanted something bad enough.
"I love it when you talk like that, you big, stupid green beast you!" Sakura hissed through her teeth as she pulled Gai with enough force to tip him on top of her on the bed.
Gai released a soft gasp of surprise as he toppled onto Sakura, his face coming close enough to hers that he could smell the mixture of cabbage and sake on her heated breath. Her eyes were still partially closed, though not for the same reason they had been when he originally found her. "Gai," she whispered breathlessly, "I want you."
Gai was unsure what to say or do. The beautifully young blossom beneath him was certainly speaking from over-intoxication, but yet he could not deny a lady her unyielding wish, especially not such a lovely flower. He groaned in agonizing pleasure as he felt Sakura grind herself against his nether regions. "Are you certain this is your wish?" he forced the question between moans.
"What do you think?" Sakura seethed as she entangled her fingers in his soft black hair. Her small pink tongue darted out, sliding across Gai's unsuspecting lips. His lips parted, allowing another short gasp to escape.
"Then I will show you the joys of youthful love," Gai spoke confidently as he slowly unzipped Sakura's top. He not more than unhooked the latch of the zipper when Sakura pulled his lips to hers, her tongue forcing its way into his mouth. His eyes closed as he reveled in the sweet mixture of sake and cherries. He returned her passion, entwining his fingers in her pink locks. Her sweet scent filled his nostrils as he took deep breaths between ravishing kisses.
Gai had to finally break the kiss, unable to breathe. He gasped for air as he gazed lovingly down at his little cherry blossom beneath him. Their hands remained in each other's hair as they both struggled to catch their breath. One of Sakura's legs wrapped around Gai's waist, catching him off guard again. He had never expected, even while she was drunk, that she would be so forward.
"I love your bushy eyebrows and cheesy white smile," Sakura moaned before crushing her lips against Gai's. This time he allowed his tongue to enter her mouth, exploring every region, making mental notes of her responses to each movement, and each spot his tongue slid across. Her hips began to move again, making it harder for Gai to control his groans. Her tongue now slid into his mouth, fighting with his for power.
Not about to surrender to the young woman, Gai fought back with more force, his tongue pushing hers aside. He could feel the heat noticeably rising at the point between her legs as she rubbed herself wantonly against his growing erection. "Sakura," he whispered after breaking the kiss. He gazed into her jade eyes with such passion, tears pushed their way to the corner of his eyes.
"Gai-sensei!" Sakura moaned his name almost pleadingly as she tilted her head back, exposing the tight flesh of her neck. Granting her not so subtle request, Gai began placing soft kisses along her neck and jaw. Her hands were now raking at the tight spandex beneath his vest. As she began tugging more violently, Gai paused his exploration of her skin to sit up and remove his vest.
Sakura watched in disappointment from her spot on the bed as Gai crawled off of her and the bed. "Let me remove these," he spoke softly, and in one swift movement, his spandex and all remaining clothing articles were removed and tossed aside, leaving him standing before her, tall and proud. For a brief moment, he spotted Sakura's eyes widen at the sight of his outlandishly large... well… let's just say he was well endowed.
Gai wasted no time in leaping back onto the bed and straddling a still very drunk and horny Sakura. He offered her one of his 'nice guy' smiles, his shiny white teeth glimmering proudly. Apparently this had quite the affect on Sakura, as she suddenly tackled him, forcing him onto his back on the bed. She was now straddling his naked body, staring down at him with lust-filled eyes. She brought her head down besides his, her lips brushing against his earlobe as she whispered, "Gai-sensei, you're so big." Her slurring tone sent shivers up and down his spine, but he overcame her seductive power and grasped her shoulders, flipping her onto her back and returning himself to the top position.
Sakura's initial surprise quickly wore off and she hissed up at Gai, taking his act as a challenge of power, which it was. She lifted her hands to attempt to roll him over again, but her wrists were immediately caught by his hands. She attempted to wriggle free, but his strength overpowered hers in her drunken state, and he pinned her arm against the bed just above her head. She hissed and seethed beneath his weight. "Stop teasing me you oaf!" she snarled through exposed teeth, surprising Gai by how quickly her mood changed. Apparently, though, she enjoyed the fight for dominance as he observed, because the heat between her thighs had grown ten-fold.
Just as quickly as he had removed his own clothes, Gai stripped Sakura of all her garments, leaving them in a surprisingly neat pile on the floor at the foot of the bed. Both were breathing heavily as Gai grasped Sakura's thighs and slowly spread her creamy legs, revealing her wet flower at the center. "Gai-sensei," she moaned again, her voice thick with dunk love.
A/N: Sorry if this made anyone nauseous. I'm writing this in hopes of making romance/sex scenes a little more comfortable to write. I figured writing humor/crack would aid in that area, and it did. I'm having a blast writing this, and I hope some of you can have a hoot reading it! This will most likely be only a 2-3 chapter story. Please leave me reviews of what you liked or didn't like, but please do not whine about the pairing. I gave fair warning about crack pairings!