I hate being alone, I start to over think. I need to get out of my room, I put the first outfit I see and I start to walk on my way to see Riley my dark thoughts start to become brighter. I know what I'm feeling, I just know what I'm feeling but how the hell do I approach something like this to her. She makes me incredibly happy, she makes me feel safe, and she makes me be a better me. I need to be around her all the time because without her god knows where I'd end up. She is my little angel and I have to protect my angel, I need her in my life, I .. I love her. I just wish Lucas would just leave us alone. He is making her blind, she doesn't see what I see when he is around. He is blocking what is really real between us. I have to make her understand I'm the one she truly wants. She has to feel the same way I do... I hope she feels the same way I do. I can't keep this secret anymore its killing me.
Oh god I'm almost by her window, she is so damn beautiful. I see her sitting by the bay window, I wonder what she is thinking. I hope it isn't him in her thoughts, I hope it's me. I sit next to her, I already know its him she's thinking of. So let me just get it over with and ask,
"Do you still like him?"
"Yeah" she says, "do you?" She added.
Ugh why would I ask a stupid question that I knew the answer to.
"Yeah" I answered with disgust.
What did she get me into, I don't like him at all, but I'd rather let her think that than to risk loosing my friendship if I ever told her I'm deeply in love with her. I hear footsteps by the window, I already know who it is and I'm already annoyed but I love her so much I have to care , not for me , but for her. Why does he have to sit in the middle, why cant she sit in the middle. I can care less where he sits as long as Riley stays beside me. He said he is making the decision, oh god if he chooses her I loose her forever, if he chooses me I still might loose her over a boy, a boy who is so irrelevant and she is too blind to see it.
"I choose me" he said , " I don't want this to be the end of all of us, I don't want to be the cause of the end of Maya and Riley. So I choose me."
That's probably the wisest thing this dude has ever done. I'm so relieved but yet so hurt, not for me, but for Riley, did he hurt her? As he leaves I get closer to her I grab her hand, I hope she isn't hurt, as happy as I am that even just the thought of him not being in our way anymore I was still hurt for her and I had to be there just in case she needed me.
She seems upset,
"Can you believe him Maya! After all this time and he comes up with THAT." She says
"Honey it's okay, it's probably the best choice anyway, I could never imagine losing you." I reply.
"You're right peaches. You will never lose me I will always be by your side, nothing or no one will ever tear us apart."
Ugh my heart starts to pound, I feel so safe, just the thought of her being my my side forever makes me feel so warm. Ugh why am I so in love with her , how do I make it stop, I can't ruin our friendship
I get up and I start to pace back and forth trying to gather my thoughts together, I get a little anxious, she usually knows how to fix my problems but how can she fix this if I can't even tell her how I feel.
"Is something wrong peaches?" She stands up and grabs my shoulders. " All this pacing is making me dizzy Maya, what's wrong?"
Im trying to bite my tongue , how can she not see this, I look at her, we make eye contact, this is happening, Lucas is gone, this is my only chance, I have to tell her, I'm going to tell her.
"Riles I never liked Lucas as more than a brother."
"Wait what? What did you say Maya?"
She looks so confused but I can't stop now, I have to tell her, she has to know the truth.
" I said I never liked him as more than a brother Riley." I repeat again.
I hope I don't have to explain myself, I hope she understands what I mean by this.
"Then why Maya!" She raises her voice at me "Why did you say you did, why did you cause all this mess!"
I feel horrible that she is mad, she doesn't understand this at all, I need to calm her down, and let me explain
"Riley I'm sorry it's just-"
"No Maya ! No this wasn't right even for you!"
Her eyes start to tear up, what did I do, I mess everything up, I have to calm her down now!
I panic and my body reacts for me, my hands grab her shoulders softly, this is it, after I tell her this I might loose her forever, just the thought of it is breaking my heart, but I can't cry, I have to be strong for the both of us,
"Riley just listen to me!"
"No Maya just go away"
My heart breaks a little as I see her mouth these words , how can she react like this over a guy? How can she be so upset , I knew her longer than Lucas ever did so why is she treating me like this, im so angry and yet so hurt, i dont know , i guess I am having mixed emotions and all I can do is cry.
"Riley, are you really this clueless !"
"What are you talking about Maya?"
All of a sudden my thoughts were shouting my feelings towards her but my mouth felt completely shut.
"Just say it Maya"
Just get it over with Maya, just tell her, jump the cliff and hope she is there to catch you
"Riley I don't like Lucas, I just went along with it because I didn't have the courage to say that I think I'm in love with you Riley."
I can't read her body language , I wish I can read her mind, what is she thinking, am I gonna scare her away, I hope she doesn't leave me
" I don't fully understand what I'm feeling but I know I feel something different for you."
"Honey just please say something."
Say you love me, say you feel the same, say all this time you were afraid to tell me too. Say anything , anything except goodbye , I lost her , I know I lost her, my anxiety starts rushing back what should I do, i ruined everything , why do I ruin everything! What will I do without her, how will I survive this world alone,
"Oh god. What did I do? I'm so stupid. I just ruined our friendship I kn-"
Before I can finish saying what I needed to say out of fear of loosing her she hugs me and all my worries went away, for those couple of seconds I forgot about everything. Everything was fine, everything felt fine, everything is gonna be fine, I'm going to be okay, its okay, as long as she's here its okay. I feel so safe right here.
I feel her pull away just a little bit but not completely , we make eye contact , I get lost in her eyes, gosh she is so beautiful, I just want to kiss her even if its for the last time. She has no idea how many times it crossed my mind to just lean in and kiss her,
I don't know how to explain this but our bodies were merging, without a single hesitation we are leaning in for the kiss, I can hear my heartbeat pace a little faster as I get closer to her lips, my lips finally touch hers, my heart beat dramatically slows down and everything around me disappears , Its almost like if everything was in slow motion, kissing her felt like a rhythm, like if we've kissed plenty of times before, I don't want to stop, but I should, i pull away slowly and I bite my lip as I crave for more, I can't stop smiling, Ive never felt so alive, so happy. I hear her giggle and its music to my ears, I love her so much ... than reality snapped when I hear her dad knoc on Rileys door... I start to remember where we are, how we got here, and what happened, everything that was a blur sharpened,
"Come in" riley says
"Hey is everything okay ?" I heard some shouting earlier and wanted to check up on you guys." Said Mathews
"Yes daddy, we're fine friends fight and make up you know the usual." She says smiling,
"Gosh Matthews, can't be out of our lives for more than five seconds?" I say sarcastically, as I continue to glance back at Riley.
"Go get cleaned up dinner is almost ready."
As entertaining as this is annoying her dad, I decide to leave, I really don't want to, but this will give her time to process everything that just happened, I hope at the end of the day her eyes open up and she realizes how deeply in love we were this whole time.
"You know what Matthews I think I'm going to skip on this one it's getting late already and I should start heading home."
"You know you're always welcomed to stay here Maya."
Many thoughts came rushing through my head, if only he knew his daughter and I just kissed, my inner bad starts to tingle and all I can do is just smile
As I bite my tongue trying not to have a smart mouth I say this as simple as possible "Yeah I know. Thanks Matthews."
I start Making my way out the window and I stop for a split second to say goodbye to the love of my life, hoping I get to say hello in the morning
"Bye Riles. See you later."
"Bye Maya" she replies
We kept it simple, said our goodbyes and hoped for the hellos
As I'm walking home the world just seems so bright, I'm in Riley's little world, I feel so happy and full of joy, I can't get over how soft her lips were, I just want to bounce around and dance with excitement, this is the best day of my life.
I'm finally getting ready for bed, I hate being here, I feel so alone with out her, I can't sleep, at all, I wonder how she's doing? I hope she doesn't regret it? What does this mean? What about Lucas? Is she going to tell him? I hope she doesn't feel guilty, I hope she loves me, I just hope there is a hello.