The Walls

I'm not like you Kid, not just in looks, but in the way we're made. It's like that three little pigs story. See, Kid, when you was young, you were the first little pig. You had walls made of straw around your heart. Girls, now girls are the big bad wolf. Never mind huffing and puffing to blow those walls down, all the girl had to do was breathe on you and those straw walls just tumbled down. Your heart got bruised over and over until it was one too many times and you learned the hard way. Now you're the second little pig. You build your walls with sticks. The big bad wolf of a girl has to try a little harder, huff a little, be a little needier. Kid, you're finding out that even though sticks are stronger than straw, they're also pointier and when the walls get blown down they pierce that heart of yours. Instead of just bruised, you get bloodied as well, and it hurts more. Me, I'm the third little pig. I'm the sensible one, the pig that looks forward, plans for all contingencies. My heart is housed in walls made of nice, solid, strong bricks. The door has a lock with a combination that I don't give out to too many people. It's safe and unbruised and can't be hurt. Well, maybe only one, you, Kid, that I let through. I need to keep those walls strong, to keep my heart and soul safe from the big bad wolves out there, female or otherwise, huffing and puffing.

In the late afternoon shadows Kid leaned with arms crossed against the railroad station wall, watching his partner watching the train fade into the violet horizon. He kept his distance for several long moments as the platform cleared of people and freight. The dark-haired man stood still, shoulders slumped, lost in thought. Curry waited patiently, giving his partner the space to start to come to terms with what just happened.

The shadows continued to deepen, it was time, Kid uncrossed his arms and pushed off the station wall. A gentle touch strengthened into a fleeting but firm sympathetic squeeze of a dark blue clad shoulder. Heyes shook his head slightly, straightened up and his expression hardened into a false blankness.

"She found a hole in your wall. It happens and it hurts, Heyes, just makes you human."

"What wall? I don't have walls. And I'm fine." Heyes turned, stepped away from Curry's grasp and started down the platform towards the street.

"Sure, you're fine. Let me tell you, partner, you have walls, They're made of brick and stone and they surround the real you. And the moment the mortar holding your wall together starts to crumble you add another layer. It means that when someone manages to gets through you're caught unawares and..."

A quick turn of a dark head and sharp backwards look told the following blond that his partner did not want to discuss the situation at all, probably never would.

Too bad, thought Kid. You're going to listen because, unfortunately, this is an area that I'm experienced in. "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Heyes abruptly halted his flight from the scene of the crime. A self-inflicted crime, he told himself bitterly. "Who told you that?" he asked incredulously as he turned to squarely face his best friend.

"You did. You were reading some English poet, not that Shakespeare guy, years ago, and I always remembered it."

"It's from Tennyson, Alfred, Lord Tennyson. And Kid, the poem was called "In Memoriam A.H.H." It was written about his friend who died, not a woman."

"Oh, they were that sort."

Heyes chuckled weakly despite himself. "No, I don't think so."

Blond brows drew down into a v before smoothing out. "Don't matter, I still believe in what the line from the poem says. Those words have helped me. Those times I've shared with women, who have touched my heart, made my life better, even if only for a little while. Yeah, it hurts, it still does sometimes but I have memories that mean something good to me and I hope to them too. I know that if the time comes when I can love a woman forever that I'm capable. And if that time never comes, which is more than likely, and I die young, shot down still runnin' or in prison, at least I know that I have loved and some woman somewhere loved me once."

Heyes starred, he knew Kid had to have come to terms with his wounded heart and flimsy walls even if they didn't talk much about it. Heyes always offered his steadfast support and a light-hearted comment when Curry was grieving the loss of a relationship but they shied away from deep sentimental or emotional discussions. He never guessed that Kid would remember and find solace in a line from a poem that he heard once, years ago.

Kid reached and lightly grabbed both of Heyes' arms to keep his strong but still vulnerable cousin facing him. He took a deep breath and continued, "Doing the noble thing, putting Lydia on that train and havin' to watch her disappear out of your life was hard, it took a strong will. You can lie to her, you can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me. You're not fine. It hurts a lot. It's gonna to take time and you're never really going to forget. But, Heyes, if you patch all the holes in your wall and keep adding more bricks and stones eventually your walls are going to be so thick that no one will ever be able to get through. You'll no longer be capable of truly loving and you'll have lost something that is unbelievably precious."

A wealth of experience and heartfelt empathy passed from warm blue eyes to wounded, skeptical brown before Curry let go as he turned his partner toward the street and patted his back.

"Come on, let's drown your sorrows in good whiskey and improve your mood by winning in poker."

Heyes nodded without speaking as he followed Curry. Poker and whiskey sounded good, maybe, just maybe, he could stave off brooding about Lydia and his perceptive partner's comments. Although, he doubted it… Tis better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all…

Notes:

The Three Little Pigs is a fable/fairy tale featuring anthropomorphic pigs who build three houses of different materials. Printed versions date back to the 1840s, but the story itself is thought to be much older. The phrases used in the story, and the various morals drawn from it, have become embedded in Western culture. The Three Little Pigs was included in The Nursery Rhymes of England (London and New York, c.1886), by James Halliwell-Phillipps. The story in its arguably best-known form appeared in English Fairy Tales by Joseph Jacobs, first published in 1890 and crediting Halliwell as his source.

There are too many filmed and animated versions of the Three Llittle Pigs to count. Two of my favorites are the Disney Silly Symphony - One of the earliest filmed adaptations and Looney Toons Parody Fantasia version of the Three Little Pigs both available on Youtube.

"In Memoriam A.H.H." is a poem by the British poet Alfred, Lord Tennyson, completed in 1849. It is a requiem for the poet's beloved Cambridge friend Arthur Henry Hallam, who died suddenly of a cerebral hemorrhage in Vienna in 1833. The most frequently quoted lines in the poem are perhaps

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

Another much-quoted phrase from the poem is "nature, red in tooth and claw," found in Canto 56, referring to humanity:

Who trusted God was love indeed

And love Creation's final law

Tho' Nature, red in tooth and claw

With ravine, shriek'd against his creed

Reference

Wikipedia