Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
The Easy Way Out
The wind was relentless, strong enough to throw a lesser man from the tree branch that Kakashi stood upon. It blew from the east – the direction he was heading. It was rare for the Land of Fire to suffer a storm of this magnitude, the rain coming down in sheets, falling almost horizontally in the wind. The stormy sky and the thundering crackles, the brilliant flashes of light, the darkness and despair hanging in the air, pungent and dizzying. The night matched Kakashi's mood perfectly.
He felt numb beneath the torrent, the rain sliding down his porcelain mask to drip to the forest floor. He was soaked to the skin and shaking, covered in blood. He had killed thirty innocent people for the taking of the life of one man. He had killed children and women and men and boys and girls and babies, all with their lives ahead of them. He had killed the old and the young. He had slaughtered them all. He hadn't been told why; it wasn't his place to know.
He saw their faces know, eyes wide, asking, "Why, Kakashi? Why?" That had been the worst part. He hadn't known why. He'd been told to leave no one alive. Why had he done it? He was Anbu. Unlike his father, he would do anything for his village, even at the price of his soul.
He'd been gone for four long years.
Away from Konoha.
Away from her.
Sakura…
He felt the weight of the ring in his pocket and took it out once again. The velvet had been worn away by his fingers. He slid the box open, revealing a ring. It was a diamond set in a slender silver band, flanked on either side by smaller emeralds, the exact shade of her eyes.
A perfect ring for a perfect woman.
He hadn't had the strength to propose before he left, probably never to return. They had become friends. He had made little excuses to train with her, to take her out to dinner, to buy her lunch… He loved her. She couldn't possibly love him back.
He had told her, the night before he left.
"I love you, Sakura."
"I know." She had not said anything more. She didn't love him.
Sakura had eyes only for her precious Uchiha.
He was a lovesick fool, and he knew it. That ring was what got him up in the morning. Thoughts of that ring, on her slender finger, were what got him through the day. Thoughts of her were what kept him going. She was the first thing he thought about when he woke up. She was the last thing he thought about when he surrendered to sleep.
Going back to Konoha would be harder than leaving. He had bumped into Genma last year. Genma had been drunk. Kakashi hadn't. Genma told him that Sakura was engaged. To Sasuke, the boy Kakashi had raised like his son. He had been excepting it. It was one thing to know, secondhand, that the woman you loved was engaged to another man, possibly married. It was another to have to go home and face them. To smile and nod and congratulate them when you were dying inside.
That was exactly what he did when he got back.
He was at the bar, sitting with the other Jounin. He had always been good at holding his liquor. Even with the ten sake bottles sitting in front of him, he made it home without stumbling once. He felt nicely numb, like nothing had happened. Like Sakura hadn't carved out his heart and fed it to the dogs.
He was almost to his apartment, one block away, when he saw them. They were walking down the street, coming from a fancy dinner by their formal apparel. Sakura was on his arm, leaning into him, giggling at something Sasuke said. She was so beautiful in the moonlight, so radiant. He pretended not to notice. He walked past them, hands in his pockets, head tipped back as if watching the star-spattered sky.
"Kakashi-sensei?" She asked, stopping a few paces behind of him. God, he loved her voice.
"Hmm?" He murmured, feigning surprise as he turned to face her. "Ah, Sakura, Sasuke, it's good to see you guys again. What had it been, four years?" He didn't look at the dark-haired Uchiha. He looked only at Sakura.
"Yeah." She murmured, and Kakashi thought that she looked a little sad. Had she really missed me?
"I heard about your engagement," he said with a happy little eyes crease. "Congratulations."
"We're married now." Sakura said quietly.
"Oh. Well, even better." He tried to ignore the pure agony constricting his heart. "I'm a little tired, so I guess I'll be heading home. It was nice to see you two again." He turned and walked off, feigning perfect nonchalance.
His apartment was exactly the way he had left. Like he had asked, Sakura had come in to water Mr. Ukki, who sat proudly on the window sill, glossy leaves glowing silver. Everything was the same, but, where it mattered, the entire world had flopped upside-down and backwards.
The next day, the world was flooded with sunlight. The Jounin HQ was strangely cheery as Kakashi sat on one of the old, beaten up sofas, flipping through his mission report, checking it over. Kurenai went to sit by him.
"Hey." She said simply.
Kakashi looked up and smiled. It was a fake one.
"What's wrong, Kakashi?"
Everything. "Nothing."
"You love her, don't you." It was not a question. Kurenai turned to face him, nodding to Sakura, standing a few yards away. "Why won't you tell her?"
"I already have." He said, fishing out the velvet box he constantly kept with him and handed it to Kurenai. Her breath caught as she opened it.
"You…"
"No, I didn't. It's too late now, anyway." He said coldly. Sakura now had an even bigger diamond adorning her hand now.
"Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" She asked. "Why can't you let yourself have what you want?"
"I don't deserve her. No one does, but Sasuke comes closer than I do."
She watched him rise as he took the ring from her. He turned, and, in that moment, she saw a flash of pure pain.
Sakura found him easily. He was at the memorial, but, this time, he was speaking.
"Is it wrong, Obito?" He asked, raw emotion in his voice. "Is it wrong to love someone fourteen years my junior? Is it wrong to love my student?"
She had slipped in so easily, sliding through the steel walls he had built around his heart, and she had shattered it.
Sakura's eyes widened as she stood, hidden, in the boughs of a tree. He still loved her?
"It's too late, though, Obito. Even if it is okay for me to love her, she's married now. To Sasuke. He's a better man than me by far."
No, he wasn't. Sakura loved Kakashi. It was painfully clear now. Before, when he had confessed, she had thought she only like him as a friend. Only when he left did she realize how much she needed him. Only after Sasuke married her had she realized she loved him.
"I'm a coward, Obito. And, like my father, I'm going to take the easy way out. I guess I'll see you soon, Obito… Rin… Sensei… Father…"
Sakura's eyes widened in fear. No… he wouldn't. But he was going to. The kunai was out, in his steady hands, catching the morning sunlight.
"Kakashi!" She gasped, jumping down two feet from him. "Don't! I'm sorry, Kakashi. I'm so sorry… Please… I lo-"
"It's a little too late to apologize, Sakura." And, before she could stop him, the kunai plunged into his chest.