A/N: Ummm... where to even start. Oh yeah! I was reading Harry Potter Fics when I got this idea. The fic is called 'Harry Potter Buys Life Insurance' it's by 'evilrabidplotbunnies'. I PMed her asking for permission to use her idea. I have also never seen actual life insurance forums, so i made this up. Though I'm pretty sure you might actually find some of these questions on one. Some of these questions came from a health survey they made me take at school. Me and my best friend(whom is currently in alot of pain after having her wisdom teeth pulled, and having a blast teasing me that I'm next), had to take two since we had a it of fun with the first ones. Most of the answers are what we actually put on the first surveys. Who says Health class is boring?!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
On with the story…
Nightwing Buys Life Insurance
After shutting off the connection with Martian Manhunter, I realized something. Something extremely terrible. The Earth has been invaded by aliens. Not the nice kind either. You know the 'I wanna save innocent people from the bad guys' or the 'I wanna be friends and feed you burnt cookies,' kind. Nope, not these guys. They are the 'I'm going to experiment on you to see what makes you tick, no matter how painful it may be' kind. Two words: not nice.
The invasion has begun, and with that said there is only one thing left to do(No I don't mean go and train my ass off. I'll do that later.) It's time to buy life insurance. Now now, I'm not saying all hope is lost and I'm going to die. I really hope I don't, I'm to young to die. I am a Bat, and a Bat is always prepared. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go buy me some life insurance.
Ohhh… kay. I am currently situated on my bed in my room at Wayne Manor. Gahh! Why are there so many papers? It's like they want my entire life's story. Where to start, where to start? Oh, I know I'll start with this blue one first. Hello, Dick! You need a pen before you can even start to fill anything out. It's not like I can fill this out using only my finger. I wonder… nahh. Pen, pen, pen? Oh hey, it's my chibi Batman pen. Focus! I'm focused now. Okay, first question.
Name? That's easy! Richard John Grayson. That is G-R-A-Y-S-O-N not G-R-E-Y-S-O-N. You would not believe how many people get that wrong. It's an A not an E! Next!
Age? Ummm… that's a tough one. Last time I checked, which was like four days ago, I was nineteen. So, I'm nineteen. Next!
Height? Five feet, ten inches. Ha, take that Wally! Always made fun of me, 'cause I was short. Who's the short one now? That's right, not me. Next!
Weight? Well… I don't mean to brag or anything, but I'm a hundred and seventy-six pounds of pure muscle. Oh yeah, baby! Next!
Eyes? Blue. No, not baby blue. That's how you describe a girl's eyes. Mine are like a deep ocean blue color. Okay, next!
Hair? Black. Do not refer to me as the raven haired boy. I get enough bird jokes as it is. Next!
Sex? Hell yeah! Oh… wait. Not that kind of sex. I am a male, unless I have been wearing the wrong type of underwear ever since I was potty trained. Next!
Race? Half Romani Gypsy. I'm a gypsy like Shakira, and my hips don't lie. I'm on tonight, you know my hips don't lie, and I'm starting to feel you boy, come on let's go, real slow, don't you see baby asi es perfecto. I am so taking up belly dancing after this. I'm sure the ladies would love to see me shake my hips all over the place. Next!
Occupation? Student. I am a Sophomore at Gotham University. I also run around as the masked vigilante Nightwing, beating up the bad guys and keeping Gotham safe from the crazies. Next!
Contact information? I'm Dick Grayson, everyone knows where Wayne Manor is, but if you don't then you're lame. Richard Grayson, Wayne Manor, Gotham City, New York. Next! Hey! That was the last question for that page. That one's yellow! I'll do that one next. How fun, a whole page of yes or no questions.
Raised blood pressure? Not that I know of. No. Alfred might though. I think he even has mini heart attacks sometimes when Tim, Bruce, and I get back from a mission or patrols. Next!
Diabetes? Nope! Though with all the candy he eats, I think Wally might get them if he doesn't already have them. Next!
Obesity? Not me. There's a not so slim chance that Wally might be one day. Just sayin'. Next!
Is your life at home or work stressful? Let's see. I am playboy Dick Grayson by day, and masked vigilante by night. What the hell do you think? I have to go to lame charity events with the rich and snooty as one, then I have to lead a team of teenage superheroes as the other. So yes my life is stressful. Next!
Have you ever smoked? Yes, but that is only if you count accidentally inhaling the smoke from my smoke pellets. Next!
Do you still smoke? Yes, I still continue to use my smoke pellets and sometimes it just happens. Next!
If you currently smoke, is giving up something you have ever considered? Heck no! I will never give up my smoke pellets! I can't even imagine life without them, and if I could there would be a lot of pain. *shudders* Next!
Recent health concerns? Are evil aliens that want to experiment on you, considered a health concern? I would have to say yes to that. Next!
Do you consume alcoholic beverages? Shit yeah! How else do you think I would make it through all those charity balls Bruce drags me to. Everyone there is so much more pleasant to be around when your buzzed. Just don't tell Bruce that, but then again I think he knows. I mean he's not the world's greatest detective for nothing. He knows all. Damn it Batman! Next!
Are you currently taking any medications? Yes, my ADHD pills I forgot the name of. Next!
Do you drive a vehicle? Yes. I drive my motorcycle, and then all of Bruce's cars when he's away on business. To the Batmobile! Whoohoooo! Next! Oh that the last of the yes or no questions. 'Please list everything that follows,' okay I can do that.
Any allergies? Well, lets see. Evil aliens, burnt cookies, Wally's running shoes, cinnamon, and some other things I can't remember at the moment. Next!
Reason for purchasing life insurance with us today? Uhh, I am not crazy but… evil aliens have invaded Earth, though no one believes they are evil, and Bats are prepared for anything and everything. Batman even has a book of contingency plans. There's even a plan for when Wally and Uncle Barry come over.
Knock, knock!
"Who is it?" I asked in a high pitched Mexican accent.
"Cut the crap, Dick." Tim said walking into my room.
"Shut up, Tim! I'm buying life insurance! If you know what's good for you, you would do the same!" I shouted from my spot in the center of my bed.
"I already have life insurance. My parents did that whole Gerber Baby Grow Up plan thing." he said while sitting down in front of me.
"Awww, little Timmy's a Gerber Baby." I cooed while pinching my little brother's cheeks.
"Dick, stop it," he whined rubbing his cheeks when I finally let go. Laying down he asked "What insurance company did you sign up with?"
"State Farm!"
A/N: Okayyy… Yep. I had a bit of fun writing this. Is it good is it bad? Is this even funny at all, or maybe just a little bit funny? Tell me what you think.
I apologize to those of you who were expecting another '13 Ways To Annoy,' I just really couldn't think of anything. So sorry.
With all that said…
REVIEW!
REVIEW!
REVIEW!
CherryVanilla13