Unfaithful, an inuyasha fanfic

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Inuyasha nor any or its characters. They all belong to Rumiko Takahashi. The song/lyric belong to Rihanna, not me.

~Unfaithful~

Story of my life, searching for the right, but it keeps avoiding me.
Sorrow in my soul, cause it seems that wrong really loves my company.

Through the darkness I drove, preparing myself to see him.

Just the thought of him made me shiver.

His long white hair and piercing gold eyes, just like his brother's.

His brother. The person I just saw.

He's more than a man, and this is more than love.
The reason that the sky is blue.

Flashbacks of the events that played out accordingly no more then an hour ago runs through my head.

The feeling of his hands on my hips have yet to go.

The taste of his lips on mine continued to be present.

Our shallow breathing and low moans ring in my ears.

His little, white triangle ears atop his head that twitch at every sound.

I feel warm from the thought.

Happy.

Like I always do when I'm with him.

The clouds are rolling in, because I'm gone again, and to him I just can't be true.

I park my car in our driveway and get out.

I think of him, the man I'm about to see.

The man that I am supposed to be happy with.

Guilt fills my belly, as I unlock the door and step inside.

He'll be able to smell it.

Like he always does.

And I'll have to endure the look on his face.

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful, and it kills him inside,
to know that I am happy with some other guy.
I can see him dying.

I greet him and he does the same.

Coming in close to kiss me, I see the look in his gold eyes shift ever so slightly, and I know he knows.

But, he kisses me anyway.

Small and quick.

Nothing like I experienced earlier today.

But just as passionate.

I don't wanna do this anymore, I don't wanna be the reason why.
Every time I walk out the door, I see him die a little more inside.
I don't wanna hurt him anymore, I don't wanna take away his life.
I don't wanna be...
A murderer.

It hurts me. It really does. To see him in pain.

He tries to hide it, and does an amazing job, but if you know what to look for, like I do, you can see it.

The hurt that surfaces when I leave, or the betrayal that shows when I come back smelling differently form when I did when I left.

I do care for him, and I hate to hurt him, but I can't seem to stop seeing the man I just shared my afternoon with.

I guess I deserve it though.

The pain it puts me through knowing that I hurt him everyday.

Why I just don't end it, I have no clue.

Maybe its because we used to be happy.

We used to love one another.

And just maybe I want that back.

I feel it in the air, as I'm doing my hair, preparing for another date.
A kiss upon my cheek, as he reluctantly asks if I'm gonna be out late.

Two days later.

His face is, as usual, blank.

Even his eyes are, as if he is lost in thought, as he walks into the bathroom.

Then he looks at me.

"How long will you be out?" he asks, his voice smooth and cool, but reluctant, as if he doesn't want to hear the answer.

Its Saturday. I always go out on Saturday.

I say I won't be long, just hanging with the girls.
A lie I didn't have to tell.
Because we both know where I'm about to go, and we know it very well.

"I'm just going to hang out with Sango, Rin and the others," I lie, turning to face him with one of my bright smiles.

He looks as if he is about to smile too, but it passes with out even a tug of his lips.

"So not long."

He nods, and walks out.

But the look in those pure gold eyes, that always betray him, says it all.

I didn't have to lie.

He knows.

But, I did anyway, I guess in hope to try to fool him, for his sake.

But he is far to intelligent for that.

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful, and it kills him inside, to know that I am happy with some other guy.
I can see him dying.

The sorrow that I can see in his eyes are buried behind the ice that covers them, but its there none the less.

His pain runs deep within him, which causes me hurt more then anyone could imagine.

Most think just because I'm the one being unfaithful, it means that I don't care about the one I am supposed to be with, but that's not true.

I do love him.

I should break it off with him, so I don't have to hurt him anymore.

But, like I said before, I can't, and I'm not sure why.

Maybe its just because I'm selfish and I don't want to give him up.

As I open the front door to go seethe man that makes me happy, I glance back to him.

He's facing away from me, his back tensing when he hear the door open.

He waits a moment before turning towards me.

"I'll see you soon?" I ask, my voice light and sweet. He nods, but says nothing more.

When I walk out and begin to close the door behind me, he turns away.

A play of emotions flash across his face, and he doesn't know that I can see.

That I can see the look of sadness and emptiness.

That I can see him dying bit by bit inside, fading away.

Soon, there may be nothing left.

Our love, his trust, I might as well take a gun and put it to his head, get it over with.
I don't wanna do this, anymore.
Anymore, anymore.

I slowly unlock the door, step inside my now dark house, and, as quietly as I can, shut the door behind me.

Its past two in the morning.

I know I told him that I would only be out for a while, but I got so caught up that I lost track of time.

His brothers scent was no doubt ably rolling off of me in waves.

There is no sense in trying to hide it. I knew it was inevitable.

I turn the light on, and sigh.

Then I look towards the living room.

And I gasp.

Blood. It's everywhere. On the walls, floor, ceiling. The carpet it drenched.

Then I see him.

Lying on the floor. Motionless.

I don't wanna do this anymore, I don't wanna be the reason why.
And every time I walk out the door, I see him die a little more inside.
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore, I don't wanna take away his life.

I run to him, drop to my knees and gently pick up his head.

"Sesshomaru!" I scream. I get nothing in response.

I listen for a pulse. Silence.

I look around the room.

A gun lies on of floor, inches from him.

Looking at his body, I see where the blood is pouring from. His temple.

He couldn't take it anymore. The pain.

So, he ended it.

Because I never could.

I don't wanna be...
A murderer, a murderer.

I reach for my phone, but I know its too late.

Tears spring to my eyes and fall from my cheeks.

It's over. He's gone.

But it will never truly feel like that, I know.

He will always be here, haunting me.

For, because of me, this man died.

And the pain he suffered he has now passed on to me.

Pain that I will live with forever.

No no no no.