So I watched this episode while working on my story 'When I lost Elliot' and this idea came into my head.

It's supposed to be a one shot but if enough people want it to be longer then I can make it longer. Honestly I could have kept going with this but don't know if anyone would want it.

It had been a rough couple of days for Olivia Benson. She and her squad had been working a suspected rape homicide when they had found the son of the victim hiding in the closet. Olivia being her usual overprotective, caring, selfless person took the boy under her wing and protected him and slowly fell in love with him in a way a mother should love her son. Now she was sitting in court watching the boy she loved and had applied for custody and adoption of being tried for murder and it was eating away at her.

"We can try to keep him off the streets until we can make him for the murder." Casey explained after Olivia told her about Nathan's reaction to seeing Carthridge.

"We might not have to, shots fired at my salvation charity." Don said as he approached the group.

"Where's Nathan?" Elliot asked turning to Olivia.

"He's in the cribs." Olivia replied praying to God that she was right as she hurried up the stairs to check.

When she saw the bed empty her heart began to hammer in her chest and she rushed down to meet Elliot and make her way over to the charity hoping that Nathan wasn't there and had nothing to do with the shots being fired but a part of her knew even before she checked that he was involved.

XxX

"Let me go?" She asked Cragen as they stood outside waiting to begin talking Nathan down.

"Only if you're armed and protected." Cragen replied and she quickly hurried off with Elliot to get kitted up.

"You'll do good Liv." He told her as he helped pull on her Kevlar.

"I know." She replied shakily.

"Good. That boy cares about you Liv and I know you care about him too." Elliot said and Olivia nodded.

"More than you know." She whispered under her breath but Elliot caught every word.

"What do you mean Liv?" He asked.

"El … don't be mad but… but I filed for custody with possibility of future adoption." She told him as she holstered her gun.

"What? Liv are you insane?" Elliot asked.

"No I'm not El, that boy needs a home and I can provide him with one, I don't want him to get lost in the cracks of social services." Olivia explained.

"You got attached." Elliot sighed. "You always do."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She spat angrily.

"Liv come on!" Cragen called and Olivia gave Elliot one last look before hurrying off hoping that she could save Nathan before it was too late.

XxX

"You have to give me that gun… Nathan I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"He shot her, I messed up and I had to fix it!" He yelled before Olivia could swipe the gun from his hands. "She tried to give me to a social worker."

"Your Mother." Olivia noted.

"I don't even care anymore." He cried.

"I do." Olivia replied. "Nathan, your Mom was really sick. I'd be lucky to have a son like you…" She said softly. "Anybody would."

XxX

"Olivia my office!" Don yelled as soon as she left the interrogation room after they finished questioning Nathan.

She sighed and made her way across the bullpen feeling every eye on her as she walked with her head held high trying to hide the fear she felt coursing through her veins.

"When were you planning on telling me you applied for custody of Nathan Phelps?" Don asked as soon as she shut the door.

"As soon as the trial was over, I couldn't get custody till after the trial, conflict of interest." Olivia replied and Don sighed as he sat on the edge of his desk and looked at her.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her gently and she shrugged and shook her head.

"I'm a bit shaken if I'm honest." She replied.

"Will you be withdrawing your custody application now?" Don asked her seriously.

"No." She said firmly. "He's not a cold blooded murderer Cap' he's a scared kid and all he needs is a bit of love and a stable home."

"And you can give him that?" Don questioned.

"I can give him that." She replied confidently.

"Well you know I have to pull you off the case officially, even though it is nearly over."

"I know." She nodded.

"What are you going to do if he ends up in prison?" Don asked.

"I don't know Cap, I mean, it's not really hit me yet I don't think." She explained.

"I want you to sit down with Huang." He told her and she nodded, she wasn't going argue with him about this, it was something she actually agreed with him about.

"Fine." She whispered.

"If he gets off, you're still hoping for custody?"

"Yes." Olivia replied sternly trying to warn her Captain with her tone that he was treading dangerous territory.

"Well you have my support Olivia." He said. "Go see Huang he's upstairs now."

XxX

"Hi Olivia." Huang smiled gently as she sat down opposite him.

"Hey." She replied weakly, it was obvious she was tired if not drained from the case.

"So how are you holding up?" Huang asked.

"Honestly?" She asked and he nodded. "I don't know."

"What aren't you sure about?" Huang asked and she shrugged.

"I think…" Olivia began but cut herself off and rethought what she was about to say. "I think I'm conflicted."

"Why?"

"Because my job is to make sure the bad guys get put away yet I'm praying that Nathan doesn't get put away." Olivia replied. "I want him to get off."

"Do you think it might have something to do with the high chance you have of gaining custody?" Huang asked and Olivia shrugged again.

"I don't know, it might be that I want him to get off because of my selfish want to be a mother but I've fallen in love with that kid George, he stole a piece of my heart the moment I met him and ever since then piece by piece he captured it and when we were in that room he was sobbing and I told him that I would be lucky to have a son like him and I meant every damn word of it, even though he's killed a man I still love him and still want to be his mother." Olivia explained.

"You really care for the kid, that's evident." George replied and she nodded.

"A lot more than I should."

Olivia had just taken to the stand and she felt so consumed with guilt. She couldn't lie under oath but she was pleased that she had replied to a question that had been sustained by the judge. There was no way she could have sat there and said nothing, she needed to help Nathan anyway she could.

The next day found Olivia sitting in Civil Court watching Nathan tell them all how he had killed a man after seeing his Mother killed by that very same man. It ate away at her seeing him so vulnerable.

When Nathan finally fell under the pressure of the questioning Olivia bit back the tears feeling her heart break for the boy, she couldn't help it, he was so angry at what had happened but Olivia didn't blame him for being angry, his father had been killed when he was six and now his mother and then there was his aunt Gina too.

When Casey stood up and said she had no questions Olivia's heart stopped still. The truth was she'd gotten some news just before coming to court and the hope she had entering the courtroom was now slowly fading.

Olivia watched in awe as a mistrial was granted and she couldn't help but smile as Nathan ran over and hugged her tight. She even let a couple of tears loose not caring who saw.

"What happens to me now?" Nathan asked as Olivia, Casey and Sophie made their way out into the open air.

"How would you like…" Olivia began to say as she stopped and bent to Nathan's level. "To come and live me?" She asked with a smile on his face.

Her smile widened as his eyes lit up brightly.

"Really Detective Benson?" He asked in complete disbelief.

"Yeah really Nathan, I have custody of you if you want me to that is?" Olivia smiled pulling the custody papers out of her purse and handing them to him so he could look.

He threw his arms around her neck once again and she lifted him up and spun him around gleefully.

"Killer got a foster Mom that's nice." The defence attorney spat as he stood behind Casey while Olivia and Nathan celebrated.

"You're a jerk Getties." Casey snapped as Olivia put Nathan down and wrapped an arm across his chest protectively.

"You let a murderer off." He pointed out and Olivia tightened her grip on Nathan.

"Nathan Phelps would be serving the sentence I had already drawn up had you not gotten involved. Why don't you put the blame where it really belongs, on your bosses." Casey replied. "Come on Olivia, Nathan let's go, Ice cream on me." Casey smiled leaving the attorney stood there in shock.

"Ok so it's not much but it's home." Olivia said as she opened the door to her apartment letting Nathan walk in first.

He looked around like he'd walked into a palace not a two bed apartment in alphabet city.

"It's really nice." He said still looking around the open living space he'd walked into.

"I'll show you to your room." Olivia smiled as she carried his bag down the hallway. "I'll need to make up the bed, I haven't had anyone staying here in a long time." She explained as she opened the door to the small room she'd been using as an office that contained a single bed with only a mattress.

He sat on the bed and looked around the room as Olivia pulled out the duvets and comforters so she could make up the bed for him.

"You ok?" She asked and he nodded and gave her a firm smile which she returned instantly.

"Thank you Detective Benson." He said and Olivia knelt down in front of him.

"Hey first, I said I would be lucky to have a son like you, and I meant every word Nathan. Secondly, call me Olivia now ok?" She said with a small laugh and he smiled and nodded before wrapping her up in a hug again and she returned it, basking in the warmth she felt from his embrace.

"Thank you." He said again in a whispered and all Olivia could do was softly rub her cheek against his in reply, too caught up in tears to say much else.

"How about I run you a bath and you can get cleaned up before bed?" She suggested and he nodded happily, he was more relaxed now than she had ever seen him.

"Ok." She smiled.

Forty minutes later Nathan was bathed and changed and was sat on the couch with a hot chocolate watching TV quietly. Olivia was texting with Elliot who was clearly checking up on her.

Did he get settled in? – El x

Seems too so far. – Liv x

Good. You know to call if you need anything right? – El x

I know. Thanks for your support in this El – Liv x

I've always got your back Liv, you know that – El x

I know, thanks – Liv x

I've got a bag of some of Dickie's old clothes, they should fit Nathan if you want them – El x

Would be great, Thanks – Liv x

No problem, will bring them into the precinct tomorrow for you – El x

Thanks El, think I'm going to have to take some time though – Liv x

How come? I'll miss my partner – El x

I need to get Nathan settled, get him into school, lots to sort out – Liv x

Yeah I get it but like I said, need any help call ok? – El x

Thanks El – Liv x

Catch ya later – El x

Later – Liv x

She put her phone on the arm of the chair and looked over to see that Nathan had fallen asleep and she smiled, he looked peaceful and that was a good thing.

"Nathan, sweetie, come on time for bed." She said shaking him softly.

He managed to stand up and drag his feet into the bedroom, Olivia went with him to tuck him in and seemed to fall straight asleep.

"Night Olivia." He said and she smiled.

"I'm right next door if you need me Nathan ok?" She said.

"Ok." He nodded weakly.

"Night Nath'." She said softly as she switched off the light.

"Night." He said as she shut the door.

Once the door was shut she let out a soft breath before making her way into the kitchen. She washed their mugs then went to have a shower before getting into bed, she was knackered.

As the water cascaded onto her skin she reflected over the last couple of days, they'd been rough but the seemed to have worked out in the end. She had things she needed to do, first was get Nathan into a good school. As she finished rinsing her hair a scream echoed across the apartment making Olivia jump out of the shower. She quickly wrapped a towel around her and then pulled on her robe before running to the spare bedroom and she found Nathan sat bolt upright, gripping tight to the comforter with sweat dripping off her brow.

"Nathan, come on wake up sweetie it's just a nightmare, come on honey. Nathan!" She yelled and shook his shoulders before he woke up sobbing.

Olivia held him tight and rocked him softly.

"You're ok Nathan. You're safe." She cooed.

"I'm sorry." He hiccupped as he gripped onto her robe.

"Hey it's ok Nathan, we all get nightmares, even me." She told him as he calmed down a little.

"Yeah." He nodded as he pulled away from her.

"Ok?" She asked and he nodded.

"Try go back to sleep ok? We'll talk in the morning." She told him as he lay back down.

"Detective Benson?" He asked as she stroked her hand through his hair softly.

"Yeah?" She replied.

"Will they be able to take me away from you?" He asked shakily.

"Well they could, if they think I'm not a suitable guardian for you, I have custody but I want to speak with you about filing for adoption, if I get that then they'll never be allowed to take you away from me." Olivia explained.

"I don't want to go." He told her.

"I don't want you to go either." Olivia replied honestly. "Now get some sleep, we have to be up in a few hours." She said before kissing his head softly. "Sleep tight Nathan."

"Night." He replied as Olivia slipped out the room.

Olivia didn't know how long she'd been asleep when she was woken up by ear splitting screams once again. At first it shocked and scared her but once her brain was awake she dove out of bed and into the spare room where she found Nathan just whimpering by then.

"You're ok Nathan." She whispered pulling him into a tight embrace.

"I keep seeing it over and over." He hiccupped into her shoulder as he clung to her for dear life.

"I know honey." Olivia replied, Nathan had in fact woken her from a disturbed dream except this time it was his body she was pressing her fingers into find a pulse.

"I don't like it Olivia." He cried.

"I know Sweetie. I know." Olivia replied.

"Please don't leave me." He asked clinging tight to her.

"I won't." She replied. "Come on lie down."

Olivia held him close and listened as his breathing evened out and he finally fell asleep, she went seconds later.

So one shot or do you want more? Steff oxox