Snow Falls Like My Tears For You

Five months had passed since Kusaka had tried to destroy the soul society, and it had been about four and a half months since Ichigo realised his feelings for the squad 10 Captain, Toshiro Hitsugaya. The two had connected and become close since the incident, with Toshiro visiting the human world regularly. They would meet up at the same place almost daily to talk.

Toshiro had really started to open up to Ichigo, trusting him with anything, he felt like Ichigo could understand him were others couldn't. Like when Ichigo had told him how he understood that the Captain wanted to face Kusaka on his own and not involve anyone else, since that was how he felt when his mother had died, and then helped him realise that all his friends wanted to help him because they cared for him.

Ichigo was on his way to the bank by the river, it was where they had agreed they would make their meeting place. He always enjoyed seeing Toshiro but there was always one thing that would bother him about their meetings, one person that would be mentioned or thought of at their meetings, and Ichigo just knew that Toshiro would mention it again though he wasn't sure when or how much longer he could take it before it broke his heart apart completely.

As he reached the top of the hill he could feel the gentle breeze blowing through his hair. He could see the white haired Captain watching the wind create ripples on the water's surface as it shimmered in the sunlight, it was nice weather since it was late July. Ichigo made his way down the slopping hill, knowing that Toshiro had already sensed him from his reiatsu. Once he had tried to sneak up on the Captain but it failed horribly since he failed at controlling his reiatsu and long story short he just ended up annoying Toshiro and made a fool out of himself causing weeks of embarrassment.

He made it to the bottom of the hill and walked up to Toshiro, as he felt his heart pound against his ribs with happiness at just being near the man he desired. Tapping on the small Captain's shoulder he couldn't control the smile he had on his face in place of his usual frown. Toshiro turned round, he also seemed to have a gentle smile on his face and stretched his arms up towards the sky, yawning.

Ichigo noticed that the black t-shirt he was wearing slide up his stomach revealing a slim, teasing strip of smooth skin and Ichigo had to look away so that he wouldn't get caught staring. But his eyes wandered back as he took in the Captain's appearance. He was wearing a short sleeved black t-shirt which had a white silhouette of a dragon on the back, which actually reminded him of Hyourinmaru. He was also wearing denim jeans, despite the hot weather.

Ichigo sat down on the lush grass and waited for Toushiro to join him. He set down the cans of drink he had bought from a vending machine on the way down from his house. Ichigo had wanted to have a mini picnic but when he asked Yuzu to prepare some food she refused unless he would tell her who he was having a picnic with. Then for the rest of the day he had his dad and Yuzu badgering him about who his 'secret lover' was.

They sat there in silence for awhile, watching the clouds drift lazily through the sky as they drank the cool sodas Ichigo had brought. Ichigo enjoyed the peaceful silence that had descended on them, it was comfortable not awkward like it would have been with others, desperately trying to think of something to say. He turned his head to look at his favourite Captain. Toshiro had his eyes closed and the breeze ruffled his hair gently and Ichigo could see the back of his neck where his shirt collar was blowing about.

Slowly he licked his lips and felt his mouth go dry as the sudden urge to wrap his arms around the smaller man and place gentle kisses on that beautiful neck, built up. Ichigo quickly banished this thought and feelings while diverting his eyes, feeling like he might draw Toshiro's attention if he stared at him for too long. But as his eyes darted back to the grass in front of him, he noticed that Toshiro was watching him from the corner of his eye and a small blush crept up on to the strawberry's cheeks. He heard a small chuckle from the man next to him and couldn't help but join in with the laughter at getting caught staring.

They started to talk about all the random events that had happened since they last saw each other and Ichigo loved how Toshiro really seemed fascinated by the simple things that would happen to him, he guessed it was because he didn't really know a lot about modern human world things. Sure they came to the human world every now and then but they were always so busy that they never had time to think about these things or learn about them.

The afternoon sun slid further and further down the horizon and before the two had realised quite how late it was they found themselves watching one of the most beautiful sunsets Ichigo had seen in a long time-with preparing for the coming Espada war and hollow fights not leaving much time to relax. Reds, oranges, pinks and yellows lit up the sky around them and reflected in the river. He turned to tell Toshiro how this was one of the most breath taking sights he had ever seen when he froze.

Toshiro was sitting there, wide eyed at the scene blazing on the horizon. There was something close to a twinkling in his eye, as he stared in awe at the sunset that made it look like he was practically glowing. Ichigo had to take back his previous statement about the sunset being breath taking because when he looked at Toshiro he actually had to remind himself to breath and felt like he didn't deserve to witness such beauty. He didn't care how girly he must sound right now because he wanted to focus everything on remembering this moment.

Ichigo felt his heart flutter in his chest and knew that a hollow could be attacking Karakura and he wouldn't care, he would just want to stay like this in with the peaceful scenery. But with his lack of luck lately he knew it wouldn't last, it never did before he was mentioned. But he pushed that to the back of his mind and was determined to make the most of his time with Toshiro; they never usually got the time to relax together for so long.

Sure enough after a few minutes he heard the Captain mutter 'Kusaka' under his breath and Ichigo felt his heart stop as his breath caught in his throat. He understood that Kusaka was important to Toshiro but that didn't help repair his heart whenever the guy was mentioned. Ichigo truly loved the ice Captain, after he had realised his feelings he could think of nothing but the Captain and just hearing his voice would put a smile on his face.

He knew of the others feelings that lingered for Kusaka and understood it would be an unrequited love, but resolved that maybe just being able to be there for Toshiro and being a friend to him would be better than not being in his life at all so he would try to quieten his beating heart around the white haired soul reaper and beat down all his feelings even though it felt like it killed him when he did.

Slowly he put his hand on Toshiro's shoulder as a gentle comforting gesture. He kept his eyes down, not trusting them to mask his feelings, as he felt the smaller man's eyes drift to look in his direction. Moments like this hurt Ichigo the most, when he felt so close to Toshiro and wanted nothing more than to hold him so close that they could feel each other's heartbeats. He let his hand drop from the Captain's shoulder as he yawned and watched teal eyes return to watching the sunset.

The Sun had nearly completely disappeared by the time Toshiro managed to drag his gaze away from the horizon. He looked at Ichigo only to see brown eyes watching him with what could only be described as adoration. Something about the look in the substitute's eye's always seemed to calm Toshiro as if the worlds around them didn't matter and he could spend all his days out here watching the beautiful scenery. There was just something about being around Ichigo that made him want to lower all the walls around his heart and let people into his life other than just Hinamori.

Toshiro's thoughts drifted to his friend Kusaka. Kusaka was another one of the few that he held close to his heart, even after his attempt to destroy the soul society and his brutal death he still meant a lot to the youngest Captain. Kusaka was the only friend he had during his time at the soul reaper academy, everyone else would comment on how Toshiro was a 'child prodigy' and how cold his eyes were. But that just seemed to fascinate Kusaka instead of put him off and they became so close that Toshiro would rather spend time with his new understanding friend than with his childhood friend Momo. He smiled as he remembered all the good times he shared with his school mate.

Ichigo noticed the smile appear on the smaller soul reaper's face and instantly knew it was thoughts of Kusaka that had put it there. Every meeting came back to Toshiro's thoughts of his friend which by now Ichigo couldn't help but speculate that it was more than just friendship between the two. This thought twisted a knot in his stomach as he pictured the ice dragon he cared for in someone else's protective arms promising to take the pain away.

Ichigo watched green eye's stare into the distance as the Captain relived old memories. He tried so hard to support the youngest Captain and be there for him but every time Toshiro talked about Kusaka and his eyes lit up, Ichigo could feel his heart ache and break a little more. He honestly wasn't sure he could take it anymore, he would do anything to have the soul reaper around but if he had to hear Toshiro talk about the ex academy student in such an adoring way again he wasn't sure he would be able to keep himself from revealing his feelings, which was the last thing he wanted to do considering how much Toshiro still cared for Kusaka.

The sun eventually set and Ichigo stood up offering his hand to Toshiro, who had snapped out of his own little world. They walked in the general direction of Ichigo's house but stopped a few streets away since Toshiro needed to go back to Kisuke Urahara's shop and said farewell to each other. Ichigo so wanted to tell Toshiro how much the shorter man meant to him. But he couldn't, his love would never be returned, the man he loved was still in love with someone else and Ichigo had no plans to try and convince the Captain to move on. Instead he felt his heart implode at the thought of his love wanting to be held by someone else.

Toshiro walked off with a slightly sad smile on his face and Ichigo had to use all his self control to stop himself from embracing the small soul reaper and instead turned, walking inside his house. Once he got inside he went straight to his room and collapsed onto his bed. He cursed into the sheets about how weak he felt and punched his pillow, releasing all his frustration. Rolling over so he was lying on his back, he looked out the window to see the moon and stars shining brightly in the pitch black sky. Eyelids feel heavily over his eyes as his slipped off into a slumber full of dreams in which he held his ice dragon close, knowing he could never have this in reality. A tear caught him off guard as it slid down his cheek and fell on his pillow.

Back at Urahara's shop Toshiro was sitting at the table with a mug of coffee in his hands, keeping them warm. He stared into the black liquid as he thought about the orange spiky haired human that he had parted company with a few moments ago. He had realised he was becoming very fond and attached to the substitute soul reaper, always glad to know the berry would be there for him to talk to. Ichigo truly understood him, which is one of the things Toshiro enjoyed about the teenager.

There was a strange feeling bubbling in the Captain's chest, it was something that happened whenever he was with the strawberry, and it got worse when they close to each other. Sometimes it would be so bad that he just couldn't talk to Ichigo unless something distracted him from this strange feeling. He was embarrassed to admit it but he would even blush if Ichigo so much as looked at him when this feeling took over his body.

Toshiro couldn't understand this feeling. He had only felt like this once before, when he was with his friend Kusaka. It wasn't until after Kusaka's passing and Toshiro had finished grieving that he realised what these feelings were that he felt towards his friend. Momo was the one that made him realise, when she started going on about her feelings for Sosuke Aizen and how she 'loved him'.

But that didn't explain why he was having these feelings for Ichigo, he loved Kusaka and even though the man was dead those feelings had remained behind. He decided that it must be something else he was feeling for the teenager, there was no way he could have these feelings for his friend. Ichigo was the only person he trusted telling everything to, he didn't want to lose this closeness, nothing was more important to him than that.

But this feeling was bugging him beyond sanity, he had to find out what it was and the only person to ask would be Ichigo. Though Toshiro feared that Ichigo would be weirded out by these feelings, there was no-one else he trusted enough to talk with about these feelings, not Momo since she was still in recovery and defiantly not his loud-mouthed gossip of a lieutenant. So he debated on whether or not he should confide in Ichigo and trust his friend with these odd feelings.

He had just decided that maybe it was time to talk to Ichigo about these strange, affectionate feelings and trusted that Ichigo would understand it better than he did. When he then felt something crash into the back of his head as two arms gripped him in a death hug accompanied by the annoying yell of his lieutenant, "Captain!" Toshiro quickly swatted Rangiku's hands away and glared at her.

The Captain waited for his lieutenant to explain why she was bothering him but she just continued to stare at him with a mega grin on her face that Toshiro knew meant trouble. His impatience got the better of him and he managed to get out,
"Did you need something Rangiku?"
Through his clenched teeth, which caused her to laugh at his frustration.

It took awhile for Rangiku's giggles to calm – she really couldn't help it when her Captain overacted like this to things – and decided it was time for her daily taunting session with him,
"So Captain how was it?"
She said in her innocent voice, as he stared at her in confusion, it was something she'd wanted to talk to him about for awhile and now seemed as good a time as any to find out what she wanted to know.

Captain Hitsugaya just stared at lieutenant Matsumoto. He chose to ignore his gut feeling on what she was referring to. She knew about his meetings with Ichigo but had seemed to understand long ago that her Captain wouldn't talk about it; he never spoke about 'personal affairs'. But she stood there patiently awaiting him to respond to her question.

Toshiro was stubborn and there was no-way he was going to answer Rangiku's question unless he knew what she was asking about, so he indicated for her to clarify a bit. Rangiku just rolled her eyes, knowing her Captain would do this, and quickly replied with,
"Your date, with Ichigo of course!"
And winked at him for effect, knowing how much it would wind him up.

All the Captain could do for the first few seconds was stare at her. He couldn't believe what she had said to him, had she really just implied that he had been on a date with the strawberry blond soul reaper? His eyes narrowed dangerously and his voice took on an icy tone,
"And what do you mean by that?"
The words were nearly hissed out at the busty women, but she was used to this attitude by now and continued to smirk at him.

A chorus of giggles escaped her before she could stop herself; her Captain really was clueless sometimes. This of course only made him glare at her harder and his frown was quickly deepening. She then sighed at his clear stubbornness of accepting things,
"Come on Captain, I've seen you two around together and the way you are around him. It's actually really cute! I know you'd make a sweet couple."

"What! You watch and spy on me when I leave here!"
The shock had only been present in his bright, teal eyes for a second and then it vanished being replaced by his quickly growing anger. He was only barely hanging on to his cool, but he knew he was close to erupting at his lieutenant. Though he wasn't sure what was making him angrier, the fact that she had the nerve to stalk him or that she was talking as if he was going to date Ichigo.

Even though Toshiro was starting to raise his voice, and was clearly pissed at her, she refused to drop the subject. She was used to him getting mad at her when she skipped out of doing paperwork and she was determined to help her little Captain realise a few things that he was failing at noticing,
"Don't get mad at me, I'm just worried about you and its one of my jobs as your lieutenant to watch out for you. Also I like to think that we're friends so I want to make sure you're alright, since I know you won't tell me if something was wrong."

Toshiro was surprised at the gentleness of her voice at the last part and the delicate smile that graced her face. He felt a little guilty at being so angry with her. She was right about being friends though, even if she drove him nuts most the time, he did trust her. All of his previous anger had drained away as quickly as it had come and his voice became much calmer,
"We are, but it was just the...it was personal and I didn't appreciate you sneaking around watching."

She saw Toshiro look away, slightly embarrassed and her smile brightened. Glad to see he wasn't angry with her anymore, but even though it was risky she decided she would continue to get some answers out of him and she knew he was likely to blow up at her.
"I'm sorry Captain; I just couldn't help my curiosity."
She giggled again and gave another smile and was happy to see him return it with one of his own small ones which was a rare sight,
"But you have to admit, it does look a lot like a date. Also it's pretty clear that you love h-"

That did it. Rage built up again, as if it had never left and Toshiro felt himself lose it as he interrupted her,
"DON'T EVEN BOTHER FINISHING THAT SENTENCE! I WOULD NEVER FEEL SUCH THINGS FOR AN IDIOT LIKE HIM! He's just good company for when your off with Orihime."
His eyes were screwed shut as he yelled, and he had balled his hands into fists so tight that the skin around them had turned white. All his muscles had tensed and he was slightly shaking with all the built up rage.

Rangiku was truly shocked, she had been yelled at by her Captain before but she had never seen him so angry that his whole body shook. She was starting to regret her decision to try and help out and wished she taken up Urahara's offer of having some sake in the other room of the shop. But she did feel guilty for clearly pushing him out his comfort zone with her,
"But I just-"

However Toshiro wouldn't let her finish whatever she had been about to say and turned his back on her, heading for the shop entrance so he could escape. He heard Rangiku make a move to stop so he called out,
"I'm going for a walk to clear my head."
He no longer sounded mad but the icy tone of his voice hurt the lieutenant more than any yelling would have done. And she watched him exit through the door, leaving her to stand there unsure of what to do next.

Suddenly she heard the sliding door behind her open slowly and saw Kisuke Urahara poke his face in, half covered by his fan. He asked about all the commotion going on so she explained about her conversation with her Captain, only to be told that he could handle his own life himself and that she should trust he could do that. Rangiku thought this over for a bit,
"It's just that I'm worried he'll realise all these feelings when it's too late and he's lost the one he cares about. I don't want to see him get his heart broken again; I'll do what I can to help prevent that from happening."

Toshiro Hitsugaya was walking around Karakura; it was an attempt to calm his anger. He was confused about a lot of what had just happened with his lieutenant. It was rare for him to ever get so mad at anyone, he usually had a calm manner when dealing with her crazy ideas and had never yelled at her like that before and he wasn't entirely sure why what she had said bothered him so much. But what annoyed him the most was that when her thought back to what he said about it not being a date or having feelings for the berry, he felt like he had lied. Even though that was what he thought, he couldn't shake the feeling that it was true.

He hated this constant feeling of uncertainty he was having lately and decided the only way he'd get anything sorted out would be to talk to Ichigo about it, he would help him understand all of this. Ichigo had given him a mobile so that they could discuss meetings and Toshiro had quickly picked up how to text, so he sent a message to the spiky haired teen about meeting at noon tomorrow. The Captain hated having to wait for a reply but he heard the familiar bleeping alerting him a text and saw Ichigo's reply of 'sure, no problem'.

Satisfied with the reply Toshiro continued his walk and ended up back at the river. He always felt calm here, whether he was watching the sunset behind the waters or the moons reflection shimmer and light up the night. Sitting in the spot he had sat a few hours ago, Toshiro thought about all the time he had spent here with his strawberry friend. Then his thoughts shifted to how they would meet once more and would get his answers, but the panic in his heart had him worrying about what would happen if he didn't like his answers.

He wasn't sure how much longer he sat there, Ichigo occupying every thought he had, but decided to head back when he was sure Rangiku would be off drinking and he wouldn't have to deal with apologising or the uncomfortable silence, that could wait until after he got his answer and knew if she was right about a few things. So he set off, feeling eager yet nervous about what the next day would bring.

Toshiro had slept very little the night before since he couldn't stop thinking about all the possible outcomes of their meeting, but kept him up the most was that he wasn't sure what he wanted the outcome to be. But due to lack of sleep he was very easily agitated, he had managed to get out the tiny shop before Rangiku woke up only to instead be interrupted by Urahara who babbled on about utter nonsense before Toshiro gave up and stormed out of the shop to head for the river.

He sat down in front of the clear water. It was a lot cooler today than it had been recently, which was a relief to the icy soul reaper considering his well known hatred for heat. A gentle breeze was blowing again and he closed his eyes, letting it drift him off into a peaceful state of mind to help relax him before Ichigo got there. Toshiro was glad to have this small moment of peace and decided to lie down. The feeling of the grass and comforting breeze swiftly dragged Toshiro off into a light slumber.

Toshiro woke up to the sounds of birds chirping away to each other in a nearby tree. He sat up and stretched his aching limbs, while stifling a yawn. As he remembered where he was, he quickly checked to see if Ichigo had turned up only to feel a twinge of disappointment when he found himself sitting alone. He pulled out his phone and the disappointment got stronger as he saw there hadn't even been a text or missed call from the orange soul reaper.

Then he noticed what the time was on his phone. The numbers glared at him '14: 36'. Ichigo was supposed to have come at 12: 35, it was the time they always met up at and they would always let the other know if they were going to be late. Panic started to take over in the young Captain as he started to worry about why Ichigo hadn't turned up yet. He knew he had to make sure Ichigo was alright and knew the first place to go would be his house so he shunpoed over to the Kurosaki house.

Ichigo sat on his bed staring at the ceiling. He was deep in thought about yesterday's events and Toshiro, had was meant to have met the Captain over 2 hours ago. But he couldn't face the Captain anymore, not when Toshiro needed someone and all Ichigo could think about was lustful thoughts involving a naked wriggling Captain beneath him.

He felt himself blush and shook his head to clear the image that had just popped up. Ichigo collapsed back onto his bed and shut his eyes; it took all of his self control to keep from rushing off to see if Toshiro was waiting for him or to check his phone for a message from the Captain. He wondered whether maybe he should have let the Captain know he wasn't coming, but then he would have to explain why. The teen let out a loud sigh to try and rid his frustration.

"So I see you're fine then."
Ichigo jumped at the familiar voice of the 10th Captain, and turned to see him sitting on the window ledge. He felt like his breath had been taken away, he hadn't expected Toshiro to turn up like that and he started to panic about what to do.

"T-Toshiro! What're you doing here?"
He cursed himself for stammering and looked away from the window; he didn't want Toshiro to see that he was actually happy that the Captain had come to find him.

"I came to find you after you didn't turn up. I was worried that something had happened."
Ichigo flinched at the icy tone of Toshiro's voice and felt guilty for making the snowy haired soul reaper worry.

"Are you going to explain why you left me waiting for you? Or is the floor more interesting than me?"
He glared at the Captain feeling like a scolded child. Toshiro was clearly pissed off and his tone was only annoying Ichigo, since he wanted to avoid this from the start.

"Maybe I just finally decided I was fed up of hearing you go on about Kusaka. It's just annoying and I can't take it anymore."
Toshiro looked shocked and hurt for a split second before his normal calm mask came back and Ichigo instantly regretted speaking his thoughts aloud. He knew he wouldn't forgive himself for hurting the Captain even for a second.

"I didn't realise that I bothered you so much."
Ichigo felt even worse when he heard the sad tone edging its way into Toshiro's voice and the dragon couldn't look him in the eye. He needed to fix this but wasn't sure how without pushing the Captain further away.

"Wait, Toshiro, you don't bother me"
Ichigo's voice had a sad tone to it. He felt confused as to how he should be feeling; he was defiantly annoyed and angry for not being able to tell Toshiro his feelings and for the way he felt when he was around the dragon. But he also felt sad at hurting him with what he had said. All he wanted to do was to be there for the Captain so that he never had to feel hurt again, like he had with Kusaka.

"Well clearly I do or you wouldn't have bothered to mention it! And I've told you a million times its Captain Hitsugaya to you!" The Captains voice was almost becoming a shout now as his eyes filled with anger, that Ichigo hadn't seen other than when someone mentioned Aizen or Gin around him. And there was even a small trace of something else that almost looked like sadness? Pain? Maybe even heart break? Ichigo wasn't quite sure as it was quickly covered up by more anger.

Ichigo started to doubt ever seeing it and quickly dismissed it, especially that last thought about it being heart break as he realised it would only be because Kusaka had been mentioned. Again anger mingled in with the sadness as he thought about how, even though he was dead, Kusaka was still causing Toshiro pain and crushing his heart. Then noticed the white haired Captain had continued yelling at him, but couldn't focus on what was being said as he was struck by the sight of how beautiful Toshiro was in the light from the setting sun and felt like the Captain would never cease to amaze.

Ichigo really wasn't listening to the Captain anymore. The only thought going through his head was of grabbing the Captain's haori and pulling him close for a lip bruising kiss, just to prove to the snowy soul reaper how much he loved him and did want him around But he didn't want to face the inevitable rejection he would face in response, since he knew Kusaka still held Toshiro's heart. He didn't want to be round the one person he loved more than anyone else but couldn't have and knowing this killed him inside. So he did the first thing that came to his mind to get the Captain to leave.

"SHUT UP!" He yelled at the Captain and met his eyes with a hard glare. The sudden burst of rage quickly brought the complaining dragon to speechlessness. They gazed at other another and Ichigo had to turn away before he lost his nerve in those teal eyes. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself and keep control.
"Just leave. Now." His voice came out cold and distant and he could feel Toshiro's shock at it being directed at him, since he had never had it used on him before.

The strawberry was trying his hardest not to look at the ice dragon and tried to stay strong so he could get out what he needed to, to get Toshiro to leave and have the heartache over with.
"Get out of my house Toshiro, and just...just go already." He winced as he heard the sadness in his own voice, knowing that Toshiro wouldn't have missed it.

What amazed the berry the most was that there wasn't any scolding for using the Captain's first name, in fact, Toshiro was still deadly quiet. Curiosity got to him and he risked a glance at the Captain. He was surprised to see the Toshiro standing just outside the window looking away. Ichigo refused to let himself feel guilty for being harsh to the young Captain; he needed to get the icy soul reaper away from him. But just then Toshiro broke his spell of silence,
"I thought we were friends, I thought we were close. You were meant to be the one person who truly understood my feelings and the pain I felt. But I guess I'm just too cold even for you."

The Captain turned away letting Ichigo process his words and a feeling of loneliness he hadn't felt in a while crept up on him. He felt a little awkward waiting for Ichigo's response. Not even Ichigo knew who truly alone je felt, he hadn't told anyone, worried they would think he was weak. The truth was he needed Ichigo, sure he had Rangiku and Momo around and they were close friends but Ichigo was different somehow. He wasn't sure what made the berry so unique to him; he just knew he needed him. Toshiro felt that need deep down in his core, like he would shatter if the berry left his life.

"We are friends Toshiro," the Captain's heart picked up at that and relaxed at how much calmer Ichigo sounded,
"and I do understand how you've been feeling, but we can't be close. It's something that's impossible for me, it's not because your cold. I wish it was something I could fix so that we can be alright but I can't." Toshiro froze. He didn't understand what he was being told, which irritated the hell out of him since he was meant to be this prodigy.

"What do you mean you can't? Weren't we already close?"
"No Toshiro. Or at least, we can never be as close as I want us to be. It's just impossible." Toshiro felt his heart flip at Ichigo's words, but still couldn't understand these strange reactions to the teenager.

"Well Ichigo, maybe if you told me what you meant and why it's so 'impossible' I could explain to you how you're being a moron and that we can be close." He knew he was starting to sound irritated, but he couldn't help it, what Ichigo was telling him was just so frustrating to him.
"I can't explain it. And it is impossible. It's best if you just left me alone."

"But-"
"JUST GO TOSHIRO!" The Captain felt a lump rise in his throat and was unable to say anything back to him or protest to being yelled at. He could recognise the anger and sadness coming from Ichigo and knew he was feeling the same himself.

"What's your problem with me all of a sudden Kurosaki?" It was a question he wasn't sure he actually wanted an answer to, but he just had to ask, to stop this feeling that was spreading in his heart and chest.
"Fine! My problem is that, that jerk is still inside of you, your heart. And there's no room left for me! I can't stand knowing that." This made the Captain turn around. He was now feeling more confused than ever. What was Ichigo on about, someone in his heart? Why would Ichigo want to be in his heart, and who was the jerk he was talking about? But he was still feeling too stunned to ask Ichigo any of these questions.
"Good-bye. Captain Hitsugaya." And Toshiro watched, with a hollow feeling inside, as a broken Ichigo closed the window and pulled across the curtain without another glance at him and he slowly felt himself break down.

Ichigo slumped down on his bed wishing that the tenth squad Captain would continue to ask Ichigo for an answer and not leave him, but he felt his beloved Captain's spiritual pressure move away slowly. He closed his eyes as he covered his face with his hands, trying to forget the intense pain cause by his broken heart. It distracted him enough for a small, orange plush toy to sneak off and find it's favourite female soul reaper, and inform her of what it had just overheard.

Ichigo only had a few minutes to mope to himself when he suddenly found himself when he suddenly found himself collapsing onto the floor with a large red mark forming on the side of his face, in the shape of a book. When he looked up there was a very annoyed Rukia Kuchiki looking down at him with a giggling Kon on her shoulder. He knew instantly what was going on, Kon must have overheard everything that he and Toshiro had said (since he insists on hiding in Ichigo's room from Yuzu) and run off to tell his precious Rukia all about it.

"Get up already Ichigo. Stop being so pathetic." Rukia was giving him a stern look. She was wearing a short, white dress with a light blue flower petal print going down one side and it had frilly pale green lace around the edges. To anyone she would have looked like the innocent and sweet girl she pretended to be most of the time, but Ichigo knew better, he knew she wouldn't have any problem with kicking his ass for annoying her.

"I assume Kon was listening in to my conversation and ran off to tell you everything that happened." He glared at the perverted plush lion that had been nothing but a pain since they met, and wondered why he had never gotten rid of him.
"All that matters at the moment is the fact that your being a complete idiot, seriously." She rolled her eyes and let out a heavy sigh like it was tiring just to talk to him.

"What? You don't know how I'm feeling right now. And I'm not in the mood for one of your speeches where you act like you know everything when you don't." The berry scowled at her and felt more at ease, he always found comfort in his signature scowl and frown.

"Humph! Well I know that you should just tell Captain Hitsugaya how you really feel about him. Yeah, I get it you think he'll reject your feelings and all that but no-one can completely understand how another will think and feel in different situations. So you should tell him because you don't know what will happen." She stood there and smiling at him and Ichigo was almost ready to accept that and was starting to feel relaxed when his doubt started to come back.
"Look, I know that he's still hung up on Kusaka, and it's not worth putting myself out there in the open like that."

Ichigo soon found a book colliding with his face and he was eating the floor again.
"Your such an idiot Ichigo! What's gotten into you? Take a chance moron! It's not that hard for you to do; you've been taking chances since I first met you. Starting with that fishbone hollow." Memories of his first meeting with Rukia filled him as he remembered risking everything and stabbing his heart with her sword. Ichigo knew Rukia was right and he needed to take a chance with Toshiro, how could things get any worse between them after his previous actions?

"Tell him your sorry, he won't understand why you were so horrible to him. He needs you Ichigo, everyone's noticed how much happier he's been since you two became close." She was smiling sweetly at him again and he knew he had to fix things, neither he nor Toshiro were happy with how things had turned out. Toshiro's happiness was most important to him and he hated himself for forgetting that and selfish earlier.
"I know, I'll explain it to him and tell him how I really felt about him all along." Ichigo couldn't keep the smile at bay, and somehow he had a good feeling about this. He told himself to remember to make it up to Rukia for helping him later.

He grabbed his phone and was about to walk out the room to phone the Captain when Rukia called after him.
"Ichigo! You'll see I really do know everything." He smiled at the confidence his friend had in him and yelled as he ran off,
"Thanks for the help, soul reaper." And he could almost hear her in his head saying 'it's Rukia Kuchiki!'

Toshiro wandered back to Urahara's shop. He didn't know what to do, he felt completely lost without Ichigo and he ached at the thought of things being like this between them forever. He needed the stupid berry, he knew that so why couldn't Ichigo see it? Something inside him was addicted to seeing Ichigo with that amazing smile he always had when they were together. The image of Ichigo with that hurt expression killed him; he just wanted to make the teenager smile again.

As soon as he walked through the door he was faced with a concerned Rangiku.
"Where did you go Captain? You've been gone for hours! I got worried." He felt a little guilty for worrying his lieutenant but he was hurting too bad from his argument with Ichigo to really care to sort it out now. She seemed to pick up on the extra gloom radiating from her Captain and gave him one of her famous death grip hugs. But when Toshiro didn't make any muffled complaints about her smothering him, she really started to worry about him and released him.

"Captain? What's happened?" Toshiro just looked at the floor and tried to go around her. He understood that she was concerned, but he really didn't want to talk about Ichigo, he wanted to try and figure it out himself. Rangiku didn't stop him as he walked away towards the room he was staying in and ignored her. She was used to this reaction, since he almost never talked about these things and he liked to keep everything to himself.

Toshiro had only secluded himself for a few minutes before he gave up and accepted that he was hurting too much to figure it out without some kind of help. Slowly he walked to the main room and found Rangiku sitting at the table with two cups of coffee set out. He silently walked over to the empty seat and sat down, he was feeling awkward from ignoring her earlier and since he was going to have to ask her to help him figure out what happened with Ichigo.

Toshiro took a sip of the coffee, loving the feel of the hot liquid sliding down his throat and warming his stomach. He sighed as the warmth left and looked up at his lieutenant. She was looking away, probably unsure if she should ask him what was wrong again and Toshiro knew he would have to ask for the help he wanted.
"Rangiku, can I...talk to you?" He felt nervous asking her but he couldn't just suddenly start blurting it all out to her. She looked up at him; clearly surprised that he was willing to talk about, and nodded silently as if she thought he would change his mind is she spoke.

Toshiro had just finished telling her what had happened and what he had been feeling towards Ichigo, he had blushed at that point, annoying him further. Now he was waiting for her thoughts on the whole situation and hoping for some advice from her.
"I'm sorry Captain." He wasn't expecting an apology and gave her a curious look. "This is what I wanted to stop from happening earlier. When I tried to tell you what it was that you were feeling. That you're in love with Ichigo. I noticed your feelings and knew you wouldn't know what they were. But I didn't want you to miss out on this Captain, I knew it was something that would make you happy and I feared you would realise too late."

He stared at her, taking in what she had said; he couldn't believe she was going on about him being in love with Ichigo again! Love was what he had felt for Kusaka, he knew he loved Kusaka but for awhile his relationship and strange feelings for Ichigo seemed to be more important to him. His eyes widened as he realised Rangiku was right he did love that stupid berry, and he had for awhile, but his stubbornness and want to be loyal to Kusaka had kept him blind sighted to the truth behind his feelings.
"Your right Rangiku. I do. Love him." Toshiro felt so stupid for realising it when things were so messed up between him and Ichigo.

"It's not too late Captain. You should tell him how you feel about him. And apologise. I'm sure he'll forgive you. After all he was the one always requesting to meet up." She gave him a jokey wink and that was all the comfort he needed. Toshiro grabbed his phone and was about to dial Ichigo's number when a thought struck him, he had remembered what Ichigo had said about there being no room in his heart, and it became clear to him what the teenager had meant. Ichigo must have been talking about the Captain's feelings for Kusaka. Toshiro decided he needed to explain how his feelings for his ex-academy friend had changed, when his phone started ringing.

He felt his heart leap as he read Ichigo's name in the caller ID screen. Quickly, he answered the phone and felt his heart jump up into his throat.
"Ichigo?" Toshiro felt nervous and panic flitted though him as he tried to think why Ichigo was ringing him.

"Tosh-uh Captain Hitsugaya," He didn't like Ichigo being so formal with him and felt himself frowning, "I wanted to talk about earlier...I'm sorry for what I said, you were worried about me and I wasn't fair to you." He sounded guilty. Toshiro just wanted things to be normal again, but he was glad Ichigo wasn't mad at him anymore,
"It's fine I'm sorry too, I wasn't exactually polite to you earlier or nice." The events from before were blurry to him, since it all felt like it happened days ago not hours.

"Good," Toshiro loved how he could just hear the smile in Ichigo's voice, "So can we talk about this, there's something I want to tell you." The Captain could hear the nervousness in his voice and was curious as to what it could be about.

"Yeah, I was hoping we would, as there's something I wanted to tell you too. Can we meet at the river in about 10 minutes?" Toshiro was feeling unsure about asking to meet up. What if Ichigo didn't show up again? He knew he would feel his heart break if that happened again but he was willing to trust that Ichigo would show.

"Sure, I was hoping for that. I didn't want to do this over the phone anyway. And I promise to show up this time." It didn't help much, but just hearing the promise from Ichigo relaxed him a little and he was sure the substitute soul reaper would come see him.

"Okay. I'll see you soon." They shared a quick good-bye and both hung up. Toshiro turned to Rangiku smiling at him and he relaxed a lot more. He knew Ichigo would come and if not, he would just go find Ichigo himself and tell him anyway. The Captain smiled at his lieutenant and went to get ready for meeting Ichigo.

Ichigo got there as quick as he could and even ran to the river; he was determined to get there before the Captain. He didn't want Toshiro to think that he was going to be stood up again, since he felt bad enough for doing it the first time.

The teenager wasn't waiting long before he saw the squad ten Captain come into view and his nerves made an appearance as well. What if things are awkward after their fight? And Ichigo then realised he didn't know what to say other than just blurting out his true feelings like the idiot, he was repeatedly told, he was.

However Ichigo was pleased to see Toshiro smile when he spotted him. Though he felt a little hurt that Toshiro thought he might not show, but he knew it was his fault to begin with. Both their eyes met and Ichigo could feel the heat in his cheeks as he blushed. As the Captain came closer Ichigo could feel that he was different somehow, like he was that little bit warmer. Ichigo decided he was being strange thinking like that and faced Toshiro to say something.

The second bright teal eyes looked into his deep brown ones, expectantly, he felt himself lose his voice. He cursed himself for being so affected when he desperately needed to say something. But the silence continued as both were feeling the effects of their nerves. When Ichigo was sure this thing had been a total disaster, Toshiro managed to find his voice and spoke up.

"As much as I enjoy silence, I was hoping we could discuss things. Things that were mentioned earlier." Ichigo started to panic as he struggled to regain control over his own body and the simplest of body functions.
"Well I guess I'll just talk for awhile then. I thought I should explain to you more about...Kusaka and me." He felt his anger and sadness rise and mingle together; not wanting to hear the words that he was sure would come next.
"You see I- well he's like my..." It was clear Toshiro was struggling to put it into words, making Ichigo feel worse as it was dragged out longer.

"Say it already, please." He hated that it was all he could say, and it came out in a pleading voice but he couldn't stand the waiting and needed the Captain to say it to his face. Then, once he heard it from Toshiro, that he still loved Kusaka, he could sulk back home and start to try and learn to live with his unrequainted love.

"Fine, if that's what you want Kurosaki. I-I love you." Ichigo was about to sigh and say he understood when he froze, taking in what had really been said. A glance at the Captain told him he wasn't hearing things. Toshiro was looking away with a light blush on his face but the pale skin made it more noticeable and Ichigo couldn't help but think it was cute. Once again his voice failed on him as the happiness overwhelmed him.

But Toshiro must have taken the silence as Ichigo's rejection of his feelings. The smaller of the two quickly glanced at Ichigo and looked away again.
"I'm sorry. That was inappropriate behaviour for a Captain." And turned to leave, a defeated sort look took over him.

Suddenly Ichigo got over the shock and managed to remember how to work his limbs as he grabbed the Captain, refusing to let this moment slip away from him. He spun Toshiro around and gently held his face with his free hand and brought their lips together. Their bodies melded together as the Captain relaxed into the arms of the orange haired teenager.

Eventually they pulled away but Ichigo wrapped his arms all the way around Toshiro to keep him close, not ready to give it up yet.
"I think that was long overdue." Ichigo was glad he had finally got his voice working and smiled lovingly at the ice dragon curled up to him.

They stood looking into each other's eyes when Ichigo realised he hadn't told Toshiro he loved him, So he leant in close so that his mouth was next to the smaller man's ear and whispered,
"I love you Toshiro." He loved the little shiver that came with his confession from the man in his arms.

Memories of what Toshiro had been trying to say came back to him and he found himself frowning as it ruined the moment, but he knew he would have to ask or it would never stop bugging him.

Toshiro stared at his lover when he asked about Kusaka. Ichigo tried to prepare himself for what might be said.
"Well I do still love Kusaka, but it's different to how I feel about you Ichigo. My feelings for you became stronger than those for Kusaka a long time ago. It just took me awhile to understand that. But I do love you; more that I could have ever thought was possible for me.

Ichigo smiled at the nervous Captain and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He knew that Toshiro's feelings for Kusaka might never completely go away, but Toshiro wanted him and he held and important place in the dragon's heart.

It became clear neither of them wanted to move away from each other. Ichigo looked at the captain that he could now call his boyfriend and eyed those delicate lips he dying to touch. He quickly devoured them, sucking and nipping on the bottom lip ever so slightly, pulling a moan from his small lover as he opened his mouth. To which Ichigo took full advantage of and plundered his tongue into the warm mouth. They both pulled away and gasped for air, as Toshiro chuckled at the berry's eagerness.

"You don't have to pounce on me here and now, it's not like I'm going anywhere." He had a soft smile on his lips and looked fondly at his lover, looking truly happy for the first time in a long time. The strawberry blond gave him a sly grin in return and a lustful look as he replied.

"But how can I wait? It's taken me this long to finally be able to hold you, and I want to keep this perfect moment for as long as I can. So that I won't ever have to let you go." They stayed in each other's embrace. Ichigo had his arms wrapped around Toshiro's waist pulling him close and kissing his neck, while the other draped his arms around the taller's neck and watched the moon, feeling his eye's grow heavy.

Eventually Ichigo realised the icy dragon was leaning on him more and more and could hear his breathing even out, becoming deeper and smiled at his sleeping lover. He sat down and pulled Toshiro down gently with him and whispered in his ear.

"You're more beautiful than this moon and starry sky. I guess I really did fall for you, just like the snow that you love." Just then he felt a change in Toshiro's reiatsu and watched as a torrent of snow fell down from the heavens and smiled, planting a kiss his smiling boyfriend's lips.

~The End~