Title: Can't Help What We Feel.
Author: Ashley
Rating: T
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Ship: Reid/Morgan
Summary: Morgan can't hold back on his feelings anymore, not when it comes to Reid. Takes place immediately after "Someone's Watching"
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds
Warnings: No warnings for this story
Author's Notes: This will be a one shot, this is a prize for my first winner on my contest in Stay With Me, Congratulations to Lonelygrl91 for being my first winner! This story is for you girl!! Merry Christmas Girl!!!!
Reid sighed and I looked back at him, "Let me ask you this, have you ever crossed professional boundaries with a victim the case you were working on?" I let out a sigh and shook my head.
"No." He smiled slightly, sarcastically.
"It's pretty bad right?" I chuckled and sat down, shaking my head. The fact that he had kissed Lila hurt me, but I could tell that he was confused, and I tried my hardest to ignore my feelings.
"There's some things you can't control, even with that big old brain of yours." I flashed him one of my best smiles, and hoped that he couldn't tell that it was forced. "No harm no foul, let it go."
I stood up to put my jacket on, "Hey Morgan? Has there ever been a girl that you wanted to be with for more than, you know, just one night?" I paused, and looked at him, wondering about the look in his eyes.
"Excuse me?"
"I've never seen you with the same girl twice." That's because none of them are like you, Kid, and they don't do it for me. I can't get you out of my mind when I'm with them. God, if only he knew, I hadn't been with anyone in over six months.
"What, you callin' me a dog?" I tried to make the words threatening, but I didn't think I managed, until Reid stuttered out his response.
"No, no, no, not at all. I'm just trying to figure out if this feeling will ever go away." I finished shrugging into my jacket, and sat down across from him.
"Reid what we do for a living, it takes up all our time." I sat back, and folded my hands in front of me. "And a relationship is hard enough, even in the same city."
"So you're saying that it's probably wise that I don't call her," If I didn't know Reid, I would have said that he looked hopeful, almost. "Right?"
"I can't answer that one for you." He looked dejected, and I leaned forward. "Here, I'll tell you what I do know. You don't need to come up with that answer tonight." I stood up and headed toward the door, grabbing my ready bag off my desk. "I'm out."
"Have a good weekend!" He turned back toward his desk as I walked out.
I half turned as I walked out, "Yeah, you too Romeo."
He chuckled softly, and I hoisted my bag farther up my shoulder and headed for my car, sighing the whole way. I cared about him so much, and I couldn't tell him, especially not after we sat in the bullpen and he asked my advice on women.
I drove mindlessly back to my apartment, wondering what I was going to do. I couldn't tell him, but then again, if I never told him I would always regret not telling him and would always wonder if 'we' could have been. I sighed and put my car in park, debating. Banging my forehead on the steering wheel, I put my car back in reverse and backed out of my parking spot.
If I didn't tell him then, I had the horrible feeling that I would lose him forever. I focused on the road and nothing else as I drove toward Reid's home.
The lights were all off as I pulled up in front of Reid's house, but I was parked behind his car, so I wasn't really worried about him not being home. I took a deep breath and looked over my shoulder, making sure my ready bag as still in the back seat, and climbed out, locking my car using my remote. I winced when it beeped, signaling that it had locked, and a light came on in the living room, and the front door opened.
"Morgan? What are you doing here?" I sighed and headed up the driveway stopping in front of the stairs, his arms were wrapped around his body to ward off the cold I noticed that he was only wearing sweats and a wife beater.
"I have to talk to you Reid, and it's like twenty degrees out here, can I come in?" He nodded and I took my jacket off, draping it over his shoulders as I walked past him into the house. As I had assumed it would be, it was chilly in his house and I stood in the entryway, waiting for him. He shut and locked the door before turning to face me, pointing toward the living room.
"You can sit down on the couch, would you like something to drink?" I nodded slowly, and sat down slowly at the end of the couch, crossing my arms and pulling the lever for the recliner. I smiled as Reid came back in, carrying two glasses and a bottle of wine.
"Thanks Pretty Boy." I took the full glass he offered me, and drained half of it in one gulp. Liquid Courage.
"What was so important that you had to drive all the way out here Morgan?" Reid folded his legs under him and sat down at the other end of the couch. I took a deep breath, and set my glass down.
"I wanted to answer one of your questions that I didn't answer at the bull pen." Reid instantly adopted a confused expression that didn't suit him. "You asked me if there had ever been a woman I had ever wanted to Spence more than one night with-"
"Morgan, I didn't mean anything by it, I was just trying to figure something out." I silenced his stammering's with a look.
"I know, but I'm still going to answer it Reid, I have too." I glanced down at my hands, and then back up at him. "No, I haven't wanted to be with any woman for more than just a night in a very long time, a very long time." Reid looked up at me, again with the confused look on his face.
"Why?"
"Because when you love someone, nobody else is good enough, nobody else can do what you need them to do. You don't look at anyone the same, you don't notice their faces." Reid nodded, and took a sip of wine.
"You mean to say that I see you with all those women, and never the same one twice, because you're in love with someone?" I nodded, trying to ignore the incredulous look on his face. "Morgan, that make's no sense what so ever."
"Reid, think. How long has it been since you have seen me with a woman?" I paused. "Every night I go out, I call you and Garcia as soon as I get in, how long has it been since I've called you after eleven thirty?" Reid thought for a moment.
"Over six months, for both." I nodded.
"I've known this person for years, but I only realized that the reason I never wanted to be with the same girl more than once was because I did really love them six months ago while I was out with them."
"Garcia?" I actually burst out laughing running my hand over shaven head.
"I love Garcia like a sister Reid, like a little baby sister." I smiled at Reid again and picked up my glass, draining the rest. "Besides, she's not exactly my type," I murmured unable to stop myself.
"What do you mean?" I sighed and scooted closer to Reid, crossing my fingers figuratively, and taking a deep breath.
"I'm gay, Reid."
"You're what?" His mouth had dropped, and I nodded. "I never knew… I always thought…"
"Me too, believe me, me too." I sighed and shook my head. "But I fell in love and I knew I wouldn't ever be the same."
"Who?"
"What do you mean who?" Reid looked at me like I was intentionally acting stupid, and he leaned back, crossing his arms. He still hadn't taken my jacket off, and he was shivering.
"We found pictures of you… I thought… I thought you were a target." Reid stiffened as I spoke, "I was so worried that you were a target."
"Why do you even care?"
"What do you mean why do I care?" I glared at him, causing him to lean back.
"Everybody treats me like crap, everyone makes fun of me. Especially you." I frowned, and uncrossed my arms, letting my hands rest palm up on my knees.
"I'm sorry Kid." I felt ashamed. "I just… It's nothing personal."
"Please explain it to me then Morgan, because so far everything that has come out of your mouth tonight has confused me." I faltered and stood up.
"Because Reid, I love you."
"You what?" I turned away from him and paced over to his bookshelf, placing my hands on the shelf and leaning my forehead against it as well.
"I love you Reid." I couldn't turn around and meet his eyes, and I froze when I felt his hand on my back. I hadn't heard him get up.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" I sighed and turned, surprised that we were only inches apart.
"Because, I couldn't tell you Reid. Don't you get that?" He shook his head, and I made to move, but he caged me in, putting his hands on the shelves to either side of me. I knew I could get out of it, but at what cost?
"No, I don't. Please tell me why." I could see the blush creeping into his cheeks, turning his fair skin a light pink. "All I want to know is why you didn't tell me, Derek."
"Because, I didn't want to fuck up our friendship," I looked into his eyes, something I had wanted to do for a long time but had afraid too. His eyes were a light honey brown, and they seemed like you could look into them forever and get lost in them, they were so deep.
"You still should have told me." I brought a tentative hand up to his cheek, and touched the soft skin with my rough fingers gently.
"Reid, I would rather have you as a friend then not at all, but I realized tonight that if I didn't tell you how I felt, I would always wonder what could have been, if I had told you." I didn't take my eyes off Spencer's, or move my hand, and his face tipped slightly into my hand.
"I'm glad you told me." I blinked, and his lips were on mine, his hands on my hips and I was floating.
I wrapped my arms around him, and pulled his body flush against mine; one hand at the small of his back, and one hand at the base of his neck. His lips were soft and warm, my jacket slid off his shoulders and hit the door with a small thump as his hands moved slowly up my sides, they molded themselves around mine and I melted under his touch.
"Derek…" I pulled away when he whispered my name against my lips. He was so beautiful with his lips plump, and string up at me from under his eyelids.
"Spencer… I don't know what to say." His arms wound around me and his head rested on my shoulder. Our breathing was heavy, as I crushed his body to mine.
"Tell me you love me again." I smiled and leaned back against the book case, never loosening my arms.
"I love you." I looked at Reid, and he was smiling at me, his eyes bright.
"I love you too Derek."
"How long?" I raised my eye brown as Spencer tried tugging me back toward the couch. The sound of surprise and joy he let out and I lifted him off his feet and into a cradle hold was music to my ears. The couch groaned when I sat down, and Spencer laughed as he settled himself onto my lap.
"I told you, I've loved you for years, and I just realized it was love a few months ago." Reid nodded, tracing circles on my shirt.
"I have loved you for as long as I can remember, I'm just a coward." I pulled his face up, so he was looking me in the eye.
"You aren't the coward Spence, I am." I pressed my lips to his and all words were forgotten, his hands were everywhere at once, and it was the most amazing feeling to have his slim, nimble hands creeping under my shirt and tracing the outlines of my well toned chest and stomach. I couldn't bring myself to break the kiss but I whispered against his lips, "If you don't knock that off, I'm going to take you right here, right now." Cold fingers traveled to the waistband if my jeans and tugged.
"Maybe I want you too." I smiled and laid him back on the couch, hovering over him and kissing him again, looking him straight in the eye as I did.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes , of course I'm sure Derek." Reid put his hands on my shoulders and pulled me down closer to him.
I smiled and pressed my lips back to Reid's, exploring every inch of his mouth. We both groaned as one of our cell phones rang. "Damn, it never fails." I searched for my jacket as Reid grabbed his from his pocket. It was mine.
"JJ, this had better be good, I was just-"
"Gah, shut up I don't want to hear about your sex life, or the girl of the week; we got a case. Can you call Reid and tell him that it's wheels up in thirty according to Hotch, we got two missing little girls."
"Yeah, we'll be there soon." I heard her mutter something along the lines of 'about damn time' and she disconnected the line, while I could hear Garcia laughing in the background.
I looked at Reid, who had a disappointed look on his face. "Wheels up in thirty." He sighed and looked away from me. I glanced down at my clothes, they were rumpled and wrinkled and the same ones I had worn that day at work. I was glad I had my ready bag in my car.
"I'm just going to go change now, I'll be right back." I sighed and grabbed his wrist, pulling him to me.
"Hey, you're my bay now, I want a kiss before you leave beautiful."
"I'm your what?" I sighed and pressed my lips against his.
"You wanted us for more than a weekend right?" He nodded, and I kissed his cheek. "Then I want you to be my man, my bay, my baby, whatever you want to call it your mine."
"Oh, I was worried it was just going to go back to the way it was before." I shook my head and let him go, laughing as he hurried to get his ready bag and clothes changed.
"Not if your life depended on it pretty boy."
After Spence changed we headed straight for the airstrip, holding hands the whole way. "Are we going to hide?" I shook my head, wondering how they would react but not really caring at all, as long as I had Spence.
"No, let's go they are waiting." I grabbed our bags and through them over one shoulder, wrapping my arm around his waist with the other. The rest of the team cheered, except Hotch, who just smiled, and waved us over. I kiss Reid's forehead, earning catcalls from Garcia and Emily.
"Come on guys lets go," Hotch nodded at me when our eyes met, and I was content with that blessing that our relationship wouldn't be a problem. JJ started to brief us as the jet headed down the tarmac, but I lost myself in Spencer's eyes, something I sincerely hoped would happen frequently. I pressed my lips to his gently, and his hand tightened around mine.
"I love you, Derek."
"I love you too Spencer, always and forever."
"Just one question though." I nodded, playing with the cuff of Spencer's shirt. "Why me?"
"We can't help what we feel." He smiled, as if that made all the sense in the world.