THE HARRY POTTER FILES
FILE # 001
BELLATRIX HARRIE MALFOY

(told in the subject's point of view)

Note: Harry Potter is not copyrighted under my name, thus i am merely borrowing him. But some characters are well, mine.

CHAPTER ONE: FORBIDDEN

SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD DIED WITH MY PARENTS. MY REAL PARENTS.

OH, NO. IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. I DON'T WANT TO DIE. IT'S NOT AS IF I'M NOT HAPPY WITH MY LIFE, I AM. WELL, EXCEPT BEING APTLY NAMED BELLATRIX AFTER MY VERY PSYCHOTIC STEPAUNT, I'M PERFECTLY CONTENT.

BUT SOMETIMES…

BECAUSE WHEN THEY DIED, I LOST MY PAST. BUT THEN, I HAVE THE FUTURE TO LOOK FORWARD TO, THAT I MUST LOOK FORWARD TO: HOGWARTS.

MY COUSIN, DRACO, STARTED THERE TWO YEARS AHEAD OF ME. DRACO. THOUGH I'M ADOPTED, I'M NO DIFFERENT FROM HIM. EXCEPT MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. THE SLIME IS INCAPACITATED BY ANY THOUGHT OF FEELINGS.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM. NOT JUST YET.

THERE'S ONE THING THAT ENAMORS ME ABOUT MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE THOUGH. MY EYES. EVERYTHING ABOUT ME IS SO MALFOY, THAT LAZARUS (my stepfather) SWEARS THAT I COULD HAVE BEEN A DISTANT RELATIVE, FOR ALL THEY KNEW. BUT THEN YOU SEE THEM. BRIGHT GREEN FADING OUT TO GOLD. LIKE SPRING LEAVES IMMERSED IN MOLTEN GOLD, WHILE MALFOYS HAVE GREY, OR BLUE, OR SOMETHING IN BETWEEN.

THAT DIFFERENCE FROM THE CLAN FLATTERS ME. EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT DRACO TENDED TO STARE INTO THEM WHENEVER HE COULD CATCH MY EYES-A WEIRD, DIZZYING STARE. AND THEN HE'D GIVE ME THAT MALFOY SMIRK, ATTRACTIVELY INSULTING.

I KNOW HE HATES ME.

FOR BEING SO IN.

FOR PLEASING LAZARUS AND XANIA WITHOUT EVEN TRYING TO.

FOR BEING FREE. FREE TO HAVE A LIFE.

BUT AS MUCH AS I TRY TO AVOID IT, IT ALL COMES BACK TO HIM. BOTH MALFOYS, BOTH MYSTERIOUS TO THE CORE, BOTH –DEPRIVED.

THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVEN HAS A CHANCE OF UNDERSTANDING.

DRACO.

DRACO BLOODY MALFOY.

OH, YES, I'VE HEARD THE RUMOURS ABOUT MY 'FAMILY'. I'VE CLASSIFIED THE TRUTHS FROM THE FALLACIES ALL BY MYSELF. BUT, ACCEPTING THOUGH THEY ARE, I COULDN'T HELP FEELING DETACHED. WHEN IT CAME TO THE FAMILY SECRETS, I WASN'T IN. DRACO IS.

FIRST, LUCIUS AND LAZARUS ARE EFFING DEATH EATERS. GOD, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN LAZARUS' FACE WHEN I ASKED HIM. HE WAS ABSOLUTELY LIVID. BUT HE STILL DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. I FOUND OUT ALL BY MYSELF WHEN THEY WERE TALKING TO DRACO. COOL, HUH?

SO, I KNOW WHAT KIND OF LIFE DRACO MUST HAVE LED. BUT HE WON'T SHOW ME EVEN AN INCH OF HUMANITY, NEVER ADMIT THAT HE'S NOTHING MORE THAT HUMAN. BUT THAT DIDN'T KEEP ME FROM IT. I WAS JUST TOO –HUMAN.

YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY IMAGINE HOW HARD, HOW EXCRUCIATING IT IS, TO FEEL THE WAY I DO. TO FEEL ATTRACTED TO YOUR COUSIN. EVEN IF YOUR BEING COUSINS IS JUST SOME BLOODY TECHNICAL RELATIONSHIP.

I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SO HAPPY WHEN HE'S AROUND. BECAUSE HE'S SO BLOODY BRILLIANT AT HITTING ME WHERE IT HURTS MOST. FOUR WORDS: YOU DON'T BELONG HERE.

ALWAYS STRESSING THAT I'M NOT REALLY A MALFOY, DESPITE BEING BROUGHT UP AS ONE.

AT THIS POINT, I'M TOO FULL OF BITTER EMOTIONS TO THINK CLEARLY.

I WANT TO KNOW MY PARENTS' PAST.

I WANT DRACO TO TREAT ME BETTER.

I WANT OUT.

I DON'T WANT THAT CALM, CONTROLLED FAÇADE I WAS TRAINED TO BE.

I WANT THE TRUTH, FORBIDDEN AS IT MAY BE.

End Note: Please be free to review. If you want to know what happens next, say so, so that i have reason to publish the next chapters. thanks for reading.