Goodbye My Bella
Written by
THE M00NLiGHT-DREAMER
Disclaimer; As much as I hate admitting it, I do not own any of the characters from the Twilight series (including Jacob Black). They all rightfully belong the wonderful Meyer. &Might I add that I do not own the song 'Goodbye My Lover'; that belongs to none other than the amazing, James Blunt. His gorgeous voice and words of the song inspired me to write this.
Author's Note; So I was rereading the thing and noticed the many errors. It was bothering me SO much that I just had to edit it. Besides, I think the oneshot could have been written better so here I'm giving it another go. Besides, I haven't written any sort of fanfic material since. . . well, ever! I warn you right now, though it may be a bit. . . depressing. I hope you enjoy it though! Don't forget to review, please!(:
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Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right,
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
Jacob Black sighed heavily as his dark eyes stared at the ground below him. He didn't know what or how to describe this bitter pain that was slowly tearing him apart. It took a great deal of energy just to forcefully look into the bright sun as it carefully set over the horizons of the beach. The very beach where Bella and Jacob had shared memories, both good and bad. The very beach where Jacob had saved Bella from nearly killing herself and yet, just the thought of her angelic face created water-filled eyes. The stubborn boy blinked repeatedly as he refused to let a tear shed. There was no way in hell was he going to cry over some girl!
But that was just the problem. Bella Swan wasn't just any ordinary girl to Jacob. She was far more than that and words were no comparison for her at all, whatsoever. It would be a disgrace to even try and think of the 'right' words to put together.
With an unbearable amount of knots forming in the very pit of his heart, stomach, and throat, Jacob swallowed hard. However, the more he tried removing those stupid knots, the more complicated they became. The thoughts of Bella weren't exactly helping either. Even though Jacob knew damn well that it was nearly impossible to get her out his mind, he refused to stop removing the memories and thoughts of Bella into the far back of his mind.
He promised her that they would be nothing more than friends. He promised Bella that he'd even be a good friend and distant himself from her, but how was that possible when all he ever did, was think about the girl? What the hell was he thinking about creating some broken promise like that? He loved Bella and still did. There was no denying it.
You touched my heart, you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
He could feel his warm tears betraying him as his lower lip quivered uncontrollably. At that moment, Jacob felt so weak and helpless that he leaned against a nearby rock for support. Sliding down the enormous rock he hit the ground and continued to watch the sunset before his eyes. Even the different colors of the endless sky and the disappearing sun didn't help at all.
If anything, it reminded him of Bella even more and how she had told Jacob that in the past, and how she saw him as her personal sun. And now, there he was watching the sun fade away from the sky just as if he had disappeared from Bella's heart. It wasn't until that very moment that he realize the undeniable truth: Bella had chosen the. . . the bloodsucker over him. For good. Bella would never see Jacob as more than just a friend.
A flash of Bella and him - dare he say his name, when even the thought of him made his blood boil? - together made Jacob want to puke, but instead the warm tears finally trailed down his tanned face and onto his bare chest. The sun and everything with it had become nothing but a blurred vision from his nonstop tears. The last time he cried like was. . . well, now that he had momentarily thought about it, Jacob had never cried like this before. Not once.
Filled with frustration, Jacob wiped away his tears with the back of his hand that was curled into a tight fist. The skin that stretched over his knuckles was slightly paler than the rest of his dark skin, but even as he balled his hands into fists, that didn't the tears from reforming and falling. He let his balled fists fall onto the damp sand as an unexpected flashback hit him.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
"Jacob." Bella stared into his eyes, trying to make him take her seriously. "I love him, Jacob. He's my whole life."
"You love me too." Jacob reminded her, returning her gaze. He held his hand up before Bella was able to protest. "Not the same way, I know. But he's not your whole life, either. Not anymore. Maybe he was once, but he left. And now he's just going to have to deal with the consequence of that choice – me."
"You're impossible." she replied, shaking her head.
Suddenly, he was serious. He took Bella's chin in his large hand, holding it firmly so she couldn't look away from his intent gaze. "Until your heart stops beating," he said. "I'll be here – fighting. Don't forget that you have options."
"I don't want options." Bella disagreed, trying to yank her chin free, unsuccessfully. "And my heartbeats are numbered, Jacob. The time is almost gone."
His eyes narrowed. "All the more reason to fight – fight harder now, while I can," Jacob whispered, his hot breath caressing her cheek. He held Bella's chin – his fingers holding it too tight, till it hurt - and she saw resolve form abruptly in his eyes.
"N –" Bella started to object, but it was too late.
Jacob's lips crushed against Bella, stopping her protest. He kissed her angrily, roughly, his other hand gripping tight around the back of my neck, making it impossible for Bella to escape. She shoved against his chest with all her might, but Jacob didn't notice.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
As the memory slowly faded away, Jacob quickly locked it far away in the back of his mind. There was no need into hoping that things would be different. He was no longer Bella's personal sunshine. Just as the sun had disappeared, Jacob had disappeared from Bella's heart. That was it. He was gone, just like the sunset.
Droplets of rain hit Jacob's face which still faced the sky where the sun had been. The rain had no effect on him, but it did seem to match his mood as it slowly fell to the ground faster. But no matter how 'bad' the rain was going to proceed, the young werewolf remained put.
I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
"Bella." Jacob called out into the ocean, knowing very well that she wouldn't be there to respond. His voice had cracked and he took another silent gulp. "Bella," he called out again - this time louder, even though it seemed more of a cry than a call - but yet he felt so much more weaker than before. As another sigh escaped his lips, Jacob fought the urge to find her. He couldn't let her see him anymore. Especially like this. Not like this.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
Attempting a weak smile, Jacob muttered between barely parted lips, "Lucky bastard." He was talking to no one in particular (besides the rain, if you can count that) and as if on cue, the rain had begun to build in harder. Time seemed to have slowed in almost a complete stop, but yet at the same time it seemed to be moving too quickly.
Jacob's dark eyes fell onto his open palm. The position of his palm reminded him of the movie theater, where he was with Bella and Mike. Bella seated herself in the middle of the two and Jacob had stolen the armrest and even positioned his hand like an animal trap. Dammit. Another blow stroke his chest painfully as he concealed the free memory back into its locked cage and this time he let his tears fall freely.
If anyone were to be watching the depressed Black, they would never know if his tears were merely disguised by the rain or if they were true tears, running down his face once again.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
When Jacob's eyelids began to feel very heavy, he simply let them droop and shut them closed. The rain didn't seem to bother him much anymore – nothing did as of now. He didn't move nor did he really want to. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he had the strength to budge.
It was crystal clear that Bella had left him and she wasn't coming back. She couldn't live without Edward, but she'd get over him in time. Jacob finally let his entire body shut down, now transforming into a werewolf. He felt himself vibrate violently as his figure took the appearance of an oversized dog. Unlike the other time, Jacob didn't dare fight the transformation.
Now as a werewolf, he heard himself pout miserably and soon enough he howled into the dark night. The sky was now dark and painted with dimly lit stars. The crescent-shaped moon was out, out-shining any star, but to him. . . everything seemed so dull now. Nothing matter anymore since Bella was gone and she had taken Jacob Black, her personal blinding sun, with her.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.