This is the result of a dream I had a week ago, a very disturbing dream about Kurt Hummel and Dave Karofsky that I can't get out of my head so I need to write it.

I was originally going to write happy things for these two but the dream was way too profound.

This is going to be a two-shot or a three-shot I haven't figured it out yet.

But regardless I hope you enjoy.

"Mr. Hummel, did you know that Dave Karofsky was going to-?"

The anchorwoman dressed in a magenta suit with a very prim and proper knee length skirt that was stuffing a rather large microphone in my face with a logo WLIO TV 8 on it was cut off by my step-brother who was surrounding me trying to keep the media off of us by yelling at them all to go away.

I couldn't comprehend what they were all really saying, everything sounded so far away, and everything was so surreal. I felt sick and ignored her and all of the other voices as I tried to get through, I could feel my fathers grip on me as we made our way to our front door.

I think I finally knew how the president felt to be surrounded by a secret service.

Carole was in front of me even though she was also being covered by Finn, my father on my right, Mr. Shue on my left while Puck was in the back, he was asked to help by Finn and he happily obliged to help get me through the large group of reporters in front of our house even being as enthusiastic to say "I could probably even get away with punching a few of them in the face"

Which was met with a unanimous response of "No Puck" and "Puckerman, don't even think about it".

"Kurt is it true that Dave Karofsky-"a male reporter asked but was cut off by my father this time.

Suddenly I could feel the world spinning, my limbs felt weak but my dad held me up and the door felt so far away, the yelling and screaming got louder and my heart was pounding in my ears.

I don't know…I just…please leave me alone

It was all I could think, I couldn't speak and I could barely even walk on my own, it was all too much.

We finally got inside and my father sat me down on my couch while Carole said something about making me tea, Finn was pacing and running his hands through his hair while Puck leaned against the wall staring at Finn while Mr. Shue just sat down in the chair across from me.

There was silence as we all just sat there, the only thing we could hear was Carole mulling around in the kitchen to make me tea.

"Kurt, if there is anything you need me to do right now just say it, alright bud?" my father said in a soft voice.

I nodded; I still couldn't find my own.

So many things had happened within such a short amount of time…I didn't expect my first day back to McKinley to be like this.

"Finn, man, stop pacing you're freaking me out" Puck finally said and Finn let out a heavy sigh and sat down next to me.

"Kurt, we understand if you need time but the reporters aren't going to go away for a few days, I just want you to know that" said Mr. Schuester as he reached across Finn to put his hand on my leg for a moment; I almost jumped at the contact but he pulled back before I could react.

I finally felt calm enough to speak but everything I wanted to say, the calming monologue I had planned out didn't come, my mind betrayed me and keeping everyone calm went out the window.

"He killed himself in front of me…he was right there…it was so loud" I said as I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands but closing my eyes was making things worse, all I could see was blood, so much blood and when I opened my eyes to look at my hands there were only the remnants of the red liquid on my sleeves, it was already turning brown.

I vaguely recall learning that the only way to tell if blood is real is if it eventually turns a brown rusted color, the thought didn't make things better.

My stomach clenched, a sour taste in the back of my mouth, it was too much and Puck was suddenly holding a trash can in front of me, I took it quickly and the contents of my lunch from earlier today were now gone from my body.

"We should get you into new clothes man" said Finn, they must have realized what put me off and there was a silent agreement.

"Why don't you get him some Finn?" said my father to which Finn nodded to and stood up to leave as he made his way up the stairs.

Eventually Carole came out with the tea she promised and I took it trying to keep my hands from shaking while I only took small sips.

"Sweetheart, it's going to be fine, you're safe now and we're not going to let anything happen to you" she stroked the side of my face and I nodded.

I wasn't in the mood to be touchy but I knew she was trying to soothe me.

We sat there in silence even when Finn put my change of clothes in front of me, there was just silence as they all waited for me to say anything.

I didn't.

When I finished my tea I set the cup down, they were all still sitting expectantly and I muttered a soft thank you before telling them I just wanted to go to sleep.

It hurt, it hurt so much as I laid there in my bed, the events wouldn't flee from my mind and I wasn't going to get any sleep, my father and Carole knew that which was probably why the lights downstairs were still on and I could hear them talking quietly, they were probably all waiting for me to suddenly crumble and start screaming or they were taking care of making calls, telling people I was fine, telling family everything was ok…or all of the above.

This was national news…and I was the center of it now that he was dead.

I let out a soft sob as I clutched my legs to my chest trying to become as small as possible, it didn't make a difference and I still felt vulnerable.

Throughout the night I would switch positions and think about what happened even more, a few times I'd imagine it turned out ok but I would come back to reality and realize it wasn't ok, I wasn't ok, nothing was ok.

I finally got sick of replaying the horror in my head and just let myself feel; blank, silence, and my mind eventually replayed the encounter I had a week before any of this had happened, it's the encounter that was responsible for me still being alive.

"I still can't believe you'll be leaving in a few days" Blaine said while we walked across the stage in our Dalton auditorium.

"Well I suppose that's just what happens when you set your eyes on a house that's so perfect that all of us want it" I answered back.

Blaine let out a sigh next to me and we stopped just before the steps.

"Is the house worth it Kurt, to go back to what will probably just take a turn for the worst?"

I frowned, "I honestly don't know, I've had a few months to think about all of it and I'm stronger now, I know what I'm up against and I think I can handle it but I'm still scared out of my mind."

He nodded and gave me a knowing smiled, "There's another reason Kurt and you're not telling me, it isn't just the house that's making you go back there"

I stood just before the steps leading off the stage and nodded slowly while letting out a sigh.

"I can't explain it Blaine, a force is working, molding my life in a way to make me go back to that school, I don't know what it is but it's as if I'm being pulled there and sometimes the feeling turns into dread, bone chilling dread and the curiosity is overbearing, the need is suffocating…I don't understand it"

Blaine frowned and waited for me to continue, it was as if he knew I had more to say somehow and he himself was trying to understand it.

I sighed once again, giving in, I had talked this much so I may as well finish.

"If my dad hadn't found that house, if seeing Mercedes again at Breadsticks a few weeks ago hadn't happened, if Finn hadn't said things about people missing me…even Puckerman believe it or not, which I still think Finn lied about."

I took a breath and clutched at my handbag tighter.

"If I hadn't gained so much strength and courage from you Blaine, if I hadn't felt such regret for running away, and if I hadn't been given the choice by both my dad and Carole to drop Dalton or continue only to make them have to work so much harder to keep me there…if none of that had happened I'd still be here, there would be no doubt but it all did happen within such a short amount of time"

I frowned after a few seconds of silence and looked expectantly at Blaine, waiting for his response.

I felt vulnerable to him like I usually would; I hadn't realized I had been pushing him away for the first month of attending Dalton, I would have the perfect opportunities to woo him and yet I'd shell up and put up walls because I was so unsure, which was different for me.

I became aware of it a few nights after we sang 'Baby, Its Cold Outside' together, when he had come in and put the CD player on the desk so loudly I was brought back to the hell of being pushed into lockers for a split second before realizing it was just Blaine and then while we were singing when I knelt against the couch and our faces were so close and I saw him look at my lips I was inwardly afraid he might kiss me…why would I have been so afraid of something like that?

But I knew…it was because the only kiss I'd ever had was forcefully taken from me.

I had always gone after what I wanted with such determination, I never did anything half-hearted but it was as if I had changed…realizing the bad in the world through one Dave Karofsky just because he had bullied me a little which I started to think wasn't a big deal, other people had it off so much worse than me and I was too self absorbed to realize that.

Until I saw a girl about my age on the street one night while driving home being harassed by some men in a cheap small convertible, judging by their character they probably wouldn't even be able to afford good beer which was confirmed when one of them launched a bottle out of the car…yep, cheap beer.

I called the cops but the next morning on the news was her, she was dead…raped…tortured…I was broken for a while after that and it put my life into perspective.

Blaine sighed heavily which brought me back to reality.

"That's pretty deep Kurt, I'm not entirely sure if I should be worried or not"

I smiled half-heatedly at him, "I don't know the answer to that either but I suppose what's done is done"

He mirrored my smile and gave me a pat on the back, "Yeah, I guess so, you know that you can always call or text me if you ever need anything"

I nodded, he truly was the only salvation I had to feel alleviated from all of this stress, he knew everything, how I felt about all of it, my thoughts and we would occasionally talk it out together, it was almost like a therapy session without the extensive amounts of money.

As I was about to take my first step I gasped and turned toward Blaine who was halfway down the steps, he turned to me in response.

"I forgot my music sheets in the back room, I'm so sorry"

Blaine laughed, "Alright, meet you at the usual place" he paused and swayed a bit, pondering something "Say…about five?"

I nodded, "Sounds great"

We parted ways as I watched him leave the auditorium.

Every Tuesday we would go to a nice diner near the Dalton academy, it felt very homey and the food was great, it also helped that it wasn't expensive like everything else in this area.

I ran my index and thumb along the rim of my hair out of habit and turned to go backstage when I heard the auditorium doors open, I dismissed it thinking maybe a Warbler left something like I had or was going to practice as Blaine and I had a few moments ago and continued on but as I reached for the curtain the unknown person spoke.

"I've been following you"

Chills went down my spine as I gripped the soft red curtain in front of me, I couldn't move and finally after a few moments I willed myself to turn around, I remembered that voice and it now only instilled fear within me, I stiffened when I saw him, it was Dave Karofsky…in my school, at Dalton, in the auditorium.

I was alone.

He seemed to be expecting a response and I snapped out of my shock.

"You've…been following me?" I said sounding more confident than I really was.

He nodded, walking closer to the stage I was currently on and stopped just before the steps that lead upwards toward what I assumed was his destination, me.

The times I had encountered Karofsky turned from annoyance to frustration to anger and then to shock and fear but most of all it finally turned into the simple fact that I was unable to predict what he would do next but as he stood there looking up at me from the bottom of those steps I knew in the pit of my stomach something was different.

"I've memorized your schedule and tried to find ways to get you alone for weeks, this seemed to work out best" he said, his voice was different; it was lower, emotionless, monotone.

I worked through the reasons as to why he would want to be a creepy stalker and tried to think of the best case scenario and decided to go with it in hopes of changing his mind if he was only here to do…well I didn't even know anymore and I didn't want to think about it.

"Hopefully you're here to ask me something or even apologize because I'm not exactly in the mood to be dumped into a trash can or whatever it is you have planned for me." I was surprised at how calm and sassy I sounded because he was starting to walk up the steps of the stage and each prominent step made me even more terrified.

Silence filled the auditorium save for his steps up the stairs and once he made it to the stage itself he just stood there for a few moments, I stood there as still as possible as well, it seemed like he was trying to form a sentence from the facial expressions he was having so I gave him time.

"I'm not here to say sorry Hummel; I'm here to warn you"

My eyes widened, "What do you mean?"

He walked closer to me and finally stopped about 2 feet away from me, worry was plastered on my face and I made no move to hide it…warn me?

"I'm not real, I don't feel real" he said finally.

I tilted my head to the side slightly, "What do you mean?"

I felt like a parrot, repeating the same thing over and over again but he wasn't making any sense.

"None of what I am feels real, all of it is a lie, and my entire fucking life has been a lie" he responded, self-loathing lacing his voice.

Suddenly I knew, I knew what this was about, I sighed hoping I could salvage the situation.

"Kar-"

I pursed my lips.

"Dave"

I said softly which made his head shoot up, his eyes looking into my own, something was so very off about him and that pit in my stomach grew.

"I want to apologize for when you were cornered on the stairs that day by…my friend and I…"

Dave frowned in response and looked as if he wanted to say something but I cut him off.

"I don't know what I was hoping to accomplish by calling you out while so many other kids were walking by us but I'll be honest I didn't want to be alone with you or put someone else through that but…it wasn't fair for you, you're confused Dave, it's ok"

A look of shock crossed his face as he took a step back, I could see the vulnerability on his face…this was the Dave I had seen when he kissed me which for the longest time I had put out of my mind until Blaine and I had one of our 'therapy sessions' and while that day still makes me feel sick…I can always remember that split second of so much vulnerability on his face before leaning in to kiss me again. This was the Dave I had seen when we were in the principal's office when he turned to me before he left, the real Dave.

I suddenly felt confident and took a step closer to him, we both stood there in silence for another moment and I rummaged through my bag for a pen and paper.

I saw Dave shake his head frantically from side to side out of my peripheral vision and looked up halfway through my rummaging.

"What are you doing?" his voice confused, I could hear the fear in it.

"I'm getting a pen and paper, I'm going to give you a number, it will help you"

I went back to my rummaging and finally managed to get both of the things I'd been searching for.

I wrote the number down and looked up at the larger man in front of me; I was wary about reaching out to give him the paper but decided to do it anyway.

He looked at it and then frowned, "The Trevor project…I've been hearing about it a lot lately"

His upper lip curled and suddenly he was angry.

"Do you take me for a fucking joke Hummel?"

He stepped closer and I stepped back feeling the curtain.

I suddenly felt defiant, here I was trying to help him and he was going to throw it back in my face?

"Stop acting as if you're a child Karofsky, you need to get help and if you aren't going to get it from me or even someone else you may as well use the number, and they can help you.

He let out a huff; he was getting even angrier.

"You make it sound like you wanted to help me ladyboy" he said the last word with malice.

"I know our situations are different but I know what it's like to feel alone with no one to talk to about being gay"

He clenched his fists to his side "I'm not fucking gay!" the anger was coming off of him in waves, I needed to calm him down but for some reason I had no desire, I just wanted to tell it straight like it really was.

"You say that and yet a few moments before you were just talking about how your entire life is a lie, I assumed you were talking about how you hide from everyone that you're gay…hell you might even be bisexual for all I care but the point is you need to stop denying yourself, you're just going in circles and it's not healthy."

We were suddenly close, he was furious and I was fuming, it wasn't going to end well no matter what.

"Stop pretending you give two shits about me pretty boy I don't need you to pity me"

I scowled, the anger raised within me and I was suddenly so…pissed off.

"You…you think its pity?" I stepped closer and Karofsky stepped back, his face faltering for a moment before putting up his mask again, he must have seen the anger on my face because I wasn't going to hide it.

"You came here, to MY school, stalked ME, and I've been nothing but considerate to you this entire time!"

I paused to take a breath quickly before I could let him get any words in; I was not even close to done.

"I should be running from you right now for what you've done but I'm standing right here, facing you like a respectable human being because it's what any person deserves, I'm trying to be reasonable with you but you're acting ignorant and I won't have it"

The look of shock on his face gave me a sense of satisfaction but I still wasn't done.

"So here's how this can go David, you can leave and nothing will change or you can talk to me like a normal human being so we don't have to deal with these surprise visits to a school that's miles away from your own home, take your pick"

I could see his jaw visibly clench and we stood still, my arms were crossed against my chest while Dave slouched a few inches away from me his fists clenched still, his brows were now furrowed as he allowed my words to sink in.

"You don't want to help me; you don't care about me Hummel"

I sighed.

"I may not care much for you but I can't stand by and watch as someone tears themselves apart because I know the pain so well that even at this moment it comes back to me like I've been punched in the stomach and I don't wish it on anyone, not even you"

He locked eyes with me again and opened his mouth only to close it again, he seemed to be warring with himself again and I shook my head.

"I need to get my music from the back and I have someone I need to meet at five…I don't mean to rush you but time is of the essence."

As I turned around I heard Dave make a soft clicking sound with his tongue but I dismissed it as I made my way to the backstage dressing room disappearing behind the curtain.

When I grabbed my things and returned I half expected Karofsky to still be standing in the same place but he was nowhere to be seen and I honestly didn't know what to think of it and decided to move on with my day instead of dwell on it because I had felt with certainty that it was the most emotionally draining day I'd ever had.

I had no idea at the time that one simple encounter would save my life but all I knew was it didn't matter right now because my life was a whirlwind and I had no control anymore.

I had so much to look forward to and now…I had to deal with this, this feeling of being cheated out of my simple, normal life all because of him.

I suddenly felt sick and wobbled off of my bed as quickly as possible only to stumble over myself a few times as I raced to my bathroom and just barely making it to my destination of white porcelain that was soon stained for a moment by all of my shame, my sadness, and more emotions I couldn't pinpoint but it was all soon washed away as I pulled down the silver lever.

I finally lifted myself off of the hard laminated floor and went to brush my teeth not looking at myself square in the mirror until after I was done and I quickly realized it was a huge mistake to look at myself right now.

I felt self-loathing that I couldn't save him, felt hatred towards him for turning my life upside down which turned into overbearing guilt, there were just so many feelings.

So I spared myself more stress and made my way back to my bed to find my father at my door, I smiled at him weakly and sat on my bed, he stayed at the doorway.

"How are you feeling?" he asked his tone low due to the hour of the night.

"I'm fine, can't really sleep but I'll be ok" I responded.

I knew he didn't buy it, even I couldn't buy it but he just sighed.

"Kurt…" he looked as though he wanted to say more but shook his head.

"Nevermind, we'll talk tomorrow, try to get some sleep son" he said as he turned his back to me to start walking downstairs.

I nodded.

"I love you dad."

It came out as a whisper without me thinking but somehow he heard it because he turned around and I could see the tears start to form just barely in his eyes.

"I love you too Kurt"

I went back to my never ending battle of wills as I tried to get myself to fall asleep only to finally submit to the racing thoughts in my mind.

I wasn't going to sleep on this night and probably quite a few more.

This was...actually kind of heartbreaking to write because the dream was so heart wrenching so it kept coming back to me over and over as I wrote this first chapter and I was honestly going to make it a oneshot but I couldn't bring myself to finish it just yet.

I'm fearing the next chapter because I have the ending written out exactly how I want it...I just need the middle which is so terrifying and traumatizing that it's going to be very tough to write but I know I need to get it out and I will.

I just need time to prepare myself for it and trudge on through.

This chapter may be sad to some people but I'm warning you the next chapter is so much worse...it really is. :(

So ahead of time...I'm SO SORRY.

But I'll leave you with a snippet that will be from the second chapter:

"I was going to kill you Kurt, I was ready to do it but I wanted to talk with you one last time before I did it…my entire plan was to talk to you in that auditorium and I didn't have what I wanted to say planned out, I just wanted to see you before I did this...I can't fucking kill you, I'd kill you but you changed my mind, you fucking changed my mind" he said, his arm tightened around my shoulder and I gasped, I was so terrified, the gun was to my head and I felt as though I was having an out of body experience.

Yeah...now you know where this shit is going and why the dream was so profound and I warn you all...Dave did kill people before getting to the point of holding Kurt at gunpoint but I won't spoil the rest of it.

I hate to paint Dave in such a bad light but I have to get this dream in writing to wash my hands of it.

Regardless I'd like to hear everyone's thoughts, feel free to review.