Not-So-Silent Treatment

"You and that box come any closer, and I'll tear you a new one."

"Whoa! That was a shocker. Wait, what the hell? You can talk?"

"Despite your reputation, I have a hard time believing that you're any good at sneaking up on people."

"Heh! Well, aren't you just a ball of excitement?"

"Har-de-fucking har."

"Such a potty mouth. Not that most people even realize you have a mouth in the first place."

"You came for a reason, I suppose?"

"Nothing much. Just wanted to get a glance at the grumpy-pants everyone was talking about."

"Right before the match? Aren't you on the other team?"

"And since when does that matter? Blood is blood, no matter who it comes from."

"You came to kill me?"

"Ha! You gotta lighten up."

"If you were anyone else, I'd assume you were trying to learn about your opponent prior to the battle."

"Aww! Are you sayin' I'm special?"

"That's one way of putting it."

"..."

"..."

"Hey! You making fun of me?"

"Congratulations. The ball finally drops."

"You crack me up. Not bad, I guess. With just a bit of practice, you might become a master jokester like me!"

"Because I really want to spend my time imitating a clown whose humor is in bad taste."

"More people would talk to you if you weren't so sarcastic, you know."

"No, more people would talk to me if I even gave a damn and cared to talk in the first place."

"Man, why so serious?"

"Combat and conversation don't mix, in my opinion."

"On the contrary, there's nothing like witty banter to complement a deluge of blood!"

"I'm worried that I'm surprisingly not worried enough about your manic tendencies."

"Manic? How rude. I prefer to believe that I suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder and then immediately murdered my normal personality."

"And that's not manic?"

"Hmph. Least I'm not like that one guy. What was his name? Y'know, that mad scientist with the purply skin. He's crazy."

"How sensational. The pot calling the kettle black. Or, in your case, I suppose it'd be purple."

"Ugh. Much as I am fond of blabbering, talking with you is starting to make me sick for some reason. Wow, your spikes are bigger in person."

"How utterly kind of you to notice."

"Haha! Yup, that's me! Nothing less than a saint!"

"I thought you were the Demon Jester."

"Oh, semantics."

"Rather a large gap to merely be semantics, don't you think?"

"Gah! Funny, I live to see blood, but just talking with you has me queasy."

"You know, I'm beginning to think that, insane as you are, maybe you're onto something. This chatter might've been rather fun after all."

"Aha! I knew I'd get to you eventually."

"I say that now, but I'm sure seconds from now, I'll be begging for silence, considering who I'm talking to. I hope Kassadin's nearby."

"You are such a buzzkill! Meanie! Sourpuss! Now, I demand that you open up a bit more during a match! Alright?"

"..."

"Hey, come on! It's so boring otherwise! Death without prattle is meaningless!"

"..."

"I heard that sigh! Come on, promise me!"

"...Okay."

Author's Note: Phew! Let me set anyone straight. This was a plotless blurb that I found boring into my conscious that refused to let go. I've always wanted to experiment with all the possibilities of conversation, and specifically, a dialogue-only fic. How great is it that I chose League of Legends as the realm from which to unleash such a spectacle? That said, one might not understand a lot of the inside jokes (they're not even so much jokes as just wordplay tossed relentlessly around) if he or she has not played League of Legends. Haha, I struggled with exactly which champions to choose to include in the fic (it's much harder to choose a champion because you only want them to talk, and not fight) at first, but in the end, it had to be Rammus and Shaco (I say this with tentative confidence that people have already easily figured out their identities. I mean, I hope I left it pretty obvious). Who else, but these two? The literal polar opposites on the conversation spectrum, in my opinion. ...Um, not much else to say, I guess. Review, please?

Disclaimer: Riot Games owns League of Legends. And I like to think that they're doing a pretty good job so far. Delusions, hallucinations, a complete misconception? Maybe. All I know is that my faith means jack-diddly-squat in the scheme of things, and I definitely don't own League of Legends.

Random quotation of the day:

"I should be doing my homework now. But the way I look at it, playing in the snow is a lot more important. Out here I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life."
"Such as?"
"Procrastination and rationalization."

Calvin and Hobbes = most epic comic ever drawn. Thank the Gods for Bill Watterson.