I do not own The Expendables
Toll Road.
Toll Road was an unusual man with unusual problems. The only problem is that he never realized it until it was almost too late. As a child Toll felt that there was something wrong with him. He didn't like being around people, didn't like change, was prone to bouts of depression and felt like he would never been good for anything. But everywhere he looked there were no others like him. So he assumed that what he was feeling was wrong and that the world was right. So he fought hard against the feelings that raged inside him with such determination that he became somewhat of a legend. He went to parties and was the life of it, he played multiple sports, was an active member of his schools' debate clubs, was one of the most upbeat guys that anyone could meet and excelled in everything that he did. But nothing that he did stopped what he was feeling. No matter how hard he tried there were times when he just wanted to be left alone, there were moments when a schedule would conflict and he would just want to scream and throw things. There were moments in his debates when he would have to pull himself back from going into philosophical rants because the topics of debate were just so depressing in that the solutions were so simple and people just wouldn't get it. But worst of all was the feelings of inadequacy and inferiority; they never went away. No matter how well he did; no matter how high his grades were and how many things he did; the feelings just intensified. He was no good and he would never be good.
And it hurt. It hurt like a knife that was pressed into him and was being slowly twisted further in everyday he forced himself to push down what he was feeling inside. And in those rare moments when he finally made up his mind to talk to someone about what he was feeling; no one got what he was saying. Not his friends, not his family not his girlfriends. No one could understand the real Toll Road. So he continued being the fake Toll Road. The one everyone loved and the one he hated with all his heart.
Then when it was time to choose his path in life, Toll surprised everyone and enrolled in the Army despite scholarships that would have taken him anywhere he wanted to go. But Toll figured that if anyplace could help him, it would be the army. The routine and rigidity and training may actually soothe some of the problems. Maybe he could shed the fake Toll as the Army remade him. Maybe he could find some sort of peace in the middle of all the pain. Maybe they could help him understand that was wrong with him; and he could be fixed.
It turned out to be a relative disappointment. While the Army did soothe some of his problems, he made the fatal error of showing everyone the fake Toll. After that no one wanted the real Toll. Even his Army commanders began to promote him based on his outstanding performances. Toll watched his dreams of salvation slowly crumble away but he had no way to stop it. That was until he met Hale Caesar.
Hale Caesar seemed like one of those typical guys at first. Caesar was ridiculously strong and showed off in the gym and on the field, he was loud and basically proclaimed when he voiced his opinion, he joked and laughed along with everyone else. Then Toll began to notice that despite the huge muscles and brash front; Caesar had a gentleness in his actions. An almost feminine grace to his movements. When he made a joke about it intending to be mildly insulting, Caesar just laughed along with him and told him to stop being jealous about Caesar's security with himself. Toll have laughed back but the words stuck in his mind. Caesar's security with himself. He found himself paying attention to what Caesar did and how he behaved and found out a few more of Caesar's quirks that would have been the brunt of much insults if Caesar hadn't been so confident and secure in what he did, said and was. It was the start of a distant love-hate relationship with Hale Caesar. Toll loved that the man could be so secure with all his little quirks but hated the same fact. Watching and getting to know Hale Caesar seemed to make his insecurities and inferiority even worse. But he couldn't help himself because for once in his life he felt like the real Toll Road had a role model.
He had felt sure that he was keeping his weird obsession with Caesar under wraps until the day when he was walking around aimlessly just trying to find some semblance of quiet time but failing miserably and Caesar came up next time him. He jumped a bit because he didn't hear the big man slide into step with him. Caesar said nothing but continued to walk with him and Toll didn't realize that Caesar was slowly corralling him to a quiet spot until there was nothing but the dull buzz of their encampment. He looked around surprised and Caesar laughed.
"Toll man," Caesar said, "If you don't figure out what going on with you, you're gonna lose your mind." And there on the dirt, Toll poured out his heart to Hale Caesar. And like the great emperor probably once did, Caesar sat still as a statue and just listened. Then at the end of it he said, "Nobody knows you better than you. You may not think so, but it's true. In the end of all things, all you have is yourself. If you don't make peace with who you are then you are going to be forever alone in this world. So forget about what the world thinks man, you just be you. It's worth every bit of that fight." For the first time in years Toll Road broke down in tears. Someone understood.
It was a hard fight but in the end Toll shed his fake self and wore his real self. It helped to have Caesar at his back. Yet it still took him months to confess to Caesar that he considered him a friend and a brother. He was rewarded with a slap on the shoulder and a grin. The ability to understand each other though simple gestures and little words was part of their bond. Toll knew that he would always have Caesar as a friend but he also know that their time as a team would end. And he didn't want it to end. He wanted to have his friend always at his side. He never mentioned this to Caesar but the weight of having to separate, of eventually losing contact with the one person that could practically read his mind; was heavy in his heart.
Then the day came. And the day dragged into weeks, into months, into years and Toll was going crazy trying to find something that he felt comfortable doing. They still kept in contact but it was waning. Toll knew that eventually the contact would stop and he would have to brave the world alone. Then one day he got a call from Caesar to meet him at a bar. The man sounded normal but Toll could feel the tremor of excitement in his voice.
"What's going on Caesar?" he asked suspicious, "This better not be like that date thing you tried with us."
"No way man," Caesar said, "This is nothing like that. And what was wrong with that date thing I tried."
The silence that Toll gave him caused Caesar to laugh and again reassure Toll that it was nothing like that. Toll gave him assurance that he would be there. When he got to the bar, it was like one of those typical seedy biker bars, complete with bikes in the front. Caesar met him at the door, slung an arm around him and led him to a table where another man was sitting. The man was a little taller than he was but powerfully built and had this air of command that Toll found impressive. He had tattoo gracing his arms and a thick skull ring on the middle finger of his right hand.
"Toll Road meet Barney Ross. Barney Ross meet Toll Road," Caesar said as loudly as usual. Barney stood up and shook hands with Toll while giving him a firm nod.
"So as I was saying..." Barney continued and as Toll listened he realized why Caesar had called him. He was giving him a chance. What Barney Ross was offering was an amazing job, an opportunity of a lifetime but it wasn't the money or the chance to use the skills that he had honed for years that sold Toll. It was that he would be getting Caesar back. It would be like they were before; two odd men, old friends, brothers in arms watching out for each other and enjoying what life threw at them because they held each other up in the storm. And when he confirmed his place in Barney Ross' group of Expendables he saw something in the man's eyes and had a feeling that maybe, just maybe Barney Ross needed someone like them.