A/N- hey there! This is my first story. Just give me your honest opinion on the story! Even if or perhaps especially if you didn't like it. This basically makes fun of the way support conversations are handled in Fire Emblem 7, because when you think about it in terms of reality, it's really quite stupid.

Disclaimer- I don't anything related to Fire Emblem except the games.

Summary- Ever notice how badly the support system is handled in FE 7? You will when you read this…

Warnings- hinted yaoi, I suppose, but really it's pretty light.

Rule 1- You may NOT just walk up and talk to someone. You have to stand next to them for an unknown amount of time and when you finally DO talk to that person, you must pretend as if you hadn't noticed the other standing next to you for, in some cases, upwards of 100 turns.

Rule 2- You can't decide who you can be friends with. Only a fortune teller can inform you of who you can talk to. So ask Nils or Hannah if Hector can talk to Rath before you waste 500 turns worth of time.

Rule 3- You can talk about almost anything you'd like, one of the exceptions being relative story events. This means that on Chapter 31, instead of talking about the fate of the world should they fail, Wil and Raven will have a lively discussion about the nicknames they've given each other.

Rule 4- Don't ever discuss battle strategies or tactics. What a silly thing to do on the battlefield! Instead talk about hunting, dancing, your long lost brother, or some other inane topic. Anything will do, so long as it doesn't have anything to do with the life and death situation you have found yourself in.

Rule 5- Have you ever had a conversation with the same person twice in one battle? Of course you haven't! It's impossible and STRICTLY forbidden. When trying to talk to the same person for a second time in one battle, a Fire Emblem character will find themselves unable to speak, but will recover in time for the next battle.

Rule 6- You may speak a maximum of 5 times per play through, even if you COULD talk to 8 people, making an aggravating eight game completions necessary to collect all the support conversations.

Rule 7- If you are defeated on the battlefield then all of your conversations are erased from existence as if they never happened. Even if you were only "injured but remained with the party until the end."

Rule 8- Whether you notice it or not, support conversation add bonuses to your stats. Just knowing the person you've talked to on the battlefield isn't enough, you must be within three spaces for any bonuses to take effect. In addition you have no idea if the stats you get from your bonuses will be helpful. For that reason, you will talk to someone in hopes of a bonus, only to find that they increase your already one hit kill strength, instead of your slower than a snail speed.

Rule 9- For some unexplained reason characters that are acquainted, like Lyn and Matthew, can't talk while characters that have nothing in common, such as Canas and Bartre, can.

Rule 10- If for some reason a game's data is lost or you erase it before completion, say goodbye to all your hard earned supports. After all, it makes sense that if the final battle isn't completed then the conversations prior to it never happened.

Rule 11- If your main lord gets an "A" level support with a lucky lady it is entirely possible that will fall in love and marry. You will expect this to have a rather large impact on the game. It will not.

Rule 12- If two characters who have nothing in common talk to each other then odds are that they will fall in love. Either that or they are long-lost relatives.

Rule 13- Nils isn't allowed to talk to anyone, even though he takes over for Ninian during the most important parts of the game, in which Ninian is (temporarily!) deceased.

Rule 14- This is the last and possibly most important rule. Conversations between males must at some point hint at attraction between them. I know what you're thinking right now. "Oh, that can't possibly be true" or "I can't say I agree with that." Oh really? Just read these support conversation excerpts:

Example 1: Kent and Sain level "A"

Kent: "One overconfident lurch into danger could easily--"

Sain: "Overconfident? Who's overconfident? I know this isn't going to be easy… But I'll not let that shake me. After all, I'm not alone. I've got you. And you've got me, right? Right?"

Kent: "Yeah, you're right."

Example 2: Matthew and Legault level "B"

Matthew: "What was your nickname in the Fang? What kind of work did you do?"

Legault: "So now I'm your new hobby, is that it? You falling for me?"

Example 3: Lucius and Renault level "B"

Lucius: "Bishop Renault? What is it!? Your face is bright red!"

Renault: "Excuse me…"

Lucius: "Of course…"

Example 4: Heath and Legault level "B"

Legault: "I'm a fugitive and you're a deserter. Looks like you and I were made for each other."

Heath: "…Speak for yourself"

Example 5: Heath and Legault level "A" (As if the level "B" conversation weren't enough)

Heath: "No matter how you look at it I'd say that you're getting the short end of the stick. Why would you agree to do all that for me?"

Legault: "Hm? Must be this thing called "love", you know?"

Heath: "… (takes a step back)"

Legault: "Where are you going?"

I could go on and on…

A/N- I have newfound respect for people who write 10,000 word chapters! I worked on this for what felt like forever and it's under 1,000...