Je ne sais quoi
Rating: PG for the moment
Genre: Drama
Warnings: None.
Summary: She survived being an advanced child. She survived Hogwarts. She survived the war. The question is, can Hermione survive the humdrum of everyday life?
Prologue: What Dreams Don't Come
She didn't dream anymore. It wasn't the potion responsible though maybe it was at the beginning. These days Hermione simply put on her silk, Chinese pajamas, climbed into the satin cocoon of her bed, closed her eyes and fell into a dark hole.
She woke up in the same position. Always. It was almost as if she died every night and arose into living every dawn along with the sun. Or maybe she never did live again. Though she certainly breathed and ate and used the ladies' room. She wrote briefs and letters, directed her department, worked with her secretary and met with diplomats. She spent her Tuesday evenings with Harry and Ron, had drinks with the girls Thursday night and went to her parents' house for brunch every Sunday. Occasionally she even went shopping.
It didn't feel the same way though.
She remembered being three and reading Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island. Being four and starting school with kids older and cruel sometimes. Being five and being taken under a classmate's wing, Laura's wing, because she reminded her of her sister who she couldn't see anymore because of a bad custody agreement. Being six. Being seven. On and on. Then Hogwarts and magic, oh the magic. And she was no longer just her parents' daughter, or Laura's honorary sister, or even just that smart girl. She was a witch.
She remembered Ron and Harry that first year, earnest and young and hungry for something. Saving Harry from Voldemort year after year. The frantic race to learn EVERYTHING because how else could she keep on saving him... Fighting the war. The almost casual AK's she tossed at mask wearing wizards who spit their hate at her with that word. That word. Mudblood.
That was living.
She could barely breathe those days. Hating and loving and everything so fierce.
Maybe that was it. She was bored.
She had a tidy little house. She was the Head of the Department of International Magical Cooperation. She was a war hero. She had great friends and an adorable goddaughter.
So why did she feel like she was just a floating ghost behind the scenes?