Together

Disclaimers: Don't own them, I'm just a spoony bard.

Also, this is quite angsty.



Crybaby Zell, yup that's me. And why do I care if they see me cry? It's only the tears that they see, no the scars.

I hide those well.

And they are there, small white blemishes against me skin, easily passed off as something done in battle. But I know the truth. I know with ones were a razorblade guided be my own hand, and I know with ones are born of battle.

And I'm not he only one who does it. I've seen the scars. That's why Squall wears gloves.

But I cut for a different reason. Squall hides behind his mask of uncaring, but his loneliness, his inability to talk about his problems, that's what drives him. I just want to hurt on the outside instead of the inside all the time.

I'm not crazy. And as good as I am, I'm not good enough to keep them hidden.

I'm not as good as Squall is.

Selphie, Irvine and Quistis know. But that's only because they saw me do it.

I hadn't even known they were there. All I knew was the deliciously sharp pain of the blade in my right hand tracing a pattern in red on my left forearm. It'd been Selphie's gasp of surprise that had let me know of their presence.

They wanted to know why.

Because it feels good.

And I'm sick of people pretending to care.

And of course they told me they did care. I snorted. They were supposed to say things like that. But they really didn't mean it.

And they just didn't understand that it felt so good to hurt outside instead of inside. Cutting is a different pain that battle. Battle happens, you don't really have a choice, But the pain of cutting releases me. It lets out all my pain and emotions in a trail of red.

And of course they told Squall and Rinoa. And of course they made a fuss. Rinoa cried and begged me to stop, and Squalls eyes got big.

Yeah, commander, I feel that pain too. Just like you, It's not so surprising.

I won't stop, not because they want me to. Because what is there to a SeeD who has already completed the final mission: Defeat the Sorceress. I could take this to the limit and kill Rinoa, then absorb her powers and kill myself, But I can't do that.

I don't have the strength, or the courage to make that final cut, the one that will end it all.

I knew that they knew I wouldn't stop. Especially when I just got up and left.

I don't owe them any explanations.

I don't know if thy made him o it, or if he came on his own. His silent accusations made me wish I could, would, rip off his coat and gloves and show him that I know.

But I just stood there and watched him as he slowly removed the garments concealing our shared secret. His eyes never betrayed the fear of rejection that I knew he must be feeling. He stretched out his arms, turning them over slowly so I could see the thin white scars that decorated his hands and arms.

I'd been wrong.

He cut for the same reasons as me.

He needed that hurt.

When I made no move, just stood there and stared at him, he lowered his arms and took one step closer. The words on his lips were so quiet I almost wasn't even aware that he spoke.

He needed my help, and I needed his. We could help each other. We can stop this before one of us does make that final cut, we can beat this as a team. Just like fighting the sorceress, we could beat our inner demons together.



A/N: okay, just a little something different. I promised Kristy I would get something posted, it's not the sequel to my latest, but it'll have to do for now. Please R+R for me. Maybe you can tell me if you agree that I'm a sick warped demented little fuck.