Cannot lose another brother
Frank could see what his eldest was doing, even when he wasn't doing it well. The only two people at the table who knew what Danny was doing was only him and Pops. Danny was so much his father's grandson.
Danny was very much a harden marnie but also a seasoned detective. And after witnessing all of the hardship that he knew came with both of those roles, he could only guess that Danny like himself and his father had taken an unhealthy trait of burying his true emotions.
Danny was only easy to read when his emotions got the better of him or he was allowing his emotions to rule his head. In their line of work sometime emotions could cause more harm than good but they were human. And in this case, it was both.
Danny always had a hard time showing his true emotion to anyone expect Linda, and even then Frank knew that Danny had kept a lot of what was swimming around his head secret. And sometimes the lack of emotion made others think that he did not care.
Danny was cutting Jamie down every chance he got, reminding him that he knew very little about being a police officer in their city. And reminding him that would have been a better lawyer than cop. To everyone other than Frank and Pops, Danny was being very cold towards his younger brother. And that was clear by the argument they were having now.
Frank however didn't stop it, he never liked getting involved in his children's fights unless it came to blows. Which never happened. He knew that one of them would end up walking out without speaking another word to each other. And that would give him time and the excuse to speak to one or both of his sons about what was really happening between them. And speak the words that he knew one son would never say.
He had a feeling that the one who would leave the table first would be his youngest. Jamie was the one who did show his emotions to those around him. And also had always looked up to his older brother. Danny was like a hero to Jamie, even if he would never admit it to him. And he knew that Danny's words hurt Jamie deeply. However he would never give his brother the knowledge of that.
And he was right. Jamie walked out. Egging Danny to follow him as he the anger he was clearly feeling was writing all over his face. He wanted to fight his brother.
Danny had attempted to go after him however after meeting his father's eye thought better of it. Danny would never tell his younger brother what he was really thinking, and that would not change.
Frank left Erin, Linda and Pops with Danny at the table arguing about Danny's behaviour which he knew would end with Danny leaving the house and heading back to the station or a bar.
He found Jamie stood in the garden looking anywhere but at the house. Jamie may have grown up but he always would hide in the garden when things got too much for him. Frank smiled as he pulled out a cigars and his lighter out of his pocket, he thought it would be a good reason for coming out of the house instead of just checking on his youngest. He set himself on the garden wall with a sigh.
He felt his son's eyes on him so he spoke as he went to light the cigar in his mouth. "Don't tell your mom."
He looked up at his son as he remembered that out of all his children he knew that Jamie often talked to their mother when he prayed. The one child that he was certain kept his faith. He knew that Erin also still had faith in God however the one that he was not certain was Danny. Danny had been through too much and had seen enough to make him question his faith. He could never tell if his eldest still believed in it all.
Jamie looked confused at the comment and looked to him to explain his words.
"You pray don't you? Don't tell your mom." He said holding up his cigar.
The one thing that everyone could remember was Mary's dislike of him smoking in the house and more so in her garden. It was one of her rules that she had in place. He would often have to go on the drive or at the bottom of the garden away from the house and from her rose garden.
Jamie sighed and knew what his father was doing, he wanted him to tell him what was going on between his two remaining sons. Jamie knew that he was easy to read and more so with his father. He did truly wanted to talk to his father however it was never easy. He normally talked to Joe. He had been the person who he could talk to about any of his problems and losing Joe had really been hard on him.
However with his father, Jamie wanted to tell him everything that was running through his head. Even if it was to do with his older brother. Also he knew that his father wanted to know why he had walked out on dinner.
"I'm sorry. But rookie this, rookie that. I mean I can't do anything right anymore." Jamie said looking at his father, trying to explain what was the real problem that had caused the fight between the two of them.
Frank sighed, he knew what Danny was trying to do, and it was clearly not working in the method he had chose but at the same time it made sense for Danny.
Danny was keeping Jamie at a distance. A way to protect himself from more loss. Not that he didn't love his younger brother because it was clear to him that Danny's loved all his siblings. Even when it got him into more trouble that normal.
But it was like Danny when he was told about Jamie's career move, when Jamie had announced that he would be joining the NYPD Danny had thrown himself into his work. Spending many more hours at the station or on cold cases, doing anything but think about what that meant for him. He had tried to distance himself from his brother so he would never have to be hurt as much as he had when he had gotten the news about Joe.
Frank remembered like it was yesterday being told that he had lost one of his sons. He had lost one of his sons in body but only Pops knowing the truth that he almost lost two of them.
Danny had fallen back into the darkness that had consumed him when he had returned from Iraq. Many nights he would get a call from Linda telling him that Danny had not come home, it didn't take long to find him, however he wasn't hiding. Danny was normally found in a bar or at the station.
And they had only just brought him back from that after a lot of work. He may never have gotten professional help however he had gotten better over time. However he never went back to normal. He never would. Danny may have just survived losing one brother, he wouldn't survive losing another.
"Well he is desperate to teach you everything he knows." Frank said. He needed for Jamie to understand his older brother.
"By tearing me down every chance he gets?" Jamie asked trying to understand what his father was getting at. It was true, he and Danny never got on very much even when they were children. Everyone thought that it was mainly due to the age difference between them but also because they were so different. Danny was more outgoing and headstrong when Jamie was more shy and thoughtful.
Joe had often being the bridge between the pair and after he was gone Erin had tried to fill the gap but it was never enough. Not then she worked as a lawyer and they were both cops.
"That's your brother." Frank chuckled, that was very much Danny's style. He was more of a one man wrecking crew than someone who went in carefully.
However then his smile fell, maybe Jamie didn't understand his brother as much as he thought he did. He knew Danny had hidden a lot from his siblings. And what had made him hard and sometimes cold was one of them.
Jamie clearly didn't understand what Danny was trying to do. Frank believed that himself and Pops along with Linda knew the real Danny however he had no idea if anyone could understand what was going on with him all the time and what was going through his head. But at the same time he didn't want to tell Jamie too much.
"Danny's tough on you, it's coz he wants to make you bulletproof." Frank added looking at Jamie as he took in the information before going back to his cigar, hoping Jamie would get that comment. Danny had lost Joe after he had been shot. Danny was only trying to make sure that the same fate didn't fall on Jamie.
"I give directions to tourist in Time Square. It's not exactly Fort Apache in the 70s." Jamie argued sitting down next to his father on the wall. He was a patrolman in the busy city, he felt far from danger when he was out on patrol. All he did on many of his tours was to direct tourists to where they were going in the big city.
Frank sighed, Jamie did not have the same experience of the streets as Danny, himself or Pops. But that didn't make it any more safer.
"Every tour you work, do this job like there's trouble around every corner coz one day there will be." He spoke these words, and they haunted him. He allowed those words to fall from his mouth like he had done this before and he had.
With Joe.
Being a cop meant they had a target on their backs every day. And being from a family of cops meant they had a bigger target. Jamie felt like he was safe on the tours he was doing and he shouldn't. Not in the world they lived in.
And he understood now why Danny was been so hard on Jamie.
Jamie looked at his father as he smoked his cigar wondering what his father was getting at. He had heard those words before, however he didn't understand what he was getting at telling him.
He knew the risks that he faced, and more so coming from a family of cops and losing a brother on the job. He understood that he had to take each day like it would be his last because he knew that one day it could be.
But he didn't understand why Danny was being so hard on him? If Danny was trying to protect him why not tell it to his face or help him by teaching him the things that he needed to learn? And not act like he was a failure to them.
Frank sighed again and spoke what had been really going on with his eldest son. "Danny couldn't handle losing another brother."
Jamie looked at his father in shock. He never thought about it like that. He had lost his older brother Joe and that was one of the most painful things he had faced after losing his mother and grandmother.
However in all his own pain, he never thought about what his older brother felt when he had gotten the news. Danny had trained Joe, and in his mind Jamie knew and in his heart that Danny blamed himself for Joe getting killed. He hadn't taught him everything he needed to learn and that had gotten him killed.
Frank saw the sadness in Jamie's eyes and knew that Jamie had finally clicked on to what had been happening with his older brother. Danny couldn't lose another brother and the same could be said about him. He couldn't lose another child. Not again.