Title: Countdown

Author: RavenWolf

Rating: R

Summary: The mind clings to the body after death...

I was almost a Slayer, I think. I was almost a lot of things. I was a body, I know. I was almost a lover. I was almost a queen. But my body went down in the dirt and now I am nothing.

Where was my prince and my guard when this terrible thing happened? Where was my red dream? (willow willow willow)

They put a hole in my chest. Did you know that? A hole in my chest where the wind blows through. I had a chest, once, I think.

tick, tock. That's a clock, I think. There's a clock...I'm not dead yet.

The mind clings to the body for a few moments after death. I read that somewhere. I don't have a long time before I get to find out if I'm dead or not. If it was really me that bullet hit, really me that probability took a dump on.

There's a stopwatch in my head (head?) clicking down to where I'm supposed to be. Won't be long before I go down into Satan's town. Where's death now? Where's he with the long black robes and the scythe and the cruel beckoning hands?

Where will I go when the lines of my body have disintegrated and the colors of me float away? I sit on the hearth in front of the huge abyss, and I wonder these things. Who will show me the way? The path is dark and the woods are deep and I have many miles to go before I sleep.

10. Countdown to nothing. It's so hard to hold your own hand. I slip. Am I falling through the floor, or floating through the ceiling? Was that me, a body? Where there was love and happiness living once?

Just a body, after all. 9. Made up of silly people parts that don't amount to anything. I really wish I could take it with me, though. I did like my body.

8. That body had a name once. Was I that name? Did I live in those syllables that I now cannot recall? When I go, will they remember my name? Perhaps I will be gone truly when my name dies. Maybe not.

7. These thoughts don't stick very well. Raise up your hand, little girl, before you speak. Dance these dead limbs, shake down your body. They're taking me away, you know. There's a kind of tree, you know. A tree that's very special. It cries for its people and long limbs like legs and arms swing around searching for its love. A willow tree...

6. Bite my lip and hold on with those herbivore teeth. Cling against the tide and make the body bleed. I say 'the body' because it's really not mine anymore, is it? Can I lay down here and rest a while? Please don't take me just yet. I've got things to say to people and to... I don't remember who they were or what I was but there are things I should do...

5. My girl is making trouble. You're hurting the wrong ones, girl! There's a tree growing up and it doesn't know what it is or the truth about where it comes from. It doesn't know how many people will listen to it when it weeps. It will learn its powers in time. Things work out like that. I don't think it's a power that makes them do it, they just do it. Things are magnetic and they fix themselves so that everything works out in the end.

4. Someone shot me. I'm bleeding. There's a hole in my chest where the wind blows through. Nothing a little hard work won't fix. Some cloth and glue (red, red was always her favorite color. or blue, maybe blue. i don't remember...)

3. Fuck. I don't think they're gonna fix me. If they are, they ought to do it soon. It's getting very cold in here. Don't take me! I'm not dead yet...I think.

2. I had a voice! I had a song, and a mother and a lover! Don't take me, please don't take me! It's nothing, they can fix it, can't they? It's only a tiny hole. No reason to scrap the whole thing, don't take it away, it was the best thing I had!

1. Tick tock. My name was Tara, and now I'm dead.