It's hard to write something funny. I felt like it, though, and had this weird idea buzzing round my head. I supposse it's nothing that makes you roll around on the floor laughing, but hopefully, it might make you smile, or even chuckle a bit. Again: I am no native speaker, so any cues regarding spelling, grammar and strange expressions are every much appreciated. Hope you enjoy this one. All reviews welcome!

Agatha's Charm

I was about to turn around to follow Fawkes out of the shack when Agatha hailed me again.
"Child, can I ask you something?"
Turning around again with a smile, for I really liked the elderly lady, I saw her looking worried and, for some reason, smiling secretively at the same time.
"What is it, Agatha?"
She cleared her throat. "You see… it is not my business, really, but forgive an old lady her curiosity and her trespassing." She rubbed her finger across her chin. "That friend of yours…"
I involuntarily cast a glance over my shoulder, but Fawkes had already closed the door behind him. "What about him?"
"Well…" Agatha took a deep breath. "Is he treating you decently?"

I blinked, and as, after a few seconds, still no meaning arose from her words, I blinked again.

"I mean… him and you… travelling together… all alone in the wastes…" Agatha shrugged. "Anything could happen to you, dear."
I began to see what she was going on about, and had I not been so baffled, I probably would have laughed. As it was, I could only blink a few times more, and finally found my speech again. "Agatha… he is a mutant. A large, green, mutated being, and not a few people would call him a beast or a monster. Besides, he is about to times my size and ugly as a pug. Not a likely pairing, don't you think?"
"Oh well…" Agatha smiled that sweet smile of hers and I realized I could not really be angry with her. She probably only meant well. "He is the man you are travelling with. And you said he is your friend, and that you trust him. So of how much importance is the fact that he is big and green?"
I took a deep breath and realized I didn't know what to say. It was absurd, of course, he was a super mutant, and he was twice my size, and all… but even now I had to admit that I secretively admired his muscles, would occasionally watch his hands, big and strong, and…

and…

And now Agatha had pushed me past the point where I usually would stop myself in my wondering, and I could all too easily see his green, big and strong hand lying on the white, soft flesh of my leg. Thanks, lady, I thought grimly. Now I'll never be able to look into his face again.
As if Agatha had read my thoughts on my face (and to judge from my burning cheeks, she probably had), she smiled and went to her wardrobe to shuffle around in a drawer. She came back and pressed something small into my hands.

"Here", she said. "You have done so much for me, now it is my turn to give you something in return."
I looked at the small, square and flat package in my hand, crackling with age and bleached to a pale blue, each side about two inches. "Thank you… I guess…" I looked back at her. "What is it?"
"It is a love charm", Agatha said, her eyes wide. "But not any ordinary love charm. This one was handed down generations from mother to daughter in my family, for generations. And it's not only a love charm, it also prevents unwanted pregnancies."
I almost choked upon hearing these words and dropped the thingy like a hot coal. Yet the old lady, with an agility that belied her age, swiftly bent down and picked it up again. "Please, dear child. Out in the wastes, you need every help you can get. And I want you to have it as I, as you can well imagine, certainly won't need it anymore."
I gingerly took the thingy from her hands again, but despite myself, I had to ask. "Does it work?"
She drew herself up to her full height of five feet something and looked squarely into my eyes. "I loved my husband very much, girl, and I was pregnant only five times." Then she sighed. "But alas, I had only boys, and all of them claimed by the wastes now. So I give you that family charm, that it may protect you."

I cleared my throat, and looked at my hand again. Then I shrugged inwardly, thinking to myself that it certainly could do no harm and that it would make an old lady happy. I thanked her, and made a somewhat hasty retreat.

Outside, Fawkes was waiting for me, staring at the horizon. When he heard me coming, he acknowledged my presence with a nod and let me pass by to follow me down the hill. Passing him, I hastily stuffed the thing into my pocket. Or so I thought. Too hastily, maybe.
"You dropped something", I heard him say, and cringed.
I looked down, but he had already picked it up and held it out to me, and I took it with burning ears and a mumbled thanks and set off again at a brisk pace. He raised his brow, but followed silently, and I scolded myself for being a coward. Steeling myself, I finally stopped and told him about Agatha's charm, cheeks glowing and hands moist. At one point, I realized that he, too, didn't know where to look anymore.
Then I opened my hand again and we looked together at the small thingy in my hands. Here in daylight, I could see faded white letters on the faded blue plastic.

"Durex", Fawkes read out loud. "It looks pre-war to me, for some reason. I wonder what it is, and why Agatha thought it'd be a… uhm. Charm." He cleared his throat.
I could only shrug, and brought the Durex thingy closer to my eyes. "I think the blue stuff is a wrapping, it feels like there's something inside. Do you think it could be a kind of medicine?"
I finally dared to look at Fawkes again, but he only shrugged. "Don't ask me", he muttered. "Do I look like a scientist?"
"You were the one burying your ugly big nose in pre-war terminals for hundreds of years", I replied tartly, annoyed at myself for being so childishly embarrassed over so small a thing. Then, looking at his mildly hurt expression, I sighed. "I'm sorry, Fawkes, that wasn't called for."
He nodded, and I tried to lighten up the situation. "Your nose isn't that big at all."
That made him grin, and I felt a little relieved as well. Then we both looked back at the thing in my hands.
"This… thing…" I said. "It… we.." I cleared my throat. "You agree that it looks like a pre-war thing, and not like a charm?"
"Yes", he replied, leaning a little closer to look at the… Durex again. It was easier, I thought, to call it that, than to keep it calling a charm.
"I wonder how it became a charm to the people in Agatha's family. Its original meaning must have been lost."
"Open it", Fawkes suggested. "No other way to find out what it really is. Or was."

I nodded and took a deep breath, then slowly tore the blue plastic film apart. What came out was a ring of a rubbery substance, which I took out very gingerly. It looked like it was covered in rubber film itself, all cracked and dry with age. Yet when I picked up the little baggy tip protruding from the ring, the whole thing unfolded, in front of both our staring eyes, into a… kind of… bag…

I swallowed.

I looked at Fawkes. He looked at me.

Then we both looked back at the thing dangling from my two fingers. Its form was unmistakable.

"Is this…", I began helplessly. "Is this…" I took a deep breath. "Is this… what I think it is?"
"As I cannot read minds, I do not know what you are thinking, but my guess is, yes, it is… what we think… it is." He, too, didn't look very comfortable.
"It looks like as if it's supposed to be…" I still could not avert my eyes from the thing. "…to be… put onto… uhm…" I tried a smile, and realized it turned into a helpless grin.
Looking at him, I saw he felt no better. "And probably supposed to block… " Then he looked away, too embarrassed to go on.

We stood in silence for a while, trying to gather our wits. Then, finally, I took another deep breath and steeled myself. "Well, now at least we know how it came to be a charm. Its original purpose is, clearly, to prevent pregnancy. But as no one would open it, it became a thing of myth and legend. And thus, a charm."
I was somewhat relieved. But what to do with the thing now?
"I say we bury it, and try to forget about it." I looked at Fawkes again, and he, without returning the look, barely nodded. I choose a sheltered spot at the base of some rocks, dug my heel into the earth and hacked a little dirt away. Then I dropped the Durex, wrapping and all, into the hole, pushed the dirt back and stomped hard on it a few times for good measure.

If only it were so simple to bury memories, I thought. The sight of the unfolding, little bag in that unmistakable shape kept on haunting me. We kept on walking in silence, but it was an awkward, uncomfortable silence. The talk about the charm, and the sight of it, had brought things to attention that had better remained hidden, I kept thinking.

Curse that old woman and her stupid…

And as I was cursing inwardly, I wasn't looking where I was going. My foot slipped, a couple of rocks gave way under me, and I would have tumbled down a drop of several yards of rocky outcrop had not his big, green hand grabbed my arm and held me steady. As I stood there, watching the last pebbles trickle downward, I felt as tired as I had not felt in a long time. "Let's make camp somewhere", I said.
He silently agreed, and we found us a level space with a few big rocks as a windbreaker, and as I unrolled my blanket, he made a small fire.

It was cold and windy, and as I crept under my blanket, I knew I was in for an uncomfortable night. Watching the clouds of my breath steam before me, I lay down, and watched Fawkes settle down on the other side of the fire. Trying not to show how uncomfortable I was, I turned onto my back and closed my eyes, then I heard him shuffle around a bit and fall silent, but the sonorous, rumbling snore I had gotten so accustomed to remained utterly absent.
After a while I opened my eyes again, and watched the stars above, ignoring the clouds of my breath.

"Frances", his low voice suddenly came from the other side of the fire. "I can hear your teeth rattle over here. Are you freezing?"
"No", I snapped, hating it to be caught at some kind of weakness, especially by him. "I'm just over-tired and can't find rest."
Which was true, in a way. But it wasn't the whole truth; only what the rest of it was I dared not contemplate. Yet I was freezing, but I forced my teeth to remain still.
After a few moments, I heard him sigh almost angrily, and heard him shuffle. Then I heard his steps, and his voice beside me.

"Move over."
My eyes flew open. "Eh?"
"Move over", he said again. "I am going to take you between the fire and me. I won't have you freeze to death."
"It's not that cold", I tried to protest, but his face was suddenly very set and determined. I cleared my throat and made room for him to lie beside me, and instantly had to admit that having him behind me instead of some rocks was a massive improvement.
We lay there for a few minutes, and I slowly felt my hands thaw, then my face, but my feet remained stubbornly frozen. But then my back warmed a bit, and I felt I could relax, enabling some of my blood to reach my lower legs.
"Better?", he asked in a low voice, and I nodded.
"Thanks."

The fire crackled, and I watched the dancing flames as I listened to his breathing behind me. I could feel the warmth his body gave off despite the distance between us, and I suddenly longed for this warmth in a way I couldn't explain. But I felt too embarrassed to do something about it, too embarrassed to ask, and I felt my back cramp again from sheer nervousness.
He cleared his throat. "Still cold?"
I nodded. "Hm."
He shuffled a little closer, and I felt him lift his blanket over me and mine. My heart began to race, and I suddenly realized that it was about to happen, the things Agatha had mentioned. Or rather, not mentioned. But the way she had not mentioned them had evoked pictures more clear and precise than any direct talking about them could have.

But he was a mutant! Large, and green, and ugly, and a monster… at least in the eyes of everyone else. Everyone else but me. And who was here, out in the wastes, to care but us? Whose business but ours was it anyway?

But still… I swallowed. I felt his warmth, as our bodies almost touched. And I felt his hand, still holding onto the edge of the blanket, his arm hovering above me. I wanted to shuffle back, closer to him, and he obviously would have liked to put his arm down around me, and here we were, both of us too gutless to do anything. It was ridiculous.
"Fawkes", I finally managed to say, my voice hardly more than a whisper, it wouldn't carry.
"Hm?"
"I'm still cold."
"Hm…"
"Would you mind…" This time, there was only a whisper left.
He swallowed. "No." It was no more than whisper, too.
I cautiously moved backwards, and my back touched his breast. I felt him slowly lay his arm down, coming to rest around my midriff.

"You're a mutant", I whispered after a moment or two.
"And you are human", he gave back in a low rumble.
"And who is here to care about that but us?" I carefully turned onto my back so I could look at him. In the flickering firelight, flecks of orange light and shadows danced across his face. His expression was unreadable to me, but I saw, and for the first time in all the months, that his eyes had a strange beauty to them, in their yellowish appearance. In the light of the dying fire, they seemed more golden than anything else. But as he moved his gaze and looked down at me, I could not hold his stare for longer than a heartbeat, and I turned my face away so it touched the skin of his shoulder.
He didn't move, but I could hear his heart beat, hard and fast, so hard, in fact, that I could feel the impact of each beat on my cheek. And thinking suddenly became hard, so hard that I stopped thinking altogether and softly kissed the spot above his heart, which made it increase even more in speed and ferocity, as if it meant to break free from his ribcage. I opened my eyes, realizing that I could actually see the heartbeat, it felt as if I only had to reach out and it would fall into my cupped hands. Feeling dizzy, as if drunk on something more potent than any alcohol, I pressed my hand onto the spot, feeling the heart pound against my fingers.

"Shh…" I whispered. "Stay safely inside. I shall take good care of you, wherever you are."
In this moment his arms locked around me in a fierce embrace, an embrace which I returned, and we held onto each other for a long time without moving or saying a word. After a small eternity I snuggled my face against his neck and placed a gentle kiss onto his skin, which made him shudder.
"Do you think it really was a love charm?" I asked.
He emitted the low grumble that did him for a chuckle. "A charm only works if you believe in it."
"Then let's, shall we?", I replied, feeling reckless and adrenalized as if I had taken a triple dose jet.
He moved his head and looked down on me, and I closed my eyes as his face was so close our lips almost touched.

"Yes, by all means", he rumbled, his voice holding a smile. "Let's."