This is dedicated to my bestest friend Greta. This is only published because she wanted to see it published so here I go:
Once upon a timethere was a girl named Bella. She was in love with Edward who was a constipated fai- *cough* I mean he was a vampire. One day she was going for a walk by the cliffs on Werewolfy Beach when a zombie came along and tried to eat her. "EDWARD HELP ME!" But even with his vampire hearing, Edward was too busy buffing his nails and painting his nipples blue to help her. "Fine. JACOB HELP ME!" She yelled to her best friend who was a secret wolf. But he was too busy on his Bo-flex and falling head over heels for little girls like a pedo. So in the end there was a Zombie Army vs. Bella war and Bella won.
Then Greta came along and took a chainsaw to little miss" I'm so lamby so I'll bite my lips'' head. And Edward realized that he was actually gay and ran off with his gay buddy named Snookie