TEARS AND SILENCE
She sits still, almost as still as a statue. The only indication of life she shows is the anguish in her eyes and the tears streaming down her face, ruining the impeccable make up she wore. She hasn't said a word since they got to the hospital. Not when Judy Fabray begged anyone who would listen to not take her baby away. Not when Santana and Puck tried to storm off to "fucking run the son of a bitch who hit Quinn over again and again with their cars until he is nothing but a stain on asphalt". Not when the combination of Burt Hummel's congressional influence and Mr. Motta's on-the-spot donation afforded them an unused conference room where they can all stay to wait for any word on Quinn's condition in peace. Not when both her fathers expressed their concern about her silence. Not even when Finn hugged her because he needed her comfort even if she didn't want his. Rachel Berry sat in stoic silence throughout it all.
"Rachel." Finn Hudson called from the door. "Rachel?" He asked again, walking towards her when she didn't give any indication that she heard him. "Rachel!" He was starting to panic now, his grip on her shoulder hard and harsh. "Are you - ?" A swift change in the girl's face stopped his question cold. His brows furrowed, furiously thinking of something to say to get that look off his fiancée's face. He looked around the room to ask for help from someone, anyone, then remembered that it's just the two of them now. He sighed in frustration, and then remembered why he had called the small girl. "The doctor said we can go see her now." His heart broke at the look of utter panic in Rachel's eyes. "She's okay, so far." Her eyes widened. "I mean…." He was tried, but now he wished he paid more attention to what Judy was telling him earlier. "The doctors told her mom that she's doing okay, but they have to be careful and she's not in the clear yet." Rachel's face fell even more, and fresh tears were forming in her eyes. "But we can go see her. For a while."
Only then did Rachel stand up. She didn't think she would get the chance to see Quinn right away, but she wouldn't let the opportunity go. She looked around the room, to silently ask for strength from the others, but was surprised to see that the room was empty.
"Mercedes made a schedule for when everyone can come and visit Quinn and you know, help her Mom and all." He was quick to explain at Rachel's surprised look. "So they left to get some rest. I told your dads I'd take you home, but we're gonna have to call a cab because they took my car keys." He said with a shrug and a smile. It fell at the cold nod he received as an answer. He stood there awkwardly for a minute, before remembering that he promised to take Rachel to Quinn. Hesitantly, he took her hand in his and guided her out of the conference room to the hallway leading to the blonde's room. He was about to push the door open when he felt Rachel's hand go slack before letting go. "Rachel?" The small girl's eyes were focused on the fake wooden door, panic flooding her features again. "If you don't want to do this now – " Finn started, but was cut off when Rachel quickly raised her hand to knock softly on the door before slowly opening it.
She stopped at the sight that greeted her. She couldn't even see the blonde's face at first, all she can see were wires and bandages. There were different machines hooked up to the blonde, and Rachel frantically searched for any sign that this really is Quinn Fabray. Blonde hair was carefully peeking out from the top of the bed, and Rachel sighed because it was the exact same shade as Quinn's blonde hair. Judy Fabray slowly turned around from her chair, but didn't get up. She tried to smile at Rachel and Finn, but find that she couldn't so she nodded instead. Rachel, barely holding back her tears, nodded back. Tentatively, she took a step towards the bed. She gathered up whatever strength she had left, and finally looked at the bed closely.
She couldn't hold back the choke of sob. Belatedly, she thought of Judy, and how terrible she must feel right now and she quickly wiped away her tears even though the older Fabray already saw them. She has to be strong for Quinn's mom, so she mentally called upon all the acting lessons she ever had in her life and put on a determined face. It did not fool Judy, but she appreciated the effort. She looked at Rachel closely for a minute, then at her daughter. As if mentally making a decision, she rose from her chair and declared, "I'm going to get myself a cup of coffee from the cafeteria downstairs. Could you stay with Quinnie until I get back?" Rachel nodded, silently grateful. She only moved when she heard the door behind her close, taking the necessary steps that will take her to the unconscious blonde. Reverently, she touched the white hospital blanket covering Quinn, and almost jumped back when she felt Quinn's leg. She quickly looked at the blonde's face, but there was no change in the deceptively peaceful expression that was only ruined by the oxygen mask covering her mouth and nose. Sighing in relief, she gently placed her hand on Quinn's blanket-covered leg again, finding an odd sense of comfort at its warmth. She could see Finn moving from the corner of her eyes, but she refused to take her eyes away from the rise and fall of Quinn's chest. Then she felt him behind her, as he rearranged the chair for her to sit down on. She finally looked at him, struggled to smile at his thoughtfulness, but failed miserably. They could only look at each other, him begging her to say something, her unable to come up with anything to say at all. He shuffled his feet nervously and finally broke eye contact, uncomfortable at the pain he sees there. "I… Uhh… I'm… I'm just gonna go and make sure Judy's okay." He blurted out, turned around and walked out the door.
The moment the door closed, Rachel Berry, still in her white dress and veil, crumpled upon herself. The tears she held back came rushing out now, sobs racking her body until she fell to the waiting chair. Hunched over, she cried shamelessly and loudly until she couldn't breathe. She cries like she's never cried before, and she hasn't, not like this. The pain she felt when she heard the words "Quinn's been in an accident" gripped at her heart, wrapping around it squeezing fiercely until she couldn't breathe. She never thought this kind of pain existed, and she couldn't understand why it hurts this much. She has never been this broken, this utterly hopeless and she couldn't even begin to explain why. So she cries, her confusion running down her face as big, fat tears her, hopelessness coming out of her mouth as choked sobs. She grips the skirt of her long, pristine white dress, and almost rips it before she stops herself. Her body is shaking so hard that she almost slips off the chair.
Finally, after what seemed like hours to Rachel, her sobs slowly died down and her tears came in a gentle flow instead of a stream. When she felt like she has cried enough tears, at least for now, she wiped her face with the veil she removed from her hair. Then she folded it carefully, putting it on her lap. When she didn't have anything else to distract her, she finally looked at the unconscious blonde again. "Quinn?" her voice is hoarse, and her throat is protesting at being used again after its rest. She cleared her throat, and pulled the chair closer to the bed. Her hand started picking on the veil in her lap, just for something to do, until she saw Quinn's hand on the bed. Slowly, hesitantly, Rachel reached out. She didn't know what to expect and she didn't want to hurt Quinn, so she let her hand ghost over Quinn's, barely touching it. She studied Quinn's face carefully as she gently lets her hand rest on the blonde's, ready to take her hand back if the blonde shows the slightest shadow of pain. Not a single muscle moved, so Rachel sighed as she grasps Quinn's hand in hers. She frowned when she realized that Quinn's hand was cool. Pulling her chair closer still, Rachel enveloped Quinn's hand in both of hers, gently squeezing.
"Quinn?" she tried again. Her voice comes as a whisper. "Quinn, can you hear me?" she asked in a whisper, eyes focused on Quinn's face, looking for any sign that the blonde can hear her. "If you can hear me, Quinn, can you squeeze my hand? Please?" Her shoulders sagged when Quinn's hand stayed still between hers. With a fierce determination, she added in a false, cheerful voice, "That's okay. You're probably very tired right now and you probably don't have the energy for even that." She paused to smile that trademark Rachel Berry smile as if Quinn could see her. "But I know you can hear me." Her voice was still cheerful. "You've always heard me, haven't you, Quinn?" She was trying to be playful, but her voice broke.
"Oh God!" Rachel broke down and sobbed again. She was now gripping Quinn's hand in both of hers. "I…" Rachel started, and then sobbed. "Quinn, I.. I can't do this! Please." Rachel said in between sobs. "You have to wake up. Please." Rachel hunched over, her face buried in the hospital linen covering the bed. She stood up, intently watching Quinn's face, as if her will alone could get her to open those eyes so she could get lost on those deep, green pools. One of her hands abandoned the blonde's hand, and slowly made its way to her face. "I just found you, Quinn. I can't lose you now." Rachel whispered as her finger gently trailed down Quinn's impossibly soft cheek. "I… I don't know what's going on." Her heart raced at her whispered words, and she tried to gather her thoughts as she continued stroking Quinn's face. "Quinn, I… I don't know what's going on," she admitted again, because she couldn't make sense of her thoughts, not right now. "I only know that I… I need you." She was surprised at her own admission, but she knew that it was the truth. "I need you." Realization hit her as she whispered those words again, her voice as broken as her heart. Rachel Berry cried even harder than before.