Chapter One: Setting Out

"And then I asked to see her best melons, and they threw me out! I swear they're just prejudiced against fauns!"

The speaker was a tall and slender man, his hair a glorious bush of brown ringlets. His skin was olive and his eyes hazel. He was perfectly ordinary, save for the fact that he had the lower half of a goat.

His name was Raipicus.

He was a born and bred Athenian, whose parents were travelling minstrels and left him in the great city, visiting occasionally to check on their only son.

Cleon nodded vigorously as he chewed on a slab of hay. He had once been forced to dance in a labyrinth (for the people who got lost of course). Until he had charged through the entire thing chasing butterflies. Somehow he had ended up in Athens and Raipicus' parents had allowed him to live with them. "People outside of Athens are so racist." The minotaur said. "I walked into a barn to buy some hay, and everyone just ran away from me! I swear I bathed this morning."

Cleon was tall and burly and black-furred. Dressed plainly in a simple white tunic and kilt. He was also vegetarian. But very, very, VERY strong!

Then Hercules burst in on the pair of them. He looked determined. "We're leaving!" He announced with pride.

"Where?" Both asked in bored tones, Hercules said they were leaving every fortnight. It was always for the same reason. To prove that he was the son of Zeus himself.

"We are going to visit the hermit! We are going to find out how I can prove to my dad and everyone else, that I, Hercules, am the son of Zeus himself!" The towering blonde assumed a heroic pose. "Then when I have proven myself I will return to Athens and watch as everyone bows in awe and admiration!"

Raipicus was just as confident, and pounced onto his feet. "Alright! Let's gooooo!" He placed his fists in front of him and raced out the door at the speed of lightning.

Hercules grinned widely. "Yes! To glory!" And he too raced out the door.

Cleon sighed and followed afterwards. He was certain they'd be back in an hour.

One hour later...

CleonCleon was sweating from the effort of keeping up with his two more hyperactive friends as they approached the hut of Stoopeedoakus the Wise.

"Can you slow down?" Cleon panted.

"No! A son of Zeus never tires!" Hercules exclaimed, waving a fist.

Raipicus collapsed. "I'm exhausted."

"You fools! My father would be embarassed if he could see us now!"

"Hey, Hibiscus ain't a marathon runner either!" Raipicus pointed out.

Hibiscus was an old farmer who lived in the outskirts of Athens. He and his wife Penelope, had raised Hercules as a son ever since they had found the infant falling from a bolt of lightning, and had then protected him from man-eating bats that desired to devour him. Naturally they had fallen in love. But Hercules, with his bulging muscles and golden hair, had always thought himself greater than 'a farmer's son' and the bolt of lightning only inflated his monstrous ego.

"I meant my REAL father! Zeus! King of Mount Olympus!" He struck a heroic pose.

"Riiiiiight." His two companions said

The muscled blonde crossed his arms over his chest, before glaring at the two. "You'll believe it when I prove it to you. Just like everyone in Athens! Where do you think my freakish strength comes from?"

"Hercules, you lift weights in your sleep-"

"And only a son of Zeus could do such a thing!"

Cleon frowned, and readied an argument, but was interrupted by the faun.

"It's fine! You're Zeus' son, we get that. Now let's go to Stoopeedoakus!"

Hercules smiled smugly. "I foresaw that you would realize my position. This is another one of my powers as the son of Zeus!"

"Riiiiiight."

"Of course."

"If you say so Hercules."

And so they continued, to endless adventures.

Thus the vain blonde, Hercules. The burly bull Cleon and the ordinary faun Raipicus, set out on an adventure that would eventually fade into myths. Though the myths were somewhat more epic than what actually happened...

Footnote: Six stories? Really Grey? Well Back in the Day is on hiatus and the Heist is nearing it's end (just a smidge over halfway). Really it's just my mind racing everywhere. What can I say, I'm motivated to write a lot, and I have got a lot of time for it.

That said this and Irony In Flight (in which I try a WHOLE new writing style) are not serious fics, okay? This is a parody of Greek Myths and that is a parody of fantasy in general. If both feel out of place on my Archive then well... Yeah they are. I can't promise greatness from either, but just read it anyways XD

Enjoy and Update soon.