This is an AH AU, because one of the prompts necessitated it. One of the quotes was altered, just because Klaus uses a different trademark endearment in canon.

"The kids, they ambushed me."

"You're getting a vasectomy. That's final."

"I just ironed these pants!"

"Oh honey, I'd never be jealous of you."

+ Klaroline

Klaus sighed, putting the car into park. It was never easy, dropping Hope back at her mom's, but he had to do it. Custody arrangements were just that: arrangements. He couldn't very well invite Hayley and Elijah to live in the same house as he and Caroline.

Well, he could, but something told him that wouldn't go down well.

Klaus gathered his keys and wallet, locating the wrappers from the chocolate he and Hope had shared before he dropped her off. He was driving the minivan, not his own car; Caroline would kill him if he left litter in it.

The porch light was on, all the kids' bikes tucked away in the shed out back. It was summer vacation, so the house was somehow even crazier than usual, especially at this time of night.

Bath time, that is.

Shouldering the stiff front door open–he really needed to fix that one of these days–Klaus was greeted with the sound of delighted squeals coming from upstairs. The house was messier than Caroline liked it, so Klaus scooped up a few errant toys and dumped them into the plastic bins in the playroom on his way toward the bathroom.

The sight that greeted him wasn't an unfamiliar one, but that didn't make it any less hilarious.

Caroline was busying herself washing their oldest boy, Elliot, but had somehow fallen into the tub fully clothed. She'd apparently decided there was no use avoiding it, sitting in five inches of water in her jeans and a tank top.

He burst out laughing. "What happened here?"

"The kids, they ambushed me." While only Elliot was in the tub at the moment, he could see the twins' clothes half hanging out of the dirty clothes hamper in the corner.

"Yeah, we ambushed her!" contributed Elliot, slapping his hands in the water again.

"No more splashing," Caroline told him, rubbing no tears shampoo into his hair. "How are Hayley and Elijah?" she asked, not looking away from the squirming boy in front of her.

"Good. Happy to see Hope, less happy to see me."

"You're not as cute," Caroline commented wryly, and Elliot cackled at her joke. Somehow he always loved her jokes more than Klaus's, which he was not bitter about in the slightest. He was only a three year old boy, after all.

"Well, not that this wasn't a charming sight to come home to–"

"Charming?" asked Caroline, voice rising in pitch comically. "I just ironed these pants!"

Elliot laughed again, loudly and until his face turned red. "She just ironeded them, Daddy!"

Klaus smiled indulgently at his son. "Yeah, I heard, mate." He looked back at Caroline. "Where's Henry?"

"The twins are watching Teletubbies with him downstairs, if you want to join them. Or you could take over for me here, if you're jealous."

Klaus smirked. "Love, I'd never be jealous of you."

Ten minutes later, a damp-haired, clean-smelling Elliot ran down the stairs, his mother's voice echoing down after him, ironically shrieking, "No running, Elliot James!"

She followed him down, dressed in dry pajamas and towelling her hair. "We're ordering dinner in," she told him, watching the four kids cuddle on the couch. Henry, only six months old, was resting on Josie's lap while she played with his hair, and Elliot was in the process of clambering over Lizzie to get to the tonka truck on the sofa beside her.

Klaus walked over to her, following her into the kitchen. "We don't have leftovers from last night?" He usually cooked, but on nights when Hope was dropped off at her mother's he tended to take the evening off.

"No, but we have five different Chinese menus tacked to the fridge," said Caroline. "And I'm in the mood for egg rolls, which is surprising, because I'm not in the mood for a lot lately."

"Yes, I'd noticed," said Klaus, pulling one of the menus off the fridge while extricating his phone from his pocket.

Caroline scoffed. "Rude."

"I simply meant that you haven't been eating much," said Klaus, feigning ignorance.

"Yeah, well, that's your fault." She ran a hand over her still flat belly. "You and your super sperm."

"It is most definitely my fault," he confirmed, tugging her into his arms for a kiss. Pulling back, he announced, "Egg rolls it is."

"Just egg rolls? For the whole family? You don't want to throw in some chicken fried rice, or maybe some chow mein–"

"Nope, egg rolls for all." Klaus chuckled, releasing her and entering the restaurant's number into his phone. He was just ready to tap the call button when screams rang from the other room, followed quickly by the sounds of a squabble.

Caroline signed, glancing sideways at him.

"Don't look at me," said Klaus, shrugging and raising his phone up for her to see. "I'm calling up to give our order, like the true backbone of this family."

"You're getting a vasectomy," said Caroline, sounding as exhausted as she looked as she padded out of the room to deal with the conflict in the living room. "That's final."

Klaus was still laughing when the man on the other end of the line picked up, asking for his order.

Feedback appreciated! Always accepting more prompts via Tumblr flo-lore-writes