A/N: This is my first E/O fic, so I hope you enjoy! I will be updating my other fics soon here! Im sorry for the wait! R&R

"Noah, stop running away buddy, it's too busy over here" I told my son as I caught up to him.

"Do you have change?" A homeless mad said to me, and I pulled out what I had and handed it to him, when I turned back Noah was shaking a homeless woman's hand.

"I'm Noah, what's you're name?"

"Noah!" I shouted.

"I'm…"

"Bernadette" We both said in unison.

"Olivia?" The older woman said with a smile, I leaned in and hugged her feeling the thinness of her jacket feeling terrible because it was the winter and I knew she must be freezing.

"How have you been dear?" She asked me holding my hand.

"I've been good, I have a son now" I said motioning to Noah. "Still working lot's now that I'm Sergeant."

"Good job, dear. I always knew you'd get promoted quicker then my hot-headed son would" She joked, and I felt a wave of sadness run through my veins. For years I have avoided any conversation of Elliot and here I was standing with his mother.

"Bernadette?"

"Please Liv, call me Bernie, you know that"

"Bernie, what are you doing out here?" I asked her quietly not wanting to embarrass her.

"Well, you know the market, and no one wants to hire a senior, much less a senior who is bi-polar. The money that Joe left behind had to come to an end at some point"

"What does Elliot think of all this?" I asked wanting to know why Elliot wouldn't help his own mother, I knew they had tension, but I know he would have never left her like this.

"Elliot doesn't know"

"Bernie"

"I don't want to burden him, this is my problem, not his"

"You're his mother, not a burden"

"Ever since the divorce and custody battles, I didn't want to add this on top of everything else"

"Divorce? Custody battles?"

"Yes, him and Kathy divorced 4 years ago, and she won't sign the papers now it's a custody battle, and it's not been easy for him"

I was shocked because I honestly had no idea about any of this.

"Bernie, come with us. You can stay at my place, it's far too cold to be out here"

"No Liv, I couldn't put you out"

"Trust me, you're not. In fact it might actually be nice having another adult around to have conversations with, not that I don't love talking to this little one, it would be great to have another adult around."

"Oh I'm not sure, Olivia. I would feel like I'm just taking up space"

"Please Bernie, I would love it if you did. And we have a spare room, and if you want you could watch Noah for me tomorrow night since my nanny needs the night off"

"Okay, as long as you're sure"

"I'm sure" I smiled as the three of us made our way back to my place.

I brought Bernie to the spare room and she set the only bag she had on it.

"Thank you, Liv"

"Of course" I told her sincerely as I made my way out to start dinner.

"Mama?"

"Yes baby?"

"How do you know Miss Bernie" I smiled at his curiosity as well as his manners.

"Well, do you remember mommy telling you about her old friend, Elliot?" I said as a shiver ran down my spine, I haven't said his name in years.

"Yes"

"That's his mommy"

"Cool! Is Elliot coming too?" He asked dipping his finger in the cookie batter I was making for after dinner. Before I could answer Bernie walked out.

"You know young man, that's something my Elliot used to do too" She smiled as he licked his finger clean of the batter.

"It's the best part!"

"That's what he always said, you're just like your fath-" I went wide eyed to what she was getting at.

"Bernie are you hungry?" I asked cutting her off quickly before she could finish that.

"Yes dear"

"Noah, how about you go play in your room for a bit"

"Okay mama" Once he was out of ear shot I pulled Bernie aside

"Bernie, you know Noah isn't Elliots?"

"What? Oh dear I am so sorry, I just assumed once the divorce was filed you two would have gotten together, I just thought Elliot was keeping the custody battle a secret from you"

"No, I uhm, I haven't seen Elliot in 4 years, since he left"

"Oh that stupid boy" She said making me chuckle

"Why?"

"All Elliot ever talked about was you, how he wished he could tell you he loved you without hurting you"

"Without hurting me?"

"He said he knew he hurt you before, and he couldn't tell you without you thinking you'd be the other woman, so I assumed when the divorce happened, that's when he told you"

"He never told me that"

"He's just like his daddy"

"Do you and El still talk?"

"Every once and a while, I get to a payphone and check on him, I know I tried to catch up more when he started to drink more, but he assured me he had it under control." I didn't know his life was spiraling like it was.

"Is he working anywhere?"

"Not that I know of, when he retired, he thought everything would be different, and I think for a while it was good, but when he filed for divorce, and everything with the ids, he just wasn't himself. He went into a deep depression. I would go to check on him in the beginning and he would answer the door in his sweatpants messy hair, and beer bottles all around the house at 4 in the afternoon. He was a mess."

"Was he ever..?"

"He never showed any signs of being suicidal, but I think the kids played a large part in that" She said answering my unanswered question of what I feared most.

We continued on with small talk and once I put Noah to bed, Bernadette went to shower. I put some pyjamas and fresh sheets in her room. What caught my eye was the two photos she had brought with her and placed upon the night stand. It was a photo of Elliot and the kids about 6 years ago at Elliots surprise party at the precinct. Elliots happy smile, his ocean blue eyes, his relaxed posture and his kids silly faces, what caught my attention was his right arm. His right arm was wrapped securely around my waist as I smiled a genuine smile along with him. I never realized he was holding me like that. Kathy had been in Jersey visiting her parents, and the kids were all supposed to be busy, but I convinced them to come down to surprise Elliot, especially after the hard day he had that day. The other photo was a more recent one. It was a picture with him and the kids, the kids were older, and looked like they had a forced smile on their faces, they loved being with their dad so I don't know what changed. Elliot didn't have a smile on his face, he had bags under his empty eyes and his posture looked tired. This wasn't the Elliot I once loved. Maybe even still loved…

I wondered if he would even talk to me, I ignored him for months, years now. I made no effort to contact him, I just completely cut him off, and for good reason. He was the only man to break my heart, but my heart was breaking even more now knowing he was in this much pain.

Once Bernie was out of the shower, we said our goodnights and we made our way to our separate rooms. I laid in bed starring at my phone, contemplating if I should make that call. He had a right to know where his mother was, it was his mother after all. I could have called one of the kids, but if they don't know the state of their grandmother, I'm not the one who should be telling them. I also knew, I wanted to hear his voice no matter how much I told myself I didn't.

I wondered if his number was still the same? Would he even answer if he knew it was me? Will he hang up when he finds out it's me. Before I could question it I had my finger hovering over the call button. I took a deep breath and pressed it allowing the ringing to travel through my ears almost in slow motion.

1 ring

2 ring

3 ring

4 ring. I should just hang up.

"What?" An angry voice said, he must know it's me. This was a mistake.

"Hello?" It said again with more annoyance.

"Listen buddy, I'm not in the mood for these games, so who the fuck is this!" He shouted. He didn't know it was me.

"Alright fine, you can fuck off and don't call back he-"

"El" I said quietly, and silence filled the line.

"Olivia?"

TBC…