I know it's really late right now, and I really shouldn't be here talking to you..but..I can't sleep. I haven't been able to sleep for long stretches of time in...forever. I know I really should talk to someone about that, maybe the Professor, or Annie, or Hank, but that would mean I'd have to tell them what's wrong and...I don't want to do that.

Not now at least.

They can't know yet..

I know, I know, you're probably asking "Know what?", and ten to one you'll tell me to just tell 'em and get it over with. Well, I should, I mean they're all probably really worried about me, but...I can't tell them about this.

You're the only one I can talk to...Can you even hear me?

Oh hell Alex, if you can hear me you'll be laughing so hard your ass'll fall off. Me, coming to you to talk things out. but you know what? For a comatose guy, you make a pretty damn good sounding board. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know, I know. I'm losing my mind.

News flash Alex, I lost my sanity waaay before you ever got here pal.

But anyway you're probably wondering what the hell I'm dancing around..soo, uuuhh.....here it is..

I..I'm gay. And I have a crush on someone. No, not you..don't worry, you're so not my type..besides that might actually render Scott, Mr.I've-got-a-speech-prepared-for-every-situation, speechless.

Heh, that would be a sight to see, but no. It's not you, and it's as sure as hell not your brother...though I did have a little, itty-bitty crush on him when I was younger..but that's long gone now pally-boy, so don't worry. Besides he's busy bedding Emma..or trying to at least.

Nah, the guy I like is much more suave than either of you Summers boys. No offense, but really, when it comes to being smooth, you two rate up there with Extra-Chunky peanut butter. Harsh I know, but I just call it like I see it.

And before you even think it, it's not Hank. Yeah he's my bestest bud, and my partner in crime ten to one, but he's not interested in guys..and even if he was, we wouldn't work out. We get along best as is. Him playing , and me his faithful Igor.

Now that narrows the list, doesn't it?

Who's suave, not even remotely close to being a Summers, and able to put up with me?

Hmm..well there's Remy..but I'm pretty sure he's too busy chasing Rogue to even look my way..and he looks too damn much like Scott when he was younger for his own damn good. Actually there's a pot going on about that..weather or not Remy is your guys's baby brother. I know Remy's praying to whatever he believes that it ain't so, and I can't blame the guy. No offense, but you guys have one fucked up family..that and since Remy flirts with anything that has a pulse, it would be kind of creepy to find out that he's been flirting with his big bro. I know the thought of it is disturbing, but then again, it could be worse. He could be sleeping with Scott and then find out all of you guys are related.

Ew...okay I really need to stop that...thinking about anyone sleeping with family is just....ew. Though I have to wonder sometimes about Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver....

[A very long pause, broken only by the steady beep of the monitors]

Ooookay...note to self....Don't ever speculate on the sexual relations of acquaintances ever again...

And I'm off topic..again..hmm..oh well..

So who else could it possibly be? Have you figured it out yet? Probably not since you've been a veggie since before he got here, but I'm sure Annie told you about him..a whole bunch of times.

But then again, maybe not. I don't know, I've never been down here when Annie is. There's a reason for that. And I'm sure she's told you that one. She's told EVERYONE.

Y'see, there's a new teacher here, a mutant that you may or may not have met before. His name's Jean-Paul Beaubier, yeah another Canuck. His code name is Northstar and he's technically a borrow from Alpha Flight. Yeah, those guys..the ones that tried to take Wolverine back.

Are you still listening to me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know Alex, I know..Shut up you're talking too much again. Well, up yours Alex. You're stuck in a bed and I need to talk to someone.

Anyway, Northstar is gay. Even wrote a fucking book about it. Yeah I swore. Innocent little me. Get over it. There's more to me than anyone here'll ever know. but I'm getting off track again.

I, having never heard of said book-which is really good by the way- had no idea that our dear was gay. So when Annie told me, I kind of freaked..in the really bad way. So now she thinks I'm a homophobe and a bastard. Well one out of two ain't bad for not really knowing me now isn't it?

I am not a homophobe. I'm the farthest thing from it. Hell I go out clubbing where I know no one'll recognize me, it wouldn't matter if I did run into someone who knew me..they would not recognize me.

But that's besides the point. I didn't freak because I'm against being gay. One I'm a mutant on a team of mutants, who are fighting for equal rights...how the hell could I be for fighting for rights for one group and not the other? That's just wrong. And two, I'm gay. Despite everything my old man told me, I'm gay. There's no changing that. Just like there's not changing the fact that I'm a mutant and literally turning into my powers.

Again kind of besides the point but you get where I'm going with this right? God I hope so, maybe you can explain all of this to me..

[another pause, only not as long as the first]

Anyway Alex, since you're not seeing fit to speak to me, I'll just tell you why I freaked out. I like him. Alot. When I first met him I thought he was up tight, a prick and hot. I know, I know I shouldn't fall for a guy like that. At least not knowing which way he swings. And the fact that Scott's making us share an office didn't help me any. But because of that I got to know a lot of things about Northstar that I wouldn't have if I was just mooning from afar.

God that sounds pathetic..and I know I am, but whatever. I've gone past caring at the moment.

Annie told me about Jean-Paul being gay, and I was scared. But not because he was gay, hell if I wasn't so far back in the closet that I'm all dusty I would have jumped out of my chair and kissed her on the cheek. Maybe I should have..at least thatwould have kept her from telling everyone I'm a bigoted Bastard. No, I'm afraid because, if I tell him, there's no way in the Seven Hells he'd accept me..

[another pause, this time little sniffs can be heard, as if someone is trying not to cry...]

Arg..and I'm being stupid. There's not point in loving anyone. They won't ever love me back..especially not like I am now.

Oh yeah, Alex did I tell you? I don't have a stomach anymore. It was odd, watching it disappear like that. Kind of cool, really gross, and it really scared the shit outta me, but hey at least it's not you. My spine's still kind of there, but I doubt it'll be there long.

Man I really should tell Hank, if not for the fact that he might be able to help me, then for the gross out factor. Yeah he's a doctor, but I doubt he's ever watched someone's guts disappear into nothing.

..Oh god I really am a sick, sick puppy, aren't I?

You can see why I'm afraid that Jean-Paul will find out that I like him..Even if he likes me back, he won't want to be with a guy who's loosing his body to his powers. That and I don't think kissing me would go over well either..

[a short bark of morose, self depreciating laughter sounds in the quiet room, echoing slightly off the walls]

Man it's almost four in the morning..I really should go to bed, or at least try to.

Maybe I could tell the Prof I'm not feeling well and skip my classes today. Someone can fill in, maybe Emma or Scott..or JP...don't tell him I'm calling him that. I think Annie's the only one allowed to call him that at the moment. Though I guess it could be worse. I could call him Johnny like Logan does..nah, Johnny doesn't fit him at all.

Uh-oh, I think I hear someone coming..I should leave, but I really don't feel like moving. Actually I'm kind of comfy here, sitting in this chair, staring at the wall on the other side of your head.

I really should go, who ever it is'll ask what I'm doing down here and I don't think I can lie at the moment. but why should I lie anymore? I'm so sick and tired of lying.

But I know why I lie. If I told the truth, they'll all have me down here anyway checking to make sure I'm not being possessed, or playing host to some alien being, or that I've finally lost my mind. And after that they'll just assume this is another one of my ploys to get attention..another joke.

I wonder if who ever it is can hear me? I doubt you can Alex, but then again maybe you can. And maybe when you wake up you'll want to use everything I've told you these past few nights as black mail. I won't care. you could wake up right now, head to the comm room and announce to the whole fucking school that I'm gay, I have a crush on Jean-Paul and that I'm turning to fucking Ice and I wouldn't even try to stop you. I'd just sit here and wait for everyone to drag you back down and have you checked out. Hell I'd even sit and listen to Scott's lecture on letting clearly ill teammates rush about claiming outrageous things and worrying the students.

And you know what, I'd just nod and grin like I always do and say "Sorry Scott.." and add the silent "Yeah I know I'm a fuck up..stop reminding me" at the end like I do every single time he lectures at me. Just like I did about....lets see it's almost four and it was about six....about ten or so hours ago. I'm almost thirty, you think he could lay off on the lectures..but I'm just Bobby Drake, the child who refused to grow up.

I'm sure you can hear the innocent, adorable smile in my voice. I'm so sick of being him.

I really should go, but leaving is something Bobby Drake would do. I haven't been him since..well forever ago.

The footsteps are closer now. Though I suppose if you can hear me, you can hear them too. It doesn't sound like Annie, or Hank, but then again how do I know? I haven't talked to either of them in god knows how long.

They're stopping, that's odd. Maybe it's Scott, maybe not. Scott is louder than that. Heh, he sucks at stealth, sounds like a herd of freakin' elephants at best. It can't be Remy, you can never hear him coming, and he hates coming down here.

It's none of the ladies, I know that much...so who is it?

Who ever it is, can you hear me? don't worry, you can come in. There's no one else here besides me and a Veggied Summers. And I promise Alex has all of his shots...

[the foot steps start up again and a sillouette appears in the darkened door way]

Hey there..look Annie's not here, and I don't know where Hank is. I'm not much for help either, but I do know where the band aids are! No? damn..oh well.

Look, I'm gonna be heading upstairs now. Feel free to talk to Alex til Annie shows up, he won't mind. I've been talking his ear off all night. He has yet to complain once.

[the body shifts and leans against the frame of the door]

Ookay..so..I'll just be going now.

[a body lifts from the chair next to the bed, and footsteps sound as said body attempts a quick retreat.]

Oh..Jean-Paul..Hi..uhh..look..I really should get going..it being four am and all..

[the body in the door, Jean-Paul, does not move]

Uhh...you're not gonna let me through are you?

...thought not. Well, come on..grab a seat. Alex won't mind a bit more company, will ya Alex?

..see? He doesn't mind. So, what's up?

[a long pause and a hard look pins the speaker to his seat]

....uhm..well...it's..uhh..getting pretty close to breakfast...I should, uh, go get ready for class..

[another pause, and the sound of a body shifting in its seat is audible]

...okay okay. I know Annie told you I'm a homophobe. Well let me tell you, I'm not. Believe me I am not homophobic. It really wouldn't work out too well...

...uhh..well..heh..uhh..y'see if I were homophobic-which I'm not- life would be kind of difficult. Cuz y'know there's the whole fighting the good fight for equal rights thing. That's just not cool if you want rights for yourself but not everyone. And then there's the whole dating thing...that might not work.

....are you even listening to me?

[piercing blue eyes forcus on the seated person and a black head nods]

Okay, I was just checking.

So like I was saying Jean-Paul, me being homophobic really would not go over well. I mean, why would I hate something that I am?

[a pregnant pause. One eye brow raises and a face turns bright red]

...Yeah..I'm gay too...Bobby Drake, the man who never aged past two is gay...okay? Annie's completely wrong and I-I-I have to go..

[the sound of a chair falling over, feet slapping tile in a fast retreat and the blip, beep and whirl of machines is the only thing to keep the remaining person company.]

~End~