Porcelain Heart

by: ~SBA~

Where did I go wrong....

I know that I have done so many things in my life that can be considered sins. So many times I have done evil in my life, and each time I do something evil, I feel my heart be torn apart piece by piece until nothing is left but a hollow, empty shell of the darkness-infested organ it once was. I never wanted to be like this. I regret it, everything I've done. I feel so guilty....

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I remember the first time I was created. Before Yin and Yang created me, all I could see was darkness. Pure, inky darkness. Not even a single light shone in that place. I could still remember the feeling of what's it like to be there. I felt lonely. So very lonely. Darkness was around me, and only my hope for a light kept me living. I was beginning to lose hope, I began to embrace darkness. But before it could fully envelop me, I was set free from my dark prison. But the negative thoughts I had acquired from being trapped so long in there, they were still in me. Dark and haunting voices that never made me forget about the harsh reality and my shattered hopes.

I had never wanted to be like this. What was my gratitude to him for setting me free? I became a monster. I spent my freedom ruining other's happiness. I could feel something sick churn in my stomach. Guilt, I realized immediately. Of course, guilt. The one feeling I always try to push away but comes crashing back to me in full force.

I wish so desperately to start anew. I want to please him by doing good. I want to spread happiness and love to others. I want to be one of his medium. He is my savior. He set me free from my dark thoughts as Yin and Yang gave me life. He is God. My creator and my savior. The one who sacrificed his own flesh and blood to save humanity from the influence of sins. The being who had few in the world to give him thanks and praise for the many good deeds he had done. Why are we like this? It's a question I cannot answer.

But that is not the only reason I want to be a different person. There is also her. One of the first persons to have ever made my heart beat at a rate which I have never know to be possible. She has made heat rush to my cheeks everytime I see her smile. But then, she considers me an enemy. Not a friend nor a....lover. Though I wish for her to see me as that. But unless I can fix my ways, that may be my only hope. My only hope to be able to see her sapphire eyes shine when she sees me. Shine in happiness and not burn with hatred. My eyes burned with a desire to see her. My skin tingled for one touch. My nose wished for a whiff of her scent. My heart yearned for the comfort of her embrace. My entire being wanted her to be near. I wanted her to hug me and whisper in my ears that everything would be okay, that I could overcome the darkness and that God still loved me.

But is this just a fantasy?

A dream to be left unfulfilled?

Words spoken with passion, yet not acted upon?

Questions left unanswered.

Dreams left unfulfilled.

Empty words and a hollow shell.

A heart made whole,

Yet destined to just break again.

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You know, you pray
This can't be the way
You cry, you say
Something's gotta change
And mend this porcelain heart of mine

Creator only You take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again

You Know, You Pray
This Can't Be The Way
You Cry, You Say
Something's Gotta Change
And Mend This Porcelain Heart Of Mine

Please mend this porcelain heart of mine
Of Mine, Creator mend this heart

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A.N: Short drabble I made. This was in Yuck's POV. Inspired by the song, 'Porcelain Heart' by Barlow Girl. It isn't in 'Singing is my Escape' but I might as well dedicate this to GriffinsMustFly. R&R please.