ASHLEY DIANE MARIN

1968 - 2014

BELOVED MOTHER AND FRIEND

Hanna Marin still couldn't comprehend the words that were written on the pamphlet she held in her hand. Everything had happened so fast. Ashley had been driving home from New York in a heavy storm after attending a bank conference, when her car hydroplaned and hit a tree. She was killed on impact. Hanna had been studying in her dorm at UPenn when she had received the call. Since that moment, everything had been a blur. It was now three days since the tragic accident. Hanna stood at the front of the Rosewood church as mourners lined up, one by one, to offer their condolences to her and to say goodbye to Ashley. If it wouldn't have been for her grandma, Hanna would be standing up there alone. Even after Tom and Ashley divorced, Regina still treated Ashley as her own daughter. Tom had not even bothered to show. Though it had been his ex-wife that had passed, Hanna had hoped that he would have at least wanted to be there for his own daughter.

As more unknown faces shook her hand and gave somber hugs, Hanna was relieved to see Aria, Spencer, Emily, and Ali approaching her. "Thank you guys for coming." Hanna said, hugging each of her friends.

Emily spoke as she pulled from Hanna's embrace, "Hanna, your mom was like a mom to all of us. She took me in with no question when my mom went to Texas with my dad, remember?"

Hanna nodded with a slight smile.

"Is there anything you need?" Ali placed a comforting hand on Hanna's shoulder.

"Not that I know of. My grandmas has been here for a few days, helping me deal with my moms will and life insurance." Hanna replied.

"You know if you need us, we are only a phone call or skype away." Spencer stated.

Hanna nodded once again. "Yeah, I know. I just wish you were all here under different circumstances. I miss you guys."

"We miss you too." Aria said

"If everyone would take their seat, I would like to begin the memorial service", the reverend announced. Hanna parted from her friends, taking a seat in the front pews next to her grandma. At only twenty years old, Hanna never thought that she would be going through this pain so soon. Children were not supposed to have to bury their parents.

When the service had concluded, Hanna stood up and watched the guests behind her exit the church. That's when she noticed a familiar figure in the crowd. At least she thought it was him. The person's hair was much shorter than what she remembered his and their eyes a lot darker, but Hanna was sure her own eyes weren't playing tricks on her. "Grandma, I'll be right back." she told Regina as she made her way to the back of the church. Hanna gently pushed her way through the crowd, emerging through the other side, now standing on the sidewalk. She scanned the cluster of people, hoping to catch sight of him once more. The last of the mourners made their way out of the church and Hanna had yet to spot him. Maybe her brain really was deceiving her, she thought. If he had actually been there, why wouldn't he have made himself known? Hanna surrendered her quest and rejoined her grandmother to make their journey to the cemetery. Hanna couldn't wait for this day to be over with.

"Hanny, are you sure you're ok staying here tonight? We could always stay at the hotel one more night." Regina asked, standing in the foyer of Hanna's childhood home.

Hanna gaze wandered around the room in front of her. Everything was still untouched, just the way Ashley had left it before leaving on her business trip. A stranger walking in would think the owner would be back any minute, but Hanna knew that wasn't true. Her mom wouldn't be coming home. Soon, all of Ashley's belongings would be packed away, the walls cleared of photos and decor. The humbling smell that always calmed Hanna's senses would soon fade as well.

"Hanny?" Regina pulled her granddaughter out of her thoughts.

Hanna turned to her grandma, "Huh?"

"Are you alright with us staying here tonight?" Regina repeated.

"Yeah, it's ok."

Regina studied her expression. Hanna hadn't said too much since her mom had passed. It was to be expected but she couldn't help but worry about her granddaughter. She was only going to be in town until the next morning and after that, Hanna would be left by herself. She knew Hanna was trying to put on a strong face. Hanna never liked to show people her weaknesses, but Regina knew the damn would have to break eventually.

"How about I see what food was brought over in the kitchen and I heat up something for dinner?"

Hanna silently nodded. As Regina made her way to the kitchen, Hanna turned to the direction of the family room. All the flowers from the funeral and ones that that been delivered to the house over the past few days were now scattered throughout the room. Hanna walked along side the floral displays, her fingertips grazing each of the pedals. She stopped when she came across a curious small vase of flowers. It has been waiting for them on the doorstep when they arrived back home that evening. There was no delivery tag on it which meant it was dropped off personally by the sender. Hanna reached out to remove the attached card.

Regina appeared in the entryway "Hanny, I warmed us up some lasagna. Come eat." She waved Hanna over. Hanna abandoned the unopened card and followed her grandma.

Hanna pushed around the lasagna on her plate with her fork. She should have been starving considering the last thing she had eaten was a bagel that morning but with everything going on, Hanna just didn't have an appetite.

"Do you not like the lasagna? I could see what else there is to eat or I can drive and get you something."

"No grandma, it's fine. I'm just not in the mood to eat. I think I'm just going to take a shower, then go to bed. I'm pretty tired."

Hanna stood up from the table and wrapped her arms around her grandma's shoulders. "Thank you for being here with me. I don't think I could have made it through today without you."

Regina rose up out of her chair and pulled Hanna into a hug, "Oh sweet child, you are a strong woman, just like your momma. You'll get through this with or without me."

"I love you grandma."

"I love you too, darling"

Hanna grabbed her luggage that sat at the foot of the stairs, making her way up to the second floor and into her old bedroom. Lying the suitcase on her bed and gathering her pajamas and toiletries, Hanna moved down the hallway towards the bathroom. The half open door at the end of the hall caused her to stop in her tracks. The door led to Ashley's bedroom. As much as she didn't want to see it, something compelled Hanna to continue down the hall. Hanna hesitated at the door. She knew she couldn't avoid going into her mom's bedroom forever. It was going to hurt no matter when she did it. Hanna took a deep breath and pushed the white door completely open. The room in front of her had a stillness to it. No longer did it feel like a place of comfort and protection. Now, it only filled with sorrow. Hanna's eyes fell upon a silver frame that sat on the night table by the bed. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Hanna grab the frame and held it in her lap. The picture in the frame was of Ashley and herself. It was taken out at the picnic area by the lake during the Fourth of July celebrations. He had insisted on taking a photo of the Marin women together. The camera had then been taken over by Ashley as she snapped photos of the couple. Those photos had once adorned the desk in the Marin kitchen along with the cork board in his apartment, both of which had been long removed. Hanna adjusted her position on the bed, laying her head down on the pillow and bringing her feet up off the floor. Her mom's perfume still resonated from the material beneath her head. Hanna closed her eyes and inhaled the scent, imagining her mom being right beside her. The picture frame still held tightly against her chest.

The sound of cars and chatter outside the window woke Hanna from her slumber. For a moment, she felt as though the past few days had been a dream, or rather a nightmare. When she came to visit from Philly, Hanna normally fell asleep in her mom's bed after a long night of catching up and when she would wake up, the smell of pancakes and syrup would fill the air, summoning her to the kitchen. One look at her attire, Hanna knew it was not a morning like the past. She still wore her black funeral dress and tights, never having made it to the shower the evening before. A light blanket was draped across her legs, most likely placed there by her grandmother in the night. The frame that she had held onto so tightly had also been returned to its original spot on the night table. Hanna slowly lift herself from the bed, gathering the unused pajamas, and returned to her own bedroom. She sat down at the vanity and studied her reflection in the mirror. Her vibrant blue eyes now seemed so dull, the corner of her mouth only turned downwards. Hanna wondered how long it would take her to genuinely smile again, days, weeks, months? What reason was there even to smile. First her dad had left her, then the love of her life was gone. The other girls had moved on with their lives, seeing each other less and less. And now with her mom gone and her grandma living on the other side of the country, Hanna had never felt more alone.

Now dressed in a pair of lounge pants and a baggy t-shirt, descended down the stairs into the kitchen to find her grandma standing at the stove making breakfast.

"Oh, Hanny. I'm glad you're awake. I was afraid I would have to leave without saying goodbye." Regina said, noting Hanna's sudden appearance. Regina turned off the burner and faced her granddaughter, pulling her into a hug. "How did you sleep?"

Hanna shrugged her shoulders "I slept ok."

"Are you hungry? I made some scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast. The cab will be here soon so I won't have time to eat with you.I wish I could stay here longer with you, to help you sort through everything."

"It's ok grandma, I know you have your doctor appointments to get back to." Hanna walked over to the kitchen table noticing the multiple place settings. She turned to her grandmother with a quizzical look. "If you are staying to eat then why are their two plates on the table? Who is the second for?"

"That would be for me."